Destiny
by Aderyn
Summary: This is a sort of characterization of a light side female Revan that will slowly evolve into an adventure. It is set after the events of KOTOR I & II.
1. Chapter 1

Outside the door to his small apartment, Admiral Carth Onasi, hero of the Republic and ranking leader of the Starship Sojourn, absently ran a free hand through his thick hair. Strangely, he was almost afraid to enter. He'd had one to many nights of coming home to an empty one-bedroom apartment, cold food, and dark dreams to simply walk in and relax, as one normally would in their own home.

No one had told him his job would be easy, but after losing his wife so long ago when Telos was first destroyed and then learning that his son had survived as a Sith, Carth had been ready for a change. Coming back to Telos had been a bit difficult. He no longer dreamed about his wife, which almost bothered him. Sometimes, he would forget what she had looked like. He would try to remember her face, but all he would get was a fuzzy mental image of her long, blonde hair and her favorite blue sweater.

Carth had not seen his son in a long time either, but at least he no longer walked the path of a Sith. The boy, Dustil, was just turning 22-years-old, and after his brief stint with the dark side of the Force, he had thought about becoming a Jedi. The plan had not fallen through, and Dustil was now attending school to become an engineer on a planet closer to the heart of the Republic.

Dustil was a lucky boy. He had discovered the true evil of the Sith before he had been converted to their ways. It was ironic that a former Sith Lord had turned the boy back to the light. Alexis Starling, formerly known as Darth Revan, had shown Dustil where the path he was following would lead.

It was she, Revan, who haunted Carth's dreams of late, rather than his former wife. After Revan's redemption nearly five years before, he had been forced to travel with her while she searched for her former apprentice, Darth Malak, to stop him from taking control of the galaxy. During the course of their quest, Carth had fallen deeply in love with the young Jedi, and he missed her quite terribly now.

She had left him shortly after their mission, telling him that there were places in the galaxy where she must go where she dared not to take those that she cared for. Carth would have done anything for Revan, but that was the most difficult thing she could have asked him to do.

Now, as he stood outside of his apartment on the once again battle-torn Telos, Carth briefly thought of Revan and how different his life would be if she were still with him.

Thoughts of Revan had come more frequently lately, as one of her followers from the Mandalorian Wars had recently been rediscovered within the galaxy. The Jedi, a girl by the name of Kalen Valirra, was known as "the exile" for she had returned to the Jedi Council after the Mandalorian Wars to face their judgment for her defiance of their wishes and been cast from the Order. She had severed herself from the Force shortly before her exile and was only now reconnected with it.

Without the aid of the exile, Telos would have fallen once again during a recent battle with the Sith. Even now the exile was on her way to Malachor V, to "take care of some unfinished business" as she had put it to him.

Carth liked the girl. Despite the hardships life had handed her every step of the way, she had remained a devout servant of the light side of the Force. Even when she had defied the council and followed Revan to the Mandalorian Wars, Kalen Valirra had done it because her heart told her it was the right thing to do. She could not allow the Mandalorians to continue to needlessly slaughter the innocent.

Kalen was only a year or two younger than Revan, and the two had been what you might have considered friends, although they were not so close than Kalen had known where Revan was now. It had been four years since Carth had been in contact with Revan, and even longer than that for the exile, who had not seen her since the Mandalorian Wars nearly ten years before.

The exile had been in hiding during the Jedi Civil War from five years past and had accidentally been drawn back into the spotlight by Darth Traya. The exile was on her way to find Traya, who had been posing as someone else entirely, at that very moment. Carth was worried about Kalen. She was still so weak, so naïve, and so innocent, despite her experiences at Malachor during the Mandalorian Wars.

It comforted him somewhat to see a ragtag group of friends following her, each vowing to him that would give their lives to protect the life of the exile. They treated her as he had treated Revan, and he wondered if one or two of them were not in love with the exile. He hoped all turned out well for them, better than it had for him. Yet they still had one final challenge ahead of them, probably the greatest of their lives.

Carth felt old around them, for he was in his forties and they were all in their twenties. Even Revan was only 29. It hardly seemed possible that a girl so young could have experienced so much. She had single-handedly won the Mandalorian Wars at the tender age of 19 and converted half of the galaxy to the dark side only a few years later. The Jedi Council had then captured her and had her memory erased.

After the memory wipe, Revan had been retrained as a Jedi and redeemed in the light, all while he was watching her with suspicious eyes. She had saved the Republic once again during the Jedi Civil Wars by defeating her former apprentice, Darth Malak. Revan was an amazing woman.

Carth shook his head and silently wished the exile well. She was well on her way to becoming a hero, much as many considered Revan. As they say though, the greater you are, the harder you fall.

He shook away these dark thoughts and slowly opened the door to his apartment. The light flipped on automatically, and what he saw startled him beyond words.

There, seated on the floor of his apartment facing the wall, was some sort of Jedi. He could tell by the way the person was floating above the floor in a cross-legged position, apparently meditating.

Clearly the light had startled the somewhat tiny Jedi-like character, however, for it rose to its feet rapidly and he heard the sound of a lightsaber switching on.

The Jedi was covered in a traditional Jedi robe, but the thing was torn and bloody. It hung loosely about one of the smallest figures he had ever seen… He only knew one other person that tiny and she couldn't be…

The Jedi turned sharply, wielding a dual-bladed laser-sword, silver in color, and Carth nearly fell to the floor. He was unaware that he had drawn his blaster and he stood there, staring dumbly and pointing it towards the Jedi.

With a sharp gasp, Alexis Starling, formerly Darth Revan, dropped her lightsaber with a clatter and stared back at Carth, her green eyes wide with wonder.

Carth continued to hold his blaster, unable to move or speak. Was he dreaming? Was this some sort of sick joke? Perhaps he was looking at some sort of Sith in disguise?

"Revan?" He croaked, waving his blaster pistol at her slowly. He blinked a few times, trying to focus, and then rubbed his free hand over his face.

Alexis stared back at him, startled to see him. She had waited here, in his apartment, for hours, expecting him to come home from work. When he had not, and the evening had become very late, Alexis had given up and chosen to meditate for a bit to rest her weakened body.

She had been aware that he might have somewhere else to go, like on a date or to a girlfriend's house, and she'd thought about leaving the apartment and approaching him at a more neutral location, but she'd eventually convinced herself not to. It had never even occurred to her that he might stay at work this late.

Alexis was aware Carth had spoken, and when his words finally registered, she'd nearly recoiled. He'd called her Alexis for almost all of the time they had known one another and when he called her Revan, it reminded her that all was not well in the world to which she had finally returned.

"Carth." Alexis finally acknowledged, lowering her head in a typical Jedi greeting. She then bent down and retrieved her lightsaber and reclipped it to her belt. It was amazing that she, who almost never lost her cool, could be caused to drop her weapon by one look from Carth Onasi.

When he did not respond, and did not put away his blaster, Alexis sighed softly and settled back into a seated position on the floor. She was far too weak to continue to stand. Besides, maybe sitting would seem less threatening, as he seemed inclined to view her as such. She hardly considered herself a threat to anyone at the moment, however.

Malnourished, dehydrated, bruised, battered, and covered in the blood of others, Alexis was not much to look at in her current state. She'd been hounded relentlessly by Sith assassins for the last six-months and if it were not for the Force sustaining her, she would have died long ago from utter exhaustion.

Alexis rested her hands upon her knees, palms up, and sat up as straight as her weak form would allow. She lowered her head to Carth once again and shut her eyes. Perhaps she could meditate for a little bit while he stared at her and waved his blaster.

As soon as she shut her eyes, Carth awoke from his stupor. He put his blaster back in its holster and looked at Revan, trying to reconcile his previous memories of her with the way she looked now.

Revan had always been a tiny girl, but now even her own robes hung loosely upon her. She was bone thin and pale. She looked practically dead. Her once lustrous black hair was tied back into a dull plait, her once proud shoulders slumped slightly, and her once bright green eyes had lost their shimmer. Her cheeks were hollow and her fingernails were ragged. Carth could hardly believe his eyes. Revan had always been beautiful, and even now, appearing near death, she was lovely to Carth.

He reached out, as if to touch her, but pulled back slightly. He was still several feet from her and was not yet prepared to take those last few steps. He continued to look at her instead, eyeing the blood on her robes. The blood was mostly dried, but some of it, near her side, was still fresh and looked wet.

"Whose blood is it, Revan?" Carth asked slowly, and nearly cursed himself as soon as the words were out. How accusatory he sounded when he'd merely meant to ask if she herself were bleeding.

"Sith assassins." Revan replied, without opening her eyes. "Did you think I'd been slaughtering innocents, Carth?" She added softly.

"No, I-" He began, but he stopped before he finished. Maybe he had believed that, if only for a split second. "What about the fresh blood at your side?"

Revan opened her eyes and looked down at her side. He watched as she twisted painfully until she could see the blood and probed at the area with her fingers. "That appears to be mine." She told him evenly.

"May I take a look?" He asked, taking a single step forward.

Revan immediately held out her hand, forestalling him. "No, I'm fine. I'm the one with the healing skills anyway, remember?" Revan stood slowly, each movement stiff and painful.

Carth watched with a grimace, wishing he could help her. "Please, Revan. Let me take a look." He said, watching her continue to stare at the wound.

She glanced up at him and looked into his eyes for several seconds. Carth was tempted to look away, her gaze was so penetrating. He never did however, and she turned away from him to pull away some of the material covering her side.

"Revan." He said again.

She ignored him for several seconds, but finally appeared to give up. Her shoulders dropped again and she reached up and tugged off the robe over her garments. Next she unhooked her belt and lifted the edge of her tunic to expose the wound. She looked back at him expectantly.

Carth rushed over to her side before she had the chance to change her mind. He carefully prodded the wound that was just under her rib cage. It was long and thin, but it was not deep. The blood had been flowing freely down her side for a little while, it appeared, but not so much that she was in danger of dying from blood loss. As a matter of fact, it didn't even look like the wound needed stitches.

Just above the wound, however, was something far more concerning. Revan's ribs: every single one of them, jutting from her chest and easily countable with the naked eye. She was borderline emaciated, and Carth could not resist touching one of them with the tip of his finger.

Revan jerked slightly and looked down at his hand. "What are you doing down there?"

"When was the last time you ate anything?" He asked her, careful not to sound accusatory once again.

"I haven't the faintest idea. The last time I ate something would have been the last time I had a moment to do so. It's hard to fit in eating when you're avoiding assassins." Revan said, absently resting her hand on her bare stomach.

Carth glanced up into her eyes and watched her for several seconds. "Can I fix you anything to eat?" He offered quietly.

"I don't think so. The minute I let down my guard, swarms of assassins wearing stealth field generators will probably pop out of the shadows and kill us both. I can't afford to cause the loss of any more life, Carth. The only life I can afford to lose is my own." Revan told him, perhaps a bit sarcastically.

"I'm not going to die, Revan. And I'm certainly not going to let anyone kill you. Besides, you'll have a hard time protecting anything when you die from starvation." He replied.

Revan shifted positions slowly, lowering her shirt and then easing her arms into a folded position over her chest. "I'd rather have a change of clothes and a bath. But those are luxuries I can't afford."

"Well, when you showed up here, you stepped into line for all of the above. When was the last time you slept, Revan?" Carth asked.

"I meditate as often as I am able." She replied.

"No Revan, sleeping. You know, closing your eyes, stopping your mind, letting your body relax?" He asked.

"I haven't slept in years. I don't have that option. I don't travel with others. My skill is the only thing keeping me alive. I can't let down my guard." She repeated, biting her lip.

Carth smiled grimly. "Well, you're not alone now. You can let your guard down around me. Let me take care of you for just a little while, Revan."

"I can't."

"Yes you can! I can take care of you long enough for you to get something to eat, take a bath and change your clothes, and sleep for a little while. I am perfectly capable of taking care of you, Revan." Carth told her

In truth, Revan had always been more capable than Carth. Even at her weakest, Revan was stronger mentally, physically, and emotionally. She was a tough girl, and Carth respected that. He knew, however, that without some rest sometime soon, she was going to burn out.

"Carth, I'm only a danger to you. I didn't come here to stay… I can't." Revan said, looking down at the floor. She idly fingered her lightsaber, as if drawing strength from its touch.

"I'm not asking you to move in. I'm telling you that without this break, you're going to kill yourself. If you don't let me help you, you won't be in a condition to help yourself." Carth told her. "Now, get a bath. You stink."

Revan looked back up at him, and she was smiling faintly. "I hate to burst your bubble, Carth, but I don't have a change of clothes. If I put these back on, I'll just stink again." She said, lifting her robe from the floor where she had thrown it.

"That could be a problem. And I'm not entirely comfortable with you running around naked. I guess you could wait here for a bit while I run to one of the local merchants and pick you up something to wear." He said, smiling at her. "I hate to leave you alone, though," he added as an afterthought.

"I'll be fine, Carth. I've been alone for the past four years. I can handle half an hour." She replied.

Carth nodded and turned back towards the door. "Um… What size clothes do you need? And what exactly do you want?" He asked warily. The whole conversation made him just a bit nervous.

"I don't know what size, Carth. All I have ever worn were Jedi robes, and they've always been made to fit me. Something small. And get me- a blouse, some pants, socks, boots, undergarments, and I guess a belt. I'll pay you for them when you get back." She answered.

"You don't have to do that, Revan. I want to help you." Carth said. He started to walk away but he stopped himself, turning back to Revan for just a second. He reached out and touched her face gently, running his thumb across her cheek. He smiled at her and started to leave again.

"Carth." Revan said.

Carth turned back, looking to her expectantly.

She looked like she wanted to say something, but she stopped. She appeared to think for a few seconds, and then she smiled at him. "Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

Alexis watched Carth leave, gently caressing the hilt of her lightsaber. Alone once again. It was her lot in life, to be alone, she realized. She wasn't meant to be the companion of others. It was good she had not told Carth what she had so desperately wanted to when he was leaving. _I love you._

Such a small phrase, yet with so much meaning. And so much implied responsibility. It was another of those luxuries she could not afford.

She did love him though. He was the only man she had ever truly loved, but it wasn't meant to be. Though she wasn't truly a Jedi, as she had relinquished that title many years before by virtue of her own actions, she still tried her best to follow the Jedi Code. This meant that love, marriage, and children were basically forbidden to her. They led to the dark side, or so her masters had always told her. No matter what its implications, Alexis did love Carth, and she would do anything for him. Perhaps that was why it was a characteristic of the dark side.

Alexis suddenly lifted the hem of her shirt and looked down at her abdomen to see what Carth had seen. It was true. She was deathly thin and covered with sickly blue and yellow bruises. The cut along her side was disgusting and bloody, but it was not lethal. All of her ribs stuck out starkly, protruding grotesquely from her soft white chest. Her stomach was tiny and clearly empty, and for the first time in a very long while, she felt a weak pang of hunger.

Perhaps Carth was right. If she didn't stop for just a little while, she was going to kill herself, and she was not of use to anyone dead.

Alexis settled onto a nearby chair and crossed her legs beneath her. She found she didn't wish to meditate, but instead wished to take a look at her new surroundings. Carth was, without a doubt, the tidiest man she had ever seen. His home was immaculate.

The walls were a pristine white and the counters and the table sparkled as if they were new. The chairs and other furnishings were neatly placed about the apartment in an aesthetically pleasing sort of way. Alexis saw no droids, however, and found it hard to believe that Carth himself kept his home this clean. Perhaps he was never home to mess it up in the first place.

Alexis lay back in the chair and closed her eyes briefly. No matter what she had told Carth, she was looking forward to a bit of rest. She trusted him to protect her life, but she did not trust herself to protect his if she were not fully alert should they come under attack. Sadly, it appeared that she had little choice in the matter. Carth was going to make her rest and eat. She was grateful for the opportunity, though.

Alexis's thigh muscle cramped painfully and she opened her eyes and rubbed at it idly. She was dehydrated, and it was probably best that she found a glass of water. Maybe a bit of fluid would ease some of her pain. She stood slowly and the room swam sickeningly as she did so. It appeared that she was worse off than she'd thought.

After a few seconds of bracing herself, Alexis made her way into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water from the tap. A sound, however, caused her to turn back towards the room from which she had just come.

There! She heard it again, faintly, and she reached for her lightsaber. It looked like perhaps the assassins had… Alexis began to laugh and dropped her hand away from her weapon.

A gizka had stumbled into the room behind her. The small, foolish-looking creature made a strange noise at her and rushed over to rub its ugly head against her leg. Alexis grinned and reached down to pat it.

There had been gizka on the planet that the Star Maps she had followed during the Jedi Civil War led to. She and Carth had fought together there. The silly creature nuzzled at her hand when she held it out to him, and Alexis cooed softly at it. The thing was so hideously ugly that it was actually cute.

Alexis stepped away from it after a few moments and retrieved a glass of water. She downed it quickly and though she wanted another, she held off, afraid to rehydrate too rapidly. Her weak body could not handle much more abuse, Force or no.

Alexis wandered away from the kitchen, the gizka hot on her heels. All movement was basically painful, and Alexis was exhausted. She dropped back onto the chair and folded her legs beneath her once again. She was cold, despite the warm air outside, and she wrapped her arms around her chest, trying to keep off the chill. The gizka lost interest in her and wandered away.

She sat is much this way for quite some time, until her tired body became stiff and cool, and she was forced to move a bit. Every motion sent waves of tingling through her sleeping limbs and she stretched them a bit, trying to make the feeling fade.

The door opened rather suddenly and Alexis spun and grasped her lightsaber, her movements remarkably fast for one so sore. It was only Carth, however, and she relaxed. "Welcome back." She told him, eyeing the parcels in his hand with some excitement. Clean clothes and a warm bath were sounding better and better, despite the risks.

Carth felt a bit awkward standing there, holding packages of women's clothing for the first time in many years. The purchase, too, had been awkward, as the clerk had recognized him immediately and asked if the clothes were for a special lady friend.

When the woman had noticed the size of the clothing he had chosen, however, she'd apologized and said it must be for a daughter or a niece. Carth had made a mistake at that point by laughing and telling the merchant that no, they were for a full-grown woman.

She'd continued to eye him speculatively for the remainder of the transaction. He had not doubt that the rumor would spread over the whole of the Citadel Station by the following day.

Carth looked at Revan and smiled. "Well, the clerk asked me about my daughter or my niece. It seems that these clothes are suitable only for very young women. She told me that these were the sizes teenage girls wore and checked to make sure that this was the size I had intended." He said with a chuckle.

Revan walked over to him and placed a hand on one of the packages. "Thank you Carth. You have no idea how much this means to me." She attempted to smile at him, but she appeared to be in some pain, and the smile came off a bit like a grimace.

"Go ahead and go get cleaned up. I'll fix you something to eat. The bathroom is down the hall and to your right. You should find it easily enough." Carth said, handing her the packages.

Revan nodded slightly. "Got it." She turned to go but turned back a few feet away from him. "Be careful, Carth. Call me if anything feels… wrong."

Alexis stood inside the bathroom, leaning against the door with her eyes shut. It was going to be okay. Carth could protect her for just a little while. Certainly long enough for her to take a bath.

She pulled away from the door's support and settled her parcels on the nearby counter. She opened one of them and peered inside. A few blouses and some socks were nestled neatly inside. The next package contained a couple of pairs of tights and some undergarments. The final bag held a soft pair of black knee-high boots and a thin black belt.

Alexis touched the material of the boots gently, rubbing it between her thumb and forefinger. It was soft and supple, much like the boots she had owned before the Mandalorian Wars. She removed a blouse from one of the other bags and held it up to her chest. It would fit well, although it might be a bit loose. That was basically what Alexis was used to, however, as she had worn loose, flowing Jedi robes most of her life.

The blouse was emerald green, much like her eyes, and Alexis wondered if Carth had chosen it for that reason, or if it had been an accident. She frowned in thought for a moment, but she quickly disregarded the idea. Whatever the case, it was hers now.

Alexis undressed as rapidly as her tired body would allow and turned on the hot spray of the shower. She stepped inside and began the process of washing away dirt and blood without injuring herself further.

In the kitchen, Carth was preparing a warm meal for the both of them. He had always been quite adept at cooking, and he found himself enjoying the experience, as he had not done it in quite some time.

He was staying as alert as was possible. The way Revan had acted about the presence of assassins had him a bit on edge. He did not want to see her hurt, and for the moment, it was his responsibility to see that she wasn't.

She hadn't been in the bathroom for any longer than fifteen minutes when she emerged once again, clean and dressed. She was surprisingly healthier looking from the bath alone.

She was dressed in the emerald green blouse and brown tights he had purchased her. She had a thin belt tied around her waist and soft black boots laced up her legs. Her long, straight black hair hung down her back in still-damp tendrils, curling slightly at the ends. Her face had that glowing, freshly scrubbed look, and though she was still dangerously thin and pale, she looked like she felt much better than before.

"I've almost finished making dinner." Carth said as she walked to his side to watch what he was doing.

"Thank you." Revan said softly, brushing her hair back from her face.

She was standing only a few inches from him, and he was once again beginning to appreciate how truly small she was. She looked like a lost child standing there beside him, playing with the hem of her shirt and twisting one of her feet back and forth across the floor.

"How is your side?" He said.

"Better. I bandaged it with a healing pack I found in your cupboard after I showered. I hope you don't mind. I didn't want to immediately start bleeding on my new clothes." She answered.

Carth nodded and turned back to his cooking. He was acutely aware of her standing so near to him and every time she shifted, he could feel her moving. It was a bit disconcerting, and he was having trouble concentrating.

Revan was an utterly overwhelming presence, even subdued as she was. Her character flowed from her body like the tide, wafting over those nearby and dragging them back to her when the time was right.

Carth had always been amazed that so many people would bow to the will of such a tiny girl. She had been smaller than every other member of her army and less than half the size of Malak, who had been a large man. She'd been so young, too. It simply amazed him the things that people had done for her. They'd given up their lives for her and for her cause, despite the fact that it may have conflicted with the things that they had believed before they met her.

Revan was just like that. She had total control over those around her, whether she waned it or not. The entire galaxy had fallen willingly at her feet, and she had not even realized that it was she, not her beliefs, that had swayed half of the population to follow her to war.

Carth had wondered at first if he had truly loved her, or if he was merely under her spell. It had taken him some time to realize that he was not bewitched by her character. He could see her faults, her flaws, her weaknesses, and despite them, he still cared for her, and he still believed in her. He was willing to overlook all of the things she had done in her past, as long as she never turned to the dark side again.

"Carth?" Revan said suddenly, snapping him from his thoughts. She was looking at him strangely, a wary glint in her eye.

"Yeah?" He answered, returning her gaze.

"What happened to Bastila?" She asked, wrapping a strand of her hair around her finger.

Bastila had been the young Jedi who had helped to capture Revan and take her to the Council to have her memory erased. Bastila had essentially saved her life and afterwards, the pair had been bonded through the Force.

They had been best friends through the Jedi Civil War, one almost never without the other. They had not trusted one another at first, but it had turned into one of the strongest bonds between two people that Carth had ever seen.

"Did you hear about the Jedi Council?" Carth asked her carefully, watching her expression.

"Of course. Most were killed on Katarr when Darth Nihilus destroyed it using the Force. Traya killed the others about a week ago on Dantooine. There are none left." Revan answered evenly. She looked a bit upset, but the emotion was quickly wiped from her face.

"Well, when Katarr was destroyed, Bastila died with it. She was there, trying to aid the council." Carth told her.

Revan looked startled. "I thought I felt her die… but I had hoped it was only fatigue… It was a disturbance in the Force… Not like the one I felt when I knew the Masters had died in the attack, but a more personal one. I had hoped… But Bastila was always the hero, wasn't she? She had to save the day." Revan smiled grimly at him, memories of Bastila clearly running through her mind.

"It must have been terrible for you. The bond between the pair of you was so strong." Carth said, reaching out and grabbing her hand.

Revan nodded. "I think that may have contributed to my current condition. I was already weak and when I felt that pain so strongly through the Force- I guess that was when I stopped eating." Revan pressed her free hand to her stomach and rubbed at it thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry, Revan." Carth said. "Look," he added, pointing at the food, "Dinner is ready. I say we get you a bite to eat and then you get some rest." He released her hand and turned to get dishes for the meal.

Revan pressed her other hand over her stomach. "I'm a bit nauseous, to be honest. I hope I can keep it down."

"You don't have to eat much. It's best to start small anyway and work your way back up to regular portions." Carth said as he divided the meal onto two plates.

"I'll try." She replied, eyeing the food doubtfully.

Alexis felt her stomach contort sickeningly at the first smell of food. She was fighting the urge to be sick and so far, she was succeeding. Rest sounded far better at this point, but she needed the meal, and Carth had gone to the trouble of preparing it.

She followed him to the small table on the far side of his kitchen and sat down opposite of him. He settled a plate before her and she lifted an eating utensil and stared at the meal for several seconds, gathering her courage.

"Eat, Revan." Carth commanded gently.

Alexis lifted a bite of food to her mouth and forced herself to swallow it. It was difficult to get down.

She managed several bites of food before she was so sick that she could not eat another bite for a few moments, and she watched Carth eat while she waited. He became aware of her gaze and looked back, smiling slightly.

"I guess I'll eat for the both of us." He said, taking another bite.

Revan shrugged. "I'm sorry. I'll eat what I can, but I don't expect it to be much more. Those last few bites were hard enough as it is." Alexis said.

While Carth was finishing his meal, Alexis stared at her fingernails, deep in thought. It was strange to her to be back in the normal world. Still, she could never return to the mundane. Ever since she was 18-years-old, her world had been complicated and dangerous. She'd always had trouble maintaining balance in her life, and now was no different.

"Revan?" She heard Carth say faintly through the fog in her head, but she didn't look up. "Revan?" He said again a few seconds later.

Startled, Alexis looked up at him. "Yes?" She asked, jerking her hand back down into her lap.

"Are you finished eating?" He asked, glancing at the plate she had hardly touched.

"I guess so." She answered. The food looked terribly unappealing, and she was feeling a bit sick from what she had eaten before.

Carth nodded and stood up. He gathered their dishes and wandered away, probably to clean up the kitchen.

Alexis rubbed her eyes and stood to follow him. He wasn't far away, and she stopped only inches from his side, comforted by his nearness. Carth did not look at her, but continued to clean up his dishes.

"Carth, why don't you have a droid for this sort of thing?" Alexis asked suddenly, watching him methodically putting away the eating utensils.

"I like doing it for myself. It's a therapy of sorts, I suppose. Sort of like cooking is." He replied.

Alexis smiled slightly. He was just like she remembered: such an odd combination of anger and happiness, toughness and tenderness. He was unlike any other man she had ever known, even among the Jedi. He was perhaps a better man than any she had ever known, as well. He was so loyal and just so… good. Alexis wished she herself had always been so true.

"Hmmm. Putting some poor droid out of work. You should be ashamed." She told him with a soft laugh.

Carth turned to look at her then, and she cocked her head to one side. "What?" She asked quizzically.

"You seem like you're feeling better. You are acting more like your old self." Carth told her.

"Must be the company. Although I'm not sure acting like my old self is such a good thing." Alexis answered.

"Revan," he said, his tone warning.

"Why don't you call me Alexis?" She asked him quietly. This was a question that had been racing through her mind for the entire evening she had spent with him. It was truly bothering her.

"That isn't your name, is it? It's a name the Jedi Council forced upon you after they erased your memory. Why? Would you prefer that that was the name I used?" The question seemed important to him somehow and Alexis was unsure why.

"You're right, Revan is my name. When the council erased my memory though, they took that away from me, just like they took away my past. Just as my memories of the terrible things I had done came back, the memory of the name came back. However, I didn't revert to my old ways once again, so nothing says I have to revert to my old name. It doesn't seem to suit me anymore, at least to my way of thinking. But, if you're more comfortable calling me Revan, I won't stop you." Alexis said.

Carth watched her for some time, grasping a clean plate in his hand. He simply stood there, holding the thing near his chest and staring at her, as if her were trying to see through her.

"Are you aware that you're… glowing?" Carth asked her, motioning towards her body with the plate in his hand. This seemed to remind him that he was even holding something, and he put the dish away.

"Glowing?" Alexis asked. She didn't see that she was glowing. Maybe Carth had had a few shots of juma juice before he came home…

"It's a sort of blue glow. I think it might be-," he stopped there and Alexis was quite sure she knew where he was going.

"It's okay Carth, you can say it. It's the Force. Jedi or no, I'm still in touch with the Force. Obviously it has decided to manifest itself visibly. I feel more in touch with it than I have since the beginning of the Mandalorian Wars. I suppose that says something, doesn't it?" Blue was the traditional color of the light side of the Force. It made Alexis feel warm all over just to think of her Force connection and it's bias towards the light. She felt comfortable and truly happy for the first time in a very long time.

"You are a Jedi, Revan. No matter what has happened. You can't change who you are." Carth said, turning to Alexis and taking her hand.

Alexis shook her head. "No. I'm not a Jedi any longer. But thank you for saying so. The Jedi are- extinct. The exile and I are all that is left of what used to the Jedi. Now, with the Council gone, I fear there will never be Jedi again." Alexis said, looking at her hand joined with Carth's.

"It doesn't have to be that way." Carth replied quietly.

"I'm not ready to talk about this, Carth," Alexis told him. "I need time." Alexis tugged her hand gently away from his and turned away. She walked back to the table and sat down.

Carth looked at Revan now seated at the table. She had her eyes closed, but he knew she was fully alert. Revan was clearly struggling with her future now that she had had some time to deal with the failures of her past. Carth sensed that she did not want her future to be the same.

Carth rapidly finished cleaning the kitchen and walked over to the table and sat opposite Revan once again. She had not moved since she had seated herself nearly ten minutes before.

"Revan?" Carth said, wondering just what was going on in that complex mind of hers. She was not meditating, that much was clear. She was merely thinking, and he was curious about what.

Revan's eyes popped open and she turned her head to look at him. "Yes?" She said, reaching up to run a hand through her still-damp hair.

"Would you like to go and get some sleep?" He asked, hoping she would say yes and not be obstinate about it.

"Are you sure that is what you want?" Revan asked him. She appeared willing to defer to his judgment now for some reason.

"Yes. You need the sleep. I can stay awake while you sleep this evening." Carth told her. He'd be tired at work in the morning, though. Maybe he could call in sick.

"No, you can sleep too. I think that we'll be able to wake up if anything out of the ordinary happens." Revan said, and then added, "Besides, you need the rest. You have to work tomorrow, don't you?"

"Not necessarily. I do think you are right about the sleep though. I know I could use it, and I assume we will wake up if need be." Carth said. She was probably right. It wasn't like they were heavy sleepers. He was unsure she would even be able to sleep since she had not done it in so long.

"Where would you like me to sleep? I can easily make a pallet on the floor, if you'll loan me a pillow and a blanket." Revan said.

Carth had not even considered this. There was only one bed in his apartment. "No, you take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch." Carth said.

"It's your house, Carth. I'm not going to take the only bed." Revan replied, smiling faintly at him.

"Please Revan, do as I ask. I'd feel a lot better if you took the bed." Carth said.

"Look, how about we share it? I trust you." Revan said earnestly, looking into his eyes.

"I- alright. That doesn't bother me." Carth replied, nodding. He wondered silently if this were the best idea, but he trusted Revan much more than he trusted himself. It could turn out to be a long night for him. It probably would not bother her in the least.

Revan stood and started to walk out of the kitchen. "Wait. Where is your bedroom?" She asked. She appeared to find the question a bit funny, and she chuckled a little.

"Just past the bathroom." He replied, motioning in its general direction. "I'll be right behind you."

Revan turned to walk off again, but she stopped in the doorway. "It has just occurred to me that I have nothing to sleep in, either." Revan said. Now she sounded a little uncomfortable.

"I'll loan you a shirt. It will look like a dress on you anyway." Carth said, smiling. He hoped she took the teasing well. She still seemed on edge and unlike herself.

"Are you making fun of me, Carth Onasi?" She asked him, glancing down at her body. "Would you rather I were tall enough to look you in the eye?"

Carth chuckled. "No, I think that might make things seem a bit strange. You can already kick my ass, why would I want it to look like you could do it, too?"

Revan laughed softly and left the room, smiling. Carth was glad she was still able to laugh. Her life would go a lot smoother for it.

Alexis settled herself on the edge of Carth's bed, feeling a little awkward. She'd never slept in the same bed as another person in her entire life, much less a man. She didn't like the strange tingling she felt at the thought.

Poor Carth. She was a grand lot of trouble to have around, and she knew it. Hopefully he would forgive her for being such a pain. She hadn't wanted to inconvenience him.

Carth wandered into the room right behind her. He immediately walked over to a cabinet built into the wall and removed a large shirt from the topmost drawer. He turned back and tossed it to Alexis. "There is a spare toothbrush in the bathroom if you'd like one."

Alexis nodded and stood up. She took the shirt and headed off to the bathroom without another word.

Alexis brushed her teeth and stripped out of her clothes and folded them neatly. She held Carth's shirt up to her chest and stared at it for a few seconds before putting it on. It smelled much like Carth did, and she was strangely comforted.

Alexis took a deep breath and left the bathroom, tugging at the edge of the shirt as she walked. Even though it was far too large for her, it was significantly less than she normally wore.

Carth, too, had changed when she returned. He had on a similar shirt and a pair of soft pants. Alexis smiled at him in spite of herself. "Don't you just look adorable?" She said, laughing.

Carth smiled back. "Well, at least I have something on. Normally I sleep in the nude."

Alexis laughed. She couldn't tell if he was kidding or not. "Well, thank you for that. I'm not so sure I'd have appreciated you running around naked."

"You might have." Carth said, grinning slyly.

"Don't get your hopes up," Alexis replied, tongue in cheek. She might have, indeed, but she really wouldn't know.

Alexis calmly walked over to the right side of the bed and folded down the covers and slid herself inside. Carth looked at her strangely, and Alexis felt as if she might have done something wrong.

"How did you know I slept on the left side?" Carth asked her quizzically.

"I didn't. I guess I just have always slept on the right when I actually did go to bed." Alexis replied, folding her hands behind her head and resting them upon the pillow.

"Oh." Carth said. "It's a good thing we don't like the same side of the bed, then. One of us might have ended up getting pushed onto the floor." Carth smiled as he crawled into his side of the bed.

Alexis watched him get comfortable. Finally, he looked back at her. "Shall I turn off the light?" He asked.

"Go ahead." She answered, shifting slightly. The bed was very large and she and Carth were nowhere near one another.

Carth switched the light off and Alexis waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She did not like not being able to see the room around her, and she was tense for the duration of her night blindness.

"Are you okay?" Carth finally asked, and Alexis felt a bit ashamed. She must have been so tense that he could feel it even in the dark.

"I'm fine. Just a bit nervous about sleeping, I guess." Alexis replied. She physically forced her body to relax.

"I've never honestly been nervous about sleep." Carth told her softly. He rolled over, shaking the bed, and Alexis stiffened again.

"It's sort of pathetic, isn't it? I sleep so very little that I have to force myself to even do it. And to top it off, it frightens me to do it in the first place." Alexis told him honestly.

"I'm sorry, Revan." Carth replied.

"I'll be fine. I just need to calm down and turn off my mind, at least partially. I'll be able to sleep after that, I should think." Alexis said.

Carth's breathing was somewhat soothing in the dark. Alexis shut her eyes and listened to its rhythm. "Goodnight, Revan." He breathed.

"Goodnight, Carth." Alexis answered just as quietly. She waited for about ten minutes, but his breathing never relaxed the even sounds of sleep. He must be waiting for her to sleep.

Alexis slowly began to systematically shut down her mind, turning off each section in turn. Slowly, she was able to become utterly still and calm, and she soon drifted off into a deep and dreamless sleep.

Carth awoke in the middle of the night, feeling strange. Something was different, out of place. He felt warm and happy, not cold and lonely as he normally did when he awoke in the night.

There was an odd sensation creeping along his body, and he was still too asleep to know just what it was. He lay still, thinking, until his mind was alert enough to detect the peculiarity.

Revan was in his bed. This was unusual in itself. However, what was more unusual was that Revan was not on her side of the bed. She lay facing him, the full length of her tiny body pressed against his. Her cheek was pressed to his chest and one of her arms lay over him. Her other arm was beneath her head, as she had slid from the top of the pillow, and she was breathing deeply and evenly.

Carth stroked her hair with a free hand and thought about his current situation. One of the most powerful people in the entire universe was cradled against his chest, allowing herself to be completely and utterly at his mercy. Revan, powerful Jedi, former Sith Lord, and savior of the Republic trusted him so completely that she slept beside him, depending on him to protect her.

Carth ran his finger down the side of her face. She did not stir, and he lay still and stared at her, watching her beautiful face. She was such a lovely girl, but she was so thin and sick. He was very worried about her. Her health was such that she would not live much longer if she continued to treat her body as she had been before she showed up in his home.

He was truly afraid that Revan would leave the following day. He knew that if he didn't take care of her, at least at first, she would not take care of herself. She'd just continue to waste away until there was nothing left.

Carth would miss her, too. Now that he had seen her again, he wasn't ready to let go quite yet. He knew that that was selfish of him, but he loved Revan, whether she knew it or not, and one day every four years wasn't enough for him.

It was also possible that Revan, were she willing, could be the banner beneath which the Republic could reunite. The last of the Jedi, or one of the last two, and a savior of the Republic, could easily rally the people behind her cause, especially someone like Revan, with such a power over those around her.

Revan had been the most important thing in his life for the last five years, and she would continue to be, whether she was still with him or not. Even if Revan were to fall, he would never stop loving her. Even if he were forced to kill Revan for her loyalty to the dark side, he would always love her.

Carth found these thoughts to be upsetting and he quickly blocked them from his mind. He glanced around the room to check for anything out of the ordinary. Finding nothing, he closed his eyes and settled back to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Alexis awoke the following morning before the sun had risen, still pressed against Carth. She laid one of her hands gently against his chest and tilted her head back to look at his face. He was still sleeping, snoring softly.

Alexis was surprised to find that she had slept through the night. She hadn't expected that, and it was a pleasant discovery. She felt refreshed, body and spirit, and she found that she was not as sore as she had been the day before.

Alexis splayed her fingers on the hand pressed to Carth's chest. She found that her small hand covered only a very tiny portion of the man's massive torso. She smiled and moved her hand slowly, savoring the feeling of the warm muscle beneath her palm.

She felt guilty suddenly and pulled away, her eyes on his face. She sighed softly and rolled away from him. She was instantly cold but she forced herself to rise from the bed.

Carth stirred slightly and she watched as he felt around in front of him for her body. Finding nothing, he opened his eyes. They focused on her and he smiled. "Good morning." He growled in a sleepy voice.

Alexis smiled back at him, unable to resist. She sat on the edge of the bed again and Carth reached across and took her hand.

"Were you comfortable enough?" He asked her with a throaty chuckle. He squeezed her hand gently.

"I was certainly warm enough. I notice I didn't stay on my side of the bed, though. I hope that didn't bother you." Alexis said.

"Didn't bother me in the slightest." Carth replied. He shifted closer to her and lifted himself up on one elbow.

"I'm glad you found the arrangement satisfactory." Alexis answered, laughing.

"You seem to feel better this morning." He told her.

Alexis nodded slowly. "I suppose getting a bit of sleep was a good thing. I might start to enjoy it and do it all the time."

To tell the truth, the sleep paled in comparison to what human companionship was doing for her. She hadn't been around someone else in so long that interacting with anyone would have been satisfactory, but being around Carth was even better. She would have given up the sleep if she'd had to choose between the two.

Carth didn't seem to have anything else to say at the moment, so Alexis slid back onto the bed. She pulled the blankets back over her for a moment, for she was still cold, and Carth dropped his head back onto the pillow.

It was silent for some time and Alexis glanced over at Carth to see if he had fallen back asleep. He hadn't. He was watching her, and Alexis was unsure as to why.

"Carth?" Alexis said quietly. It was still dark in the room and outside, but her eyes were keenly adjusted to the blackness. She could see him refocus on her face when she called out to him.

"Hhhmmm?" He answered, brushing his thumb lightly over the back of the hand that he still held.

"What's the matter?" Alexis asked, turning to face him.

"Nothing's the matter. Why do you ask?" He replied.

"Well, you're staring at me with the strangest expression on your face…" Alexis told him. She'd thought about telling him to forget the whole thing, but she truly wanted to know what he was thinking.

"It's nothing." He told her. His expression had not changed, and Alexis found it to be disconcerting in the least.

Alexis sighed quietly. So he wouldn't tell her. It figured. She of course could have delved into his mind using the Force, but that was not something she had done since her redemption in the light as she saw it to be evil in nature. She would have to be content with speculating as to what he might be thinking.

"Do you have to work this morning?" Alexis asked him. She could not stay silent, for some reason. The look on his face was making her a bit nervous.

"Oh. Well, yeah, but I think I'll call in sick. I'm not ready to leave you alone just yet." Carth replied.

"Won't your co-workers guess that something is amiss?" Alexis asked. "I don't think I am ready to tell the universe that I have returned from my self-imposed exile as of yet. I want a bit of anonymity, even if it is only for a little while." Alexis added.

"They'll assume I'm really sick, at least for today. If I call in again tomorrow, they might worry. Today will hardly matter, though, unless you and I leave the apartment. Then things will start to get sticky. Everyone here recognizes me, and they might even recognize you." Carth replied.

Alexis took her hand from Carth's and stretched her body languidly. "I'm fine with that. What's the plan for today if we aren't leaving the apartment?"

"I won't answer that in the way that I would like." Carth replied, eyeing her body speculatively.

"Carth!" Alexis said, blushing and punching him in the arm. He merely grinned at her and Alexis found herself grinning back. It was an interesting idea, but not a doable one.

"Fine. Why don't we just talk? There are so many things that we can tell one another. It's been more than four years, after all." Carth replied.

"Sounds like a date. I think I will go and brush my teeth and get dressed first of course, though." Alexis said, sighing quietly. She didn't really want to get up.

"Don't get back up on my account. We can just lay here for a while, if you'd like. This is the first chance in a long time I have had to stay in bed past daybreak." Carth told her.

Alexis shook her head. "So I wasn't being completely honest… I also want to take a look around your apartment. I'd like to be sure we're alone." Alexis said, feeling slightly guilty.

Carth looked at her quietly for several seconds. "I could've guessed that. Go ahead if you want to, Revan. I know you won't get any rest without having peace of mind."

This made Alexis feel even worse about it, but she stood up anyway. "I'm sorry. I just have to know." She slowly walked out of the room, her movements a little stiff and uncomfortable due to the excessive leanness of her achy body.

Carth watched Revan leave with a slightly sad expression. The girl would probably never be able to relax completely again. She was still moving strangely, he noticed, and looked near death.

Her complexion looked healthier and the bags beneath her eyes had receded slightly, but she'd been just as gaunt and ill looking that morning as she had the night before.

Carth rose from the bed as well, fully aware that now she was up, there would be no going back to sleep. He quickly contacted his office as soon as he was out of bed to let them know he would not be in to work today.

Oddly, his office secretary seemed upset by the news, and she'd done everything from offer to pick him up a bit of medication to telling him she'd be by later with a bowl of soup to make him feel better. This was somewhat disconcerting and it had taken Carth quite a bit of persuasion to convince her he would be fine by himself.

Carth sat on the corner of his bed, waiting for Revan's return for some time, but she didn't come. He couldn't hear her in the apartment so he ambled out of his bedroom and down the hall. She was seated on the floor in the middle of the living room facing the door, her legs crossed and her lightsaber resting in her lap. She motioned him over the moment she saw him and he stopped beside her shoulder.

"Someone's outside the door." Revan said softly, cocking her head slightly and continuing to watch the door. "I have a feeling that it is no one dangerous, but it is strange, nonetheless."

Carth frowned and stared at the door as well. "Can you tell who it is?" He asked her.

"I'm afraid not. For some reason I'm unable to pick up anything through that door. I can tell you, however, that the person has been there for about two minutes, trying to decide whether or not to knock to come in." Revan replied.

Carth raised his eyebrows slightly and glanced down at Revan. "Shall I answer the door?" he asked.

"By all means, answer it. I'm ready for just about anything." Revan said, rubbing the hilt of her lightsaber gently.

Carth had noticed that this seemed to be a nervous habit of hers. "Where was your saber last night?" Carth asked suddenly, remembering her had not seen it on her.

Revan looked up at him quietly. "It was beneath my pillow the entire night." She replied.

Carth shrugged and went to the door. He paused there and took a deep breath before throwing open the door and looking out into the hallway.

Alexis stared out into the hallway, slightly confused, she still held her lightsaber tightly, but she no longer felt the need to pull it, as the girl standing in the doorway hardly appeared dangerous.

Carth was staring at the girl as well, a surprised expression on his handsome face. He looked a bit angry as well, as if the visit might have been expected, though unwanted.

The girl looked just as startled as the other two. She clearly did not remember making any noise that might have alerted Carth to her presence and was unsure as to why he'd opened the door. She was very young, younger than Alexis, and quite lovely. She was tall and curvy with short pixie-like blonde hair and brown eyes. She had light freckles dusting her nose and cheeks.

Alexis nearly groaned when she remembered that she hadn't wished to be seen. She was now in clear view of the young girl. She was also wearing nothing but Carth's shirt and clasping a lightsaber in her lap. And to top it all off, Carth did not look very ill and she knew he had called in sick for work.

The girl opened her mouth as if to speak and shut it again. She looked past Carth back at Alexis and surveyed her clothing, or what little of it there was. Alexis sighed quietly and settled her hands upon her knees. This was going to be awkward.

Carth finally cleared his throat and stepped out of the doorway. "Well, Seré, come on in."

Alexis remained on the floor, staring at the girl in a resigned manner. It looked like her cover was about to be blown and she'd not even been on-planet for an entire day.

The girl walked in and stood beside the couch, shifting nervously. "Um- Carth… What's going on?" She asked, glaring at Alexis in a rather spiteful manner.

"Do you know that it is still dark outside?" Alexis said offhandedly, staring out of one of the few windows in Carth's apartment. Carth glanced over at her and smiled slightly.

"I'm normally at work before the sun rises." Carth replied, reaching up to scratch idly at the back of his neck.

"Carth." The girl repeated and Carth glanced over at her. She was looking more uncomfortable than ever. "Have I interrupted something? I just came to see if you were all right… You said you were sick and I thought maybe you might need some attention, but this girl is here and you don't look very sick to me…"

Carth frowned and appeared uncertain as to what to say. Alexis thought for a moment. It appeared the girl did not recognize her. This was unexpected. It was hard to say whether or not she would eventually realize who she was looking at.

Alexis watched Carth as he tried to think of something to tell the young woman. He appeared to be struggling, and Alexis felt a pang of guilt. This was, once again, all her fault.

She could sense that Carth had no feelings for this girl, who appeared to be his secretary from work. She could also tell that this girl was perhaps a bit infatuated with Carth. She was confused about the appearance of Alexis, for she thought that her boss was married to his job and had no outside relationships.

"This is my…" Carth began. He trailed off before finishing and stared helplessly at Alexis.

Alexis was thinking rapidly. She knew what Carth wanted to say. She knew what she wanted to say. They were much the same. It was, however, difficult to do so, as they had yet to discuss it themselves. She also knew that she would have to decide whether or not to stay in the Republic in the public eye and become some sort of figurehead or run away once again as she had done so many times before.

Ah well. It was best to make this decision rapidly before she had the chance to change her mind. The girl would have to be kept silent for a few days, but other than that, Alexis knew that once she told this girl, eventually everyone would know who she was.

Alexis rose as fast as her sore body would allow. The other two looked at her, slightly bewildered. She tugged at the hem of the shirt she was wearing awkwardly while grasping her lightsaber in one hand. This was bound to be uncomfortable for them all.

She walked right over to the girl and looked up into her face. The girl seemed rather large from Alexis's position beside her for the girl was only perhaps and inch or two shorter than the very tall Carth.

Alexis stuck out her free hand and grinned amiably at the girl. "I'm Alexis Starling. Carth and I are very good friends."

The girl looked at Alexis's hand for a few moments before taking it carefully and shaking it. She looked as if she thought Alexis might break if she shook too hard. "I'm Seré, Carth's secretary." The girl replied. She ended the contact between them quickly.

Carth appeared at Alexis's shoulder and gently rested one of his hands on it. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked her, looking into her eyes.

Alexis knew what he meant. The girl would eventually connect Alexis Starling to Darth Revan and before long, the entire galaxy would once again become aware of her presence. She would be forced back into the spotlight, for good or ill, and things would never be the same for her again.

Alexis nodded. "I'm sure, Carth" Alexis felt tiny standing well beneath the two of them, who literally towered over her. She also felt sick and oddly wary.

Carth started to speak once again but Alexis silenced him quickly when she realized why she felt so apprehensive. "Get back!"

Alexis could see the outline of a Sith Assassin standing in the corner of the room. His stealth field generator was on, but Alexis could easily spot his form through the disguise. When he knew that she could see him, he reached to his belt and switched off the generator.

He became visible to the other two at that point. "What the-", Carth yelled, reaching for the blaster that he had not put on that morning.

Alexis calmly switched on her lightsaber and leapt across the room to the assassin's pace in the corner. They regarded each other quietly. The assassin displayed his twin vibroblades in a rapid slashing motion.

Alexis carefully began to circle the assassin. He began to move as well and they danced oddly for a bit, watching each other's every move.

He struck suddenly, with the force of a charging bantha, and Alexis easily parried his blow. They continued this way, the assassin striking and Alexis parrying until she became tired of defending herself.

With stunning accuracy she began to strike at him with the sides of her dual-bladed lightsaber, each blow as powerful as the last. He was barely able to catch each in turn but Alexis continued, slowly marching him back towards a corner with the sheer force of her attack.

She sliced into one of his arms and he cried out, dropping the blade in which that hand had held. He was now clearly at the disadvantage. His back was now almost touching the wall and Alexis was determined to end the battle.

"Surrender." Alexis said to him, her voice loud and raspy. He merely struck at her once again and with that, Alexis landed a final blow, ramming one end of her lightsaber through his chest.

Alexis spun around and surveyed the room to be sure there were no others present. Seré was crying and Carth was standing beside her, speaking quietly to her. Alexis felt her breathing begin to ease and as it did, her pain returned to her.

A staggering bolt of pain shot up on her sides and she had to resist the urge to cry out or fall to her knees. She turned back towards the assassin and looked at him sadly. If he had surrendered as she had asked, she would have let him free. A single assassin was no match for her, even in her current state, and it was odd that he had come in alone.

Alexis stalked away from the body to check the rest of the apartment. Her body was in agony but she refused to stop until she was certain that they were now alone. Her lightsaber was still drawn and she had to force herself to turn it off, even when she found that there were definitely no other assassins lurking in the shadows.

"Is everyone alright?" She asked when she returned to Carth and Seré's side. The girl was still in shock. They both glanced over at her and she bit her lip against another waft of pain.

Carth moved away from Seré and gently wrapped Revan in his arms. He could see that she was hurting and he was careful not to cause her further pain. "Are you alright?" He said in reply to her question.

"I asked first." Revan answered, her voice muffled against his chest. He released her and stepped back, resting his arms at his sides.

"It looks like it's started all over again." Revan said stonily when Carth remained silent.

"Is this how your life has been for the past four years?" Carth asked, already anticipating her reply.

"Yes." Revan replied. She appeared to be all business at the moment and it reminded Carth a lot of the way she had acted just before she confronted Malak at the end of the Jedi Civil War.

She had been so cold and remote then that he had hardly recognized her. Perhaps now the sensation was not quite as strong, but it was there nonetheless.

Seré was still crying quietly and Carth reached out and touched her arm gently. "Seré, it's okay now. Just calm down." He said.

The girl continued to gasp and sob for another five minutes. Revan rubbed at her sore limbs and stared at the doorway, and Carth himself stood numbly, absorbed in his thoughts.

His secretary was going to cause a huge problem for all of them. He'd been so certain that he had convinced her that she need not drop by, but clearly he had been wrong. She'd come to his apartment anyway and now everything was going to have to be explained to her.

This presented several difficulties. First of all, Revan had not wanted to have her identity revealed just yet. She had wanted a few more days of anonymity so she could recover some of her health before she was thrown to the wolves.

Second, it had not seemed that she had wanted to become the idea in which the failing Republic could rally behind. It now seemed almost certain that she would have to become this.

Lastly, it was clear that he and Revan needed to discuss their personal relationship a bit more. They had not talked about it at all and though they had been very comfortable around each other the night before, the distance this morning between the two of them was great, and he was not so certain anymore that he really knew how she felt about him.

Revan had only told him that she loved him once, though he had told her many times. He remembered the first time they had confessed their feelings to one another quite vividly.

They were standing outside of her ship, the Ebon Hawk, about to embark upon the journey to Malak's space station. All of their companions except Bastila, who had been captured and turned to the dark side by Malak, had been standing around them.

Revan had just found the way to enter the space station and returned to the ship. He had not been with her, but the other two Jedi who had gone with her, Jolee Bindo and Juhani, had told a story of Bastila trying to turn Revan back to the dark side so that the pair of them could rule the galaxy.

Revan and Bastila had been best friends by then and it was amazing to Carth that a former Sith Lord, offered ultimate power once more, could turn it away. Revan and Bastila had been very powerful and could have easily defeated Malak and taken over the Galaxy together. Revan had chosen the path of light, however, and Carth had known then that he was truly in love with her, not just infatuated.

The others had watched as he'd congratulated her and then confessed that he loved her. They'd all waited in suspense as Revan just looked at him, her eyes wide and dispassionate. It was almost as if she were afraid to love him, or afraid to tell him that she did.

Carth knew that love was forbidden to Jedi and the fear had stemmed from the fact that perhaps a bond that strong might make her fall once again into darkness. She had been so obviously pained by the admission that Carth had almost wanted to take it back, but he had not done so, and he was glad. She'd finally smiled at him, her eyes alight like the twin suns of Tatooine, and she had told him that she loved him back. She had never spoken of loving him again, though he told her many times after that he loved her. It was as if she had forgotten that she'd even replied.

Now, Carth was entirely uncertain as to whether or not the words had even been true. Oh, he knew she cared for him, and maybe she did love him, but it was most likely not the way in which he wanted her love. Strong attachment was not allowed within the Jedi order, and though the Jedi were basically extinct, Carth knew that Revan would not easily cast aside their rules as she had done once before. Her fall from the light had permanently scarred her mentally and emotionally, and they were probably wounds from which she could never recover.

Carth realized belatedly that Seré's tears had subsided and he saw that she and Revan were watching each other. Revan's eyes were emotionless but Seré looked angry and frightened.

"What in the hell are you?" The girl asked, looking at Revan's lightsaber. "And why are you dressed that way?" She added as an afterthought.

Revan glanced down at her attire, clearing having forgotten that she was only wearing his t-shirt during her battle with the assassin. "I guess I'm one of the last of the Jedi." Revan replied slowly. She seemed to have come to some realization, and she straightened her slightly drooping shoulders. "As for what I am wearing, I believe it may be something called a t-shirt." The response was fairly sarcastic and her eyes seemed to suddenly dance with mischief. She was awakening from what he supposed was some sort of battle stupor.

"A Jedi? Are you the one that was here before?" Seré asked. The girl stopped and stared at Revan for a few more seconds. "I guess you aren't. You're too short. You're also far too skinny. The other one was healthy and strong looking. You look like you're about to fall over dead." She added.

"Hhhmmm. Thanks for the compliment. I doubt that I die, though, however disappointing you may find that." Revan answered. She furrowed her eyebrows suddenly and narrowed her eyes. Her breath hissed out slowly and she clenched one of her fists.

"Revan, are you okay?" Carth asked, reaching for her.

Before she had the chance to answer, the girl chimed in. "Revan? Darth Revan!"


	4. Chapter 4

Alexis heard the terrified response and closed her eyes. The pain from her injuries was far less severe than the pain caused by those words. Darth Revan. No matter how much she changed, she'd never escape the fear and accusations that came with the recitation of her true name.

"I'm afraid so." Alexis answered, opening her eyes and looking over at Seré. "Though I wouldn't be too frightened, were I you. I'm hardly dangerous."

"Seré, I trust Revan with all my heart. She is a good person, no matter what you may think of her." Carth said gently.

"How can you say that?" Seré asked him. She had shrunk subtly away from Alexis and was standing pressed against the wall, her hands folded over her chest in a defensive manner.

"Carth, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe I shouldn't have returned." Alexis told him doubtfully. If this were the response of everyone else, their plan for rebuilding the Republic did not stand a chance.

"Revan, this is the only way." Carth said in response. He looked back at Seré. "Just- take a bit of time to get to know her. Don't judge her before you've even given her the chance to prove herself."

Alexis smiled slightly. Carth was such a good man. It didn't even occur to him that anyone could distrust someone that he trusted so implicitly.

Seré sighed dramatically and tossed herself into one of Carth's armchairs. "Fine. I'll give her a chance. But don't expect too much of me." The girl said in a rather pouty manner.

Alexis was amazed that someone so near to her own age could still act like such a child. Alexis herself had not ever had the luxury of behaving like a child, however, so it was difficult for her to identify with the young woman.

A loud ringing sound echoed through the apartment and Alexis nearly jumped out of her skin. Carth left the room rapidly to answer the comlink in his bedroom. Alexis watched him go with a bit of trepidation.

Seré looked over at her as she settled back into a cross-legged position on the floor. "So, are you his lover?' The girl asked bitterly.

"His lover?" Alexis echoed dumbly. It occurred to her after she had spoken what the girl meant. No matter how long she lived, as a Jedi, she would probably always be a bit naïve about things of a sexual connotation.

"Yes, his lover. Don't tell me you don't know what a lover is." The girl said icily. "You seem a bit skinny and beat-up looking for Carth, but maybe he's desperate or something."

Alexis was a bit hurt. She hadn't done anything to this girl and yet all Seré could do was be cruel to her. "I'm not his lover." Alexis said softly.

"Of course not. I should have known. You're probably a virgin or something." The girl said haughtily.

This hurt even worse, for some reason- perhaps because it was true. "I am." Alexis replied.

This silenced Seré for a moment and Alexis shut her eyes. Her body was still aching and now, she felt terribly. No matter how trained she was to resist emotion, some things just hurt. Was she that terrible and out of touch with the real world?

Carth walked back into the room and Alexis sensed his presence. She opened her eyes. "You might want to go ahead and get dressed, Revan. Lieutenant Grenn says we're about to have some sort of company. He wouldn't tell me who or when, but he says there is a ship coming in that will be of interest to me." Carth told her.

Alexis nodded and stood up. "I'll go and take care of it." Alexis said quietly.

Twenty minutes later Alexis emerged from Carth's bedroom dressed in a pink blouse and white tights. Her hair was loose and flowing over her shoulders. She'd attempted to put it up and out of her way but it had given her a headache and she'd ended up leaving well enough alone.

Carth, too, had changed, although she was unsure as to when. It was have been while she was in the restroom brushing her teeth or something. He was seated on one of his armchairs directly across from Seré, who had called in sick for work as well.

Alexis smiled at the pair of them and idly ran a hand through her hair. "I suppose I look more appropriate now." Alexis said. She glanced out of the window at the rapidly rising sun and sighed. "I see the sun has risen."

"Yeah." Carth replied, never once glancing at the window. He was just looking at her.

"So, do we have any idea who's coming as of yet?" Alexis asked, taking a seat on the floor once again. Armchairs were not comfortable to her and despite the fact that the floor made her sore, she truly liked to sit there.

"No, not yet." Carth said.

"I have a feeling we're about to find out. I sense some sort of commotion in the hall." Alexis said, carefully placing her hand on her lightsaber, which was clipped to her belt.

Alexis had been correct. Shouting began to echo through the hall, muffled by the door. The sound of many rapid footsteps thundered along with it and Carth and Alexis rose in unison, each gently resting their hand on their weapon.

"Admiral Onasi! Admiral Onasi!" A feminine voice shouted through the door. The footsteps stopped and someone pounded aggressively on the doorway with the heel of their hand.

Alexis sensed something odd, a familiar presence, but she was once again unable to get a complete feeling through the door.

"Carth!" The voice shouted and finally, Carth cautiously opened the door. Five people poured inside the apartment, each brandishing a weapon.

Kalen Valirra stood at the head of the pack, dressed in Jedi robes and carrying a green lightsaber. "Admiral!" She burst out, not even looking around the room. "Something's wrong! There is some presence on the station… something very powerful. Citadel Station could be in terrible danger. It's one of the most powerful beings that I have ever felt…" Kalen spilled out rapidly.

Kalen appeared disheveled and tired, but she was still very strong and healthy looking. She was tall, not as tall as Seré was, and she had long, thick blonde hair and blue eyes. Her hair was wound in an intricate braid around her entire head, keeping it all out of her face and off of her neck.

Behind her stood four others, all of them carrying some sort of lightsaber. It was strange for Alexis to see so many Jedi together once again.

Two young men stood out amongst the followers and Alexis eyed them each in turn. One was a very large and powerful looking blonde man. His hair was thick and curly and his eyes were a liquid brown. The other was just as tall as the blonde man, who was probably the same height as Carth, but he was much leaner. His hair was a rich brown, as were his eyes. Both of the men were muscular and handsome, and they were hardly older than Revan herself. They looked quite dangerous and the thinner man looked very familiar…

Behind them stood a young male Zabrak who looked terribly out of place and a medium-sized redheaded girl carrying two orange lightsabers. All of them were wearing Jedi robes but the Zabrak, who was wearing some sort of thin combat armor.

"Kalen." Alexis said softly while her friend took a breath so she could continue her tirade about the dangers upon the planet.

Kalen whipped her head around and dropped her lightsaber the moment she saw Alexis.

"Lexi? Is that you?" She didn't wait for an answer but instead launched herself at Alexis. The two, who had not seen each other in nearly ten years, were soon wrapped in one another's arms.

"Hey." Alexis said as the larger girl squeezed her as hard as she could.

"I didn't even know you were still alive… You disappeared after the Jedi Civil War…" Kalen muttered, releasing her friend.

"You disappeared after the Mandalorian Wars." Alexis countered. She was grinning happily and had completely forgotten how sore she was.

"Jeez! Look at how thin you are! When was the last time you ate something?" Kalen asked suddenly.

"Oh, come on! Can't I go one day without being mothered?" Alexis said with a theatrical sigh.

The others had put away their lightsabers and were standing awkwardly in the doorway, watching the reunion with strange expressions on their faces. Clearly they didn't quite know what to do with themselves.

Kalen saw Alexis looking back at her companions and smiled. "Um- These are my friends." She pointed to the blonde man. "That's Disciple. Or rather Mical… He's only recently told me his real name." She pointed to the Zabrak next. "That's Bao-Dur." She pointed to the redheaded woman. "That's Mira," she said. Finally, she pointed to other man. "And that is Atton Rand."

"Atton Rand?" Alexis said quietly. "Atton Rand." she repeated.

The dark-headed man stepped forward and looked right at Alexis. "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is Revan."

The others looked disbelieving at first, but slowly, using the Force, each in turn realized this was the truth. They said nothing, as did Kalen.

Carth broke the silence. "Everyone come in and let me shut the door. It's clear we've got a lot to talk about." He said.

Everyone found their way into the apartment and took a seat. Mira and the Disciple took seats in armchairs near Seré. Kalen sat on one end of the couch and after shutting the door, Carth sat on the other. Alexis and Atton remained standing, looking at one another with familiarity.

"How are you?" Alexis asked softly, biting her lip. She knew this man from the Jedi Civil War. He had been a member of her army when she fought for the Republic and when she was a Sith. He had been a Sith Assassin for quite a while under her command. He had killed many Jedi at her request, and tortured just as many before doing so.

Atton grinned at her. "Pretty well I'd say. I've overcome my Jedi-killing addiction using the ten step program and I've been clean for five years." He told her.

Alexis couldn't help but laugh. She'd always liked this man, even when she was a Sith. "It's a small Galaxy, isn't it? So, how did you beat your addiction?" She asked.

"Pure Pazaak. Well… pazaak and juma juice I suppose." He answered with a cocky smile. He sat down in the middle of the couch between Carth and Kalen after answering.

Alexis settled herself onto the floor with the eyes of the entire room upon her. She crossed her legs and rested her palms on her knees and looked back at each of them in turn. "So…" Alexis began.

"Did you feel it?" Kalen asked suddenly. Atton and the Disciple were both watching her rather raptly and Alexis had to resist the urge to laugh.

"You mean Traya and Sion?" Alexis asked her. Traya and Sion were two of the three Sith Lords that Kalen had only recently destroyed.

Kalen nodded. "They're gone." She said quietly.

"Means there's a vacancy in management, Revan." Atton told her with a crooked smile.

"Ha ha." Alexis replied. "Perhaps you should apply, Atton. If you're as good with a blade as you are with your tongue, you might have a shot at earning the position." She told him.

"I promise, I'm better with my tongue. I could give you a first-hand experience with just how good, if you'd like." Atton answered.

"Hhhmmm. I'll pass, thanks." Alexis said. No one spoke for several seconds. "I gather you've all met Carth…" Alexis began.

"We have." The Disciple replied. His voice was oddly soft and articulate, especially for such a large man. He sounded gentle and young and very naïve.

"I'm Seré," Seré said suddenly from the middle of nowhere, eyeing Atton speculatively. Alexis sensed that the girl was husband hunting with the way that behaved.

"Right…" Mira muttered under her breath, playing with one of her lightsabers. She seemed disgusted by the girl's appearance and behavior. Seré was batting her eyelashes at Atton at that very moment.

"So, is this you're entire entourage?" Alexis asked Kalen. She was curious since the group seemed to be quite small. Kalen had always attracted large crowds, much like Alexis herself did.

"Actually, no. There is a Miraluka on board the Ebon Hawk who used to be a servant of Darth Nihilus. Two droids are also there: T3-M4 and HK-47. Oh, and then there is Mandalore." Kalen told her.

"Mandalore? I thought the last Mandalore died during the Mandalorian Wars." Alexis replied. Mandalore was the traditional name of the Mandalorians' leader.

"No, this Mandalore took over not too long ago, I suppose. He's the leader of Clan Ordo or some such nonsense." Kalen said, shrugging.

"Ordo?" Alexis repeated. One of her companions from her travels during the Jedi Civil War had been a Mandalorian soldier by the name of Canderous Ordo. They had been quite close and Alexis thought that this sounding like something that Canderous just might do…

"Yes, Ordo. I believe…" Kalen began but Alexis was up on her feet and out the door before she could finish.


	5. Chapter 5

Alexis raced down the hallway to one of the elevators and took it down to the lower floors, pain forgotten. She ran out of the building and took off through the module that Carth's apartment was in, rushing towards the hangar bay where she knew the Ebon Hawk had to be docked.

When she arrived in the Hangar Bay, she found the Ebon Hawk much where she'd expected. With a grin, she boarded rapidly, excited to meet yet another one of her old friends.

It took her a few moments to get her bearings on the newly refurbished Ebon Hawk, but when she did, she found Canderous in the same place she had always found him when they traveled in the Ebon Hawk together.

He was standing right next to the workbench in full armor, a helmet covering his face and his back to her. He turned when he heard the commotion and Alexis leapt into his arms.

Canderous, who was an utterly enormous man, caught her tiny frame in one of his arms and held her against his chest. He was apparently a little startled to see her, for her jerked and grunted when she jumped on him, but she didn't notice.

She reached up and yanked off his helmet in one swift motion and kissed his cheek. "Hey Canderous." She said with an impish grin.

He blinked several times, adjusting his eyes to the light, and then glared at her. "Who do you think you are, jumping on me and jerking my helmet off like that? I ought to rip you in half." He growled half-heartedly at her.

Alexis grinned and kissed his other cheek. "Oh, be quiet you!"

Canderous shifted slightly but did not put her down. "When was the last time you ate something?" He asked, frowning at her.

"I ate yesterday. I wish all of you would stop mothering me!" Alexis said. She squirmed a bit in his grasp. "And why are you wearing all of this gross armor? It's seriously painful." She muttered.

"Maybe if you weren't so damned skinny you wouldn't have that problem." Canderous replied testily.

The sound of footsteps echoed in the entryway behind them and Canderous turned to face it, effectively turning Alexis's back to the door. She sighed. It didn't look like he was going to let go, either. He'd apparently forgotten he was holding on to her. "Well, who is it?" Alexis asked.

"Carth." Canderous said, though it was clear he was greeting Carth, not answering her.

"Canderous." Carth returned. The two men shook hands behind her.

"Hey Canderous, if you aren't going to put me down, turn sideways so I can see too." Alexis said.

"What possessed you to run from the apartment like that?" Carth asked her quizzically. "You could've been seen."

"And probably were." Canderous added disapprovingly. He turned enough that Alexis could see Carth clearly but did not put her down.

The others ambled onto the ship behind Carth. Even Seré was with them. She stopped fairly near to Carth and reached out and grabbed his arm, saying nothing.

"Awfully young for him, isn't she?" Canderous asked Alexis loudly.

Alexis laughed. "I'm a bit young for you, too, and here you are holding on to me for dear life."

Canderous looked down at her and smiled. "It doesn't feel like I'm holding anything. You probably weigh half of what my armor does." He said.

"Well, good. Take off the armor and cart me around. I'd be a lot happier." Alexis replied.

"And maybe you'd gain a little weight if you'd stop running yourself everywhere." Canderous added.

Kalen wandered up next to them from the back of the group and eyed Canderous. "So… Mandalore is really the renowned Canderous Ordo, mercenary extraordinaire." She said with a smile.

"You bet." Alexis replied for him.

Canderous nodded. "Don't tell anyone. It might ruin my image." Alexis and Kalen laughed in unison.

"Where is Visas?" Kalen asked him.

"Meditating." Canderous replied, shaking his head.

"Oh. I don't know why we all came over here. I bet it was to see Alexis here all over her 'friend' Canderous." Kalen said suggestively.

Canderous shook his head again and Alexis laughed. "Are we going back to the apartment then?" Alexis asked.

"Sure," Canderous answered. "Let me get out of the armor. Since my oh-so-secret identity has been revealed I don't think the armor is necessary in this company anymore."

"Okay. Do you know how to get there?" Kalen asked him. Canderous merely nodded. "Great. We'll meet you there. But I'm afraid you'll have to put Alexis down." She added.

"Are you sure she can't just stay here and help me out of my armor?" He asked with a sly smile.

Kalen and Alexis laughed again. Canderous put one hand on either side of Alexis's waist and held her out straight in front of him. "Go home and eat something, kid." He said. He settled her on the floor and stepped back.

"Okay. Let's go back to the apartment. I promise not to sprint out of it again in wild pursuit of some man or other." Alexis said.

Kalen grinned and took her arm and the group made its way back to Carth's apartment at a much slower pace than they had arrived.

Carth sat in his kitchen, listening to the sounds of laughter echoing from his living room. He glanced out the window with a start and noticed that it was well into the evening.

Everyone had been talking together for quite some time, getting reacquainted and reminiscing. There had been no more incidents involving assassins, and no more random sprints from the apartment. A few of them had gone out and purchased some food and they had eaten some, though Carth had noticed that Revan had eaten very little.

He had watched her deteriorate slowly over the day, become more and more quiet and tired. Even now she was seated a bit apart from the group, closing her eyes every so often to center herself or stave off a waft of pain.

Carth had called in and talked to the TSF's Lieutenant Grenn earlier in the day and told that he would be taking a short vacation for the next few days. His plan was to take care of Revan, hopefully regenerating some of her health and stamina.

It appeared that the appearance of her friends had been good for her at first, but now they were only wearing her down. They, too, were tired, however, and Carth expected them to return to the Ebon Hawk before long to rest for the evening.

Carth stood slowly and wandered back into the living room. Revan was still sitting on the floor, watching the others quietly. Canderous was seated on the chair beside her, speaking to her every so often. Kalen and Atton were playing pazaak on one of the tables nearby. The Disciple, Mira, Seré, Bao-Dur, and the Miraluka, Visas Marr, were all seated in a small group, talking. Clearly the party was winding down.

Carth watched Revan from the doorway, a small smile playing on his face as she fiddled with the laces of her boots. She was such an adorable girl.

Kalen happened to look up and see Carth watching Revan. She grinned faintly at him and Atton looked up to see what she was smiling about. He smiled, too, and whispered something to Kalen. She nodded and stood up.

"Maybe we ought to go back to the Ebon Hawk and get some dinner and some sleep. It's been a long day, and a long few months, really, and I could certainly use the rest." Kalen said loudly.

All of the others looked up at Kalen and nodded. "Sure. Let's get some sleep." Mira said, yawning. The entire group rose basically as a whole and began to gather themselves so they could leave.

Revan rose and walked over and hugged Kalen. Next she hugged Atton, and then Canderous. She carefully shook the hands of the others and then went and stood back by the chairs, out of the way.

Everyone but Seré walked over and stood in front of the door. "Bye!" "See you tomorrow!" "Talk to you later!" They chimed, and then they were gone.

Seré walked over to Carth and stood before him for several seconds, waiting. He said nothing, so finally she said, " Would you like me to stay the evening or shall I come back tomorrow?"

Carth frowned. He didn't really want her there at all, but he didn't think he could really tell her that. "Tomorrow is fine." He finally replied.

The girl looked hurt but she turned and left after a few seconds wandering around the apartment pouting and pretending to look for her things.

"Tired?" Carth asked Revan.

"Yes. And kind of cold." She replied. She rubbed one of her arms absently.

Carth frowned. "Are you in too much pain?" He asked. He'd been worried about that all day.

"Not too much." She answered, yawning. When the yawn was over, she furrowed her brows. "One night of sleep and I'm addicted."

"It's alright. You can sleep again tonight." He told her. "Would you like to get a bath first? I can take one when you've finished."

Revan nodded and turned away towards the bathroom with a muttered 'thank you'.

Alexis emerged from the shower in another one of Carth's shirts. He'd disappeared to take a shower as well so Alexis wandered the apartment quickly, checking for intruders.

She was still worried, but she felt a bit more confident about her surroundings than she had the previous evening. She now knew where everything was and all of the places in which someone could hide.

Periodically throughout the day she had wandered the apartment, searching for potential threats. She knew that most of the company had noticed, but had said nothing.

She'd had fun that day, the most she'd had since she was a very young girl, despite the fact that she was tired and weak. The only dark spots had been her searches.

It wasn't the idea of finding intruders that had been the most upsetting, either. It had been the idea that were she to find one, she would be too weak to take care of the threat herself. Even now she was worried about this. What if Carth needed her and she was too pathetic to help him? She pushed these thoughts aside as quickly as they came, for they were dangerous to her peace of mind.

There were far more interesting things for Alexis to think about. She settled herself in the middle of Carth's bed after her search and started to ponder the day in earnest.

It was clear to Alexis that Kalen was in love. It was very dangerous for Jedi to love, as she well knew, but she was happy for her friend. It was too bad that two of the men in her party loved her, but she could only love one of them in return. It appeared to Alexis that Kalen was very taken with Atton Rand, and Alexis couldn't be happier for them. Both of them deserved it.

It was also clear that the Disciple was in love with Kalen. Alexis thought that perhaps his love was something more akin to hero worship than true love, however, and was glad that Kalen did not love him in return. Atton seemed to love her for who she was, though she clearly did not yet know that she even loved him, much less that he loved her.

Atton was a different story. He appeared to be fully aware that he was in love with Kalen and that she loved him back. He was just biding his time, waiting for her to realize that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. It was very sweet, really.

Alexis heard Carth emerge from the bathroom and glanced up in time to see him walk into the room. He was wearing nothing but soft pajama pants. His hair was wet and his chest was bare, revealing heavily defined muscles. His torso was mostly smooth except for a few softly curling dark hairs to which a few water droplets clung. He had a towel draped over one of his shoulders. It was clear that the last four years had not softened him in any way.

Alexis felt strange as she watched him and she shook her head, confused by the warm, tingly sensation coursing through her. Carth seemed entirely unaware as he continued into the room, reaching up to towel at his hair.

"I thought-" He began, but just then they heard a pounding at the door. Carth turned and trod from the room, Alexis hot on his heels. Carth had scooped up his blaster and Alexis had pulled her lightsaber, each preparing for the worst.

What they actually found when they answered the door startled them. Kalen and Mira stood in the doorway, each holding a parcel of clothing. "Hi…" Kalen said awkwardly, eyeing Carth and Alexis oddly.

Alexis realized that what they were wearing was oddly suggestive, as Carth had no shirt and she appeared to be wearing his missing shirt and she had no pants… She immediately blushed, only making the situation more uncomfortable.

"We brought by some Jedi robes that we had on board the ship that we thought might fit you." Mira said bravely.

Alexis nodded. "Thank you." She answered.

"If they don't fit, you can always have them altered." Kalen added. "Anyway, they're yours to keep."

"Maybe we should get going." Mira said, catching Kalen's arm.

Kalen nodded. "Yeah. Bye guys." She said, turning away. She turned back suddenly, grinning mischievously. "Have a good night." She added with a laugh.

Carth shut the door with a resounding thud. He hadn't said anything during the entire encounter. He turned to Alexis and smiled at her.

Alexis erupted into embarrassed laughter. "Gee, I wonder what that looked like." Alexis said, smiling.

He started to laugh too and soon the pair of them were collapsed on the couch, laughing uncontrollably. "Did you see the look on their faces?" Carth asked between laughs.

"Yes! I thought Kalen's eyes were going to pop out of her head…" Alexis replied. She was slowly regaining her composure. It had been hard. She had been laughing so hard that she was near tears.

"It'll be interesting to explain this tomorrow." Carth said, finally catching his breath.

"Who says we have to explain? Let them think what they want. They will anyway." Alexis told him, sitting up on the edge of the couch.

Carth chuckled again. "I'm sure they will." He watched her for a few seconds and Alexis began to feel uncomfortable. He did not blink or shift his gaze for a very long time. He was always looking at her…

"Carth… What are you staring at?" She asked him quietly. She was almost afraid of the answer.

Carth seemed to shake off his stupor when she spoke his name. He shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry." He smiled at her.

Alexis stood up slowly and held out her hand to him. "Let's go get some sleep, Admiral." She said.

Carth took her hand and allowed himself to be led down the hall, walking very closely behind her.

A few minutes later, in the darkness of Carth's bedroom, the two of them lay on opposite sides of the bed, attempting to sleep. Alexis found herself unable to do so, no matter how tired she was. Something was missing.

It was Carth who solved the problem for her. "Revan…" He whispered. When she shifted to look over her shoulder at him, he spoke again. "Come over here." He said.

Alexis smiled slightly and rolled across the bed to Carth's side. He was lying on his back and he raised the arm closest to her. Alexis did not touch him immediately.

"It's okay…" He whispered soothingly. He reached out and touched her hair gently, curling a few of the long strands around one of his fingers.

Alexis gave in and pulled herself to his side. She stretched her entire body against the side of his and rested her head on his shoulder. She splayed one hand cautiously across the center of his chest. Carth placed his hand on top of hers and curled his fingers around it.

Alexis could not resist making a silly comment to lighten the mood. "I hope I don't drool…" She told him.

Carth chuckled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "It's fine if you do. I'm fairly sure that I snore."

Alexis did not answer, she merely closed her eyes. Remarkably, though sleep had seemed unattainable only a few minutes before, Alexis was sound asleep within two minutes of curling up against Carth.


	6. Chapter 6

Carth awoke the following morning to find a fully awake Revan still resting against his chest. She appeared to be thinking about something and was unaware that he had awoken as well. Her eyes occasionally scanned the room, constantly surveying her surroundings.

"Revan?" He said quietly, and she jerked back slightly. It was still dark in the room, as it was before sunrise.

Revan turned her eyes up to his face. "I didn't know you were awake." She replied, turning over the hand on his chest so that his palm rested on top of hers.

Carth squeezed her hand. "I just woke up." He answered.

Revan shut her eyes for a moment and Carth curled his arm around her back. Revan sighed contentedly.

"Have you gotten up to check the apartment?" Carth asked.

"Mmmm… Nope, but you did." Revan said quietly.

Carth had gotten up around an hour earlier and done a quick search of the apartment. He had become almost as obsessive as Revan about the task. "I'm sorry I woke you, then."

"It's okay. I'd been drifting in and out of sleep for some time." Revan answered.

Carth smiled and shut his eyes, gently rubbing his hand across the small of Revan's back.

Half an hour later, Alexis finally forced herself to get out of bed. Despite all the time they had wasted, it was still dark out. Carth had risen with her, declaring that he would cook her the best breakfast that she would ever have.

He was standing in the kitchen, bare-chested, cooking something that smelled absolutely wonderful, even to Alexis's weak stomach. His feet were bare and his hair was mussed. He looked so domestic, so utterly adorable, that Alexis found herself standing in the doorway, simply staring at him. He hadn't seen her, and she was enjoying the moment.

Alexis's fingers itched with the urge to run her fingers through Carth's hair. She was truly having a hard time keeping her impulses in check. She held on to the doorframe, twisting one of her bare feet around on the hard floor. Carth was humming quietly and muttering to himself every so often about what he needed to do next. He seemed absorbed in his task.

Alexis walked across the kitchen to his side. He didn't see her immediately, and when he finally did notice her, he set down the dish he was holding and folded her in his arms. "Hello," he said. He pulled back and looked down at the large t-shirt she was still wearing and chuckled slightly. "I thought you were going to brush your teeth and change a few minutes ago."

Alexis shrugged slightly. "Well, I did brush my teeth, but I didn't manage to change clothes. I guess I'm still feeling a little lazy."

"A Jedi feeling lazy?" He exclaimed as he returned to the task at hand. "Unheard of!"

Alexis laughed and stepped away. She leapt up onto his countertop and crossed her legs, grinning the whole time. She watched as Carth finished cooking the meal. When he was done, he walked over and stood beside her, resting one hand on her knee.

In the other hand, Carth held a plate with some strange concoction upon its surface. He settled it down on his other side and scooped up a mouthful onto a fork.

Carth held out the fork to Alexis, who carefully took a bite. She hadn't even asked what it was and was surprised when she recognized the food. "It's some sort of egg omelet, isn't it?" She asked after she swallowed.

"Yes. Do you like it?" He asked in return. He watched her face as he took a bite of the omelet for himself.

"It's excellent." She replied. Together, they finished breakfast and went and sat in the living area together to play pazaak.

An hour or so later, the sun had risen and Carth watched as Revan sat cross-legged in the middle of his floor, dubiously eyeing the three sets of Jedi robes Kalen had presented her with the previous evening. All of them would be far too large for her. Carth could see that, but Revan kept absently turning them in her hands, weighing the material and carefully studying the stitching.

Carth was smiling slightly at her, feeling foolishly happy for some reason. It felt so right having Revan in his home, even though they had been apart for so long. She fit into his life so neatly… more so than his first family ever had. He always felt a pang of guilt when thoughts like this surfaced, and yet it was true.

Carth's first wife, Morgana, whom he had loved dearly, had been a sweet girl, stubborn to a fault, and very lovely. She had been tall, Carth remembered, and curvy, with bright, shining eyes and a sharp mind. He had always felt that something was missing when they were together. It was as if one or both of them lacked some essential component of compatibility that would have solidified their marriage.

Morgana had immediately wanted to settle down and start a family, Carth had not. She had wanted to stay home and care for the baby; Carth had wanted to see the galaxy. They had grown apart as Dustil grew up, and when she had died, Carth had felt that he barely knew her any longer.

She had begged Carth more than once to stay home with her, give her another son and let the Republic take care of itself. Carth regretted not at least giving it a shot. Perhaps if he had stayed home on Telos where he had belonged, he might have been able to save her life. But then he would never have met Revan.

He always felt so conflicted when he compared the two, as if his wife was still alive and he was cheating on her. He had to concede though that Revan completed him in a way his wife never had, and he didn't even know if she loved him. It was as if she were a missing part of his soul…

Carth almost wished that he had met Revan first, before he had met his wife. If they had married… but Revan had been very young when he had first married Morgana. Merely a Padawan under the tutelage of Jedi Master Kae, she had been far beyond his reach. Perhaps it was better that they had not. Perhaps things were this way for a reason. Perhaps because of the Force. Carth's heart ached for a moment with an acute sort of pain, pain for the past and for the present, and he looked away from Revan, his expression troubled.

Carth shut his eyes and listened to Revan's soft breathing and the quiet rustle of material. He let his mind wander away from the dark subjects he had been pondering and into the future. He thought of Revan, he thought of her restoring the Republic, he thought of him at her side. He thought of the rebuilding of the Jedi Order, of Kalen Valirra, and of her companions. He even thought of Telos, once again teeming with life…

Alexis lowered the very large robes she had been handling and turned to watch Carth. His eyes were closed and his breathing was even. When she closed her eyes, she could hear the steady rhythm of his heart. He had been silent for some time and Alexis had no desire to disturb him.

She rose as quietly as her weak body would allow and took two steps towards the door. She felt Carth's eyes open and he smiled at her. "Tired of playing with your new clothes?" He asked.

"Actually, someone's at the door. I'm fairly certain it's Seré, but there's something about that door… I can't sense much of anything through it." Alexis said.

"I'll answer it." Carth replied, standing up. He followed her over to the door and opened it before the girl could knock.

"Early again, Seré?" Alexis said quietly. The tall girl stepped inside and shut the door behind her without responding.

"Carth, I've taken a vacation from work for a few days as well. I told them that it was much easier for me to be gone when you weren't there to need my help. They agreed." Seré said, ignoring Alexis's presence completely.

Carth nodded once. "Fine." He said nothing more but instead made his way back to his seat, picking up one of Revan's new robes as he passed. He flopped back onto the couch and held the thing up, frowning. "I'll bet I could fit three of you in here." He said softly.

Alexis shrugged and leaned up against the wall. He was behaving a bit strangely. She pretended not to notice, however, and watched as Seré lowered herself carefully onto a nearby chair. Alexis was growing tired of the girl. Despite all of the control she had over her emotions, Seré was beginning to irk her a bit. First, the girl's well-aimed barbs had startled her. Then, the pain had set in. Now, they only served to make her fed up with the entire situation. "I only need them for patterns, really. All I need is someone we can trust to make Jedi robes discreetly."

Carth did not answer. He settled the robes on the arm of the couch and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. He simply stared at her, his posture and expression relaxed but his eyes intense. He appeared to be thinking very hard about something while idly staring at her.

Alexis looked down, uncomfortable. Why was he being so odd? Had she done something wrong this morning without knowing it? She glanced down at her body, eyeing her clothes and the way she was standing. Nothing appeared to be out of the ordinary, at least that she could see.

He continued to stare and Alexis shut her eyes to block him out. She sank slowly to the floor, still leaning against the wall, and drew her knees up to her chest. This brought a brief spasm of pain, causing her to draw in her breath sharply. Her body still hurt so much. She was much too thin and weak and food made her feel ill. She was, however, no longer dehydrated, and that had eased some of the soreness in her muscles. The pains of her body were not the pains bothering her the most. It was the emotional hurts that she was afraid would never heal.

Ever since she had rediscovered her identity as Revan, Alexis had harbored deep-seated feelings of guilt and shame. She was usually easily able to force them away because of her training as a Jedi, but lately it had not been quite so simple. More and more often she found herself dwelling on the terrible things she remembered doing in her past.

It was strange the way she remembered things she had done when she was Darth Revan. It was as if she had only been a witness, not actually involved. She always watched herself as a third party, never from the Sith Lord's eyes. The memories were vague, too, as if she had been in some sort of pain-filled fog. She could quite clearly remember her childhood now, and everything leading up to the Mandalorian Wars, but anything after that was only an impression.

Alexis looked back up at the door. Someone else was there. She shut her eyes for a moment and tried to force her perceptions through the door. It was resistant, but she was easily able to pick up on the familiar person on the other side. It was Kalen.

Instead of telling Carth, Alexis rose and opened the door. Carth and Seré watched curiously as Kalen entered the room without a word. Her expression was pained and she looked rather melancholy. She was dressed in a tunic and leggings, not her Jedi robes.

"Lexi… can we talk?" She said without pause. She turned her soft blue eyes on Alexis and stared.

Alexis was perplexed. Something was obviously wrong. "Sure. Carth, is there somewhere Kalen and I can talk?" She took Kalen's hand gently.

"Of course. Use the bedroom. It's quiet back there." Carth replied, perplexed.

Without a word, Alexis led Kalen out of the room and into Carth's bedroom. They each took a seat on the bed, facing one another. Kalen was fidgeting nervously and did not speak immediately.

Finally, after a pregnant pause, Alexis broke the silence. "You're worried about the Order, aren't you?"

"You always were able to read me like a book." Kalen said with a wry smile. The smile faded as quickly as it came. She was quiet for some time before she spoke again. "What do you know about the True Sith?"

"Traya told you, didn't she?" Alexis asked in return.

"She mentioned something to that effect, yes." Kalen said uneasily.

"The True Sith have always been, and will always be. No matter what Traya told you, the Sith can't be destroyed. The True Sith are those that lurk in the shadows, preserving the Sith traditions and training new Dark Lords. They are the Sith archivists… historians of destruction. Traya was well on her way to joining them." Alexis said. She was unsure why Kalen found all of this important.

"So, the Sith will never fade from existence. There will always be Sith." Kalen said with certainty.

"Yes…" Alexis said. Where was the girl going with this?

"Then the Jedi shouldn't either." Kalen told her with conviction. Kalen had been looking down but suddenly, her eyes jerked up and met Alexis's. They bored into her and Alexis had to fight the urge to look away.

"I- I don't see where you're going with this…" Alexis said. She was lying; she certainly did. Kalen was asking her not only to save the Republic, but to save the Jedi as well.

"Don't lie to me, Alexis. I've never met a Jedi who could lie with a straight face." Kalen said.

Alexis felt Kalen's hand on her shoulder. "Isn't the Republic enough? I'm only one woman! How can you ask me to save the Republic and the Jedi? How can I rebuild both? I'm not strong enough to shoulder it all. I barely have enough strength to keep myself alive."

"Then let me help you. And Carth. And Atton. And Disciple. And Mira. And all the rest. Let us help you, Lexi." Her words tumbled out, mixing together in her excitement.

"Why do you need me? Can't you do it alone?" Alexis whispered softly. She was nothing. Not a Jedi, not a Sith, not a woman, not a girl, not a hero, not a villain, not Alexis, not Revan. She was nothing, but she was everything in between. "Why me?" She said brokenly.

"Because you've been through it all. You were once everything that was right and good in this galaxy. You fell, a distortion of what you once were, corrupted by fear and circumstances beyond your control. You stepped back into the light, bruised and beaten, but wiser than before. You're what the Republic needs because you ARE the Republic. Once a great institution, corrupted by the fear and greed of man. The Republic needs YOU to lead it back into the light. As does the Jedi Order. Fix what you've broken, Revan. Drag us all back into the light." Fire shimmered in Kalen's eyes. Righteous fire.

Alexis was trembling as she brushed a lock of her hair out of her face. Within the space of five minutes, everything had changed. How could Kalen expect her to lead the galaxy back into the light when half of the time she felt as if she trod in the gray area between light and dark?

How could Kalen believe she was what the galaxy needed when she had been its destroyer in the first place? How could she, a fallen Jedi Knight and former Sith Lord, tell the Republic it was corrupt without sounding like the ultimate hypocrite? Why did the full weight of the Republic's fate rest upon her slender shoulders?

Alexis's mind raced as Kalen's words danced around in her mind. She needed to settle down, to find her center, to think rationally, but she couldn't. Her thoughts were chaos.

Alexis looked into Kalen's eyes, her own stinging with unshed tears. "I can't." She said hoarsely.

Kalen gave her a small, tight smile. Her expression was encouraging. "As long as you're not alone, you can."

"What if I fall again?" Alexis whispered. The darkness was now her greatest fear. The irony was that fear was a part of the darkness…

"You won't. There is nothing left for you in the dark. Everything worth living for is in the light, Alexis. You won't fall again."

Alexis stifled a sob. "Kalen, are you sure? What if you're wrong? What if I'm wrong?"

"I'm not wrong. You are hope. You're purpose. You're everything the Republic needs… everything the Jedi need… and more."

With a soft gasp, Alexis buried her face in her hands and cried for the first time in her life.

Carth was getting tired of answering the door. Kalen's companions had trickled in slowly, one by one, arriving all in their own good time. They were all silent, as if they already knew something important were happening in Carth's apartment.

Atton was seated alone, shuffling a deck of pazaak cards. Visas and Mira sat together on the couch, holding hands. The Disciple, or Mical, or whatever the blonde boy's name was, was pacing along the front of the apartment in front of Bao-Dur. Canderous was sitting next to Seré, who looked as if she were frightened out of her wits. Carth himself stood in the doorway between the living area and kitchen, leaning against the wall.

The air felt heavy with emotion, even though he certainly didn't know why. Weren't most of these people Jedi? Shouldn't emotion have been the last thing clouding the room? And yet… these weren't the type of Jedi he was used to.

These Jedi were all more like Revan, except perhaps the Disciple. They all seemed to be more self-aware than any other Jedi he had ever met. They were more in touch with their own feelings and acutely aware of the feelings of those around them. They weren't indifferent. They were warmer somehow, more vulnerable.

It almost frightened Carth to see Jedi such as these. These Jedi weren't trained warriors who ran like machines. They were people as well as Jedi, not droids like the Jedi of the past. These Jedi were human. These Jedi were real.

Carth was surprised when Kalen walked out alone, a weary grin on her face. She stopped in the center of the room, her eyes dancing merrily. "It's done," she told them all frankly.

It appeared that he and Seré were the only ones who did not understand. The faces of everyone else in the room lit up spectacularly. Atton put away his pazaak deck and Mical stopped pacing. Visas and Mira rose in unison, wearing identical grins. Mandalore chuckled and muttered something about knowing it from the start.

"You think I can go talk to her now?" Atton asked Kalen, shoving his deck of cards into one of the pockets of the jacket he now wore instead of Jedi robes.

Kalen nodded at him. "Be gentle. She's still in shock."

Atton gave her a slightly lecherous grin. "Aww, come one. I'd never hurt a lady."

Carth frowned but said nothing as Atton disappeared. "Would someone please tell me what's going on?"

Kalen turned on him, her hands on her hips. "I've just single-handedly saved the Jedi and the Republic," she said, buffing her nails on he front of her tunic and smiling.

"Yeah? How'd you manage that?" Carth asked her skeptically. Had everyone else in the room gone mad?

"I convinced Alexis that they needed her to save them."


	7. Chapter 7

Alexis was drying her eyes when Atton walked into the room. He shut the door carefully behind him and sprawled out on the bed beside her, making himself comfortable.

"Are you here expecting to celebrate?" Alexis asked him with a sniffle. He didn't reply.

Alexis continued to dab at her eyes, trying to catch her breath. She wasn't sure why she'd cried. It hadn't helped the situation any and losing control over her emotions made her feel weak and useless. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, but it was unwelcome nonetheless.

"I had forgotten that Kalen was so wise." Alexis said quietly. It was true. She had remembered Kalen being an impulsive youth, much like she herself had been. Had Kalen always been so… together?

Atton still said nothing. Alexis sighed and collapsed onto the bed beside him and shut her eyes. "Would you stop counting? You're practically shouting numbers and it's about to make me crazy."

That brought a chuckle. "Can't figure out what I'm thinking?"

"I really don't want to know. Actually, you're projecting your surface thoughts so loudly that T3 could probably read them." Alexis told him. "What are you trying to keep her from finding out?"

"She knows everything worth knowing," Atton muttered.

"No she doesn't, or you wouldn't be shouting numbers at me for all you were worth. What, are you two so close that you can't stay out of one another's minds, even when you try?"

"Please, spare me. You can obviously already see what's going on."

"I just want to hear you say it." Alexis said. So, why didn't Atton want Kalen to know that he loved her?

"You remember me… from during the wars, don't you?" Atton asked her shrewdly.

Alexis's eyes popped open. "I do."

"And you know about… the things that I did. How good I was at killing Jedi."

"I do."

"And you know that I... enjoyed it?"

"I do."

"Would you stop saying I do? Space! It's sounds like we're getting married." Atton said crossly.

"Hearing wedding bells in your future?" Alexis asked with a soft laugh.

"I'm trying to be serious here and you're laughing at me!" Atton practically shouted.

"Easy, Atton. I'm only teasing you. Go ahead and finish what you were saying." Alexis said. This conversation with Atton was making her feel better somehow.

"She deserves someone better than me; someone who didn't like killing; someone who didn't murder the last woman he loved."

"Then let her go." Alexis said quietly. She knew she was pushing him, but someone had to.

"I can't. That's just it. I can't let her go. I want your help. Please, help me protect her from… well… me."

"I don't think that Kalen wants that kind of protection, Atton. I think she'd much rather have you."

"I don't deserve her! I'm a murderer. I'm a monster! Why in the Force does she want me?"

"Everyone can be redeemed, Atton. Look at me. Think of what I once was. Now… now you all want me to save the Republic, to save the Jedi. I don't deserve a second chance. But here I am. I'm getting it. The Force works in mysterious ways. Maybe things are the way they are for a reason."

"Don't spout your Jedi nonsense at me, Revan!" Atton sputtered in frustration.

Alexis extended her hand slowly to his belt and unclipped his lightsaber and held it in front of his face. "It's your nonsense too, Atton." She said quietly.

He snatched his lightsaber and hooked it back in place. "Only because of her. Only to protect her," he said.

"Atton, I'm going to tell you something in the strictest confidence. If I find that you have repeated it to anyone, I'll… steal you're favorite jacket and tear it to shreds."

"Nice threat," he muttered under his breath.

"Look, I don't have to tell you anything."

"Oh, go ahead. You know it'll make you happy," the sarcasm was thick on his voice.

"Love doesn't have to lead her to the dark side. Love can save just as quickly as it can damn. Just ask her. Just ask me." And now Atton knew. He knew that she loved Carth. She wondered if they all knew.

"I know you love _him_, Revan. But you haven't acted on it, have you? That's what I want. I want to be able to leave her alone. To hide my feelings, to protect her and myself." Atton sounded a little angry.

"Don't use me as an example. I have to fight it every day. It's harder than you'll ever know."

"She's a Jedi, Revan. Jedi aren't supposed to love."

"She's an Exile. None of us are Jedi. Not really. Give her a chance, Atton. Let her tell you why you're worth her love."

"You know she's never said it… She may not love me at all."

"You wouldn't be so worried about it if you didn't already know. You two have to fight to stay out of each other's heads. Just let go. Two can be stronger than one."

"When are you going to follow your own advice?"

"Do as I say, Atton, not as I do."

"Can I call you mummy?" Atton asked, grinning sardonically.

"I'm younger than you. Much too young to be your mother."

"Then stop acting like her."

"Oh, get out, you rat!" Alexis growled, mockingly preparing to throw a pillow at him.

Atton hopped off of the bed and began to back away, his hands held in the air as if she had a blaster pointed at his chest.

Atton stopped at the door and looked back at her. "I'll think about what you've said."

"Hey, Atton."

"Yeah?"

"Looks like I've gotten started."

"Started what?"

"Saving the galaxy, one lovesick boy at a time."

"There's one in the living room who's been in pain a lot longer than I have. Maybe you should get to work on him next." And with that, Atton was gone.

Alexis fell back onto the mattress and stared at the door. It had been a strange morning. She and Atton Rand barely knew one another, yet he'd spilled his guts as if they'd been friends for years. Perhaps their bond went deeper than she had previously thought. It was a bond of shared pain and regret.

She and Atton Rand were more alike than she'd ever considered. They were former Sith, dealing with their past failings in the only way they knew how: by aiding their betters. Alexis had attached herself to Carth and Atton to Kalen. In Atton, Alexis found a kindred spirit. If things turned out well, they might even become friends. She certainly hoped so. She'd had precious few of those in her life and most of them were dead.

The closest friend Alexis had ever had was Malak, and that relationship certainly hadn't turned out well. Next was Bastila, and Bastila was lost to her forever. Juhani and Jolee, they were both long gone. Mission was living on Kashyyyk with Zaalbarr and Alexis hadn't seen them in five years. She and Kalen had only been distant friends, not close enough to remain in contact during the Mandalorian Wars. She looked forward to building real relationships with Kalen, Atton, and all of the others, of course, but she knew that her only real friend was Carth. Even he was not truly her friend. He was so much more…

She was such a hypocrite, giving Atton advice that she couldn't bring herself to follow. She just couldn't… wouldn't give in to her emotions again. Part of the reason she'd fallen was that she'd fancied herself in love with Malak.

When she'd realized the truth, that she didn't love him, she had finally been broken and began to travel long path to the dark side. Oh, that wasn't the only reason, but it had always been a factor. And her lack of emotion where Malak was concerned was the reason he had turned on her and attacked her ship, allowing the Jedi to capture her.

She knew, of course, that her love for Carth was nothing like her love for Malak. For starters, she knew that her love for Carth was real. But did that make any difference in the effect love could have on her? She wasn't sure. And she didn't want to test it… and yet it was so tempting, to give in: to throw caution to the wind and tell Carth just how she felt.

If she did, was all hope for the Republic lost? Could the Jedi be rebuilt under a woman who couldn't even follow one of the most basic tenets of the Jedi Code? Maybe that didn't matter. Maybe she didn't have to act like a Jedi to train Jedi.

Frivolous dreams, at least for now. She was barely well enough to kill a single Sith Assassin. Whether or not she could train students was not even relevant yet.

It was curious, though, to think about how she would go about training Jedi. They would have to know almost immediately that she was no Jedi, that she never would be again. Would loving be so wrong for someone who was already an ex-Jedi? Would students obey a master who did not obey her own rules? It was hard to say.

Alexis mentally shook herself. It didn't matter yet. All that mattered was getting her ready to step back into the public eye… to groom her into the rallying figurehead she was about to become.

It had been two weeks since Carth had seen Revan. It shouldn't have mattered after the years that they had spent apart, but it did. They even remained in contact via comlink. It wasn't as if they were completely apart. They were still on the same planet. He missed her, nonetheless.

On the very same day that Revan had agreed to step forward and help the Republic, Kalen had packed her away to the Jedi Academy in Telos' polar region for what the two young Jedi had referred to as "intense retraining". All of Kalen's party had disappeared with them.

Carth had gone back to work the following day, throwing himself back into the bureaucratic nonsense that was the Telos Restoration Project. Telos had to be repaired or the Republic wouldn't try to save another Outer Rim world. The project couldn't fail.

Though Citadel Station had a new fuel source and there had been very little damage done to the station during the last battle with the Sith, there were still a lot of problems. Czerka was a constant concern, as were the mercenaries and pirates inhabiting some of the shield zones on the planet's surface.

Carth stared at the report he was trying to read, rubbing his head with a free hand. He still didn't have the hang of reading Ithorian. He certainly couldn't speak it. His only hope was either to get Revan to teach it to him or to find some sort of translator. Revan was busy, however, so it looked like he was going to have to find someone or something to help him finish reading the report from Chodo Habat, the Ithorian leader on Telos.

Carth almost missed the Sojourn at times like this. The starship had taken off again only days after docking at Citadel Station under a different commander to give Carth a break. He knew that it was really so that he could remain on Telos and work on the Restoration Project, but no one in the Republic said quite what they meant anymore.

Carth glanced out of his window and saw that once again, he had worked past dark. He stood slowly, tossing the report back onto his desk as he did so. He wandered out of his office quickly and into the office of his secretary. She was still sitting behind her desk, working at her computer diligently. Lately she had been working late every time Carth did. It was getting a bit strange.

"Working late again, Seré?" Carth asked, stifling a yawn.

The girl looked up and flashed him a dazzling smile. "Of course! You don't think I'd leave while my boss was still here, do you?" She batted her eyelashes at him with an expression of wide-eyed innocence. Carth didn't think she had the intelligence of a Gamorrean raider.

"Well, I'm leaving." Carth said, trying his hardest to be polite. It was difficult, to say the least, when he was so frustrated. Revan, Telos, the Republic: everything weighed heavily on Carth's mind and there was nothing that he could do about any of them.

"Will you walk me to my apartment? I hate walking through the Citadel alone at night. I don't feel safe." She continued to bat her eyes. Carth wondered if that ever became painful. Perhaps it would cause an epileptic seizure if she just kept at it…

He could see no way out of it. He'd have to walk her home. He groaned mentally. "Sure. Get your things and let's go."

When Seré was ready, Carth took her by the arm and marched her all the way to her apartment at a steady clip, ignoring all of her attempts at conversation. By the end of the trip, after he refused her invitation to come into her apartment, Seré looked surly and Carth felt like shooting the next thing he saw with his blaster.


	8. Chapter 8

Alexis collapsed onto the ground, laughing at the wounded expression on Atton Rand's face. It seemed she might have hurt his "man feelings" as Carth would have put it. "Don't have any muscle to bruise, do I?" He growled. He was rubbing the center of his chest where she had kicked him when they were sparring, looking pained.

Alexis continued to giggle. "I'll bet that there isn't a single muscle on you." Oh she loved how easy it was to tease this guy.

Atton turned on her and shrugged of his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt. "I'll show you." He muttered.

Alexis laughed even harder, twisting on the floor and holding her stomach. He redoubled his efforts, finally shrugging out of his shirt and staring defiantly down at her. His torso was just as heavily muscled as she'd known it would be, but it was so much fun to mess with Atton's mind that she couldn't resist joking about how lean he looked.

"Pppffttt. That's nothing." She continued to laugh and Atton looked as if he were about to explode.

The exile chose that moment to walk in. She surveyed the scene, Atton half dressed and clutching his extinguished lightsaber, Alexis on the floor, laughing hysterically, her lightsaber more than ten feet away, and she stared at them for a moment.

Atton looked slightly ashamed but Alexis just couldn't stop laughing. "He took off his shirt when I told him he didn't have any muscle for me to injure." She gasped between laughs.

Kalen grinned down at her and Atton said, "She kicked me in the chest!" He still sounded offended.

Kalen was silent for several seconds and it appeared to have dawned on Atton that she might be angry. He was staring at her apprehensively while Alexis tried to catch her breath. "Don't kick his ass, Lexi. He might take off his pants."

Alexis erupted into fresh gales of laughter and Atton gathered up his clothes and what remained of his pride and fled the room. Kalen waited until Alexis was able to sit up, breathing heavily and wiping tears from her eyes, before she spoke again. "You seem to be feeling better." Kalen was still smiling at her.

"I haven't felt this good in years… I guess having a real purpose makes all the difference." Alexis said. It was true. She hadn't felt so wonderful since she had been with Carth and Bastila during the Jedi Civil War, before they had known she was Revan.

"I happen to think that it's opening yourself back up to people that's making you feel so great. Especially Carth." Kalen said quietly. She looked suddenly sober.

"Carth's not even here." Alexis said quickly. Why was everyone seeing through her lately? Was she that transparent?

"No, but you wouldn't be acting this way if it weren't for him. You're happy again." Kalen's eyes bored into her for several seconds before she changed the subject. "You look so much healthier. In two weeks you've gained back enough weight that you don't look sick and your muscle mass must have doubled."

"You think I'm fat?" Alexis asked with a feigned gasp.

"Everything funny today?"

"Mostly."

"When do you want to go back?"

"I'm ready whenever you are. I think we've found everything here that will be useful. Certainly enough white Jedi robes to last a lifetime."

Kalen looked at the too large white robes Alexis had on. "White's certainly not your color, is it?" She asked.

Alexis tried to control herself, but it slipped out… "No, black is."

Kalen shook her head. "Force, Alexis… you shouldn't joke about things like that."

"I'm not joking! Look at my hair! What other color could I wear? Sheesh… just being honest and the Jedi girl goes for my throat… thought those Jedi people were supposed to be nicer than that…Can't trust 'em… Scourge of the galaxy…" Alexis muttered under her breath.

Kalen laughed again. "I can't do anything with you. Have you gotten into Atton's juma? Maybe found a stash of spice?"

"I would never poison my body that way," Alexis said half seriously, laying her hand over her heart. In truth, she didn't know why she felt so chipper either. Maybe it was just her way of dealing with the pressure that had so recently been placed upon her.

"How about we go back to Citadel Station right now? I can't think of anything else we need to do here. I know it's late but it certainly doesn't look like you'll be getting any sleep tonight and I know I'm not tired." Kalen said, offering Alexis her hand.

Alexis took it and rose to her feet. "What about everyone else? You can't tell me that Bao-Dur, Visas, and Mical aren't already in bed. I know that they've been asleep for at least an hour."

Kalen shrugged. "Then they've had all the rest they need. Jedi have to be able to live on very little sleep. We'll call it a training exercise."

"Oh, you are a cruel task master. Come, sister, let us wake the children." Alexis linked her arm with Kalen's and they marched off to gather everyone.

Kalen and Alexis emerged from the _Ebon Hawk_ around three hours later. It was very late and Citadel Station looked deserted. The only people Alexis could see were two TSF officers patrolling the halls of the docking module. It wasn't quiet, however. The party inside the nearby cantina appeared to still be in full swing.

"Hey, Lexi, you… wouldn't like to drop into the cantina would you? I don't want to go back onto the ship just yet."

"Any particular reason?" Alexis asked. Kalen seemed a bit strained and Alexis didn't know why.

"Ah… not really," Kalen replied evasively.

Alexis shrugged. "I don't mind. We'll have to disguise me a bit, though."

"That's true. You look a bit too much like a Jedi, even when you're wearing a tunic and leggings. We'll have to do something about that." Kalen was eyeing Alexis speculatively.

Before the Jedi Civil War, no one had known quite what Alexis had looked like. During the wars, she'd taken to wearing a mask and heavy robe to disguise herself and perhaps make herself look a little bit more formidable. At the end of the Jedi Civil War, when she had been turned back to the light, no one had recognized her as Revan because no one could remember what Revan had looked like beneath the mask. When she had defeated Malak, however, they had paraded her around the Republic and now practically everyone knew exactly who she was.

"Let's talk to Mira. I'll bet she'll help us out." Alexis said. She was feeling a little excited. She hadn't been out in ages…

Another half an hour passed before they were finally ready. Mira had decided to join them, dressed in her old bounty hunter attire. She looked rather proud of herself. She'd put together Alexis's entire costume.

Alexis was wearing a pair of Mira's old gray leggings that fight surprisingly tightly considered the size difference between the two girls. She had a wide holster slung low on her hips with a wicked looking holdout blaster strapped to each side. She had on her own black knee-boots and a tight white shirt that had once gone underneath a set of Jedi robes. The waist and the sleeves were torn away, revealing Alexis's leanly muscled stomach and shoulders. A long pink scar was clearly visible on one side of her middle. Her hair was pushed away from her face by a thick navy blue headband and it hung down her back in loose ringlets.

Alexis felt a bit foolish. She never dressed this way. She was about as modest as they came. She did look a lot like a bounty hunter, however, and with Mira with them, she almost felt the part. Kalen looked a bit out of place in a loose-fitting flight suit, but she did look like a pilot.

On the short walk to the cantina, Alexis saw both of the TSF officers staring at her. Whether they were worried about her shooting someone or were admiring her costume, Alexis wasn't sure. She was still a little on the skinny side so she chose to think that they were watching to make sure she didn't cause any trouble.

Once inside the cantina, Alexis felt a little better. The people in here were too busy drinking and watching the dancers to notice her. Mira led them to a table and sat down. She pulled out a pazaak deck and tossed it onto the table.

"I didn't know you owned a deck," Alexis said idly, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

"Nicked it off of Atton." Mira replied.

Kalen started when she heard Atton's name and looked up guiltily as the other two girls watched her.

"Hear something you like?" Mira asked slyly. Kalen quickly looked back down.

"Can I get you anything?" a voice suddenly asked. Alexis turned and looked up at the twi'lek girl standing over them. She was very tall for a twi'lek and she was speaking basic, which was odd for a twi'lek.

"A hit of juma for me." Mira said.

"Nothing for me. Dulls my senses." Alexis replied, glancing at Mira in a way that she hoped looked reproachful. It must have worked, because the waitress took a step back as if she expected the pair of them to lunge at one another over the table.

"Juma for me as well." Kalen said softly. She had picked up the deck of cards and was shuffling it idly.

The waitress disappeared as quickly as she had come. "A Jedi that drinks. That's a new one." Mira said.

Kalen nodded, staring at the table. "I learned to drink during the Mandalorian Wars. A General who wouldn't drink with her troops usually didn't win their loyalty."

Alexis stared at the table. She always felt guilty when Kalen talked about the wars. It was her fault the girl had gotten involved in the first place. It was her fault that any Jedi had gotten involved when they did.

"I notice Alexis didn't pick up that habit." Mira said in a deceptively conversational tone.

"I didn't have the time." Alexis said softly. She'd never had the opportunity to spend time alone with her troops. If she wasn't giving speeches to inspire whole groups of them, then she was devising tactics and battle plans with Malak and the Republic commanders.

They were silent for some time. Mira dealt a few hands of pazaak. Kalen won nearly every time. She was very good, or very lucky. It had been ten minutes or so when their drinks arrived and Mira put away the cards.

"How is it that you keep winning?" Mira asked Kalen. Kalen downed her drink in one swallow and looked at the table.

"Can I get another?" Kalen called.

"Make that two. And make it a little quicker than last time." Mira added. She looked back at Kalen, waiting for an answer to her earlier question.

Kalen didn't respond. She was growing more and more despondent with every hand of pazaak. "She practices a lot. She's getting personal lessons from everyone's favorite scoundrel." Alexis answered for her. Once again Alexis wondered what was bothering Kalen. It was probably Atton, but Alexis couldn't be sure.

"Let's not talk about him," Kalen muttered.

Well, that confirmed it. "What's he done now?" Alexis asked before she could stop herself.

"I said I don't want to talk about it." Kalen said firmly. Her drink had arrived and she downed that one just as quickly as she had the last. "Another." She muttered to the waitress.

It was clear that Kalen planned to get drunk. Alexis wasn't sure that that was such a good idea, but she really had no say in the matter. Mira didn't seem to want to stop either. She ordered another drink as well. Alexis resigned herself to being the responsible one.

They continued to drink and play pazaak for well over an hour. Alexis found herself winning more and more hands as they went. It seemed her companions were starting to lose the ability to count.

They were laughing together at something Mira had said when two men sat down at the table. Kalen fixed them with an owlish stare and Mira squinted at the one closest to her.

"Can I help you?" Alexis asked coldly. She hoped she sounded tough, but she couldn't be sure. It was definitely time to get Mira and Kalen out of here. They were attracting too much attention.

"I think your friends are drunk," the taller man said to her. Both of them were kind of scruffy looking. One had on the jacket of a fighter pilot and the other was dressed like a bounty hunter.

Alexis frowned. She wasn't frightened of them, of course. She knew she could easily defend herself and her friends with her blasters or her bare hands if she had to. She would miss her lightsaber, of course, but she could do it. She didn't want to be noticed, however, so she hoped there wouldn't be a fight.

"I think you might be right," Alexis said. Mira had fallen asleep on the table but Kalen appeared to be struggling to sober up. She was failing miserably.

The man in the pilot's jacket leaned a bit closer. "You look familiar to me."

"I get that a lot. Maybe we met on the job, hhhmmm?" Alexis said, leaning back in her seat.

"And what exactly is your job?" He was scrutinizing her body and clothing rather closely. The other man was finishing Mira's last drink, which sat untouched on the table.

"I'm a bounty hunter." Alexis said. She was starting to feel a little nervous. These guys could probably see right through her.

"Looking for work?" The man drawled slowly.

"Nope. I'm taking a vacation. We're leaving for Nar Shadaa in a few days to take a break." Alexis said. She'd never been to Nar Shadaa, at least as far as she remembered, but she knew its reputation.

"Maybe you'd like some company then?" He asked.

"You know, I don't think I caught your name," Alexis replied, trying to decide how best to get rid of her unwelcome guests. She could still see Kalen struggling to stay awake out of the corner of her eye. It seemed that Kalen could hold her alcohol very well for a Jedi.

"I didn't give it to you."

"That would explain it," Alexis watched as the man got even closer to her. She could smell the liquor on his breath. Well, that might mean that his mind was a bit duller than usual…

"So, would you like a bit of company or not?" He asked. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body.

"I think that you'd like to go back and watch the dancers," Alexis said, waving her hand lightly across the table. She hadn't tried to use the Force to persuade anyone to do anything in a very long time.

It seemed to work, though. The man stood. "These girls aren't any fun. Let's go watch the twi'leks dance. Maybe they'll be a bit warmer." The other man, who seemed a bit drunker than his companion, nodded and rose slowly.

The pair stumbled away and Alexis looked over at her companions. She sent her awareness into Kalen's mind first. She gave her the equivalent of a mental slap to shake her from her drunken stupor.

Kalen rubbed at her eyes. "Wake Mira up. I need you two to be able to walk back to your ship. I certainly can't carry you," Alexis told her.

Kalen looked confused for a moment before she realized what was going on. "You do it. Mira won't mind and I'm a bit to dizzy to crawl into anyone else's head."

Alexis shrugged and focused for a second. She was bit more gentle in waking Mira since she wasn't as familiar with her. _:Mira: _She called into the younger girl's mind several times before Mira opened her eyes and looked back at her. "Let's walk back to the _Ebon H_awk."

Mira nodded and they all stood up. Kalen and Mira were a bit shaky on their feet and Alexis took the arm of each and started to lead them out. It took a long time to get them back to the _Hawk_ and into bed. She left them fully clothed and didn't even attempt to help clear out their minds before they slept. They would both have a well-deserved hangover in the morning.

Alexis didn't feel like going to Carth's apartment, so she slid back out into the Citadel. She'd replaced one of the blasters on her hip with her lightsaber. The grip didn't look out of place in the holster. Instead it looked like any other strangely shaped pistol.

Outside of the Station, Alexis could see the sun starting to rise. It had been a long night, but she wasn't tired. She could feel Telos all around her as she hadn't since she first arrived. The planet's pain was seeping into her being. Malak had destroyed Telos and yet Alexis felt guilty all the same. Wihtout her, Malak wouldn't have fallen.

Alexis ambled down one of the corridors, idly fingering the blaster she still wore. It felt strange in her grip. She had no particular destination in mind, she just walked along the halls, taking random shuttles and letting her feet carry her where they would.

She found herself standing outside of the TSF's headquarters before she even realized where she was. An officer standing outside gave her a rather spiteful look and Alexis remembered suddenly how she looked. She flushed a bit and started to turn away, but the officer called her back. "Miss?"

Alexis turned back towards him. "Yes?"

"Is there anything I can do for you? You seem lost." His voice was hard, yet polite.

Alexis sighed softly. "No, I'm just taking a walk."

"It's a bit early for a walk." He replied coldly.

"I've been out all night. It's more like late to me," Alexis replied. Why was this kid bothering with her?

His hard demeanor dropped very suddenly. "Are you a bounty hunter?" He asked excitedly.

Alexis grinned at him. Why not? "You seem excited about it."

"Well, I've never met a bounty hunter before," he told her earnestly. His eyes were glowing. He seemed very impressed.

Alexis had been a bounty hunter once on Taris. She hadn't actually collected any bounties. In fact, she'd helped three people get the bounties on their heads removed. She'd still been a bounty hunter, though. Well, sort of.

It was funny to her how quickly this boy's official persona had dropped when she told him she'd been out all night. He didn't look a day over nineteen. Alexis suddenly felt very old. She'd never had the chance to be that innocent. At nineteen, she'd been getting ready to go to war.

Alexis smiled at the boy. "What's your name?"

"Doran Snider," the kid replied. "What about you? I mean, what's your name?" He was stumbling over his words.

"You can call me Lexi," Alexis told him. She offered him her hand and he shook it gently.

"If you don't mind my saying so, I've never imagined a bounty hunter as small as you are. You're hardly bigger than my sister and she's only twelve," he said.

"Great things come in small packages," Alexis wanted to laugh, but she held herself in check. If he only knew. "Look, I have to go. Maybe I'll see you again some other time, hhhmmm?"

He nodded enthusiastically, "It was very nice to meet you… Lexi."

Alexis grinned at him. "It was nice to meet you as well, Doran. Keep up the good work."

Alexis turned and walked away, whistling off-key. The encounter had left her spirits much lighter. She made her way towards Carth's apartment, a small smile playing on the corners of her mouth the entire way.


	9. Chapter 9

Alexis stood in front of Carth's door, trying to remember the code that would grant her access to his apartment. She'd only used it once and there were several digits to it. She could hack it, of course, like she had done before, but that would take time. Perhaps she could open the lock with the Force…

She contemplated knocking, but she ruled that out almost immediately. It would be far better to wait for him to leave for work or to head back over to the Ebon Hawk to sleep for the day. He might be awake, however, so maybe knocking wouldn't be such a bad idea.

Finally, she remembered the code. It was the numeric equivalent of Dustil's birth date. She entered it rapidly and the door slid open. She wasn't prepared for the sight that greeted her.

Carth was sitting on the edge of his couch, apparently startled awake by the sound of the opening door. Seré was curled against his chest. Her eyes popped open only seconds after his did and they both simply stared.

Alexis couldn't stop staring either. What was going on? Why were Seré and Carth on the couch together this early in the morning? _Well, they were both fully clothed, if that made any difference_, Alexis noted, surveying the scene rapidly. She felt a slight frown crease her face and made an effort to straighten her features.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

Alexis closed her eyes and quickly centered herself. There was obviously a logical explanation, even if it was, in fact, the explanation that was obvious. That didn't matter. Alexis calmly informed herself that she had no real claim on Carth.

Finally, with an effort borne of pure willpower, Alexis shut the door behind them and forced a friendly smile. "Good morning all."

"How did you- I didn't know you were back." Carth finally said lamely, sitting up and pushing Seré off of his chest in the process.

"I got in very late last night," Alexis replied. She was still utterly emotionless. Her ability to control her own mind often amazed even her.

"What are you wearing?" He asked suddenly.

"Ah. This. Well, I'm supposed to look like a bounty hunter. It's a rather nice disguise when you're visiting a cantina in the early morning. Sort of goes with the pazaak and the juma juice."

"You were in a cantina all night? Didn't it ever occur to you that someone might recognize you?" Carth sounded angry.

Alexis shrugged idly. "Well, not really. It's a fairly good disguise. I don't look much like a Jedi or a Sith, you see. I look like a bounty hunter." Her responses would have seemed sarcastic if her tone hadn't been so flat. Nothing could penetrate her shell.

"Revan, are you drunk?" Seré asked. She was still leaning on Carth, even though they were both sitting up. Alexis didn't even notice.

Alexis was startled. _Drunk? Her? _She almost lost control, she was so surprised, but her calm dropped quickly back into its place. "No. I'm not drunk. I've never actually had any alcohol so I really wouldn't know what being drunk was like."

"What are you doing back?" Carth asked. He was till wearing his red and gold Republic uniform.

"Do you mind if I use your shower? I suppose I could go and use the one on the _Ebon Hawk_ but I'd rather have a real shower. The refresher on that ship is pitiful, really," Alexis said, avoiding the subject. She just wanted to bathe and meditate. This conversation was taxing her energy.

It was Carth's turn to look startled. "Don't you want to know… I mean, isn't this a bit-"

"No. I'd just like a shower," Alexis replied when he trailed off.

Seré was looking back and forth between them with a glowing expression on her face. She appeared extremely pleased with herself for some reason.

Carth didn't say anything so Alexis narrowed her eyes and lifted her eyebrows slightly. "Well? May I use your shower?"

"Of course. Go ahead." Carth said weakly.

Alexis lowered her head. "Thank you." She turned on her heel and stalked off, removing weapons and holsters as she went."

Carth watched Revan leaving. She wasn't even curious as to why Seré was in the apartment? Did she not care? Had the "intensive retraining" at the academy really severed all of her emotions that way? Where was the girl he knew?

Carth stood up, shoving Seré off of him. Why hadn't he even been given the chance to explain? Should he have forced her to hear him out? No. That probably would have made things much worse.

Carth turned and glared at Seré, whose face bore the ghost of a smile. If he didn't know it were impossible, he'd say that the girl had planned the entire incident.

The night before, after Carth had arrived back at his apartment, Seré had called him, sobbing into the comlink. She kept repeating that someone had tried to break into her apartment just after Carth had left and she was frightened. Could he please come over and sit with her?

When he arrived back at her apartment, Carth saw no signs of tampering on her door. She didn't look scared at all. In fact, she'd looked rather smug. She told Carth immediately that she was nervous staying in her apartment. Could they head over to his? She'd feel much safer there.

Carth, feeling dubious about the whole thing, had reluctantly agreed. What would it hurt to let her sleep in his bed for the night? He had a perfectly good couch. He could have a tech come and take a look at her locks in the morning and everything would be fine.

Back at his apartment, however, his plan had backfired. He'd sent her off to his room to get some sleep and he'd settled down onto the couch to do some work. He had been having a hard time sleeping lately and having Seré in his apartment hadn't made things any easier.

She'd had other plans. It hadn't been ten minutes when she ran from his room, sobbing hysterically, and threw herself onto his chest. He'd held her while she cried, not knowing what else to do, and tried his best to comfort her. Eventually, she'd settled down, but she had refused point blank to go back to his bed to try to get some sleep. So she had remained, huddled against Carth's chest, until she had gone to sleep. It had taken Carth much longer, but eventually he had drifted off as well.

He hadn't awoken until Revan arrived. He certainly hadn't expected her back so soon. Their last communication hadn't even hinted that she was getting ready to return. He especially hadn't expected her back when the sun had just risen.

And why had Revan been in a cantina the night before dressed as a bounty hunter? Had she gone alone, or had she gone with friends? She seemed to have been spending an extraordinary amount of time with that scoundrel Atton Rand lately. Perhaps he had taken her into the bar. But that didn't seem quite right… Atton and Revan seemed close; but- then again, maybe they had gone as friends. Nothing fit together the way it should.

Carth sighed and looked over at Seré once again. "Can I take you back to your apartment so you can get ready for work?"

"I don't want to be alone," Seré whispered in a small voice.

Carth frowned. "I'll find a TSF officer to stand outside of your door. I have to get ready for work, too. The officer can bring you into the office whenever you're ready. In fact, I think I'll call on officer to escort you back to your apartment. There are things I need to do here." Carth started to head towards his bedroom to call for an officer on the com.

"Oh, can't you take me back? I'd feel so much better," She practically cooed. Carth hadn't ever realized how truly annoying his secretary was. Could he fire her on the grounds that she grated at his nerves?

"No can do. I'll call on officer. I'm sure that a TSF agent will be able to keep you as safe as I would. More so, in fact. I'm getting old," Carth said absently, continuing to walk away. He thought he heard Seré huff in frustration, but it might have only been his imagination.

Alexis felt the warm water sluice over her cold body and shut her eyes, enjoying the sensation. It was funny how such warmth could penetrate the spirit as well as the body. Everything this morning had been so tense. The shower was a good way for her to get things back into perspective.

Nothing too bad had happened, really. Kalen and Mira were drunk. That wasn't her problem. She used the Force to manipulate the mind of another… that was her problem, but it wasn't particularly dangerous, at least not in this case.

_What else?_

Kalen and Atton were still having difficulties. That was something she could help with. They just needed a push in the right direction. All that was left was Carth. And Seré. Together.

Alexis pulled her mind away from that thought quickly. Jealousy was an emotion that led to the dark side. That was something she could not afford. Carth was angry with her. That she could deal with. He just needed to know how slight the risk that she would be recognized had truly been.

Alexis scrubbed at her hair idly with her hands. The soapy lather ran down into her face and she shut her eyes quickly. She could still easily picture Carth and Seré on the sofa…

Alexis reined her mind in once again. She forced open her eyes to dispel the image and soap ran into her eyes. She immediately erupted into a long trail of curses as the soap burned her eyes.

This was not going to be her day.

Alexis emerged from the shower shortly thereafter, dressed in some of the clothing Carth had purchased for her a couple of weeks before. It fit her a bit better now. She no longer looked as if she were a child dressed in her mother's clothing. She almost looked healthy. She was toweling her damp hair when she ran into Carth in the hall. "Excuse me," she said in a friendly tone, stepping out of the way.

Carth reached out, as if to grab her wrist, but dropped his hand slowly. "We need to talk."

"You should probably go get a shower. Don't you have to be at work soon?" Alexis asked. She hated how formal she sounded, but there was nothing she could do about it if she wanted to remain in control.

"Revan," he began, but he stopped and looked at her helplessly, apparently at a loss for words.

"We can talk some other time. I'll be ready to get out of your apartment whenever you're ready to leave, I promise."

"You don't have to do that. Stay here. We'll talk when I get off of work," Carth said, a pleading look in his eyes.

Alexis felt her defenses melting. Those brown eyes of his would probably be her downfall. "Fine. Thanks for letting me stay, then."

"Revan…" He started one more time. Alexis shook her head and started to walk away. "Wait."

Alexis turned back slowly. Oh no, what was he going to do? "Nothing happened," he whispered before he disappeared into the bathroom to take his shower.

Alexis had been careful to avoid Carth when he was leaving for work. She wasn't ready to talk to him again. Even if nothing had happened. Even if she wasn't jealous. Or scared. At all.

Alexis settled down in the middle of Carth's living room floor and collapsed into a seated position. She crossed her legs, closed her eyes, and tried to empty her mind… but to no avail. She couldn't get Carth out of her head: his voice, his smile, his eyes, that stupid orange jacket…

Why was nothing working? Alexis heard a soft noise and stood up quickly. What was that? She eased her way into the kitchen, her back to the wall, grasping her lightsaber.

The noise was soft and scratchy, like a tree branch brushing against a window. She stiffened and started to switch on her lightsaber. Wait- assassins didn't make any sound. She took a few more steps, straining to hear exactly where the sound was coming from.

The gizka stepped out of the doorway leading to the hall, his nails raking against the ground as he moved. Alexis was unable to stop herself from igniting her lightsaber, which frightened the silly beast to no end. With a look of comical fear, the little creature slammed backwards into the wall and shut his eyes. He seemed to believe that is he couldn't see her, she couldn't see him.

Alexis lowered her lightsaber and switched it back off with a frustrated sigh. She was cracking up. She couldn't even sense the difference between gizka and assassins. She'd finally gone mad.

Alexis slid down the wall and onto the floor, pulling her knees up to her chest. That gizka was going to give her a heart attack. That was, of course, is she didn't give it one first.

The gizka must have forgotten how scary she had been a moment before because he ambled over to her and put his head on her calf. She smiled faintly at him. "It's not your fault I've lost my mind, is it? You just wanted someone to pet you."

The gizka was encouraged by her words and leapt up onto her raised knees. She lowered her knees slowly and scooped the gizka up and held him against her chest. He made a sort of purring noise and shut his eyes while Alexis scratched him.

"Why did Carth keep you? You aren't the best pet. You're kind of frightening. You've almost made a former Sith Lord pee her pants twice. But she's off her rocker, so I suppose that's not really saying anything. Force, I'm even talking to a gizka," Alexis groaned.

The little gizka blinked at her. "Why is it that I never see you until I least expect it?" Alexis asked him. "All of these questions are rhetorical, of course. If you answer, I'll know I'm a nutcase."

Alexis heard the com go off in Carth's bedroom. She lowered the gizka to the floor and headed towards the sound, wondering whether or not it was someone she could answer.

When she arrived, Dustil Onasi's voice was echoing loudly through the empty room. "Dad! I know you haven't left for work yet. Why aren't you picking up?" He sounded a lot like Carth.

Alexis thought for a moment. Should she answer? It might be important and Dustil was certainly entitled to know that she had returned. Carth might not want him to know, however. It wasn't really her place.

"Dad?"

_Oh well. Might as well go for it. _"Dustil?" Alexis said, switching on the com to answer the call. The boy's face immediately sprung up on the screen.

"Revan?" Dustil said incredulously. "What are you doing there?"

"I guess I've come back to do what I should have in the first place," Alexis began hesitantly.

Dustil was frowning at her. "What, like marry my dad?"

Alexis was shocked. Did Dustil want her to marry Carth? "No… to help rebuild the Republic."

Dustil made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "Haven't you tortured him enough?"

"Torture? I-"

"He's been pining after you for four years. You finally come back and you say all you returned for was the Republic?" Dustil even got angry like Carth did.

"Dustil, I really don't know why I came back. I hadn't even been planning on helping the Republic. At least not originally. I didn't have any kind of plan, I just… showed up," Alexis trailed off. Why had she returned from the Unknown Regions? The sad truth was, even she didn't know.

"I-" Dustil began, but he didn't finish. "All right. I'm sorry I attacked you. I just- He's been in pain for so long, Revan. He's like a ghost without you. I've been watching him for the last four years. I know."

Alexis was speechless. What could she say to that? It wasn't as if she were purposely hurting Carth. She loved him! She didn't want to see him in pain any more than Dustil did.

"Just- forget it." Dustil said, shaking his head. "I called to tell Dad that I was coming to visit in about a week. Could you let him know for me? I hate to bother him if he's already left for work."

"I'll tell him." She started to reach up to turn off the com.

"Hey Revan?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you be there when I get back?"

"I'll be here. I promise."

"Good. I intend to make you my stepmother, even if you are only seven years older than me." He turned off the com before she could respond.

Carth sat in his office again, still trying to make sense on the report from the Ithorians. It was too bad that things with Revan were a bit rocky. She could have easily made sense of this.

He was angry with her, to be sure, but he wasn't sure how much of that anger he should have directed back at himself. Revan wasn't really at fault. Did he really have any right to be mad at her for going out for one night? She really hadn't looked like herself at all. It had been a _very_ good disguise.

Revan was absolutely stunning. Her features were exquisite: high cheekbones, a delicate nose, smooth, pale skin, and a lovely bow-shaped mouth. Revan had always been the very definition of beauty. And those eyes: her emerald eyes were captivating. He could stare into them for days…

Ah, there was the heart of the matter. Carth was angry with himself for seeing her dressed that way and immediately having the urge to drag her off to his bed. Revan certainly didn't need a horny old man added to her list of problems. In fact, she really didn't need him at all. She never had.

Carth had always hoped that one day, Revan might come to rely upon him, to need him as much as he needed her. But she didn't. She was too independent. This morning was proof of that. If he had discovered her asleep in the arms of another man, he probably would have exploded. She had calmly asked to use his shower. _The shower!_ As if that had mattered!

Carth had been thinking of taking her in his arms and… And all she did was calmly ask to use his shower, ignoring the woman practically lying in his lap! She hadn't so much as asked why Seré was there. She was the most frustrating woman he had ever met. Could she have at least had the decency to be a little jealous?

_Jealousy leads to the dark side_, an annoying little voice whispered in the back of his head. Carth sighed and felt the anger drain out of him. He didn't really want her to be jealous… Well, not really. He'd just wanted some sort of reaction, some sign that she might have cared. He hadn't gotten it. All he'd gotten had been a cold shower.


	10. Chapter 10

'_Atton.'_ Alexis called, slipping into Atton's mind.

'_Never had a Sith Lord in my head.' _Atton muttered back sleepily.

_'You still haven't. Is Kalen up?'_

_'Dunno. I'm not up.'_

Alexis pressed her hand to her forehead. _'Do you mind dropping by Carth's apartment? I need someone to meditate with.'_

_'Unh uh. I don't meditate.'_

_'Then it's time someone taught you.' _Alexis told him with a sigh.

_' Why don't you meditate with Kalen? Why didn't you crawl into her head in the first place?'_

_'That isn't somewhere I want to be. She's going to have a hangover when she wakes up.'_

_'You got her drunk without me?'_

_'You're most likely the reason she got drunk. Get yourself over here before I come and get you.'_

_'Oooh. Is that a promise?'_

_'Atton!' _Alexis's mind shouted in exasperation. She needed a friend at the moment, but if Atton was going to act this way…

_'Sheesh. I'm coming, I'm coming. Can I at least take a shower first?'_

_'Please do.'_ Alexis pulled out of Atton's mind with a sigh. It was so difficult to hear him over all of the counting he did in his head. Could he even count cards in his sleep? All of those numbers had given her a slight headache.

Alexis really wanted to talk to Kalen, but Atton would have to do. Kalen would not be pleasant company this morning. Atton was a good guy, though, and he would at least listen to her. He could usually lift her spirits, too, even when she felt the worst. They probably wouldn't do much meditating, but she would teach him the basics. He'd probably enjoy it if he'd at least try it. That was, of course, if he could stop counting long enough to meditate.

Alexis slowly let her thoughts drift back to her conversation with Dustil. _How could he ask her to marry Carth? _Alexis chuckled suddenly, caught unaware by her own ludicrous thought. _He couldn't. Carth had to ask._

Alexis shook her head slightly at herself. That wasn't what was important. It was important for her to consider the consequences of her attachment to Carth. Dustil knew the Jedi Code as well as she did. So did Carth, for that matter. Both of them _knew _why she couldn't give in to her feelings.

And yet… Hadn't she given Atton advice that contradicted the Jedi Code? Hadn't she encouraged his relationship with Kalen? But, that was different. Wasn't it? They deserved a little bit of happiness. But then, didn't she?

_No._ Kalen hadn't slaughtered hundreds of innocent people. Kalen hadn't fallen to the dark side. Kalen had never been a Sith Lord. Kalen wasn't a monster. _But Atton was. _Alexis bit her lip.

Had Atton's actions been any different than her own? Did she really deserve happiness any less than he did? Yes, Atton was only following orders. Atton turned away from the Sith on his own. Atton hadn't been a Sith Lord.

Alexis lowered her head into her hands. She was tearing Carth apart. Didn't he deserve happiness? He was a Republic hero and a good man. Why did someone like Carth even want _her_? Did he really want her? Or was the love in his eyes a result of wishful thinking on her part?

He'd loved her once; he'd told her so. Back in the Star Forge System on that Rakatan planet so many years ago… Maybe his love had faded with time. Maybe he was only helping her out of a sense of duty.

So why had he told her that nothing had happened with Seré? Why did her hold her at night? Was it compassion? Did Carth know that she still loved him? _Of course not, you fool. You've only told him once._

Alexis sat bolt upright. She'd only told the man that she loved how she felt _once._ Maybe Carth was just as confused as she was. Sadly, she couldn't help him when she could barely help herself.

Atton ambled into the apartment, opening the door with a wave of his hand and closing it in a similar manner. Alexis was sitting in the middle of the living room floor once again, looking up at him. Atton dropped into a sitting position across from her and gave her a rakish grin. "We're all alone. Are you sure you can't think of a better way to spend our time?"

"I just- wanted someone to talk to," Alexis said slowly.

"I'm all ears," Atton responded, resting his chin on his hand and his elbow on his knee so that he could stare at her.

"I'm not so sure it's going to work that way. Oh, I'm so bad at this." Alexis sighed.

"I know it's hard sometimes to confess you're undying love for someone. Just try it. I- Say it with me now. I – Love – You – Atton. See? That's not so bad. Now you try."

Alexis collapsed into helpless laughter. He was such a scoundrel. "I'd – love – to – kill – you – Atton." Alexis said.

"Woah. I thought you'd given all of that up," Atton held up his hands as if to fend off an attack.

"I might make an exception. You know, one more murder for the road. It's not like you're innocent, so I wouldn't really be guilty of anything, right?" Alexis smiled.

"Hey- I'm as innocent as that choirboy Mical," Atton said.

"Somehow, I doubt that."

Atton was silent for a second. "I've been meaning to ask you something," he said hesitantly. "It's been bothering me for a while now."

"Shoot."

"I'm not sure that's the best word to use."

"Oh, fine," Alexis said, exasperated. "Atton, please, go ahead and ask me your most noble question."

"I don't think I have any noble questions."

With a snarl of mock fury, Alexis lunged at him. She slammed into his chest and knocked him back onto the floor. "If you don't ask me your silly question, I'm going to shake it out of you."

"Temper, temper." Atton said, sitting back up and pretending to dust off his jacket. "Now I won't ask until you say please."

"I have to ask you to ask me your question?"

"Yes," Atton replied pompously.

Alexis glared at him for a second. She'd completely forgotten what she had asked him to come over and talk to her about in the first place. "Please ask me you're damned question before I die from anticipation." Her tone was sarcastic.

"I think you can do better than that."

"Atton," Alexis said in a waning tone.

"Oh, all right," he said, sitting up and looking her in the eyes with a very serious expression on his face. "Here we go. Why does Kalen call you Alexis?"

Alexis was dumbfounded. _That _was the all-important question? She waited for a few seconds, waiting for him to elaborate, but he didn't. "That's all you want to know?"

"I think it's a good question."

"Well, I think I have a good answer. But let me ask you a question first. What person in their right mind would name a child Revan?"

"Well, it is a stupid name," Atton conceded.

"Thanks," Alexis said dryly. "Anyway, my point is, Revan is a surname. My real name is Alexis Revan. Jedi generally are referred to by only their last names so no one knew that my name was Alexis. Kalen always called me Lexi because she thought calling people by their surname was silly."

"So your real name is Alexis?"

"I just said that, didn't I?"

"So why did the Jedi Council rename you Alexis Starling? Why didn't they change your first name, too?"

"I don't know. Sentimentality? Cruelty? Hope? I just can't answer that," Alexis said. She'd often wondered that very thing.

"That's weird," Atton muttered, looking slightly perplexed for a moment.

"It could be because the person who named me Alexis Revan was on the Council that renamed be Alexis Starling."

"What do you mean?"

Alexis sighed. She hated revealing this, but she had asked Atton here to talk and she really had no reason to refuse. "Kavar named me."

"Why would Kavar name you? He was never your master, right?" Atton asked.

"No, Kavar was never my master. Besides, that has nothing to do with it. Kavar named me because Kavar was the one who found me."

"Found you?"

"Yes, found me. Are you going to let me finish or are you going to keep interrupting?"

"Right, sorry. Go ahead."

"Kavar was out on a mission with his Master, Vrook, on the very edge of the Outer Rim. Kavar probably wasn't any more than eighteen or nineteen years old. Now, the name of the world was Deralia."

"Isn't that where you're from?"

"I'm getting there," Alexis said, her voice rising slightly. "Anyway, Kavar ran into a Mandalorian soldier. Now, even then the Mandalorians and the Jedi didn't get along, but Kavar sensed that the soldier meant him no harm. In fact, he was carrying a child."

"You?"

"May I finish?"

"Sorry," Atton mumbled.

"Now, the Mandalorian told Kavar that the little girl he had with him, who was only about a month old at the time, was a Force sensitive child. The Mandalorians had no desire to raise a child like that, so he asked Kavar to take her. Kavar was only a padawan, so he didn't ask any questions. In fact, he didn't even ask Vrook if taking her was the right thing to do. He just accepted the little girl without question."

"You still haven't said whether or not the baby was you."

"Yes, it was me, are you happy?" Alexis asked. "Sheesh. Anyway, Kavar asked the soldier what my name was before the man took off. All the Mandalorian said was that they'd been calling me Revan. Kavar thought that Revan sounded like a last name, so when he took me to Vrook, he told him that my name was Alexis Revan. And the rest's history."

"So were you raised in a Jedi Temple?"

"Yeah. The one on Dantooine."

"And you don't know who your parents are at all?" Atton asked. He looked a bit sorry for her.

"Nope," Alexis replied. "It's never bothered me. You can't miss what you've never had."

"Are you a Mandalorian then?"

"Well, Deralia's not a Mandalorian world, so it's had to say. I might be, I guess. If I am, they probably threw me out because I was the runt of the litter. I have a holo. I was hardly bigger than Kavar's hand."

"That would be ironic, wouldn't it?"

"What?"

"You know, if you were a Mandalorian. You and Malak are basically responsible for eradicating their kind."

"Don't say that around Canderous," Alexis muttered.

"So what about Kalen?" Atton asked curiously. He hadn't moved in several minutes, which was unusual for him. She certainly had his attention.

"You mean her parents?"

"Yeah. Did she have any parents?"

"Of course she did. Her parents were both Jedi."

"How does that work?"

"Well…" Alexis began slowly, "Kalen's parents were two Jedi Knights who fell in love. They left the Order so that they could marry and have children."

"So how did Kalen get to be a Jedi, then?" Atton asked, frowning slightly.

"From what I understand, her parents wanted her to have the same opportunities that they had. Just because the Jedi Order wasn't for them didn't mean it wouldn't make their daughter happy."

"Does Kalen have any brothers and sisters? Does she even know?" Atton asked.

"No, she doesn't have any siblings, at least not as far as I know. Her mother died shortly after she was taken for training. I don't think her father remarried."

"Was Kalen trained on Dantooine, too?"

Alexis nodded. "Kalen was trained on Dantooine. Technically my training began on Coruscant. I was raised on Dantooine, but when I turned four I was taken to Coruscant to begin my training in earnest. I didn't get back to Dantooine until I was thirteen or so."

"Is that when you met Malak?" Atton asked her, his voice suddenly soft.

"Yes. He arrived on Dantooine while I was away. He was six years old when he was taken, almost too old to train."

"Was Malak older than you?"

"Yep. By two years."

"I always thought you were older."

"That's a common misconception. Everyone thought I was older because I was the dominant one. I think it was really because I'd been in training for so much longer. The Masters had been teaching me since they found me," Alexis said. It was strange to talk about these things. She barely remembered them.

"Huh. Screwing with you head from the cradle. No wonder you fell to the dark side," Atton said, looking back up at her. "Did the three of you know one another?"

"Well, I was thirteen, Malak was fifteen, and Kalen eleven. We weren't ever really together but we did see each other a lot. Kalen and I were distant friends but I got really close to Malak when we became sparring partners. I was the only padawan in the Temple who could beat him. Even the older kids couldn't take him down," Alexis said. Her voice trailed off.

"You could beat him? You're so small now I can't imagine what you looked like then," Atton said incredulously.

"Oh, I was tiny. And Malak was huge. Malak was bigger than just about everyone in the Temple, adults included," Alexis said. Memories of Malak when he was a boy almost made her smile until she remembered what he'd become… what they'd both become.

"So how'd you beat him?"

"Speed. Speed and agility, really. Malak was gigantic, and he was powerful, but I was too quick for him. I guess flexibility was a major factor, too. I can still contort my body into just about any position I fancy. It drove Malak up the wall."

"Any position you fancy?" Atton asked, smiling widely.

"You know, this isn't what I brought you here to talk about."

"You don't want to talk about what position you fancy?" Atton asked innocently.

"Atton…" Alexis said in warning.

"All right, all right. What did you want to talk about?"

"I don't remember, exactly. I mean, I have a general idea, but…"

"Then why did you bring it up?"

"One day, I'm going to start backsliding and stick my lightsaber through your kidney…"

Carth thought about going home to see Revan on his lunch break, but he decided against it. She'd probably think he was crazy. He'd missed her so much while she'd been gone and to be estranged from her again, if only for a day, was actually physically painful. He had a headache to prove it.

Seré had been annoying him all day, asking about whether or not he'd called to have the locks on her apartment door changed and trying to convince him that she needed to stay in his apartment one more night. Carth was absolutely sick of her. His polite façade was going to wear off if she kept testing him.

He was tired of doing paperwork, too. One of the downsides to his promotion to Admiral had been the dramatic increase in the amount of paperwork he was responsible for. The good far outweighed the bad, however. He was practically his own boss now. He could do whatever he wanted most of the time.

He really felt like heading back to his apartment but taking the day off when he knew he'd have to take so many in the future was irresponsible. He needed to make sure he kept his nose clean these next few weeks so that the Senate would have nothing to throw at him when he finally took Revan before them.

Carth absently fingered the pendant in his palm. It was tiny and silver and hung from a thin piece of black cord. The Onasi crest was emblazoned upon the front. The word "Alexis" was written in a delicate script on the back. He'd had it for four years.

_Jedi couldn't wear rings_. That had been his first thought when he'd gone looking for some kind of gift to give Revan when he asked her to marry him. He'd chosen a pendant on a chain instead, knowing that that would pose her no danger. Next he'd taken off the chain and replaced it with a short bit of cord, knowing that the cord would give way more easily if someone tried to grab it. He'd had the Onasi crest placed upon the front and her name on the back.

_Alexis_. He missed calling her that. He'd been afraid to call her anything but Revan when she'd appeared on his doorstep two weeks previous. He hadn't known how she felt about him. He'd known that calling her Revan had been the right choice when she hadn't asked him to call her Alexis.

"…_if you're more comfortable calling me Revan, I won't stop you_."

Carth sighed and slid the pendant back into the breast pocket of his jacket. He'd never gotten the chance to ask her to marry him before she'd left for the Unknown Regions. He wished he had. Maybe she would have agreed then. Now, he wasn't so sure. Of course, she might have said no. Maybe that would have lessened the misery he'd felt for the last four years. He doubted it, though. It probably would have increased it tenfold.

_Why do you even bother, old man? She doesn't need you. She probably doesn't even want you. You're too old, too weak, too damaged. Leave her alone. Let her go about her business in peace. _


	11. Chapter 11

She was alone again; well, except for a certain gizka that she was feeling a bit put out with at the moment. Carth had been due home for two hours now and Alexis was certain he was avoiding her. She'd taken to pacing the apartment, a favorite old habit of hers. Perhaps wearing holes in the floors would make her feel a bit better.

Atton had left a few hours before after an attempt at meditation, which turned to a sparring match and then into an epic pazaak game. Alexis was proud to say that she had won the sparring match, even though she lost the pazaak game… In fact, she'd lost every pazaak game they played. Atton had been cheating, of course, but she'd been content to let him do it. The funny thing was, he knew that she realized he was cheating and he kept right on doing it. He'd clearly found it funny.

Alexis hadn't minded. Atton's antics kept her mind off of the weightier matters she'd asked him to Carth's apartment to discuss in the first place. His departure had been somewhat reluctant. He said he could feel Kalen, skirting around the edges of his mind, and she was angry and spoiling for a fight. Apparently her hangover had not gone away. He had actually looked a little frightened when he left. It was good for him. Maybe Kalen could teach him some manners.

Alexis stopped suddenly in the middle of Carth's living room and stared at the clock on the wall. The time between the ticks of the clock seemed interminably long. Where was her Jedi patience? It always seemed to desert her at the worst times.

Alexis threw herself onto the couch with a loud sigh just as the door opened. Alexis could feel Carth before she saw him so she didn't turn around. In truth, she wasn't sure what she'd do or say if she did, so she kept her eyes firmly on her hands, which were clasped in her lap.

"Revan?" Carth said softly.

Alexis realized that he couldn't see her. The lights were off and she was practically laying on the couch. The urge to say nothing was overwhelming. She knew that they couldn't avoid one another forever, so she needed to answer him, but she found that she certainly didn't want to. She was still too confused to talk to him just yet.

"I'm here." Alexis said finally, sitting up higher in her seat as Carth turned on the light.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I picked up dinner on the way home, if you're hungry." Carth said, waving a bag at her as he made his way towards the kitchen. He looked very tired, as if something had been weighing heavily on his mind all day long.

Alexis stood and followed in his wake. He didn't turn to look at her as he stopped at the counter and opened the bag. He removed several cartons from the bag, took one, and turned and settled himself into a chair by the table in a very short amount of time. Alexis followed suit, settling across the table from him. Something was off, somehow.

Carth looked up at her as she opened the container she'd picked up. She appreciated the gesture, but the food didn't look all that appetizing. Carth turned away once again and dug into his food as if her were starving. Alexis said nothing. She scooped up her fork and poked at the meal in front of her.

"I spoke to Roshana Seraph today," Carth said quietly.

Alexis didn't know anyone by that name. By his tone, he seemed to think that she did. "I see," Alexis responded uncertainly.

"Aren't you going to eat that?" Carth asked, waving his hand absently at her food.

"Not hungry."

Carth grunted in response and turned back to his food. The silence stretched on. Alexis put her fork back down on the table and waited for some time, hoping he would continue.

"She'd like to meet with you."

The time that had elapsed as Carth ate had made Alexis forget exactly what he was talking about. She frowned and stared at him blankly.

"The senator from Telos? She's on planet. I met with her today and she told me she'd like to speak with you before you face the Senate."

Was that why he was behaving so strangely? That didn't seem to fit. "Oh. When does she want to see me?"

"In two days," Carth replied shortly.

Alexis watched him as he continued to eat, his motions almost forceful. He seemed to be in a hurry, too. Alexis wasn't sure it would be wise to ask what was wrong with him. "I see."

"Did you and Atton have a nice day?"

Alexis's eyes narrowed. How did he know Atton had been there? "How did you- No. Never mind. It was very nice," Alexis said with a shake of her head. It didn't matter how he knew.

Carth didn't say anything. He closed the carton he'd been eating from a few seconds before and stood up and put it back on the counter. "Are you finished with that?" He asked, holding out his hand to take her carton. She hadn't eaten a bite.

"Yes. Carth, Dustil called today."

"Did he?" Carth asked, turning away and tossing her carton onto the counter next to his. He didn't seem the least bit interested.

Finally, Alexis had had enough. She stood up and walked over to him. When her body was a mere three inches form his, she turned her eyes up and looked into his. "Yes, he did. Do you care what he had to say or are you going to keep trying to pretend I'm a rather dull-witted child you need to ignore?"

Carth's eyes widened for a second, and then became hooded once more. Clearly that hadn't had that much effect. "You spoke to him?"

"Yes. I can manage speech when the mood strikes me," Alexis responded crossly.

"I can see that."

Alexis took a deep breath and counted to ten in Basic. Her anger had not abated, so she tried Huttese. Rhodian. Twi'lek. Gammorrean. Finally, she felt a little calmer. Calm enough that she managed not to howl in frustration, anyway. "I'm going to head over to the Ebon Hawk to find more agreeable company. I probably won't be back tonight. Goodbye."

"Running away again?"

Alexis gasped as if she'd been struck. She rounded on him, her eyes wide and her mouth open. Her pain must have been written clearly on her face for Carth's expression quickly changed. He reached for her, as if to grasp her arm.

Alexis pulled away before he could grab her. Why had he gone out of his way to hurt her? She turned and ran from the kitchen and into the living room. She could hear the echo of Carth's weighty footfalls on the floor behind her.

Alexis lifted the heavy brown hooded robe Atton had recently given her from the couch and darted down the hall towards Carth's bedroom. She passed its door and disappeared into the small storage closet just beyond. It was a simple matter to bar the door with the Force.

She could faintly hear Carth calling to her as she settled onto the floor between the boxes of paper and old clothes. The room was dark, but she didn't notice. She pulled the robe on and flipped up the hood. She was cold, but the robe didn't seem to ward off the chill. She had a feeling that the cold wasn't really going to go away.

Alexis sighed and pulled the robe tighter about herself anyway. She'd done the very thing that Carth had accused her of. She'd run away again. And that was exactly what she had been going to do when faced with Carth's foul temper. She'd been planning to run to the Ebon Hawk: to escape.

Why was it that she could stand firm in the midst of the most hopeless of battles, unafraid of pain or of death, but she turned tail and fled every time anything came anywhere near touching her emotions?

The answer was a simple one. She hadn't always been this way. Before the Sith, before her emotions ruled her life, Alexis had been able to handle anything thrown at her. Now, she was afraid to feel: afraid that once again, anything that she let touch the real her, not just the surface, would take her back to the dark side.

The fear was borne of the dark side and it ate at her like a disease, rending her apart from within. She tried to control it, tried to master it, but it swelled within her every time she took a breath. Alexis shuddered violently and shut her eyes. She could feel the burn of unshed tears and she fought against it, fought her emotions for all she was worth.

In the end, she won the battle. The urge to cry subsided and Alexis drew her knees up to her chest and rested her head against them. Carth hadn't abandoned her. He was still outside of the door, even though he was no longer making any noise. In fact, he was leaning against it in much the same position she was in.

Alexis let her thoughts drift away from him. Thinking of Carth only made things worse. Not that anything she thought of didn't hold at least a little bit of pain. Did the Republic really need someone who ran away from the simplest challenge? Who couldn't handle her emotions? Who sat about, brooding about her own feelings when there were many more important things that needed her attention?

Alexis stiffened her spine and opened her eyes. She started to stand but was startled when she suddenly realized that the once dark room was glowing a faint blue. She turned her head slowly, afraid that the light's source would suddenly vanish. It didn't. Jolee Bindo was sitting on her left on a crate full of papers, munching on a sandwich.

"Glad to see you've still got a bit of back bone in you." Jolee growled at her in between bites. Alexis was startled.

"How…" She began, but couldn't finish.

"Hmph. Quit wasting your time with the how. It's the why that's important, kid," Jolee responded, tossing away the remains of the sandwich, which vanished into thin air.

Alexis took a deep breath. "Okay. Why are you back?"

"I don't even get a "Hello, Jolee. How have you been'?"

"Hello, old man. I've missed you," Alexis said sincerely.

"Hmph," Jolee responded. He looked so real. Alexis raised her hand to his face. His presence felt warm, yet Alexis couldn't quite touch him. He was there, but he wasn't. He was a part of the Force.

"So, why did you come?"

"I'm here to ask you a question."

"Ask away," Alexis responded, perplexed.

"Why did you come back?"

"I haven't gone anywhere."

Jolee sighed dramatically. "Why do I put up with these simpletons? Alexis, why did you return from the Unknown Regions? You haven't eradicated the Sith. You weren't finished."

"Are you telling me I should have stayed?"

"Let me tell you a story…"

"Oh no, not that again, old man-"

"You'll hear this one whether you like it or not. There was once a foolish young Jedi who often spoke to a wise and distinguished older man. Every time he told her anything, she thought that there was specific lesson in it that was meant just for her."

"Wasn't there?" Alexis asked, grinning insolently at him.

"Sometimes there was. Sometimes there wasn't. Everything I say doesn't have some hidden meaning. Heck, most of it doesn't," Jolee told her, picking at his teeth with his pinky fingernail.

"So was I supposed to have stayed in the Unknown Regions?" Alexis pressed.

"Alexis, I don't claim to know everything. Far from it. But I will say this. Everything you do, you do for a reason, even if you don't know what that reason is. Maybe you should have stayed in the Unknown Regions, maybe you shouldn't have. That's no longer relevant. Why did you come back?"

"I don't know," Alexis said impatiently. Had he come here just to pester her?

"Yes you do! Why did you come to Telos?" Jolee asked, leaning towards her and staring into her eyes intently.

"You seem to know the answer. Why don't you tell me?" Alexis asked stubbornly.

"It's more fun watching you struggle," Jolee muttered darkly. "Look, kid. I do know why you came back. So does everyone else. You're the only one that's too blind to see it. Well, I guess there is one more, but you both were always a bit thick."

"Was it to meet Kalen?" Alexis asked him. She didn't understand where this conversation was going. She was back now. Why was it important what the reason had been for her return?

Jolee didn't answer, he just glared back at her. Alexis looked down, feeling silly. What was he getting at? "Jolee, I just don't know. I didn't know why I was heading back when I was doing it. I just… turned my ship around and headed home one day."

A grin split Jolee's face. "Telos is home, is it?"

Alexis furrowed her eyebrows. Well, she'd never really thought about it, but Telos did feel like home. Even though she'd only been here for a short while before she left known space; even though she had no real ties here; and even though she'd never lived here herself. "I- why are you smiling?"

"You're getting closer to the answer. So, what's so great about Telos? It's not much to look at."

Alexis frowned slightly. Telos wasn't beautiful. In fact, the Citadel Station was rather sterile and unattractive. It had been gorgeous once, before Malak had destroyed it. "It's familiar, I suppose. It doesn't hold as many bad memories as Dantooine and very few people would recognize me here. If I stayed on Coruscant, everyone would know immediately that I'd returned."

Jolee glared at her again. "You're thicker than I thought. Stop thinking about it for now. You'll just hurt yourself. Just, promise you'll keep it in mind. Meditate on it or something. I'm sure it will come to you."

"Are you leaving?" Alexis asked suddenly. She found that she wasn't ready for Jolee to leave just yet.

"I can stay for a few more minutes, then I'm leaving. I'll be back, though. You can't function on your own," Jolee told her.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did, but I gather you have something else to ask me, so spit it out."

"Is Bastila- can Bastila do what you're doing? Have you seen her?" Alexis said in a rush. She hadn't realized just how much she'd missed the girl. It had been so long since she'd seen her.

Bastila had been a soothing presence, always lurking in the corners of her mind. They had had such a deep connection that she had been unable to shield Bastila from her thoughts, even when they were far away from one another. Bastila had known everything. Alexis missed that. Alexis missed having someone who could see all of her faults and still accept her and even love her like family.

She and Bastila had been so candid with one another, discussing things that Alexis would never have told another soul. Bastila had done the same. All of the dark, slimy secrets had been brought into the light and shown for what they were. And they had still trusted and respected one another.

As the years of separation had passed, however, she and Bastila had grown apart. When Bastila had died, Alexis had felt a very sharp, very personal disturbance in the Force. She had known the cause, of course, but she had always held out hope that her suspicions were wrong.

Jolee shook his head slowly. "I've felt her, but she's never actually appeared. She seems to be struggling a bit. This technique is very hard to accomplish, even for the Masters."

"You know Bastila," Alexis said sadly, "she'll never give up without a fight."

Jolee gave her a soft smile. "I have to go. Catch ya later, kiddo," Jolee said as his presence faded away.

Carth sat outside the door to the closet, cursing himself for a fool. He never should have said those things to Revan. She was too fragile for him to take out his anger and frustration on. She wasn't ready to deal with his emotions as well as her own.

He'd been in a bad mood all day thanks to Seré, and as a result, his meeting with the senator, Roshana Seraph, had gone badly. He'd been the one to call her, to ask for a meeting for himself. She'd very happy to see him, at least at first. He'd shown up late and explained the situation with Revan rather poorly. She'd demanded to see Revan right then and Carth had refused.

The senator had finally asked him to leave after they'd argued for several minutes. He wouldn't leave, telling her that she would have to meet Revan eventually. The senator, a normally calm woman, had yelled several uncomplimentary things about his mother. She was, after all, still very young. She wasn't much older than Revan, actually.

Carth had to admit, the whole thing was his fault. If he'd told her she could meet with Revan another day immediately rather than just refusing her, she wouldn't have gotten so upset. They probably would have parted amicably. Sadly, that hadn't been the case. He'd told her that she would be able to see Revan in two days and she'd agreed half-heartedly.

He knew why she was so upset. She was sitting on the best secret in the galaxy. One that, when revealed, could very well help save the Republic. Her loyalties told her not to wait. She wanted to throw Revan into the role of the rallying figurehead instantly. Carth knew that Revan wasn't ready for that. He was only trying to protect her. He respected the senator's reasoning, but he didn't agree with it.

He'd told the senator that he would be attending and she had flatly rejected that idea. She had said that she would meet with Revan alone or not at all. Carth had argued that point for several more minutes before he finally gave up and asked just what they would be discussing. The senator wouldn't say. She said that was between her and Revan.

Carth had gotten angry all over again, saying that she could just forget the whole thing. In the end, he knew that that couldn't be the case. Revan needed to meet with Seraph before she went before the Senate. She had to have a sponsor or they wouldn't see her, former Sith Lord or not.

The senator had known that, too. Carth had gone back to his office after the meeting, his irritation doubling with every step he took. When he got there, Seré had asked one last time to stay at his apartment, and he'd blown up. He'd shouted at her until she ran from the office, sobbing. He'd felt like a bastard afterwards, which had only made things worse.

When he'd finally gotten home, he was so furious that he was actually shaking. He hated being left out of the loop, especially when the information was so important to him. He hadn't even really been angry about her spending the day with Atton. He was no fool. He knew they were only friends. But he'd goaded her about it, and snapped at her when she told him that she'd answered the com-link. What if someone had found out that she was staying here? What if someone who wanted to hurt her had realized that she was still alive?

Answering the com hadn't been all that terrible, though, but Carth had finally lost control completely. He'd purposefully chosen the most hurtful thing he could say to her. It was, quite possibly, the lowest he'd ever gone. It had been stupid and childish and he'd hurt the one person he wanted the most to protect.

Carth felt the door push against his back and he stood up quickly, waiting for Revan to emerge. When she did, her eyes were red and she looked pale, but she didn't look angry. In fact, her expression was like a mask of stone. There was no emotion to be found there. She nodded to him once and said, "Forgive me. My outburst earlier was remarkably juvenile. Perhaps I'll be better able to control myself in the future."

Before Carth could apologize in return, Revan swept away, the huge cloak she was wearing dragging the ground behind her. She stopped in the living room, ignoring Carth as he called her name. She knelt down and shut her eyes, apparently to meditate. She was gone before Carth reached her side, her mind far, far away.


	12. Chapter 12

Alexis had remained in meditation all night long. Nothing had been revealed to her. She was just as confused as she had been the day before. It was still dark out and she had no intention of waiting for Carth to get up before she left the apartment. She was still too vulnerable where he was concerned to deal with him, especially this early in the morning.

Alexis stood slowly and stretched, all of her muscles screaming in protest. She hadn't moved once during the night and everything hurt. She shook out her limbs carefully, trying to avoid straining anything. She was still weak and shouldn't have knelt on the floor for more than six hours. It simply hadn't been a good idea.

Alexis made her way gingerly to the shower, where she took a very quick and (she hoped) quiet bath. Once she had brushed her teeth and was dressed, she wrote a quick note to Carth explaining that she had things to do and crept out of the apartment.

Her face was hidden beneath a hooded cloak that had accompanied one of the Jedi robes Kalen had given her. It was much too large, but Alexis didn't mind. At least it was thinner than the cloak from Atton. She made her way to the Ebon Hawk as quickly as she was able and went immediately aboard.

Canderous was awake and sitting in the garage, leaning over a large cup of java juice. He was a bit bleary-eyed and mussed, as if he had just gotten up. "Here to cook us breakfast?" He growled at her, watching as she discarded the hooded robe.

"I don't cook things. If I try, I burn them," Alexis responded lightly.

Canderous took a large gulp of his drink. "So why are you here?"

"To try to get some of you all to go shopping with me," Alexis said with a cheesy grin.

"Shopping?" Canderous responded incredulously.

"Yep. You wanna come?" Alexis gave him another disarming grin.

Canderous glared at her for a second but his expression melted into a returning smile rather quickly. "Going to buy another bounty hunter outfit?"

"You saw that, huh?" Alexis asked, blushing slightly.

"Best outfit I've ever seen you wear. Maybe you should consider a career change," Canderous replied.

Alexis cuffed him on the shoulder and started to walk away. "Round up whoever's going with us. I'm tired of this ship anyway," Canderous called to her retreating back.

Alexis turned back. "Gotcha," she said with a wink.

Alexis made her way to the women's dormitory next. Kalen, Mira, and Visas were all still in bed. Kalen was the only one awake. She was staring at the ceiling, frowning.

"Feeling any better?" Alexis asked her quietly.

"Hhhmm? Oh, hey Lexi. Yeah, I feel a little better. Why? Do you have plans for today?" Kalen asked, sitting up.

"I was hoping you guys would go shopping with me. I need to have Jedi robes made before I meet with the Senate. It won't do for me to show up looking like a little girl," Alexis said, motioning towards her leggings.

"But you're so cute," Kalen cooed at her in a mock baby voice.

Alexis sighed. Clearly everyone was going to give her a hard time today. "So, do you want to go? Canderous said he'd go with me."

"Sure he will. You're his hero," Kalen replied.

Alexis shook her head. She couldn't exactly deny that he might think of her in a similar manner. "Get up and get dressed. We have things to do."

"Anyone else going?" Kalen asked as she slid out of the bed.

"I thought I'd see if Atton wanted to go."

"Hhhhmmm," Kalen said noncommittally.

"I'll go wake him. I know he isn't up yet."

"Do you want me to wake Mira?"

"No. Four's enough, don't you think?"

"Sure. I'll find something to wear. Do you want me to bring an extra set of my robes for measuring purposes?"

"That would be great," Alexis said as she turned to leave.

Atton was sleeping in the cockpit, sprawled across delicate equipment and drooling. He looked so innocent when he was asleep.

"Morning, Revan," Atton muttered with a yawn before she had the chance to flick his ear or shout to wake him.

"Damn. You spoiled my fun," Alexis said, feeling a bit of disappointment. She would have loved to have caught Atton off guard.

"I heard you coming. I'm a light sleeper."

"I can see that," Alexis replied, motioning towards the drool.

"Ha, ha."

"I guess someone in a _profession_ like yours has to be a light sleeper if he wants to keep his- ah- well. You know what I mean."

"So, what do you need?"

"I want you to go shopping with me."

"Shopping?" Atton said in almost exactly the way Canderous had. Alexis burst into laughter. "What's so funny?" Atton asked suspiciously.

"Canderous said the same thing."

"Canderous is going shopping?"

"Yep."

"So who else is going?" Atton asked, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and yawning.

"You and Kalen and I."

"Sounds like a regular party."

"Meet you outside in ten minutes," Alexis said, turning and starting to leave.

Alexis heard Atton grunt in response and moan slightly as he attempted to rise from the chair.

A little over half an hour later, they all stood inside of a small tailor's shop in the middle of the Citadel Station. It had only been open for a few minutes and the tailor was still bustling around, preparing her shop for customers. Alexis was once again wearing the hood that hid her face. Kalen, Atton, and Canderous were all dressed in their average street clothes.

Alexis knew the woman who worked here. She'd known her most of her life. She had worked as a tailor on Coruscant before moving to Telos and she'd made many of Alexis's robes when she was just a girl.

"What can I do for you all?" the small, plump woman asked, rubbing her hands together and making her way towards them, a friendly smile on her face. She wasn't human, although her appearance was very similar to that of a human. Strangely enough, even Alexis didn't know what race she was.

"Can we trust you to be discreet?" Kalen asked her.

"Of course you may, Master Jedi," the little woman responded knowingly.

"Do you know me?" Kalen asked, surprised.

"Yes. She used to work on Coruscant. Don't you remember?" Alexis asked from beneath her robe.

"I trust I am to be discreet about the girl beneath the hood?" the tailor said.

"That'd be nice," Atton muttered.

"Would it help if I lock up the shop? I shouldn't have too much business this early in the morning, but if you really mean for me to be discreet, it would be best if we lock the door. Then you may drop your hood."

Alexis smiled beneath her hood. Nicola Baien was always good to her customers. Especially when they looked as if they had money. "If you would, I'd be very grateful."

Nicola locked the door and pulled the shutter before she came back to them. "Now, if you'd be so kind, I'd like to know who I've got here."

Kalen pulled out her spare Jedi robes as Alexis dropped her hood and tossed the cloak to Canderous. He caught it and draped it over his shoulder.

"Revan?" Nicola said in shock.

"At your service," Alexis said with a bow.

Nicola straightened her face and smiled. "It's been a long time, girl. I should have known when I saw how tiny you were."

"It's a small world, isn't it?" Atton said, giving them a slightly sarcastic smile. One look from Kalen wiped it from his face.

"What can I do for you?" Nicola asked, ignoring Atton completely.

"Well, Kalen and I are looking to have a few sets of Jedi robes made in about a week and a half. I've completely destroyed every pair I own, so you'll have to measure me all over again, but Kalen has a set for you to base hers on," Alexis said.

Kalen smiled faintly. "It looks like we're about to have a lot of public functions to wear dress robes to. I need two sets of dress robes and one pair of regular robes." Kalen held out the spare set of robes she had brought and Nicola took them and looked at them for a second.

"I can do that," Nicola said. "What about you, dear?"

"Ah… I need two sets of dress robes and five sets of regular robes, if you can manage it," Alexis said.

"In a week and a half? I'll be busy, won't I? Alright, let's get you measured and then we'll discuss colors and cuts," Nicola said, grabbing her hand.

After an intense period of barely-dressed measuring, Alexis had finally escaped Nicola's clutches. Kalen was looking at colors and materials in a databank and Atton was staring at a pair of fingerless gloves remarkably similar to his own. Canderous was staring blankly at a wall, holding most of Alexis's clothes.

Alexis made her way to Atton's side, smiling. "Looking for a new set of gloves?" Alexis asked.

"Actually, I was thinking of trying to get you to get a pair. They'd be rather useful. Help you keep those tiny hands around your lightsaber."

"May I see them?" Alexis asked, holding out her hand.

Atton passed her a pair of pitch-black fingerless gloves in a thin, soft material that was remarkably lightweight. Alexis slipped one on. It was much too large, despite the fact that it was a woman's glove.

"Too big," Atton muttered.

"I'll bet I could ask for a couple of sets to go with my robes. I rather like this idea," Alexis said with a grin.

"It's all about style," Atton replied.

They made their way back over to Kalen's side, each grasping one glove in their hand. Kalen and Nicola were staring at a bit of pink fabric, grinning to themselves. "What are you two up to?" Alexis asked.

"Making a set of Jedi robes," Kalen replied.

"In pink?" Atton responded, raising his eyebrows.

"Pink, white, and brown," Nicola answered.

"Why is it," Canderous called from across the room, "that you two can't wear normal Jedi colors? I've never seen any Jedi but you two wear anything other than black and brown."

"Some of them wear blue and red," Atton added, looking quizzically at them.

Alexis gave Canderous a sudden smile. "I hated Jedi robes when I was a kid. I thought that they looked like sacks. I didn't want to wear them at all, but Master Kae kept telling me that I had to. Finally, just to make him angry, I had a set made in bright emerald green. I thought he was going to die of shock. They were practically the same color as the lightsaber I carried then. Master Kae demanded that I change, of course, and I refused. I had all of the rest of my robes thrown away and I bought new ones in the brightest colors I could manage. I admit I kept doing it just to make Kae mad, at least at first. After a while, it just kind of became part of me. I never really stopped."

"Yes you did," Nicola whispered suddenly. "I remember when you left for the Wars. You had me make several sets of robes in black and gray."

Alexis smiled sadly. "I remember now. I didn't want to head off to war wearing all of those cheerful colors. It seemed wrong somehow."

"What about you, Kalen?" Canderous asked.

Kalen was blushing furiously. "Well, I uh-"

"Oh, do tell, Kalen," Alexis said, grinning at her.

"It's embarrassing!" Kalen wailed.

Atton looked very curious. "Why?"

"Oh, fine. I started wearing colorful robes because Alexis did. She was only a couple of years older than me, but she was the best Jedi I'd ever seen. It was hero worship, really. I wanted to be just like her. So did lots of the other Padawans, but none of them took it to quite the extreme I did," Kalen said, looking at the floor.

"Ha! That's hilarious," Canderous said, slapping his knee and smiling.

"So, how did it feel, being the hero of hundreds of baby Jedi?" Atton asked.

Alexis chuckled at the memory. "It was a bit annoying, actually. It was cute at first, but it got old fast. I never really noticed it from Kalen, though. She was pretty good at hiding the fact that I was her hero."

"Oh, shut up," Kalen muttered, blushing even more. Canderous and Atton erupted into raucous laughter.

Several hours later, the four of them sat in Carth's empty apartment. Atton and Canderous were idly playing cards. Not pazaak, for once, but some strange sort of poker that they'd both learned how to play in a local cantina. Kalen and Alexis were standing in the kitchen. Kalen was cooking a rice dinner that they'd purchased the ingredients for on the way back to the apartment. Alexis was attempting to help her.

"Lexi, dear, you're just getting in the way. I'll make lunch. Why don't you go and um- set the table? Or something," Kalen said, shoving past Alexis one more time.

Alexis laughed hopelessly. "I guess I'll leave. Clearly I'm not even capable of assisting some who's cooking."

Kalen gave her a tight smile as she edged past her once again. "Thanks."

"Must be nice to be able to cook," Alexis muttered as she left the kitchen. She made her way to the table in the living room where Canderous and Atton were playing cards. Neither looked up at her. They just continued to stare at the foreign looking cards in their hands.

"Burn the water again?" Atton asked slyly, tossing a card onto the table. Canderous cursed and stared furiously back into his hand, trying to decide what to do next.

"You caught me," Alexis said in return. Her utter failure at cooking was no surprise. After all, making the perfect meal was hardly part of her Jedi training. Perhaps it should be incorporated into the lessons of the Order's future Padawans. It was safe to say that _she _wouldn't be the instructor, however.

No one replied, so Alexis glanced at Atton's cards, trying to figure out just what they were playing. The cards had strange markings on them with numbers and sometimes even faces. Atton glanced over at her, frowned, and covered his cards. "Trying to help Canderous cheat?" Atton asked suspiciously.

"I don't cheat," Canderous growled.

Alexis laughed lightly. "I can tell when I'm not wanted. I'll go find…" Alexis trailed off and glanced at the door. Carth was outside. She could tell it was him, even through that door.

Alexis watched as the door slid open and Carth walked in. He glanced around the room in surprise. Kalen stuck her head into the living room, wiping her hands on a towel. "Who's here? Oh, hey Carth. Want some lunch?"

Carth turned towards her, frowning slightly. "I didn't know you guys were here."

"What are you doing home? Shouldn't you still be at work?" Kalen asked.

No one else was speaking. Canderous and Atton had slipped back into their card game. The world around them didn't exist. Alexis was watching Carth with guarded eyes. Kalen hadn't noticed a thing. She wasn't very perceptive for a Jedi sometimes.

"I forgot that I had a meeting this evening. I need my uniform," Carth replied. He was wearing his favorite orange jacket and dark green flight suit. He looked exactly as he had almost five years ago when he'd been helping Alexis search for Malak.

"Do you have time to stay for lunch? I did make it in your kitchen," Kalen said with a smile.

Carth nodded slowly, looking at Alexis apprehensively out of the corner of his eye. It seemed that staying for lunch was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do.

Alexis straightened. All she had to do was be calm. She'd behaved childishly the day before. She just needed to grow up a bit and- avoid him like the plague. Not that that would help. And not that she could really do that in the first place. She just needed to act like the rationale adult that she was. Most of the time.

"Great. You and Lexi sit down. I'll have the food ready in a bit," Kalen said, disappearing into the kitchen without looking back.

Carth stared at the people in his living room, wondering why he'd ever been lonely. Did he really need company? All he wanted was to talk to Revan alone for a little while, to apologize. At the moment, he wouldn't have the chance.

Revan flashed him a welcoming smile that was nearly a grimace. She wasn't happy to see him. She'd left the apartment before dawn just to avoid this meeting. Carth nodded at her and stalked off to his bedroom to retrieve his uniform. He hadn't expected her to be home.

Carth collected his suit from the closet and folded it over his arm. What could he say to her? Would she even want to talk to him? Carth resolutely turned and left the room. He made his way into the living room and tossed his uniform across the arm of the couch. He sat down in a nearby seat and looked up to see what Revan was doing.

She was seated in a chair she'd pulled up by Canderous, frowning at the cards in his hand. "Now that just isn't fair. I thought you didn't cheat," Atton said.

Canderous looked up, an innocent smile on his face. "I'm just teaching her how to play."

Revan was smiling again, a real smile, rather than the forced one she had given him. "Worried I could beat you, Atton?"

Carth stood up again and headed to the kitchen without looking back. Revan was enjoying herself, so he didn't want to upset her again.

"Kalen?" Carth said to catch the young Jedi's attention. She turned towards him, wielding a spoon. She had some sort of sauce smeared on her cheek

"Anything I can do?" Carth offered.

"Do you cook better than Lexi does?" Kalen asked, grinning. She'd noticed the sauce on her cheek and was attempting to wipe it away with the back of her hand.

"Doesn't everyone?" he quipped back.

"Here, stir this. Alexis has actually told me that you cook very well. It's better that one of you can, since…" she trailed off, passing him the spoon.

Carth chose to ignore that comment. "It looks like you're done."

"I am, all except for that sauce you're stirring. You did volunteer, though." Kalen took the spoon back. "On second thought, would you set the table? I don't know where the dishes are."

"Oh good. From one menial task to another."

"There's no slave labor on Telos. You'll have to do."

Carth began to gather plates, glasses, and silverware from the cabinets. "I hope there isn't a uniform for this as well. I think that I have one to many as it is."

"I don't know. Alexis might like some kind of leather slave outfit on you. I'll bet I could find one somewhere."

"I'm not so sure."

"Why aren't you out there with her, anyway?"

"She's busy."

"Too busy for you?"

"Canderous was teaching her how to play some kind of card game."

"Right. Well, I'll go get the rest of the party while you finish setting the table. It may be hard to break Atton away from whatever game it is that they're playing. I'll be back," Kalen said, heading out of the kitchen.

Carth watched her go, frowning slightly. Hopefully everyone else at the table could carry the conversation. He didn't think Revan was too keen on speaking to him just yet.

Alexis glanced up as Kalen slid into the living room and dropped promptly into Atton's lap. He was so startled that he dropped his cards. Alexis smiled at the look on Atton's face. Kalen had probably crawled into that poor boy's lap just to distract him from his card game. It was one of the few things that would have done it.

"Well hello there," Kalen said, tossing an arm around his neck. "Carry me to lunch, flyboy?"

"Sure," Atton said, rising with Kalen in his arms and making his way into the kitchen, a bemused smile on his face.

"Smart girl," Canderous said to Alexis.

"Yeah. Lucky boy," Alexis replied.

They rose together and made their way into the kitchen in the couple's wake. Perhaps Atton had taken some of her good advice. Well, probably not. It was much more likely that Kalen had realized a few things and decided to take the situation into her own hands.

Carth was already sitting at the table. Atton took a seat with Kalen still in his arms instead of dropping her into another chair. "I don't think that this is a chair built for two," Kalen said dryly.

Atton watched as Kalen squirmed out of his lap and made her way to her own chair, a pained expression on his face. Alexis hid her grin. Kalen was playing to win. Little did she know that she already had her fist around his heart.

Alexis glanced furtively over at Carth. He was looking back at her. Their eyes locked for a second before Alexis finally managed to break the connection. Damn. There was nothing she could do to temper her feelings for the man. Every time she looked at him, even after they'd been fighting, she wanted to jump into his arms and hold on and never let go. Alexis sighed. The next few months were going to be difficult indeed.


	13. Chapter 13

Alexis sat outside of Roshana Seraph's office, watching her secretary type on a large computer terminal. She'd been in here, alone, for twenty minutes, waiting for her meeting with the senator.

The senator was late, but Alexis didn't care. She was busy thinking about other things. The day before, after a rather boring lunch, Kalen, Atton, and Canderous had stayed for a sparring match and then returned to the Ebon Hawk.

Carth had gone back to work. He hadn't gotten back until very late, and Alexis had pretended to be meditating when he arrived. He'd looked as if he wanted to talk to her, but Alexis had firmly ignored his attempts to rouse her. She still wasn't ready to talk. She might never be. She'd have to speak with him eventually, however, and she knew it was time to stop avoiding it. The next time he showed signs of wanting to talk, she'd give in.

It wasn't really him that was the problem anyway. It was the point that he'd made. His observation about her penchant for running away had cut her to the very core, simply because it was so true.

Alexis absently ran her fingers along the dark black circles under her eyes. She hadn't slept in days. Using meditation in place of sleep had worked for her for a very long time, but now that she wasn't so used to it anymore, the sleep deprivation was getting to her. She probably looked ill. She was losing weight again, despite eating well and exercising.

"Senator Seraph will see you now," The secretary said, startling Alexis out of her thoughts.

Alexis rose, nodding. She smoothed her clothing carefully, eyeing the pink tunic and white leggings carefully. She looked okay, though she didn't look much like a Jedi. To top it off, she'd had to wear a heavy cloak into the office to hide her identity. The secretary hadn't recognized her, or hadn't commented.

The secretary rose and opened the door to the senator's office for her, a friendly smile on his face. Alexis smiled back at him and he promptly blushed. He was very young, now that she got a closer look.

Alexis stepped into the office and the secretary shut the door behind her. She turned her eyes immediately to the woman who sat behind the desk. The woman rose and gave her a welcoming smile. The reception was much better than Alexis had expected.

The woman was around thirty-two or thirty-three years old. She had short, heavy dark brown hair and brown eyes. She was wearing a dark red senatorial robe that hid most of her body. As Alexis edged closer, she realized that the woman was enormously tall, probably taller than Carth. Her face wasn't classically pretty, but she had strong, friendly features and even white teeth. She looked strangely familiar. "Welcome to my office. My name is Roshana Seraph, as I'm sure you know."

"My name is Alexis Starling. Or, Alexis Revan, if you prefer," Alexis responded, offering the woman her hand. She had a very firm grip, Alexis noted.

"Please, take a seat. May I call you Alexis? I have a feeling it will be more comfortable than Revan," the senator said, motioning towards a soft-looking beige chair across from her desk.

Alexis carefully settled herself in the seat. Roshana took her seat as well. "You certainly may."

"Good. Please, call me Roshana. I hate formalities," the woman said. She smiled again. "Look, I know you've already noticed that I look at bit familiar to you. I could see the recognition in your eyes. Allow me to explain."

"You don't have to," Alexis said quickly, embarrassed that Roshana had noticed.

"It's alright. I'm Carth's second cousin. I understand that you two have known each other for some time. It's only natural for you to see the family resemblance."

"Oh, now I see. I'm sorry if I stared. The similarities really are striking."

"Yes," Roshana said, "We all have the same hair and eyes. The same nose, too, I'm told."

Alexis nodded. "I'm very glad that you took the time to see me."

"I'd actually have liked to have seen you sooner, but Carth told me I had to give you a bit of time. He's very protective of you, you know."

"Well, we've been friends for a very long time."

"I see," Roshana said knowingly. Alexis had to resist the urge to blush. "So, what are you doing back in known space? I was led to believe that you'd disappeared after the Jedi Civil War."

"I did. I've come back to do that which I should have done in the first place. I'm back to aid the Republic in rebuilding," Alexis said with conviction. She wasn't sure that that was why she had come back originally, but it was her purpose now, so it was the truth.

"So what is it that you think you can do for the Republic?" the senator asked, leaning forward on her desk and resting her head on her hands.

"First and foremost, I'd like to attempt to rebuild the Jedi Order with the assistance of the exile, Kalen Valirra."

"I am told that all of your Masters are dead," Roshana said seriously.

"That's true, or at least as far as I know. Kalen is, however, very experienced, as am I, and though neither one of us was a Master when we left the Order, I believe that both of us are more than capable of serving in that capacity now. There are also five, possibly six others with rudimentary Jedi training who I feel would like to help us," Alexis said.

"Why do you feel that the Jedi should be resurrected?"

"The Jedi, despite their faults, are the peacekeepers of the galaxy. They serve as figureheads, representing order and stability. I know that our reputation will have to be rebuilt, just as the Order itself will have to be rebuilt, but I feel that it's worth it. The Jedi are an essential part of a stable Republic. We've kept the galaxy safe for generations. We'd like to continue to protect out people."

"You seem very passionate about this," Roshana said carefully. She was leaning forward with interest, Alexis was proud to note.

"It's something that I consider to be of the utmost importance. At first, I admit, even I was skeptical. Why did the Republic need a former Sith Lord to help restore it? A friend told me, however, that a woman who'd triumphed over darkness would be the perfect person to lead the Republic from the darkness in which it has languished for so long. The Republic needs me because I am so much like it. I was once as corrupt and dangerous as our Republic is now. I am not that person any longer. I've stepped back into the light. I believe that the Republic can as well."

"Why should I believe that you won't fall again? What's to stop you from becoming a Sith once more?"

Alexis took a deep breath. "I understand that you're worried. But the only answer that I have for you is this: I'm older, I'm wiser, and I have friends that I can count on to stand by me through thick and thin. Even if you don't trust me not to betray you, trust in the ability of my friends to keep me on the path of the light. They will not allow me to fall to the dark side."

"Do you really think that the Jedi are enough to reunite the Republic?"

"I do. The Jedi have always been the muscle supporting the Senate. Without us, no one will believe that the Senate has the power to carry out its decisions. Once we have been restored, many of the worlds that feel that there is no benefit to joining the Republic will see that we are re-establishing ourselves and that we do have the ability to protect them."

Roshana smiled at Alexis suddenly. "I see why you are considered to be so powerful. Your words motivate. I am half ready to leap from my chair and learn to use the Force myself."

"Does that mean that you'll sponsor me in the Senate?" Alexis asked, placing her hands on the edge of the table. She was unable to hide the urgency in her voice.

"I'd like to talk-" Roshana began, but she was interrupted.

"Senator, I'm very sorry to interrupt, but your son has been dropped off here. It appears that the baby sitter has fallen ill. He's crying and I'm not quite sure what to do…" The secretary announced over the comlink. A very young child could be heard sobbing in the background.

Alexis glanced at the door. "May I get him for you? I'm rather fond of children."

Roshana shook her head. "Malikei will bring him in. You can hold him if you'd like, though. I have a feeling that you'll be very good with him. If you can do half of what you've done to me to him, he'll be asleep the moment he touches your hands."

Alexis gave her a faint smile. "Thank you… I think."

"Malikei, go ahead bring Radek in please."

"Do you only have the one?"

"Yes. He's my pride and joy. His father's a soldier with the Republic. I believe he took over the ship that Carth was recently piloting. The Sojourn? Anyway, he's quite a handful most of the time."

Alexis turned to the door and rose as the secretary entered with the young boy. He was around two years old. He had thick, brown hair and brown eyes. He looked a lot like his mother. And like Carth. Alexis was smitten the moment she saw him. "Oh, he's an angel!" Alexis said, smiling and offering her arms up.

The secretary looked a bit startled, but he held the boy out to her. Alexis took the little boy and held him against her chest. She carefully used the Force to exude a sense of calm. The baby relaxed almost instantly.

Alexis leaned her head down until she could see his eyes. "Hi. I'm Lexi. What's your name?" The little boy looked away bashfully.

"Do you have a name?" She gave him a big smile. He looked at her from beneath his eyelashes for a few seconds. She gently ruffled his soft hair.

"Radek," he told her softly.

"Radek. That's a very nice name. How old are you?" Radek held up two fingers. "Two, huh? That's old. You're a very big boy, Radek."

Radek was smiling at her and rubbing his eyes. "Are you sleepy?" She asked. Radek nodded. "Would you like me to hold you while you take a nap?" She offered. It didn't look like she'd needed to. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and popped his thumb into his mouth. Alexis pulled it out gently. He didn't try to get it back. After a couple of minutes of Alexis rubbing his back and whispering to him, he shut his eyes and fell asleep almost instantly.

Alexis turned back to Roshana, who was grinning openly. "I knew you'd be good with kids. You'd make a very good mother."

"I'm not sure I'll have that opportunity," Alexis replied quietly. "Jedi aren't supposed to marry."

"You aren't really a Jedi though, are you?" Roshana whispered back.

Alexis gave her a tired smile. "Sometimes, I wonder that myself."

"And what have you decided?"

"Carth's pacing outside the door," Alexis replied, glancing over at the door.

"Shall we let him in?"

"If you don't, he'll wear a hole in your carpet."

"Malikei," Roshana said over the com, "will you let Admiral Onasi into the office before he paces a hole through my carpet?"

"At once, senator," the secretary replied.

Carth walked into the room, uncertain as to what to expect. What he did see was Revan, standing in the corner, cuddling a very small child. He recognized the boy as his third cousin, Radek, but for a moment, he allowed himself to envision the boy, who looked very much like he had as a child, as his own son with Revan.

Carth smiled faintly at the thought. Wouldn't it be wonderful to come home to a wife and son again? To experience all of the things he'd missed when Dustil was a boy? Or perhaps a daughter, with Revan's black hair and his brown eyes… she'd be tiny and delicate, like her mother, and very beautiful...

Carth felt the slight burn of unshed tears in the corners of his eyes and shook his head, trying to dispel the images. He hadn't cried in years, and he wouldn't do so now. Looking at Revan holding a child was doing crazy things to his head, however, and he had to tear his gaze away to save his sanity.

She wasn't even technically speaking to him at the moment. Wishing she were carrying his child under such circumstances was completely unreasonable. Ah, there was a lovely thought. Revan, pregnant. She was so small. Could she even carry a baby to term? Would he be willing to risk her life to find out? _Idiot! Drop it before she figures out just what you're thinking!_

"Can I help you, Carth?" Roshana offered suddenly. Carth turned to look at her, grateful for the distraction.

"I was just- um-," Carth began, still flustered. "I wanted to come by and see how things were going. I'd intended just to wait for Revan outside, really. I can go, if you'd like…" Carth said lamely. _Why had he come? _Now all he wanted to do was escape.

"Carth," Revan greeted him quietly to avoid waking the boy. Her expression was soft and warm. She looked so, so appealing holding a child…

"Well, we're done. My son likes her, so obviously Alexis is all right. I'd love to sponsor her in the Senate," Roshana said, glancing sideways at Alexis.

"Oh, thank you!" Revan said quickly.

Carth gave her a warm smile and Revan smiled back. For a second, everything was perfect between them. It didn't last. Her expression became guarded and she looked away to the toes of her boots, running her fingers idly though the baby's curls.

Roshana looked between the pair of them for a second, appearing curious. She smiled suddenly, turning her eyes to Carth. "_Good luck_," she mouthed. Carth nodded his thanks. Revan didn't appear to notice.

"We can meet again in a few days. For now, why don't you head on home? I'll take Radek. The Senate will be in session again in two weeks. We'll talk several times before then. I hope you're ready for a fight, Alexis."

Revan looked up. Carth was surprised by the pain in her expression. "I have to be. I can't fail."

"You won't," Carth said impulsively. He almost wished he could take it back when she turned on him, but her eyes softened and she seemed grateful, so he slowly let out his pent up breath. Things would have to get better between them soon. He felt as if he were walking on eggshells.

Revan carefully made her way to Roshana's side and passed the much taller woman her sleeping child. Roshana towered over Revan by well over a foot and Carth was struck once again by just how tiny Revan was. With such a large personality, one tended to overlook her diminutive stature.

Carth watched as the two women shook hands. He shook Roshana's hand next. "Thank you again, Senator," Revan said.

"Goodbye," Roshana responded and the pair walked out of her office.

Alexis stared up at Carth outside of the senator's office. He'd seemed so nervous. His thoughts were in turmoil, she'd been able to feel them across the room. Alexis could actually see the tension in his shoulders.

Putting their slight animosity aside, Alexis reached over and touched his arm. He jerked as if she'd burned him and she pulled back very quickly. "Aren't you feeling well?" she asked carefully.

Carth glanced down at her. "I'm fine," he replied, a bit too quickly in her opinion.

"Do you have to go back to work?"

"Yes, but I'll walk you back to the apartment. May I help you on with your cloak?" Carth offered.

Alexis nodded and Carth gently slid her cloak over her arms and tipped up the hood. Alexis adjusted it until it covered her face and body sufficiently. "Carth, we need to talk," she said finally. She hadn't intended to be the one to initiate the conversation, but he didn't seem too keen on doing it himself. She was a little worried about him.

"I know. Let's wait until I get home tonight. We'll talk then. We've been putting it off for far too long."

Alexis took the elbow he offered, sliding her arm through his. He was a comfort to her, even now. They made their way to the shuttle that would take them back to the module that held Carth's apartment in silence.

Onboard the shuttle, Alexis took the only available seat while Carth hovered over her, looking alternately anxious and content. She could still feel the waves of confusion rolling off of him. It was rather disconcerting. Still, they said nothing.

Finally they arrived at Carth's apartment. He helped her out of her cloak and offered to get her a drink. When she politely refused, he turned to go. "Until tonight," Alexis said quietly.

Carth stared at her for a few seconds. "Until tonight," he replied. Alexis got the distinct impression that he was fleeing for his very life.


	14. Chapter 14

Alexis had been in the apartment for less than thirty seconds by herself when Atton slipped tentatively into her mind. He was rather clumsy about it and seemed very unsure of himself, but he was there, nonetheless.

'_Atton?'_

'_I- can we talk?'_

'_You seem nervous. Is something the matter?'_

'_May I come over?'_

'_Yes, no one's here. Come on over.'_

'_Thanks.'_

And with that, he was gone. Alexis frowned and walked towards Carth's bedroom, where all of her spare clothing was stored. What had Atton all tied up in knots? Alexis sighed and slid into Carth's closet. Her clothing was stored on the far side.

Alexis pulled out a pair of soft white leggings. They'd once belonged to an older child that had lived at Atris's academy in the Polar Region, but Alexis had confiscated them during her stay. They had been a bit too short, but they'd fit her slender frame well, so she had cut them off just below the knee.

Alexis pulled off her boots and changed into the short pants, along with a slim fitting white tank top she'd stolen from the same place. She'd chosen her new attire for utter comfort. She didn't feel like doing anything. Maybe she'd even be able to get some sleep after Atton left. She left her feet bare. She wasn't planning on leaving the apartment.

Alexis made her way back into the living room, letting her hair down as she went. It had been braided and wound up on top of her head for the meeting with Senator Seraph. Just as she pulled the final pin from her hair, Atton reached the door.

He'd made the trip from the Ebon Hawk in record time. Alexis opened the door with a flick of her wrist and Atton slipped in, panting. Apparently he'd run the entire way.

"Is there anyone behind me?" Atton hissed.

"No… Atton, is everything all right?" Alexis said, suddenly anxious. Who would be following him?

"She's trying to kill me," Atton whispered, throwing himself onto the couch with a theatrical sigh.

"Ah… Who's trying to kill you?" Alexis asked, settling herself onto the floor a few feet in front of him. She crossed her legs comfortably and ruffled her hair. At least she could be calm, even if he wasn't.

"Kalen," Atton said quite seriously.

Alexis erupted into an uncontrollable fit of giggles. "Kalen's trying to kill you?" She managed to gasp, clutching her stomach and grinning.

"You're making fun of me again!" Atton said.

"You make it too easy, Atton."

"She's… She's…"

"Don't hurt yourself. Just what is it that she's doing that it seems like she'd trying to kill you?"

"She's wearing her hair down." Atton looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Is that all?" Alexis managed with a straight face. Kalen must have really done a number on him for him to be coming apart like this.

"She keeps… handing me things. Things that I was about to ask for. I hadn't even asked for the hydrospanner. She just knew. She knew I wanted it, and she handed it to me."

Now he was babbling. "Anything else?"

"She kisses me. On the cheek. That's all. But if I reach out to grab her, to kiss her for real, she just squirms out of my reach. And the little touches. She can't keep her hands off of me. They're always very innocent. The hand. The shoulder. The knee. She's driving me mad. And she won't talk to me, won't let me catch her. She's playing with my head. Every time I try to get something more serious out of her, she laughs at me and disappears."

"Is that it?"

"Normal women don't behave that way. I just want to grab her and shake her. Or kiss her silly. I haven't decided which."

"Sure they do. I thought you were supposed to be good at this game."

"This isn't a game. This is very serious," Atton said, turning an icy stare on her. Alexis bit her lip in an attempt to remain in control.

"Atton… She's flirting with you."

"She's trying to kill me."

"Look, Atton, Kalen's not some dancer in a cantina. Her definition of flirting isn't sticking her hand down your pants."

"I wish she would. That would make things so much easier."

"She doesn't want it to be easy," Alexis said. Oh, poor Atton. He was so wrapped around Kalen's finger that he was he no longer knew which way was up.

"Why not?" He asked desperately.

"I don't think Kalen's in it just for kicks. I think she's playing for keeps. Her goal isn't to get you into bed. She could've had that a long time ago."

"Damned right she could have."

"Atton. Look at me."

Atton turned his eyes to her slowly. They were still a little wild and he hadn't stopped breathing heavily. He couldn't still be tired from the run there. "It's going to be okay. She's just trying to get your attention."

"She already had it. Why is she doing this to me?"

"Atton. Look at me. Over here. In the eyes. Stop glancing at the door, Atton… Good. That's better. How do you feel about Kalen?"

"You know the answer to that."

"Just say it. You'll feel better."

"I can't."

"It's not like you're telling her. You're telling me. Now say it."

"I-"

"Atton…"

"All right! All right! I love her!"

"Thank you. Now, don't you feel better?"

"Not really."

"Well, good. So, what are you going to do about it?"

"I've made a decision," He was smiling and looked remarkably sane compared to the mess he had been a few seconds before.

"Oh?"

"I'm going to shake her, and then I'm going to kiss her silly."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

Atton laughed. "She's really got me, hasn't she?"

"I'd say so," Alexis said, returning his smile.

Atton rolled off of the couch and lounged on the floor beside her. He stretched out on his back and put his arms behind his head. His grin had gone slightly silly.

"Atton, I think you're about to start drooling," Alexis said half seriously. He looked rather pleased with himself.

"That's because I am finally sure it's me she's after, not Disciple."

"Oh, poor Mical," Alexis said seriously. She saw the boy so rarely that she'd almost forgotten that he existed.

"Poor Mical my boot. He was vicious about all of this. All of that flattery and meditation. I thought for sure she'd fallen for that crap."

"He does love her, you know."

"Well, so do I."

"It's a bit different. He'll get over her. His is only a bad case of hero worship. You wouldn't have. If she had run off with Disciple, you would have drowned your sorrows in pazaak and juma. You wouldn't have lived another five years. You would have turned you liver to mush."

"Hey- that's not fair."

"It's true though."

"You can't know that."

"But I do. And so do you. Anyway, Mical will always love her, but I think that he'll come to realize that his love is the love of an apprentice for his Master. I don't think that Mical will ever love someone in the usual way. I think Mical will be the first true Jedi to return to the Republic."

"Ah, innocent and virginal all of his life. He looks the part."

"At least he has some self control."

"Yeah, and no sex drive to speak of. He probably dreamed of holding Kalen's hand for all eternity."

"Don't tell me what you dreamed of."

"Have you ever seen that girl in underwear? I can't wait to see her wearing less. That was what she was wearing the first time I saw her, you know: a red tank top and underwear. I'm not even sure that she had on a bra."

"That's more than I ever wanted to know. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Atton replied, turning his head to grin at her.

Atton stayed around for a while to play pazaak and chat. It was well into the afternoon before he left. When he went back to the Ebon Hawk, he was whistling contentedly and smiling.

He hadn't been gone for five minutes when Kalen waltzed into the apartment. "Can't you people leave me alone?" Alexis moaned, dropping onto the ground with the bowl of white rice she'd just retrieved from the kitchen.

"Got any more of that? I haven't had time for lunch." Kalen said in lieu of reply.

"Yep. There's some in the kitchen. Help yourself," Alexis responded.

"You didn't cook it, did you?"

"Ha, Ha."

"I'll take that as a no," Kalen said as she made her way to the kitchen. She returned shortly thereafter, clutching a bowl of rice as well. She was already eating before she even sat down on the couch.

"Hungry?"

"Mmmhmm."

Alexis set her bowl aside and leaned her back up against the couch beside Kalen's legs. "So, what do you want to talk to me about?"

Kalen finished the last of her rice and tossed her bowl over beside Alexis's. "I know that Atton was here. I want to know how I'm doing."

Alexis smirked. "He says you're killing him."

"Mira suggested that I tie him up, use a bothan stunner, and starve him for a few days. I thought that this would be better."

"Undoubtedly so."

"So, what did he say?"

"Well, he mentioned that you were wearing your hair down." Alexis glanced up at Kalen's long blonde hair. "You really do have pretty hair."

"Thanks. I knew that that would get him."

"He also said something about you touching him incessantly and kissing his cheek. He even mentioned you handing him things before he asked for them. There for a while, he was completely out of control. I thought he might faint," Alexis said with a laugh.

"The battle is nearly won," Kalen said triumphantly.

"He mentioned something about what you were wearing the first time he saw you," Alexis said slyly.

"Ah, yes. My underwear. I think I had on a t-shirt as well."

"Atton even remembers what color is was. He seems to think that you might not have been wearing a bra."

"Wishful thinking on his part."

"No, the wishful thinking was the part where he saw you without it," Alexis replied.

Kalen, despite all of her bravado, was still a bit of an innocent, much as Alexis was. She blushed a delicate rose color. "Well then. That would explain why he's been trying his hardest to keep me out of his head."

"That's not the only reason," Alexis muttered. Kalen appeared not to have heard her. "I fell I should warn you that he plans to capture you, shake you a few times, and then kiss you into submission."

"I look forward to it," Kalen said with a giggle.

"So, what are your plans for my boy?" Alexis asked in a mock serious tone.

"Your boy?"

"Oh, yes. He's called me mummy once or twice."

"Well, I plan to have my wicked way with him."

"If I were you, I'd make it legal first. He might run away if you don't."

"I doubt it. I'm not sure he'll ever leave me again."

"Congratulations."

"Now all I have to do is get him to admit that he loves me."

"It isn't very hard. You do love him back, don't you?"

"Well of course," Kalen said. Alexis could actually see when the rest of her words sank it. "What isn't very hard?"

"Getting him to admit that he loves you."

"He loves me?" Kalen said, sporting the same silly grin Atton had been wearing only hours before.

"I thought you already knew that."

"Well, I did, but it's always nice to hear it."

Alexis chuckled. "He was even whistling when he left."

Kalen's smile faded. "What's wrong between you and Carth?"

Alexis stiffly held her smile in place. "What do you mean?"

"Jedi can't lie, Alexis. Wipe that fake smile off of your face and tell me what's going on."

"Nothing."

"Lexi, please. Tell me."

"I-"

"Alexis, if you can't tell me, who can you tell?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine. How did your meeting with the senator go?"

"She's agreed to sponsor me in the Senate," Alexis said, surprised how quickly Kalen had dropped the previous subject.

"That's good news. Now, why are you and Carth behaving so oddly around one another?"

Alexis sighed. She should have known. "I give up."

"Great. Tell me everything."

"Kalen, how is it that you can just cast aside the Jedi Code? How can you allow yourself to love?"

"Alexis, it isn't about allowing myself to love," Kalen said, frowning at her. "I didn't let myself do anything. I fell in love with Atton despite the Jedi Code. I knew it was wrong, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. Now that I do love him, what difference does it make if I tell him? The love's already there. I've already broken the Code. You love Carth. You've broken the Code too. Lexi, we're not Jedi. We're just Force-wielders. The Jedi Code only applies to us in the loosest sense."

"I just can't let it go," Alexis said sadly, staring at her hands.

"Alexis…"

"No, I'm not ready for this yet. Nevermind. We aren't getting along because we had a bit of a fight. That's it."

"Okay. We'll pick back up on the love issue later. For now, what was the fight about?"

"Well… I don't really know what was wrong. Carth just came home angry. I confronted him and we argued… I started to leave… and Carth asked me if I was running away again."

"And you're so upset because…?"

"Because he was right. I was running away. Again. If anything comes close to touching my heart, I run away."

"So now you're running away from Carth."

"I am not! I'm still here, aren't I?"

"Physically, maybe, and even mentally. But emotionally? Are you really here, Lexi?"

"Just, drop it, please! I'm not ready for this!"

"Let me know when you are, Alexis. I'll be here."

When Carth finally came home, Alexis was already emotionally spent. She was lying on her back in the middle of the floor, unconsciously echoing Atton's position earlier in the day. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was deep. She was trying to calm herself. She didn't even look at him when Carth came in.

"Revan?" He said quietly, flipping on the light and tossing his jacket onto the sofa.

"I'm here," Alexis replied softly.

"You wanted to talk."

Alexis opened her eyes and stared at him for a few seconds. "I did."

"Do you want to do it now, or would you like to do it over dinner? Maybe even after that?"

Alexis gave a weak laugh. "Well, we do have to do it sometime today. Preferably before midnight. I'm not hungry, though. Are you?"

"A little."

"Can I fix you anything? I'm pretty good at reheating rice."

"On second thought…"

"Oh, you. I'm sure we can find you something. Let's go to the kitchen and look."

"Revan, listen…"

Alexis stood up quickly. "No, let's wait until you have food. We can talk after." She started to walk towards the kitchen.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"Carth…"

"Fine. We'll get me some dinner. Are you sure you aren't hungry too?"

Alexis shook her head and slid into the kitchen, dreading the conversation to come.

Carth walked along behind Revan, frowning at her back. She was losing weight again. Maybe he could coax her into eating some of his meal. She had dark circles under her eyes, too.

When Revan stopped in the kitchen and turned around, Carth was unable to stop himself from stopping only a few inches from her and gently running his thumb across the bags under her eyes. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away.

Carth slowly pressed his entire palm against her cheek. Her breath caught and she shut her eyes. Carth stilled his hand, waiting for her to jerk back. She didn't move. Carth leaned forward slowly and pressed his lips to her forehead.

Revan was trembling. She lifted her hand and pressed it against his chest. He felt her fingers curl into his jacket for a second. She flattened her palm and pushed gently. Carth took a step back and lowered his hand. Revan's eyes popped open. "Not now," she whispered, turning away.

Carth stared at the back of her head, wishing everything could be right between them. He'd seen the pain in her eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't know what he could do to help.

"Go ahead and reheat that rice. I've got some stuff I can throw into to make it to give it a little flavor," Carth said quietly.

Revan nodded and went to get the rice. She didn't say a word. Carth watched her out of the corner of his eye as she heated it. She was moving warily, as if afraid he'd lunge across the kitchen at her. Was she actually frightened of him? He'd never thought so, but maybe she was after all. He knew she wasn't afraid he would hurt her. It was more likely that she was afraid that she would have to fend off any kind of romantic advance he might make. She'd had to do it once only a few moments before.

Revan passed him the warmed-over rice and Carth tossed a few things into it. He wasn't really hungry anymore, but he hoped that he could get Revan to eat some of the food if he did.

They both sat down at the table. Carth glanced at Revan's outfit. It was completely white, like snow. She looked like an innocent little girl with her hair trailing down her back and her calves and feet bared that way.

"Carth, I wanted to apologize again for the other night. I should have learned by now to keep my emotions in check. Reacting in that manner isn't the Jedi way."

"It wasn't your fault. If I hadn't said that to you…"

"That shouldn't matter. I should be able to control myself," Revan said. "Oh, and Dustil said he'd be here in a week so… five days from today, I'd wager."

Carth took a bite of his food and chewed thoughtfully. "I wish I had an excuse for the way I acted but, I don't."

"It doesn't matter," Revan said.

Carth held out a bit of rice to Revan from his fork and she took it without thinking. He wanted to smile at her, but he figured that might be inappropriate. "It does to me."

"I guess the original issue was the night out in the cantina…" Revan said softly.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Carth, if you keep apologizing, we're never going to get through this."

"Sorry. Er- I mean- Right. Well, um- go ahead."

"I went to a cantina with Kalen. She and Mira got drunk and I took them back to the Hawk. Someone had to take care of them, after all. No one recognized me, and nothing happened. I realize I took a risk, but it was late and I didn't look like myself at all."

"You have every right to do what you want. I knew deep down that no one would recognize you. I just wanted to protect you. I hate it when I can't be there to take care of you. I felt like I'd failed you somehow."

Revan looked up into his eyes. "You can't protect me all the time."

"And I know that. But I'd like to."

"I know," Revan whispered.

Carth looked down at the table. He forced himself to take another bite of his dinner. After a long silence, he looked back up. "I'd like to explain why Seré was in my lap, if I may."

"You don't have to. I understand."

"I don't think you do."

"Fine. Go ahead."

"Seré called me in the middle of the night to let me know that someone had tried to break into her apartment. I went over there to check things out, per her request. When I got there, I didn't see any kind of problem, but she was hysterical. She came back to my apartment because she was scared. I sat with her for a bit while she cried and she fell asleep against my chest. I eventually went to sleep, too."

"I see."

"Nothing happened," Carth added, seeing that she wasn't reacting at all to his story.

"Carth, it wouldn't be any of my business if something had."

Carth glanced over at her. She might be saying it didn't matter, but her eyes told another story. She looked hurt, even a little worried. "I think it would be."

"Carth, do we have to do this now?"

Carth shut his eyes for a second. He was pushing and she wasn't ready. "No. We can talk about it another time." Carth offered up his fork again. Revan took it without comment.

"I was gone for almost five years. Things are bound to be a little strained between us. We're still friends though, Carth. At least, I like to think so. I want you to know that you'll always be important to me," Revan said, looking back up into his eyes.

"Is that all we are, Revan? Friends?" Carth asked her softly. He knew he should have kept his mouth shut. He never should have asked. But he had to know the answer.

"Carth…"

"Tell me, Revan. Please, answer me." Revan looked deeply into his eyes. He could see her thinking, trying to decide what to say. Carth shook his head suddenly. "Forget it. I shouldn't have asked."

Revan smiled suddenly. "Carth, call me Alexis."


	15. Chapter 15

Alexis stood in the bathroom, trying to decide what came next. She'd managed to escape dinner without any more serious conversation, but now she wasn't sure what to do. She'd showered and was once again wearing Carth's t-shirt. Why she'd never purchased her own pajamas, she wasn't sure. It wasn't for lack of opportunity. Alexis was suspicious that she'd done it because Carth's smell had helped her relax, even when they were apart.

Alexis stared apprehensively at the door. So, should she just crawl back into Carth's bed to sleep like nothing had changed since their first few nights together? Would he be uncomfortable calling her Alexis? Alexis had often thought about why Carth kept calling her Revan. It had never occurred to her, before tonight, that she's hadn't asked him to. The smile that had lit his face when she had asked had told her that she'd guessed correctly. He'd thought that she didn't want him to.

_At least she hadn't been forced to admit her feelings for him. Not yet. She wasn't ready._

So what was she ready for? Lately, she'd been telling everyone who asked her to do anything that she wasn't ready. Well, when would she be ready? She didn't know. But she was going to have to start being ready to do things, to talk about things, to fix things.

Alexis put her hand on the door. She was going to go to him. She didn't want to be alone, even if she couldn't tell him that he was so much more than her friend. Even if she couldn't tell him that she loved him. Alexis stepped out into the hall and looked down to Carth's bedroom. He was standing in the doorway, watching her.

Alexis walked to his side slowly and he offered her his hand. She stood in front of him for a moment, staring at it. After a while, she took it cautiously. Instead of leading her to the bedroom, he swept her up into his arms and carried her there, avoiding looking at her as he did so. When they arrived, he lowered her gently onto the bed and made his way to the other side without a word.

Alexis nestled down beneath the blankets and turned away from him, praying she'd be able to keep her hands to herself. It appeared Carth was having none of that. She felt his warm hand on her back and she shut her eyes tightly.

"Come here, beautiful," he whispered. Alexis rolled over.

"Carth…"

"It's all right. Just let me hold you."

Alexis reluctantly pulled her body against his and Carth wrapped his arms around her. She placed her hands against his chest and Carth gently pressed his lips to her forehead again. Alexis forced her breathing to relax and her heart to steady.

Carth's fingers were lightly toying with her hair. The soft pulling sensation was oddly relaxing. His other hand was tenderly massaging her back. Alexis felt all of her nerves melt away. Force, he was _amazing_. She could barely think anymore.

After a few moments, Alexis was nearly asleep. She'd been so tired… "Alexis? Are you still awake?" Carth whispered. Alexis didn't answer. She wasn't sure she could have formed words, even if she'd wanted to.

She felt Carth smile against her and her pulled her a bit closer to him. Alexis had to resist the urge to wrap her arms around him. "Goodnight, beautiful," he said quietly. "I love you."

It was ironic that when someone she loved finally professed their love for her, Alexis only managed to restrain herself by using the Jedi techniques that should've kept her from falling in love with him in the first place. Carth drifted almost immediately into a deep sleep after his quiet confession. Alexis was awake for a very, very long time.

Alexis awoke the following morning to Carth looming over her from the end of the bed. He was grinning broadly at her. "I didn't know you knew how to sleep past daybreak," Carth said, motioning towards the window. The sun had just risen over the horizon.

Alexis glanced lazily down at herself. She was barely covered. It appeared she'd kicked the sheet off during the night and Carth's t-shirt was hitched very high up on her thigh. Alexis blushed and started to reach for the sheet but Carth leaned down and caught it before she managed. "It's time to get up, isn't it?"

It was amazing how quickly Carth had gone from constantly nervous and tense in her presence to completely at ease. He didn't even seem to mind depriving her of her decency. Alexis sat up as quickly as she was able and tugged a pillow into her lap. "I probably could have gotten a few more hours of rest if you hadn't bothered me…" she muttered. In truth, she was glad he'd woken her up. Sleeping past sunrise made her uncomfortable. "Why didn't you wake me up when you got up?"

"I thought you'd wake up when I did. I did have to disentangle myself from you when I got out of bed, after all," Carth was still wearing that huge smile.

"What are you so happy about?" Alexis asked suspiciously.

"You were talking in your sleep a little while ago."

Oh no. Alexis didn't even remember what she'd been dreaming about. "Oh?" Alexis responded weakly.

"It was fairly cute. You know, in a pathetic sort of way," Carth said slyly.

"Pathetic!" Alexis said indignantly. "And what exactly did I say?"

"Well, you said that you'd love to go to one of the restoration zones on Telos's surface with me today for a meeting. And then you mentioned that we could have a picnic afterwards."

"You were lying to me!"

"No, you were pretty pathetic." Dignity forgotten, Alexis launched the pillow in her lap at his head. Carth dodged the rather slow-moving projectile and raised his eyebrows at her. "Nice underwear."

Alexis tried to grab another pillow to throw but she missed and nearly rolled off of the bed. Carth practically ran from the room, chuckling to himself. Alexis finally managed to lay her hands on another pillow. Once she had it, she stood quickly and ran after him.

It didn't take long for her to find him. He was standing in the kitchen, holding a piece of fruit in each hand. "So, can we call a truce for breakfast?"

Alexis walked calmly over and retrieved her fruit from his hand. She bit into it while rather casually bonking Carth over the head with the pillow with her free hand. Carth's arm snaked out and caught her around the waist. He spun her around until her back was pressed against him. He fruit flew across the room. She tried to break free but he held her fast.

Alexis was giggling uncontrollably at this point. She'd forgotten how much fun pure silliness could be. Alexis stopped struggling and wrapped her hands around the arm Carth had across her middle for support. He feet weren't even touching the ground anymore.

Carth dropped his fruit onto the counter and wrapped his other arm around her. Alexis wiggled around, trying to break away. It wouldn't have been hard if she'd really wanted down, but she was enjoying herself. The squirming was mostly for Carth's benefit, and he knew it.

"You win," Alexis said finally, sagging against his arm. Carth spun her around to face him in the blink of an eye. "Well hello," Alexis added in surprise.

"Hello yourself." He was very close. Alexis could feel his warm breath on her face. She lifted her arms and carefully placed them behind his neck. Carth gave her a slightly lopsided smile.

Carth let go with one of his arms and placed his hand lightly against the side of her face. Alexis leaned into it, her breath coming quickly. Carth's face came closer to hers and Alexis looked into his eyes, her lips parted in surprise. Just as she was sure he was going to kiss her, someone rang the doorbell. Carth dropped Alexis as if she had burned him.

Alexis looked down and attempted to straighten the dark blue t-shirt she was wearing. Carth straightened his clothing as well and made his way to the door. "Any idea…?" he began.

Alexis shut her eyes and turned her attention to the door. She shook her head slowly… "Wait. Yes… It's Seré. What's she doing here?" Alexis frowned slightly from her position in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

Carth shrugged and opened the door. Seré stepped inside without so much as an invitation. "Carth, I came by to check on you. You're late for work by almost an hour and you haven't been answering the com," Seré said.

Alexis slid into the living room, idly searching her body for her lightsaber. It appeared that she'd left it in Carth's bedroom. That was disturbing, as she never liked to be parted from it, but at this point, it seemed to be for the best. Seré had once again spoiled things for she and Carth and Alexis wasn't in a very forgiving mood.

Carth glanced at his watch and grimaced slightly. "So I am. I was supposed to be in early this morning, huh?"

Seré nodded curtly. "Yes. You have a meeting in slightly less than an hour. Will you even be going into the office this morning, or shall I just meet you at the transport ship?"

Carth looked back at Alexis, who was distracted, all of a sudden. Something was amiss… Someone who wasn't supposed to be in the apartment was there…

Alexis turned sharply and glanced along the wall near the door. There were two assassins wearing stealth field generators creeping towards the hallway. Alexis raised her hand slowly, palm out, and used Force stasis to freeze both of the Sith in place.

Carth and Seré saw the Sith simultaneously. Seré gasped and Carth reached for his blasters, which were strapped to his hips. Alexis walked calmly towards the assassins, studying them with a critical eye.

"Seré, why is it that you always let the baddies in?" Alexis asked sarcastically. One of the assassins was twitching slightly. "And why do I always have to fight them in nothing but a t-shirt? It will be good to finally get those Jedi robes before this becomes my uniform." Alexis held out a hand and one of Carth's blasters drifted into it. She pressed the blaster to the assassin's chest. Carth did the same to the other man.

As he came to, Alexis jabbed the assassin before her threateningly with the tip of the blaster. "How did you get here? Who is your master?" Alexis asked. The assassin regarded her coolly without answering. "Have any stun cuffs, Carth? It would be easier if we could tie them up and ship them off to the TSF's detention center without me having to keep them in stasis. I'd still rather not be seen."

Alexis turned her head to look at Carth for a split second. The assassin took advantage of her distraction, twisting to the side to escape the blaster. Alexis moved the pistol without looking and fired once, hitting him in the breastbone. He staggered and reached for his swords. Alexis leapt into the air, landing a solid kick in his face. She fired the blaster a final time, catching him in the heart and killing him instantly. The other assassin still had not moved.

"Either my stasis worked a lot better on this fellow or he's brighter than his companion and has decided that he doesn't want to die today," Alexis observed.

Carth leaned forward a bit to look at the man. "I can't see his eyes through this mask to tell you which it is."

"Perhaps…" Alexis shut her eyes and attempted to delve into the assassin's mind. It was well shielded; all of his thoughts and goals were hidden from her. She could, however, knock him out, at least for a time, which she did. He slumped to the floor while she was opening her eyes. "There. Call a few TSF agents. They should be able to haul him off without any trouble now."

"How do you think he got here?" Carth asked. Alexis had been wondering the same thing. It had been far too long for these assassins to have been hidden on the Ebon Hawk or her own small ship.

"I don't know," Alexis said, finally spotting Seré for the first time since the incident began. She was cowering against the far wall, glaring malevolently back at Alexis. "I'm going to go and check the apartment for any further company."

"Be careful," Carth told her. Alexis nodded and disappeared. "Seré, go and call the TSF and request a few soldiers…" Alexis heard Carth order as she left the room.

After a quick sweep of the apartment, Alexis found no more unwanted guests. The TSF agents responded quickly and Carth swept off to fill out the massive amounts of paperwork involved in such an arrest, leaving Alexis alone to quickly prepare for the meeting she'd been roped into for the day.

Alexis sat outside of the transport ship on Telos's surface, fiddling wither lightsaber. She shouldn't have it out, of course. If one of the other diplomats that Carth was here with came by this particular transport, they would see her face and her lightsaber.

Alexis had dropped the cloak almost immediately after the diplomats had disappeared. It was a beautiful day, even though they were in a semi-simulated environment. The warmth from the sun was genuine, however, and Alexis basked in it happily. She hadn't seen grassy slopes like these in quite some time. Most of the worlds in the Unknown Regions had been barren wastelands.

Alexis clipped her saber back on her belt and glanced around. Carth and a few other high-ranking Republic soldiers were helping the Ithorians show visitors around this part of Telos's surface. According to Carth, this zone was one of the healthiest on the planet. Alexis knew that it was beautiful. It looked almost as if nothing had ever happened to it.

Alexis sighed happily and gently rested her back against the transport that she, Carth, and Seré had taken. It was lucky that Carth was a pilot. They hadn't had to bring anyone extra. Well, except for Seré. Alexis wasn't sure what they would do about her, but she was fairly certain that the girl wouldn't leave willingly. It was very likely that there would be a third party at their little picnic.

Alexis chose to ignore that depressing thought. She sat up and tugged off her boots and socks, tossing them away to bury her toes in the grass. It looked as if it would be a fantastic day…

A few hours later, Alexis stared at Carth from across the blanket they were seated on in the grass while attempting to braid her hair. She was having a bit of trouble. Tendrils of it kept escaping and hanging in her face, obstructing her vision and tickling her cheeks. Finally, Alexis sighed and gave up. This braid would just have to do.

Seré glanced over at her. "Is something wrong?" she asked in a seemingly kind tone. Alexis raised an eyebrow at her instead of responding.

Carth was sipping at a cup of java juice, watching her. He hadn't been able to get Seré to take another ship back to the Citadel, but Alexis had given up caring. Perhaps that was for the best, anyway. Their almost-kiss this morning had reminded Alexis that she needed to keep herself firmly in check. She hadn't yet made up her mind what to do about their situation and kissing Carth would only make things worse.

Alexis turned away to stare at the small lake that they were sitting by. It was so tempting… she didn't have any shoes on to ruin, and her clothes would dry… Alexis stood up and turned to Carth again with a brilliant smile. "Care to go for a swim?"

Instead of waiting for his answer, Alexis stood up and sprinted towards the water. She dove in, hitting the cold water with enough force to drive her breath away. She rose to the surface, gasping and grinning, wet bits of her hair trailing down her face. Carth was standing on the shore, watching. "Not going to get in?"

Seré ambled up behind him, a look of distaste on her pretty face. Alexis sloshed her way to the edge of the water and sat down in the shallows. The sandy bottom felt good on her bare feet. "No thanks," Carth said, laughing. "You know, I think that nature removes your inhibitions."

Alexis, feeling brave, gave him a suggestive smile. "Ah, but you're too scared to come in the water and find out."

Carth nodded, glancing back at Seré. "What about you? Are you going to go swimming?"

Seré frowned. "No thanks. I have to go back to work this afternoon, and so do you. She has no job to restrict her actions."

Alexis sighed and stood up. She shook the water slowly from her hair and rubbed it out of her eyes. She wandered back to the shore, wringing out her clothes as she went. Carth and Seré both stepped away from her. "What? Do I have the plague?" She asked, laughing lightly. "Hey Carth, want a hug?"

Carth smiled gently at her. His eyes were warm. "No thanks. I think I'll go pick up that blanket for you, though. You're going to be cold on the ride back."

Alexis shrugged. "Oh well. Party pooper." She turned away from him, spotting something out of the corner of her eye. An Ithorian was making his way towards them. "Ah, Carth, we have company."

Carth turned to follow her gaze. He frowned and glanced back over at her. "Chodo Habat. He's the Ithorian leader here on Telos. I wonder what he wants."

Alexis cocked her head thoughtfully. "I don't know, but he's Force sensitive. He knew who I was before he even saw me."

The Ithorian made his way to their side, his gait slow and easy. He stopped directly in front of Alexis and bowed slowly to her. _"Welcome back to Telos, Lady Revan. I am Chodo Habat, the leader of the Restoration Project here and the Ithorians' spiritual guide."_

It was clear to Alexis that neither Carth nor Seré spoke Ithorian. They both looked extremely confused. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I hope you don't mind if I speak to you in Basic. My companions don't seem to speak Ithorian, and though I can do it, my accent is terrible. It's rather difficult to wrap my tongue around," Alexis said, smiling faintly. Dealing with others was always easy for her, even in strange situations.

_"I have been meaning to speak to you ever since your arrival here. I believe, however, that you might consider carrying this conversation elsewhere, or attempting to speak Ithorian."_

Alexis turned to her companions. "I'm going to speak Ithorian for a few minutes. I hope you all don't mind. I know it's rude but…" She spread her hands helplessly. Carth nodded once and Seré snorted. Alexis broke into slow, halting Ithorian. It was, by far, one of her worst languages and took her a very long time to warm up to. _"We can stay here. Just, please, forgive my accent."_

_"Actually, it is better than I expected."_

_"What can I do for you, Chodo Habat?"_

_"It is rather what I can do for you."_

_"And what is that?"_

_"It is clear to me that you are in much pain."_

_"I'm not sure what you mean…" _Alexis said, stalling for time. Why was it that everyone felt the need to fix her? Others were entitled to be broken. Was it not her right to be less than whole as well?

_"You are worried about many things. The Republic. The Jedi. Your friends. Your love. It is too much for any normal woman to bear. And yet, you, Lady Revan, are no normal woman."_

Alexis glanced at Carth out of the corner of her eye, hoping against hope that he did not understand a word of Ithorian. _"Please, this isn't something that I wish to speak of."_

_"Fear not. I do not wish to speak of your mate. Doubtless you have heard enough about your relationship with him. I wish to speak of another matter," the Ithorian said._

Alexis relaxed for an instant before she realized what the Ithorian had called Carth. _"My mate?" _Alexis responded incredulously, only just remembering to use Ithorian when she spoke.

_"Of course. He is the mate of your soul, is he not?"_

Alexis sighed. So, the Ithorian thought that Carth was her soul mate. She could neither confirm nor deny this, as she herself did not know, so she chose to ignore it. _"What do you wish to discuss, if you don't want to talk about 'my mate'?" _

_"I wish to speak to you about another fear that you harbor. One I feel I can explain to you."_

Alexis was so tired of accepting advice from others that she wanted to simply walk away. She knew, however, that she couldn't. She had to know what he had to say. _"Which do you speak of, wise one? I have many." _Her tone was soft and slightly dejected.

_"You do not fear as much as you might think. I wish to speak to you of your fear of fleeing in the face of a challenge."_

_"How is it that you know so much about me?" _Alexis asked suspiciously.

_"I am a priest among my people."_

_"That doesn't explain why you read me so well."_

_"It is a connection I have made to you through the healing of your companion, Kalen Valirra. When she helped Telos, I helped to restore some of her Force powers through the healing of the planet. I am bonded to her, and she is bonded to you. The Force binds even strangers," _he seemed very certain of himself as he spoke.

Alexis shut her eyes momentarily. It seemed that there were many people who knew things about her that she did not know herself. _"What do you wish to tell me of my habit of running away?"_

_"Only this," _Chodo Habat said softly, _"Your fear is not one of responsibility, as you might think, but one of completion, fulfillment. You are not afraid to take on the challenges, you are afraid of what will happen to you when you conquer them. Finality has only brought you pain. When you finished your Jedi training, you went immediately to war. When you won your last battle during the Mandalorian Wars, you left known space and became a Sith. These you remembered well. When you defeated Malak during the Jedi Civil War, instead of remaining to finish your duty, you left the known galaxy. Now, why would you have done such a thing? You didn't leave before Malak was defeated."_

Alexis bit her lip. _"Because it wasn't over. Not by a long shot. I hadn't restored the Republic. I hadn't defined my relationship with Carth. I hadn't made my peace with the Jedi."_

_"And that is why you went to the Unknown Regions," _the Ithorian said knowingly.

_"But, I know all of this already. At least, most of it. How is this supposed to help me?"_

_"When you left known galaxy, you weren't only fleeing the end of one thing. You were returning to see the end of another."_

_"And yet I didn't finish that one, either. The Sith still exist."_

_"Yes. But why did you come back?"_

_"Everything revolves around that question. Many have asked it. I have even asked myself, and yet I still do not know the answer."_

_"When you do, everything will become clear."_

Alexis was frustrated. _"Forgive me, but I don't understand how this was supposed to have helped me. I know that this question is the most important of all. It relates to every other that I ask myself. But how do I prevent myself from running away? I thought you came here to help me dispel one of my fears."_

_"You flee the end because you fear what you will become, if you are given the chance to remain idle."_

Alexis nodded slowly. _"That is an astute observation. But it doesn't change anything."_

_"You won't run away again because in your heart, you already know the answer to the question around which all of the others revolve. You only choose to ignore what your soul shouts back at you."_

Alexis opened her mouth to speak, but Chodo Habat interrupted her. _"I must go. Please, tell the Admiral and his secretary that I bid them farewell. Take care of yourself, Lady Revan. Should you need to speak to me, all you need to do is ask."_

Alexis lowered her head in acknowledgement. "Goodbye…" she whispered to the fleeing Ithorian's back. He moved very quickly, despite what she recognized were the signs of advanced age.

Alexis turned to glance at Carth and Seré, rubbing at the sopping hair that was still sticking to her face. Carth held out a blanket for her and Alexis took it gratefully. As she wrapped it about herself, she knew that the blanket would do nothing to stave off the chill. If the warm sun could do nothing to dispel the darkness inside, certainly a blanket could not.


	16. Chapter 16

Four days later Alexis stood outside of a newly arrived transport ship in the middle of the night, dressed in her bounty hunter attire. No one had come with her. Even Carth had opted to stay home and sleep.

Alexis felt sorry for Carth. After their trip to the Restoration Zone, Carth had come down with some sort of cold. He was coughing and sneezing and had the occasional fever. He was even given to tremors when he thought Alexis was not looking. Alexis had attempted to heal him but the best she could do was rid him of the fevers when they cropped up. The Force was no cure for the common cold.

Alexis glanced at this particular ship and sighed, stepping back into the shadows. This ship bore the wrong number. Dustil Onasi was not on board. She watched with disinterested eyes as creatures and equipment disembarked from the ship. Many of those who had just left the ship were half asleep and stumbled their way through the darkened shuttle bay, dragging their belongings behind.

Alexis saw a very small green twi'lek girl standing in the middle of the bay, glancing around fretfully. The small girl had left the ship alone and Alexis hoped that someone was there to pick the girl up. After a few moments of hopeless search, the little girl finally spotted a twi'lek couple hurrying towards her through shuttle bay's doors. She squealed in excitement and threw herself into the arms of a tall man Alexis assumed was her father. Alexis realized suddenly that she was grinning foolishly and wiped the expression from her face. She was supposed to be a bounty hunter, not a sentimental washed-up Jedi girl.

Alexis glanced at a nearby clock and sighed. Dustil wasn't due for another half hour. It wasn't as if he needed her to meet him here, of course. He was a big boy. Twenty-two now, from what Carth said. He'd made the trek to Carth's apartment from here plenty of times. The truth of the matter was, Alexis didn't want to be alone in the apartment with Carth.

Carth was a particularly pathetic patient. It always seemed that the strongest men were the weakest when they were ill. Now, it wouldn't have been so bad that he was sick if he hadn't been so grouchy and so needy. He would just lay there and sniffle and stare up at her with those big, brown eyes, begging for some kind of gentle attention that Jedi were just not trained to give. Alexis had no idea what to do with him.

Alexis was not exactly the type of girl one would see as a caretaker. Heck, she couldn't even cook! She wasn't soft or gentle looking. She was too delicate to look like anyone's mother; in fact, she was often thought to be someone's young daughter. It wasn't that she didn't care about anyone. She had a great deal of compassion for others. It was that she just- didn't know what to do for them. Not the way Kalen did. Kalen healed with her very gaze, or so it seemed to Alexis.

Carth was a different matter, however. Kalen couldn't do a thing for him. She'd tried, but like Alexis, all she'd been able to do was reverse the fever. Kalen had told Alexis just to take care of him while the cold ran its course. Make sure he didn't get dehydrated and the like.

When Kalen had failed to heal what ailed Carth, Alexis had stared at him in dumb shock, trying for the life of her to know what to do with him. She, who could heal broken limbs and bloody gashes without flinching, was terrified of one pilot with a cold.

Alexis was very glad that Dustil was returning with her. Perhaps he would be better at taking care of Carth than Alexis herself was. That was doubtful, of course, but a girl could dream.

She sat down against the wall, one hand resting idly on one of her blaster pistols and the other on her bare stomach. Thinking about Dustil was always a bit of a shock to Alexis. He was Carth's son but he was only seven years her junior. Carth didn't seem old enough to be Dustil's father. He was so vibrant, so full of life, that Alexis often felt that he was younger than herself. His body was that of a much younger man, hardened by years in the military, and he had not a single gray hair on his head. Alexis frowned suddenly. _How old was Carth, anyway?_

"Waiting for something?"

Alexis was startled. She hadn't even heard the boy coming! Doran Snider, the young TSF officer she'd met that night Kalen and Mira had gotten drunk, was standing over her, smiling.

"Doran. Hello," she said, smiling.

"Lexi," he greeted, offering her his hand. She took it, pulling herself to her feet.

"I thought your patrol was outside of headquarters…"

"They've promoted me. I get to patrol this shuttle bay and one of the nearby residential modules. What about you? What are you doing out here so late?"

"Haven't I mentioned that I'm nocturnal?" Alexis asked, carefully extracting her hand from the young man's grip.

He chuckled lightly. "It starting to seem that way. Are you waiting on someone?"

Alexis nodded. "My… friend. Yes. He should be here shortly."

"Would you mind if I waited with you? I'm on break."

Alexis gave the kid a friendly smile. "Ah, that would be okay."

The grin that broke out on Doran's face was positively ecstatic. Alexis almost found it frightening. This time, when someone approached, Alexis felt it. She turned and Dustil took her arm possessively, a feral grin on his handsome young face. She felt him skim her thoughts quickly and take all of the information he needed to carry on her ruse. He was sharp; she'd give him that.

"Well, it won't be a long wait, will it Lexi?" he asked, turning on the TSF agent across from them. Doran looked taken aback. Alexis couldn't blame him. Dustil had grown his hair out until it reached past his shoulders. He had an earring in one ear that appeared to be some sort of dragon tooth. His clothing was snug fitting and black. He had grown, too. He was taller and broader than she remembered, though still not as large as his father. He towered over Doran, and the slightly younger man shrank back.

Alexis was unfazed by Dustil's arrival, however. She'd known there was the chance that he'd be there early. She was also unconcerned about his behavior. He was simply going to extract her from the situation. He was only adding to her disguise, after all. "Hey…" Alexis said, curling her arm around Dustil's waist. He glanced down at her and winked quickly. She could sense the tight control is was taking for him to keep from laughing.

"You're looking good, baby," he practically cooed. His words dripped with suggestion. She had to turn and hug him to cover her snort of laughter. She'd never known Dustil was quite like this. Of course, they hadn't known one another for long.

"Er- well, I guess I'd better be going," Doran said uncertainly.

"Oh wait, Doran, let me introduce the two of you. Dustil, this is Doran. Doran, this is my friend, Dustil," Alexis said, turning back to Doran but not relinquishing her hold on Dustil. She had a feeling she needed to keep this budding actor under control.

"Friend?" Dustil asked, laughing.

"Well, it's uh- nice to meet you," Doran said weakly.

"The pleasure is all mine," Dustil responded.

Alexis had to resist the urge to laugh again. Dustil sounded so menacing. It was too bad that the sparkle in his brown eyes ruined the effect. Doran seemed not to have noticed. "Are you a bounty hunter as well?" Doran asked.

"No. Mercenary," Dustil said shortly.

"Yes, and he eats children for breakfast," Alexis said, rolling her eyes upwards. Doran relaxed a little bit.

"Are you making fun of me?" Dustil asked, sounding offended.

"No dear. Not at all." Doran laughed as Alexis batted her eyelashes innocently up at Dustil.

"You two have a nice evening then…" Doran said, sliding away as quickly as she was able.

Alexis watched him disappear before turning back to Dustil. "Nice outfit."

"Yours is better," Dustil replied, grinning down at her.

"At least mine is just a costume. You seem to have changed a bit since I last saw you."

"Not really. I ate children for breakfast then, too. Just like all of the other Sith."

"Ha, ha."

"So, why did you come by to meet me? I could have made it to the apartment by myself. I do know where it is."

"I was bored."

"So why didn't dear old Dad come with you?"

"He has a cold."

Dustil laughed heartily. "Now I know why you're here. You're trying to get away from him. He's a royal pain in the ass when he's sick, isn't he?"

"And I don't exactly have great bedside manner…" Alexis responded with a grimace. Alexis wondered idly if Carth had had an earring when he was younger. She'd have to make a point to ask.

"Anyway, I don't normally dress like this, either. I do wear my hair long, obviously, but the earring is borrowed off of a friend. I usually wear an earring, too, bit it's a bit less ostentatious. I was going to head to a cantina before I came by the apartment. It's not that late and I didn't want to see Dad until morning," Dustil said, fingering the huge monstrosity dangling from his ear.

"Hold on… I think I may know where there are some friends in a cantina tonight… They said they might go," Alexis said. Atton, Mira, Disciple, and Bao-Dur had mentioned that they might go out for the night. They were bored, it seemed.

: _Atton? _: Alexis sent out gently, in case he was actually asleep.

: _Yeah?_ : he responded immediately.

: _Where are you?_ :

: _Local cantina, sitting at a pazaak table. Why?_ :

: _You mind if a friend and I swing by?_ :

: _Who's the friend? You aren't bringing Carth, are you?_ : he actually sounded disapproving.

: _No_ : Alexis replied, laughing lightly.

: _Good. Head on over. I think I'll be here for a while_. :

: _Who else is there?_ :

: _Mira, Disciple, and Bao-Dur_. :

: _Which one are you in?_ :

: _Mira's favorite. The pazaak isn't bad here, so I don't mind_. :

: _See you shortly_. :

Atton didn't bother to reply. Alexis turned to Dustil, who was smiling faintly. "Did you catch any of that?"

"No. Whoever's head you were in has some powerful shields. He was counting something, wasn't he?" Dustil asked.

Alexis chuckled. "I can't even hear him doing it anymore. Yes. He was probably counting cards or something."

"I gather he's got something to hide?"

Alexis turned and gave him a rueful smile that spoke volumes. "Don't we all?"

The sound of blaster fire echoed from the cantina when they were just outside of the door. Heedless of the danger, Alexis ran ahead into the dark interior, worried about the safety of her friends. Dustil was hot on her heels, his own blaster in his hand.

Alexis had to shove her way through the crowd. Everyone was gathered in a circle around the shooter. A few people were chuckling softly, which Alexis found strange. When she finally got to the center of the circle, she was shocked to see Atton Rand loosely holding a blaster pistol, toeing at the body of an enormous blonde body that looked exactly like…

"Mical!" Alexis said in a strangled tone, going down on her knees at the man's side to check him for injuries. Seeing none, she glanced back up at Atton, who smiled at her sheepishly. "What did you do?" she asked crossly.

"Well… he challenged me, and pulled his lightsaber. I didn't want to have a lightsaber duel right here in the middle of the cantina, so I set my blaster to stun and shot him in the chest. He didn't stand a chance."

Alexis frowned. "Why did he challenge you?"

"Because," Mical gasped, turning over against her knees, "he refused to apologize for a comment he made about the exile…"

Alexis was suddenly on the verge of grinning. She could see Dustil out of the corner of her eye. He looked puzzled. "And what did you say, Atton?"

Atton looked down at the table in front of him, then back over at Alexis. He wouldn't answer. Alexis glanced down at Mical, who was rubbing his chest and moaning. "What did he say?"

Mical turned his honey brown eyes on her. "I dare not repeat it. It was so foul, so unnecessary, so filthy…" he trailed off.

Mira sauntered over, grinning down at Alexis. "He said that she was trying to kill him. When I asked how, he said 'With a body like that, it's not hard to imagine. But I'd die a happy man.' That was about all. He did insinuate that she was working him to exhaustion. I'm not sure I want to know how."

"The General will not be pleased," Bao-Dur said quietly from his position at the edge of the circle. No, Kalen wouldn't like her friends fighting over her.

Mical looked a little pale, but otherwise all right. He was still glaring at Atton, although Alexis could hardly blame him. She still wanted to smile. She could see that Dustil was, even though he couldn't know the specifics of the situation. "You challenged him for that?" Alexis asked.

"He refused to take it back," the Disciple said with dignity. Alexis sighed and stood up.

"You two are such children," finally, she gave in and started to laugh. Mira joined her, as did Dustil, and soon the entire bar was chuckling uneasily at the spectacle before them. Alexis only hoped no one in the crowd had recognized her. It would have been better if she had not taken control of the situation so quickly.

Atton turned to look at her, grinning slightly. "So, who's your new boyfriend?"

Alexis glanced over her shoulder back at Dustil, who was hovering protectively over her much as Carth might have. It was rather cute, especially in one so young. "This is Dustil. Dustil, this is Atton, and that is Mical, there on the floor, and standing behind him, that's Bao-Dur. And the red-head, that's Mira."

Mira was looking at Dustil speculatively, a bright, predatory glint in her eyes. Dustil turned away from her quickly, blushing. "Nice to meet you," he said vaguely.

"Dustil. Are you the Admiral's son?" Atton asked.

"That's me," Dustil responded easily.

"We're practically brothers then," Atton said, offering Dustil his hand.

Dustil took his hand. "How's that?" he asked.

"Well," he replied, gesturing towards Alexis, "she's my mummy."

Dustil burst out laughing. "I guess we are, at that."

The bar returned to normal just as quickly as it had been disrupted. Mical had taken a chair at the bar and he was nursing a drink there, alone. Dustil and Atton, who had become fast friends, were playing pazaak Republic Senate rules. Apparently they were both out of credits. Mira was standing next to Alexis, sipping a drink and silently staring at Dustil. Bao-Dur was nowhere to be seen.

"You say that's Carth's kid?" she asked quietly.

Alexis nodded slowly. "They look a lot alike, don't they?"

"Not to me," Mira whispered back.

Alexis glanced up into Mira's face. "I gather you like him?"

"Fresh meat," Mira said, grinning at her.

"I've heard some funny things about what you think Kalen should do to Atton…"

"Do they involve a bothan stunner, stun cuffs, and starvation?" Mira asked, laughing slightly.

"Actually, I think it was something like that. It sounds, well, vicious. "

"Hasn't Kalen told you? I love my targets," Mira was looking at Dustil again, her expression hungry.

"Don't hurt him too badly. He still has his uses."

"Oh, when I'm done with him, he'll do anything we ask," Mira dropped her glass onto the counter and sauntered away, stopping right beside Dustil and leaning over the table where he and Atton were playing pazaak, as if to see the game. Atton looked up at her suspiciously.

: _Watch out for that one…_:Alexis told him quickly. Atton looked down to smother a laugh. When she saw the look of fascinated horror in Dustil's eyes as Mira pulled up a chair next to him, Alexis had to do the same.

She stood still for a moment, surveying the cantina while feeling guilty about leaving Carth at home alone. Hopefully he was sleeping and it wouldn't matter that she wasn't there anyway.

Mical caught Alexis's eye and she made her way over to his side. He was staring dejectedly at the bar. "I didn't know you drank," Alexis said softly.

The Disciple glanced over at her. "I don't. It's non-alcoholic."

Alexis shrugged at him. "Me either."

"Can I get you one, then?" Mical offered.

Alexis nodded and the Disciple motioned for the bartender to get him another. "You seem troubled," Alexis began slowly. Their conversation was quiet, to keep all others in the cantina from hearing.

"My dear lady, I was taken down by one shot from the blaster of a scoundrel today in the midst of many people. Trust me when I say today has not been my day," Mical replied. His voice was still soft and articulate, but his words sounded bitter.

Alexis gently rested her hand on his. Her drink arrived and he pulled his hand away and passed it to her. She sipped it cautiously. "This… this is very good," she said, smiling at him encouragingly.

He nodded. "I've always enjoyed them."

Alexis didn't know what to say. This man was much gentler than most. He was nothing like many of the others that she had dealt with. His personality reminded her painfully of Malak's before the wars; sweet and caring with a touch of naïveté.

"I'd like to ask you something, if I may," He said hesitantly, looking at her from beneath thick blonde eyelashes.

"Go ahead," Alexis replied with a shrug. He wouldn't ask her anything that would hurt her. He was too much of a gentleman for that.

"I've noticed that you seem to meditate much more than Kalen, or any of the other Jedi I have met. You are like me in that respect. I do not know why I am so drawn to meditation. Perhaps you know why that you are?"

Alexis gave him the gentlest smile she could muster. "Ah, Mical, your reasons for periodic meditation will be much different from mine, I fear."

"And why is that?" the Disciple asked her slowly.

"My reason for meditating so often is this: I must constantly examine myself and my motivations. I have to take care, to keep the darkness at bay." Alexis watched Mical's eyes soften.

"I had no idea," he whispered compassionately.

"And what is your reason? Or, what do you suspect it to be?"

Mical sighed broodingly and glanced back down at his drink, avoiding her eyes. "I am… emotional. I have to keep myself under control, much as you do, although for different reasons."

Alexis nodded. So, Kalen was the root of his troubles. Alexis waited until he looked up, and then carefully leveled her gaze on his own. She stared into his eyes for several seconds. His breath caught and he tried to look away, but he couldn't. He just stared at her, shock and little bit of fear playing across his features.

Alexis broke the connection and dropped her gaze to the table. She had been wrong. Dreadfully wrong. Mical's love for Kalen was not only hero worship. It would never fade, never die. He was truly in love with her. Alexis felt her heart breaking for him.

Mical, gathering his wits about him again, reached for her hand. He took it, grasping it tightly within his own. "Don't tell her, my lady. I can't let her know. I don't want her to pity me."

Alexis nodded slowly. He was a strong man, despite what he seemed to think was the worst sort of weakness. "Know, Mical, that I do not pity you either," she said softly.

His smile was warm and he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently. Atton ambled over just then, grinning insolently at them. "My, my, Lexi," he said, once again using the name of her bounty hunter persona, "you do seem to draw quite a large number of men."

Alexis raised her chin haughtily, but Mical beat her to the reply. "Leave her be, scoundrel. She has no need of your ridicule."

Alexis turned her eyes slowly to Atton and shook her head. He gave her a small, wicked smile. Alexis turned back to Mical. "It's okay. I can deal with him myself."

The Disciple nodded slowly and turned back to his drink. He was once again withdrawing into himself. Alexis sighed. He would never be whole again.

"So, Atton," Alexis asked conversationally, "Did you lose your opponent?" Glancing across the bar, Alexis could see that Dustil was deep in conversation with Mira. _That_, Alexis thought with an inner laugh, _could prove to be interesting indeed_.

"Yeah," Atton said a bit sourly.

"Whip out your cards. I'll play with you," Alexis said. She motioned towards Dustil. "I guess you weren't any competition for a pretty lady?"

Atton laughed. "If I weren't, I wouldn't play you and Kalen at cards." Alexis blushed delicately as Atton dealt.


	17. Chapter 17

The sun was rising when the small party made its way to the Ebon Hawk to drop off Kalen's crew. Atton was a little tipsy, Mira was drunk, and Dustil was sensitive to light and sound, though he wasn't stumbling. Mical and Alexis were sober, of course, and Bao-Dur was still missing. They could only assume he'd already made it back to the ship.

Once all of the extras were on board the Hawk, Alexis took Dustil's hand and started to lead him towards Carth's apartment. He was squinting terribly, but he was able to walk. "Not the best way to greet your father after a long absence, hmmm?" Alexis said shrewdly when he paused outside of Carth's door.

"Not so loud," Dustil grumbled.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll be asleep," Alexis said hopefully. She wasn't sure how he'd react to her second night out in a cantina, especially since she had taken his son with her and allowed him to get drunk.

No such luck. When Alexis opened the door, Carth was sitting on the couch, bare-chested and sipping a steaming mug of something Alexis suspected must be java. He was really starting to depend on that stuff lately.

"Good morning," Alexis said brightly, leading Dustil through the door.

"Don't you two look adorable," Carth said dryly.

Alexis smiled. Maybe this situation was salvageable after all. She helped Dustil quickly to one of the empty chairs in the room where he collapsed promptly and shut his eyes.

"I have something for you," Alexis said, walking towards Carth while digging idly at the belt of her pants in the back to retrieve the package of cold medicine she'd put there.

Carth stared at her body, starting with her toes and working his way up slowly. Alexis felt a blush creeping up her cheeks, but she didn't move. "I don't think I'm up for it," he said slowly, his tone sarcastic.

Stung, Alexis started to turn away to take the medication to the kitchen. Instead, she stopped and deliberately lowered her gaze to his lap. She gave him a sweet smile and looked into his eyes, "I don't think you are either, dear."

Carth's eyes widened for a second and Alexis laughed, glad to have caught him off guard. She wasn't _that_ innocent. "Still want to play?" Alexis asked, resting her hands on her hips.

Carth grinned back at her in spite of himself. "No, I don't think that I do."

Carth sat in his kitchen a few hours later, attempting to eat a bowl of soup that Alexis had prepared. It was actually fairly good, which surprised him. It shouldn't have, he thought, when he realized what was in it; leftover chicken from Kalen's cooking the day before and rice. The girl had a rice addiction.

Alexis waltzed into the kitchen at that moment, grinning brightly and spinning. She glanced over at him, her eyes dancing. "He's in a great deal of pain. He was obviously quite drunk, but he wasn't stumbling. It's almost as if the hangover set in immediately."

"Serves him right," Carth muttered under his breath. He broke into a fit of coughing that sent Alexis to his side, holding a glass of water and gently patting his back. He could get used to the attention, even if he couldn't get used to the cold.

It felt right, somehow, thinking of her as Alexis. Revan had always felt cold and distant, as if he were speaking of the story of the Sith Lord rather than to the beautiful girl who bore then name.

Alexis was still running her hands across his bare back. Carth shut his eyes and sighed softly. It was too bad that she was so shy any other time. Her comment earlier had surprised him beyond words. He hadn't even realized the double meaning of the phrase until she'd brought it up. Granted, he'd deserved the thinly veiled insult, but he hadn't known that she even had it in her.

Although he had to admit that she'd been a bit more suggestive lately. He'd always suspected that she didn't know quite the meaning of some of the things that she said, but now he wasn't so sure. She was innocent, yes, but probably not as innocent as he'd thought. She'd been the commander of an entire army. It had been foolish of him to think that she could remain naive under such circumstances.

It seemed that she'd realized she was still touching him, because she pulled her hands back rather quickly. Her words usually said one thing, but her body said another. She was utterly terrified of anything but casual contact. Carth watched out of the corner of his eye as Alexis skipped over to another chair at the table and dropped into it, smiling faintly at nothing in particular. She seemed very happy today, for some reason.

He suspected it was because she was glad that she no longer had to care for him by herself. He sensed that even though she felt badly for him and wanted to help him, she wasn't quite sure what to do for him and it made her uncomfortable. That hardly mattered. He was getting better. He just needed a few more days of sleep. It was hard, too, because now he seemed to sleep better when she was in his bed, and she hadn't been for the last day or two because of his illness.

Earlier that day, when Alexis had walked in with Dustil, Carth had been struck by how lovely a couple they made, even when Dustil was ill. His son was a handsome young man and Carth was quite aware that the exquisite little Jedi was closer to his son's age than she was to his own. They'd both been dressed like warriors, tight clothing and blasters strapped to their hips. It had hurt, a little, even more so since Carth was ill, and he'd gone on the defensive. _Insult her first. Draw first blood. She won't fight back._

He wasn't proud of himself, but he hadn't been able to control the impulse. Too bad his idea had backfired. Her little chin had shot into the air and she'd given as good as she got. She was a tough girl, of that he had no doubt.

Carth knew, of course, that he couldn't look at the way Alexis looked with every other man she ever came into contact with. Even though his son was handsome, he knew that Alexis made him look even better. She could generally make even the most brutishly horrid-looking man more appealing. Alexis was so beautiful as to be perfect, and the amazing thing was that she really didn't know it.

Carth glanced over at her and she arched an eyebrow at him. He chuckled lightly and turned back to his soup. He'd never met a beautiful Jedi before Bastila. Now he'd known three: Alexis, Bastila, and Kalen.

Alexis was, as always, the prettiest of the three. Bastila came in at a distant second. She had been classically attractive. When he'd first seen her, Carth had thought that nothing could be lovelier. How wrong he'd been.

Kalen, of course, was pretty in her own right. All of that blonde hair and girl-next-door sort of charm was appealing in a childlike sort of way. Carth had always thought of Kalen as the poster child for the Jedi Order. Sweet-faced and blonde with proud eyes and a determined stance, they could have made a doll of her for little girls to play with. They could have even dressed her in pink Jedi robes and it wouldn't have been far from the truth.

Carth's thoughts drifted slowly to Kalen. She and the Disciple would have made a perfect pair of Jedi, if Jedi were allowed to pair off. It was strange, though, that a girl like Kalen would have chosen Atton instead. They looked well together, like a strange mixture of light and dark. They personalities complimented each other as well. A study in contrasts, he supposed.

Carth glanced up at Alexis again, only to find her studying him just as intently as he had studied her. She didn't see him looking, so she did not look away. There was a faint smile still playing at the corners of her mouth, as if she were still quite pleased about something. Carth glanced back down and forced himself not to smile back. Then she'd know he'd caught her.

"You know," Alexis said suddenly, causing Carth to glance up into her eyes, "Atton shot Disciple today." Mischief danced across her face.

Atton shot Disciple? He hoped Mical was all right… but Alexis was still smiling, so clearly no one had been hurt. "What happened?"

"Atton said something about Kalen that Mical didn't like. He challenged him over it, and Atton shot him with his blaster in stun mode. Mical passed out for a few seconds," Alexis said with a shrug. "Boys will be boys, I suppose. I'll bet Kalen's not happy though."

"I wonder if they'll tell her," Carth mused. Alexis rose slowly and stretched her body.

Carth watched, trying to hide his interest by pretending to stare at his now cold soup. He almost felt like a dirty old man chasing a very young girl. Perhaps he was one, at that.

Alexis, totally unaware of her effect on him, began to idly untie the long braid holding her hair confined. She had very long, silky black hair. It was shiny and healthy once again, nothing like it had been when she had first arrived. She looked a great deal healthier as well, Carth was proud to note. And she showed no signs of leaving again.

Her hair hung in loose waves down her back and Carth fought back the urge to reach out and touch it. Perhaps he should leave before he did something he regretted. His headache was coming back anyway.

Alexis glanced over and caught the pained expression on his face. "You need to go back to bed," she said in an imperious tone, pointing towards his bedroom.

Carth sighed. "Probably right. You want to come with me?" He offered, knowing she would refuse.

"I think not. You're just trying to give me that cold!"

Carth nodded. "You caught me. The least you can do is help an old man to bed," he replied.

Alexis gave him a wry smile and took his hand. "You're hardly old," she told him softly. Carth was certain that she had no idea how those simple words warmed his heart.

Alexis stood in the kitchen with Kalen and Dustil, leaning casually against the wall. The other two were cooking steadily for the evening meal and Alexis had already set the table for the entire crew of the Ebon Hawk, Dustil, Carth, and herself.

"So…" Alexis muttered out of sheer boredom. Dustil glanced over his shoulder at her. Kalen tossed an uncooked egg at her, which Alexis deftly caught. "What was that for?" Alexis asked, tossing the thing back and forth between her hands.

"If you're bored, go do something else. I'm sure Atton will come and play pazaak with you or attempt to beat you at a little lightsaber duel."

"In other words, go outside and play, sweetheart. Mommy's busy."

"Wait a minute," Dustil said quickly. "You're Atton's mummy and Kalen's your mommy…" he shuddered. "Creepy. Very creepy."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kalen asked threateningly, wielding a spoon once again like a weapon. It seemed to be her kitchen weapon of choice.

"Nothing," Dustil said innocently, jerking his hands up into the air. "Nothing at all."

Alexis ambled out of the kitchen and down the hall towards Carth's bedroom. She slid open the door and slipped inside, glancing over at Carth as she did so. He was sleeping peacefully, or so she thought.

When she sat down on the edge of the bed near him, however, Carth caught her hand gently in his and tugged it up to his cheek. "You're going to give me your cold," she whispered, tugging softly to free her hand. He didn't let go.

"Jedi don't catch colds. You know very well that you have never had a cold in your entire life," Carth said easily.

"This could be my first one," she said.

He tugged on her hand and Alexis gave in and collapsed beside him. He pulled her back to him and wrapped an arm around her, resting his head tenderly on top of her own. Alexis glanced over at him as best as she could, smiling faintly.

"I think you'll need a shirt fairly soon," she said at last. Carth's fingers danced lightly across her stomach. He didn't answer. "Carth?" she whispered.

"Hmm?" He replied drowsily, raising himself up on his elbow and moving his other hand up to twine in her loose hair.

Alexis sighed quietly. "Go back to bed, Admiral. I'll come and get you when dinner's ready." She started to rise and Carth caught her arm.

"Leaving so soon?" he asked, smiling. Alexis leaned towards him and kissed his cheek in spite of herself. He released her and collapsed back onto his pillow. Alexis brushed his hair back out of his face. "Yes," she said with an impish smile. She slid from the room as quickly as she came, feeling happy and carefree.

Everyone else arrived slowly. Mira was sitting in the corner of the kitchen, still eyeing Dustil. Atton and Canderous sat in the living room, once again playing that strange card game that they had learned. Visas was meditating in the corner. Bao-Dur was tinkering with his lightsaber, and Mical was staring blankly at the wall.

Alexis shook her head. She did not pity Mical, but she knew he suffered. She only hoped that the suffering would make him stronger in the end, instead of destroying him. Alexis watched him for a moment before making her way to the window to watch the sunset.

She felt Carth walk up behind her and she waited for him to touch her, but he didn't. She was profoundly disappointed, for some reason. "I was coming to wake you," Alexis said.

"That's okay. I never went back to sleep."

Alexis glanced back at him, her expression thoughtful. "How do you feel?" She finally felt his fingers on her arm and she relaxed slightly.

"Like I've been trampled by a herd of banthas," he responded, "but better than I did before."

Alexis turned from the window to face him. "Have you and Dustil gotten the chance to talk?"

"No. We've both been sleeping," Carth said with a laugh.

"After you two have talked for a bit, I have something I'd like to talk to you guys about. Let me know when you have the time," Alexis said easily.

"You want him to be a Jedi, don't you?" Carth asked her shrewdly.

Alexis was never startled by Carth's intellect. He could be a brilliant man when he chose to. _But only when he chose_, Alexis thought. "We'll talk about it with him later," Alexis said firmly. Carth's fingers were tracing a pattern on her arm and Alexis shifted slightly, uncomfortable with the way it made her feel. His fingers instantly ceased their motions.

Alexis stepped carefully from him and turned towards the kitchen. "I'm going to see how dinner is coming. I'll be back." Something was different about the way Carth was acting. He was more… intense about something, but she wasn't quite sure what.

Alexis waltzed into the kitchen, eyeing her surroundings. Ever since the assassin attack a few days before, she had resumed her hourly checks of the apartment. The assassins had to be coming from somewhere, but she wasn't sure where. She also had no idea when they would attack. Not only was she openly wearing her lightsaber everywhere she went, but she also had a very small short sword strapped inside her boot. She was taking no chances. Things were not as they had been.

Inside the kitchen, Kalen was sitting in a chair next to the table with Dustil gently patting her hand. "We can make another," he said consoling while attempting to conceal a smile. Kalen looked a little wild-eyed.

"Is everything okay?" Alexis asked, frowning slightly. Dustil gave her a mock salute and Mira grinned openly from behind them. "Yes, General. Or, it will be, when Kalen calms down. Here, would you take her hand and pat it for a moment? I need to finish dinner."

Kalen glared up at him. "I am not a child," she hissed, slapping her palm on the table. Nevertheless, she allowed Dustil to pass her hand to Alexis, who sat down beside her and began to pat her hand much as Dustil had.

"What happened?" Alexis asked her gently.

"My cake fell," she said sullenly, staring at the ruins of what had once been a very large pink cake.

"I see…" Alexis said, not really seeing at all. What was so important about a cake?

"I've never had a cake fall before," she said, pointing at the thing and then waving her hand in disgust.

"That's terrible," Alexis said at last. Had Kalen lost her mind? "How, exactly, did it fall?"

"Atton," she whispered, his name sounding as if it were a hideous curse.

"What did Atton do?" Alexis asked curiously. Had he attempted to steal it or something?

"Nothing," Kalen muttered crossly, idly rubbing at her butt. Alexis watched her, finding this motion strange, to say the least. Mira caught her gaze and wagged her eyebrows.

"Well, Atton distracted her. She was checking her cake and he came in and she- uh…" Dustil trailed off under Kalen's sullen gaze.

Mira glanced over at her and took up the story where Dustil had left off. "She practically melted on the floor. She dropped her cake. And then, when he realized it was his fault, he came by and pinched her ass and told her she didn't need it anyway."

Alexis glanced down at the table to hide her laughter. Kalen's hand suddenly tightened on hers and she gasped. "Kalen, you're hurting me…"

Kalen released her hand. "It's not funny, is it?"

"Ah, no. Not at all. But, if you don't mind my asking, what has suddenly made you ah- melt- in his presence?"

The colorful blush that rose on Kalen's cheeks told her everything that she needed to know. "Well, nothing, really…" Kalen said, staring at the floor.

Alexis burst into startled laughter. "I see."

"It's not like that!" Kalen said suddenly, her eyes going wide when she realized what all of the others must have thought.

"Go ahead, exile, tell us what it was like," Mira said innocently.

"I'm not sure I want to know," Dustil said, stirring at something.

"Well, you see… He walked in on me when I was getting out of the shower. I had a towel on, of course, and I told him to leave. And he wouldn't, so I… tried to… remove him…" she hedged, "and lost my towel… And then he kissed me… and then he left." Kalen was blushing so furiously that Alexis thought that she might explode on the spot.

"Not so conceited now, are we?" Alexis asked with a giggle.

"He'll hear you," Kalen whispered brokenly.

Alexis laughed again. "You poor dear," Alexis said, patting her shoulder. Kalen shuddered and looked away. "I was holding it together until he came in here… I was just fine…"

"So you two still haven't hooked up a power coupling? Jeez. I thought you'd taken him months ago," Mira complained, grinning. "You've given that man too much power. I have a spare bothan stunner, if you're interested," she added.

Dustil's eyes widened sharply and he turned his wary gaze on her. She smiled wolfishly at him and he turned furiously back to the dinner he was preparing. Alexis laughed again.

"You'd have done the same thing," Kalen said to Alexis.

"If Atton came at me, I'd like to think that I'd run away," Alexis said slyly.

"I don't mean Atton at all," Kalen replied. She was starting to regain her composure. She was still blushing, but she didn't seem so unnerved anymore.

Alexis looked anxiously over at Dustil. "Please, Alexis. We all know who she means. I can handle a little innuendo directed at my father."

"Can you?" Carth asked from the doorway, smiling right at Alexis.

Alexis refused to blush. She fought it with every fiber of her being. And she won. She turned her gaze on him without hesitation and managed to keep herself under control. "So, how much did you hear of this little conversation?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Carth asked.

Mira burst into laughter. Shaking her head, she left the room, casting a last glance back at Dustil when she slipped through the doorway.

"She's after you," Kalen said finally, glancing meaningfully at Dustil. "Thanks. I need relationship advice from the girl who had a fit because a man kissed her."

Kalen glowered at him. "As if you've got that much more experience," she hissed.

"I'll have you know-" Dustil began before he trailed off, staring at his father. "Nevermind," he muttered, looking away.

Alexis turned back to Kalen. "I suppose you want us to keep this quiet?"

Kalen shrugged. "He's probably told them all."

Carth glanced back and forth between them. "I guess I've missed something."

Alexis grinned at Kalen. "A little something, yes. Kalen, I remember that you tol dme recently that you thought that the game was almost won. I think that it is only beginning."

"And you encouraged him, didn't you? How would you like it if I did that to you?" Kalen asked sourly.

Alexis remembered Mical and stopped laughing as quickly as if someone had tossed a bucket of ice in her face. Kalen looked up. "Can you hang around for a little while when everyone else leaves tonight?"

Kalen nodded slowly. "Yes… I'll stick around."

Alexis nodded and rose. "I'll go and tell everyone that dinner is ready."


	18. Chapter 18

Dinner was a rowdy affair. People ended up in other's laps and stole food from one another's plates. A few gooey globs were thrown and Mira ended up covered in Canderous's drink. After they ate, they all helped clean up before retiring to the living room.

Afterwards, they stood in the living room and sparred and played pazaak. Mira danced on a table, fully clothed of course, and Kalen ran through the living room, randomly hugging and kissing people, male and female alike. The most visibly affected by this was Atton, who hung between bemusement by the kiss she'd given him and jealousy when she touched anyone else.

After all was said and done, it was well into the night. Carth looked exhausted, so Alexis shuffled him off to bed. He probably wouldn't stay there for long, but she needed to talk to Kalen. They met in the living room, both of them with mussed clothes and hair and brilliant smiles.

"You wanted to talk to me?" Kalen asked, dropping onto the couch.

"Yeah. I've got a couple of things I wanted to talk about."

"Okay," Kalen said with a shrug.

"So, the first thing I wanted to say was, did you see the way Mira was looking at Dustil? Do you think I should be worried about him?"

"Are you his mother?"

"Well- no…"

"Then let the boy be. Mira won't hurt him. I think she actually likes this one. He might not just be another conquest."

Alexis relaxed a little. "You're right. It's his choice."

"So what next?"

"How are things with you and Atton? Other than the obvious, of course."

"He's a really great guy. I just need to get myself under control. He's beating me at this game hands down. He's got my head spinning. The thing with the shower? That's utter brilliance, my friend. And he left. He didn't try to take advantage of the situation. I could barely contain myself and he just walked out."

Alexis smiled. "I think that you can get him off balance, too. It shouldn't be too hard."

"What about you?"

Alexis shook her head. "Not yet. I still don't know. I'm so indecisive. One minute I've decided I'm going to throw myself at him and the next I realize that I should leave before I hurt him any more. For the moment, I'm not going to do anything."

Kalen nodded. "I'll agree with the indecisive factor. But you and I both know what you should do."

"It seems so selfish," Alexis said uncertainly.

"But is it?"

"You and your barbed questions."

"They are only barbed because you let them be."

Alexis sighed and ran a weary hand through her hair. "Tell me this. Where do you see you and Atton going? Marriage? A family? Children? Does Atton want those things? Do you?"

"I do. As for Atton, I don't know. I think that he does, though. Maybe it's just wishful thinking on my part? Maybe, when we're finally comfortable with one another, I'll ask him. It's something you and Carth could try."

Alexis sighed. "I want to, but I'm afraid."

"He isn't going to hurt you, Lexi. The man loves you. Give him a chance. I'm getting very tired of you standing back and letting life pass you by. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, it hurt a lot of people. But you're not that girl anymore. I think that you're hurting Carth far more than you ever hurt anyone when you were Darth Revan. Do you know why? Because Carth knows you. He knows that you're not like that. And when you're like that to him, it cuts him to the quick. Can't you see it, Lexi? Where are you? You've got your emotions locked up so tight that you might fall because of your indifference. Let go!"

Alexis bit her lip and stared at Kalen helplessly. Why did she have to be so… right? Defeated, Alexis let her shoulders slump. "Kalen… every time I feel something, I feel as if I'm betraying the Jedi. I have tried to convince myself that I can't live that way but it's so hard to break a habit that has been mine since the day I was born. Even as a Sith, I was indifferent to any real emotion. Surface emotions, yes, but anything deeper than that couldn't touch me. And now they're… swarming me like mynocks. Hurt, jealousy, fear, love, joy, sadness… Look at me! I'm an emotional cripple. And it's my own fault."

Kalen took Alexis by the hand, gently, but firmly. "You can't do it by yourself. You have to let go enough to let others in before we can help you. We want to help you, Lexi. Give us the chance."

Alexis nodded. "I want to. I want to so bad that it hurts."

Kalen squeezed her hand and Alexis stared at their intertwined fingers, hoping that she could do what Kalen asked. They sat there together for a long time. Finally, Kalen broke the silence. "I don't think that you kept me here to talk about how you were feeling. I don't believe it for a minute. So, what am I here for?"

Alexis smiled faintly. "Two more things. Do you think that Dustil would make a decent Jedi?"

"I think that he would be a very good Jedi. Carth would have too for that matter. Dustil's a powerful young man. His heart is good and his mind is sharp. I think that we can train him. Hasn't he already had basic Force training?"

Alexis nodded. "He was in training to be a Sith on Korriban."

"So he'll just need a little retraining. I'll bet he's pretty sharp with a lightsaber. Maybe you should give him to me," Kalen said hopefully.

"I have to get him to agree to become a Jedi first. He's been going to school to be an engineer, I believe. What if he sees the Jedi as a waste of his time?"

"With Carth as his father? I doubt that."

Alexis lowered her eyes. That was certainly true. "Alright. One last question. What are you going to do about Mical?"

"What do you mean?"

Alexis looked into Kalen's eyes. She truly didn't know how Mical felt about her. Alexis knew that she'd promised the Disciple that she wouldn't tell Kalen, so how could she hint at it without betraying him? "I think that he seems very upset. Closed off. I wasn't aware that he was such a recluse."

"He's not. And you're right. I've been too preoccupied with Atton lately to even consider Mical. He doesn't seem well, does he? Perhaps I will speak with him." Kalen looked thoughtful.

"That's all I ask. I know that he is a quiet man by nature, but I worry about him sometimes." Alexis was relieved. Kalen would look into it and eventually come to understand. Afterwards, they could speak freely about it.

Kalen turned her eyes until Alexis had to look straight into them. Not many people did this on purpose and Alexis was a bit startled. "Lexi, I want to ask you something," her gaze was piercing. "How do you feel right now?" She gave Alexis a wry smile. She was kidding, and yet she wasn't.

"Confused. And afraid."

Kalen nodded. "I think that that will do, for now. So, are you through interrogating me? May I return to my ship to torment my man?"

Alexis smiled. "Yes. Pull a rug out from beneath him for me too, will you?"

Kalen smiled. "You got it."

Alexis slid into the bedroom where Carth and Dustil were, her shoes in her hand. They glanced up at her, but neither spoke. It was clear that they had been speaking, before she arrived, and Alexis felt a twinge of guilt. She should have knocked before entering so that they could have had the opportunity to tell her to go away.

"Hi guys," Alexis said weakly, making her way to Carth's closet to deposit her boots and find something to wear to bed. When she emerged with one of Carth's t-shirts clamped tightly in her fist, Dustil made a strangling noise and looked over at Carth.

"She wears your shirts? And sleeps in your bed? And you two…" he trailed off, remembering himself. _Ah, to be young and impulsive again,_ Alexis thought. _Without the ability to control one's tongue._

"I can go into the living room if you two are still busy," Alexis said. "I still have to brush my teeth anyway. I'll go ahead and go. You two have a lot of catching up to do, I'm sure."

"Please, stay. Dad says you have something you want to talk to me about," Dustil said quickly.

Alexis shook her head. "It's late. Anything I have to say can wait until morning. It is better that the pair of you talk for a while. Besides, Carth needs to go to bed soon. If he does not rest, his cold won't go away."

"Stay," Carth said softly, and Alexis wavered until his gentle command. She wanted to stay, quite badly in fact, but it wasn't her place. _Maybe Carth was trying to tell her that he wanted it to be. _

"I'll go ahead and change clothes and brush my teeth. I'll be back," she said reassuringly, walking out of the room.

Dustil turned to his father incredulously as soon as Alexis left. Carth waited patiently as his son fought for words. "That… that gorgeous creature is sleeping in your bed in nothing but a t-shirt? And you haven't… She isn't…" Dustil was in shock.

Carth watched his son closely. The boy didn't really understand. Sometimes didn't think that he himself understood the problem. "No," Carth replied simply.

"Are you…" Dustil began. He flushed and Carth began to laugh.

"I'm not that old, Dustil."

"I didn't quite mean it that way. It just seems like you'd have to be crazy," Dustil finally said. He was back in control.

Carth studied his son once more. Carth knew that he'd been crazy ever since he met the woman. Now was no exception. "I think I might be crazy. So what? I've been waiting this long. What's a few more months? At least she's finally back here."

"You never loved Mother this much," Dustil said softly. Carth glanced quickly at the boy. There was no reproach in his eyes, only pain.

"I know," Carth replied sadly. "Maybe if I had…"

Dustil took a deep breath and shook his head. "No. Things were meant to happen this way. The Force united the two of you. I wouldn't have it any other way."

So his son was becoming wiser as well. Carth nodded. "Thank you, son."

Dustil lowered his gaze, a frown creasing his brow. "I hope things work out for the pair of you. Alexis is a good girl."

"But still only a girl. Sith Lord or no, she's as innocent as a child in some respects. The Jedi didn't do her any favors."

Dustil looked back up. "I don't think that they did anyone any favors. Perhaps Alexis can begin to rectify that."

"I'm sure she can."

Alexis slid into the room in the silence that followed. She was wearing a bright green t-shirt this time that hung to her knees. Her long hair hung down her back and her bare feet made no sound as she moved with a dancer's grace across the carpeted floor.

She stopped next to the bed and glanced over at Dustil, who sat in the room's only chair. Alexis clamored into bed with Carth and sat a good distance from him. She pooled the sheets around her waist and nestled herself up against a pillow, all in an uneasy silence. When she was done, she turned to them, her chin up and her eyes bright.

Carth gave her a reassuring smile and she allowed herself to smile back, if only a little. She was so hard on herself sometimes. Carth wished idly that she'd loosen up a bit. "So, what did you want to talk to us about?"

Alexis cleared her throat. "You guys have heard that I'm going to attempt to rebuild the Jedi Order, right?"

So, Carth had been correct. Alexis wanted Dustil to become a Jedi. Well, Carth had no objections. He'd often thought that Dustil would have been perfect for exactly that. Especially now that his anger from four years previous had worn away.

"Alexis, you don't have to ask. I'd be happy to serve the Jedi," Dustil said with certainty. Dustil was certainly a sharp young man. Carth was quite proud of him.

"Are you sure that that's what you want?" Carth asked carefully.

Alexis turned to look at him. She looked as if she thought he disapproved. "You don't think that it's a good idea?" she asked.

"Of course it's a good idea," Dustil said firmly.

Carth smiled at her. "I just wanted to make sure that Dustil really meant it. I think that he'll make an excellent Jedi."

Carth watched as his son turned a proud smile towards him. Carth nodded. "Thanks," the boy said.

Alexis watched them both with that soft, loving expression that she wiped away so quickly when she realized that it was there. Carth had to resist the urge to sigh. If only she'd openly turn that expression on him, he would feel complete again.

Dustil noticed her expression as well and looked away from the raw emotion on her face as if it pained him. "Kalen would like to be your Master," Alexis said finally, her eyes cooling once more and her expression hardening.

Dustil smiled at her. "I'd be happy to have her."

"Are you sure that you won't regret abandoning your career in engineering?" She asked him gently. Carth knew that she didn't want Dustil to feel trapped.

"Listen," Dustil said finally, wiping her hands across his eyes, "I know you won't believe me until I have slept on it. I'll go to bed and in the morning, I'll return to you with the same answer. Then will you believe me?"

Alexis nodded. "If you still feel this way in the morning, I promise that I'll leave you alone."

"Great. Now, go to sleep. You both need the rest," he said, standing. He left the room in an instant. Alexis leveled her uneasy gaze on Carth.

"So, are you staying here or going elsewhere to sleep?" Carth asked. He hoped that his tone masked how much he wanted her to stay. If she left, he wouldn't sleep a wink.

Without a word, Alexis made her way to his side and lowered her head onto his chest. She shut her eyes tightly and lay her palm on his chest, directly above his heart. Carth was so startled that he nearly pulled away. Voluntary dependence on another human being, hhmm? This was very out of character.

"Lexi?" He said gently, touching her face. She didn't open her eyes or speak, she just titled her face a little bit into his hand. Why was she behaving so strangely?

Carth slid down the bed until his head was resting on his pillow, pulling Alexis with him as he moved. She opened her eyes slowly when they were nestled down on the bed. He pulled the blankets up and gently began to rub at her back and her hair. Knowing she was skittish, he moved carefully, his caresses light.

Alexis let out a deep breath and slowly, her body relaxed completely against his. He could feel every tiny curve of her. She looked up at him, her eyes wide. He tilted his head forward and tenderly kissed each eyelid and the tip of her nose. She smiled and Carth pulled back, unwilling to go any farther. The next step was hers, no matter how long it took.

Alexis shut her eyes again and Carth continued his gentle ministrations. Her breathing relaxed into the deep, slow patterns of rest. He smiled contentedly down at her and kissed the top of her head. She smiled slightly, even in her sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Alexis watched Carth dress for work from beneath hooded eyelids. He knew she was awake, he'd seen her looking at him when he first got up, and yet he hadn't left the room. He was paying her no attention now as he fastened his pants. She'd seen nothing terribly indecent, as he was wearing shorts before, but it was still an odd experience. She felt a bit guilty, as if she were some sort of pervert, but she was certain that he knew that she was awake.

As Carth tugged on his t-shirt, Alexis watched the play of the muscles across his back. Her mouth was dry. Something was going to have to give soon or she was going to go mad. Alexis shut her eyes and took a deep, calming breath as quietly as she could. Her eyes popped back open of their own accord.

Why did the man have to look so damnably good in black? It was as if he'd gone out of his way to strain her self-control to its absolute limits. He was fastening his boots now. They were black, too. Everything he was wearing was sinfully tight and black. Alexis almost burst into hysterical giggles. Who knew anything so dark could be so tempting? Well, at least he was fully clothed now.

Alexis sensed Carth starting to turn around and shut her eyes tightly. The low, quiet chuckle she heard from across the room did nothing to calm her down. He thought it was funny, did he? Well, she certainly didn't. It wasn't funny at all. She could barely contain herself, and he was laughing at her.

Carth's hand lightly brushed her forehead and Alexis's eyes opened once again. "Good morning," he said in a friendly tone, as if he hadn't just changed clothes right in front of her. Why had it been so fascinating, anyway? She'd seen him in nothing but his pants before. Were shorts somehow different? Or was it the fact that she'd watched him performing the intimate act of changing clothing that had her in knots?

"Hello," she replied, sounding strained even to her own ears. If he didn't move soon, she was going to lunge off of this bed and tackle him, Jedi Code be damned. _That _thought brought her back to her senses.

_There is no emotion, there is peace._

_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. _

_There is no passion, there is serenity. _She almost started laughing. Oh yes there was. She tried again.

_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

_There is no death, there is the Force._

"Is everything okay?" Carth asked her.

Alexis took another deep breath and swung her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. "Planning on doing any smuggling today?" she asked, motioning towards his outfit.

Carth looked down at his attire. "Actually, not having any droids does have its drawbacks. I haven't done laundry in a while," Carth replied.

"I'll do it," Alexis volunteered a bit too quickly. She'd do laundry for three straight weeks to keep him from putting that back on. Wait a minute… he was leaving the apartment that way? Where _other people_ could see him? Alexis eyed his outfit speculatively. _That would not do._

"I couldn't ask you to do my laundry. I'll take to the cleaners tonight," Carth said, shaking his head.

"You know, I haven't seen your orange jacket in a while…" Alexis said hopefully: anything to cover up the muscles that were still clearly visible beneath the shirt. _Please, find it for my sanity_, she willed him. She couldn't decide if he knew what effect he was having on her. She'd thought that he did, right at first, but now she wasn't so sure.

"It's somewhere with the rest of my dirty clothes," he said, strapping on a blaster holster. Where was he going, anyway?

"You still haven't told me what you're going to do today," Alexis said finally.

"I'm going to inspect a ship and do a bit of repair work. I thought I'd even stop by and see if Atton wanted to give me a hand. It's a Republic transporter," Carth replied.

"There isn't anyone else on planet with the qualifications?" Alexis asked suspiciously. Admirals didn't do mechanical work on ships, did they?

"Well, Atton. And Bao-Dur, from what I've heard," Carth said easily, fitting his blasters into the holsters.

"And the blasters…"

"I always wear them. They're just normally under my jacket," Carth said reasonably.

Alexis sighed. Whew. When had she become so nosy? "Well, you kids have fun, then."

Carth gave her a half-smile and started to leave them room. Alexis wished she'd turned away. The things that those pants did for that man's butt…

Two hours later, Alexis made her way onto the Ebon Hawk with Dustil Onasi in tow. He made his way to Mira's side almost instantly. Alexis had to hide her smile. It certainly hadn't taken them long. Canderous arrived beside her just as Dustil was leaving.

"Are we planning to get out of here any time soon? All of this sitting around is starting to grate on my nerves," Canderous growled in her ear.

"Actually, we're leaving in a few days. I've got to talk to Senator Seraph again tomorrow, and then the day after, we'll pick up my Jedi robes and leave for Coruscant."

"Because Coruscant will be so much more interesting than here," Canderous said darkly.

"Oh Canderous, you can use your rifle again soon. I have a feeling that things will become a lot more exciting once I've revealed myself," Alexis said in a comforting tone.

"A few thugs are no challenge for a Mandalorian," Canderous replied in a manner that seemed suspiciously haughty…

"Aw, come on Canderous. You can be my personal bodyguard," Alexis replied with a grin.

"I don't think there will be any room for me with that Republic soldier and his toy blasters flanking you like a shadow," Canderous snarled half-heartedly.

Alexis gave him a friendly pat on the arm. "I know your gun's bigger than his, Canderous." She gave him a wicked smile.

"And yet you still picked Republic boy. I'll never understand women," Canderous replied, motioning at her with his blaster rifle.

"Nor should you. Where is Kalen?" Alexis asked, glancing around the hold to see if anyone else was present.

"How should I know?"

"I think we need to get you something to shoot very soon. You're awfully grouchy."

"Mandalorians are never grouchy," Canderous said with a snort.

"So, the way you're acting now, that's just…"

"Boredom."

"I see. Well, I'm going to go and find Kalen. You just stay here and be bored in peace," Alexis fled before Canderous could reply.

As Alexis made her way back towards the girls' dormitory, she heard muffled voices coming from the main hold. She tiptoed towards it, not really certain why she should be interested, but curious nonetheless.

"Are you scared?" Alexis heard Mira whisper. Alexis peered around the corner. Mira had Dustil pressed to the wall. She had one hand against his chest and the other gripped his belt. Both of them were breathing harshly.

"Do I look scared?" Dustil said in return, grinning down at her.

"Not nearly scared enough," Mira said in reply, slamming him back against the wall again with the heel of her hand. Dustil didn't struggle or fight back, he just waited, smiling.

Mira snarled in frustration and turned away, preparing to leave. Dustil caught her by the arm and spun her back against his chest. He crushed her to him and swooped down, planting his mouth firmly on hers. Mira struggled weakly for a few seconds before melting against him. Her hands went to his hair and his curled around her back and neck.

Alexis walked away, sensing that that moment was too private for her to be privy to. She was unable to contain her smile, however, and when she finally encountered Kalen, she was still laughing softly to herself.

"What's funny?" Kalen asked, standing as Alexis entered the dormitory.

"Dustil and Mira," Alexis said, motioning back towards the hold.

Kalen laughed as well. "They're both very emotional, aren't they?"

"You could call it that."

"I hear that Dustil has agreed to becoming a Jedi," Kalen said conversationally.

"Well, it's clear that he'll be as much a Jedi as we are, but that was to be expected. The first true Jedi to return to the galaxy will probably have to be children that we train from their youth," Alexis replied. "He's already a bit too corrupt."

"Mira saw to that."

"I think that she had help. What do you day we head back over to Carth's apartment? We can escape the lovebirds there."

"Sounds good to me."

Alexis and Kalen arrived at the exit after taking the long way around. Mical was already standing next to the ramp. "Going somewhere, Mical?" Alexis asked.

Mical grimaced. "I'm attempting to escape the rendezvous that seems to be occurring in the main hold."

Kalen held out her arm. "Join us, then? We're heading over to Carth's apartment for the same reason."

Mical took her proffered arm gingerly. He offered his other arm to Alexis, who took it after flipping up her hood. "Off we go," Alexis said, tugging them off of the ship.

Things were never awkward between Mical and Kalen because she didn't know that there was a reason that they should be. Alexis thought that this was probably a blessing. "You don't think Visas or Canderous…" Alexis said as they were walking away.

"No. They like being alone too much for that," Kalen replied with a shrug. They arrived at Carth's apartment shortly thereafter. After a cursory check to be certain they didn't have any unwanted company, the trio all took seats on the couch.

"So, now that we're here, what are we going to do?" Kalen asked, leaning back and slinging her arms behind her head.

"What were you going to do before you were interrupted?" Alexis asked.

Kalen sighed. "Do you mean before or after Carth took Atton away? Which reminds me… What was Carth wearing? He looked excellent this morning."

Alexis turned and glared at her. If Kalen had noticed, so had every other female on the Citadel. Oh well. At least he probably wouldn't act on the extra attention. "He says that all of his clothes are dirty. He told me he'd have to have his things taken to the cleaners tonight."

"Maybe you should hide the rest of his clothes. Or buy him more like those," Kalen said thoughtfully.

"I'm not entirely comfortable with this line of conversation," Mical inserted in a strangled manner.

Both Kalen and Alexis turned to glare at Mical and he flushed and went quiet at once. "It won't hurt you to listen for a few more minutes. We won't talk about this for long," Kalen said.

"Anyway, if he keeps dressing like that, I'm not sure I'll be able to function normally," Alexis said.

"I might not either."

"Watch it."

"So what were he and Atton and Bao-Dur up to this morning?"

"Carth said something about working on a Republic transporter."

"The transport that is supposed to take us to Coruscant is here," Mical interrupted.

"We're taking a transport? I thought we'd all be on the Hawk," Kalen said, frowning.

"Well, actually, the Ebon Hawk is going to hitch a ride on the transport ship with us," Mical replied. "They didn't tell you?"

"No," Alexis replied slowly. "When did they tell you?"

"This morning. Didn't you ask?" Mical said earnestly.

Alexis sighed. "No. That never even occurred to me."

"So much for the acclaimed Jedi perceptions," Kalen said.

"Well, what are we going to do for the rest of today? Everyone else is otherwise occupied," Alexis asked, shifting slightly so that she could rest her head in the seat beside her.

"We could go and watch Carth work," Kalen said hopefully.

Alexis glanced at Mical out of the corner of her eye. He looked a little pained, but otherwise all right for the moment. "You are absolutely insufferable."

"If I might make a suggestion," Mical said quietly, "I think that we might enjoy hitting the swoop track here."

"I love swoop racing!" Alexis said enthusiastically.

"When did you learn how to swoop race?" Kalen asked skeptically.

"When Carth and I were trying to get Bastila off of Taris. I won her when I raced for one of the Lower City gangs," Alexis said.

"You were a swoop racer for a gang on Taris?" Mical said incredulously.

Alexis grinned. "I was the best swoop racer on Taris. I did have a few things going for me, though. The Hidden Beks put me on a bike with a prototype accelerator that was absolutely amazing, and I did have Jedi reflexes to fall back on, even if I didn't know it at the time."

"I am quite the swoop racer myself," Mical said in a less than humble tone.

"Is that a challenge?" Alexis asked.

"Simply a statement," Mical replied with a smile.

"I see. I think that we'll have to put that statement to the test. To the swoop track, my friends?" Alexis asked.

Kalen was smiling from ear to ear. "I don't race myself, but this looks like it could be entertaining."

"Of that I have no doubt," Mical replied.

Mical proved to be quite the swoop racer. He wiped the floor with all of the regular riders and even a few who had come from off-planet. The only person he couldn't beat was Alexis. Where he was practical and in control, she was psychotic, bouncing and weaving across the track for all she was worth. He simply couldn't match her wanton disregard for her own safety.

Alexis, dressed in her usual bounty hunter garb, made her way back over to Mical, a brilliant smile on her face. He was shaking his head. "That was the most terrifying spectacle I have seen yet," Mical said, clasping her hand.

Kalen was laughing. "I almost want to learn how to do that, just so I can make the people on the sidelines shriek with fright like you do."

"How long have you been racing?" Mical asked her.

"The only other time I've ever raced was those two runs back on Taris."

"You're serious? I've been doing this all of my life and I can't handle a bike the way you do," Mical replied.

Alexis grinned. "We'd better head back to the apartment before someone else challenges me. I've found that the planet's swoop champion will get a lot of acclaim."

They raced back to Carth's apartment, laughing the whole way. When they arrived, Atton and Bao-Dur were standing in the living room, munching on sandwiches.

"Hello…" Kalen said upon entering. Alexis ran into her back and Mical plowed into them both, knocking both Kalen and Alexis to the floor. Mical stumbled inside and the door shut behind them. Mical looked around the room, blushing profusely.

Alexis chose not to get up. Kalen rose half-heartedly, pushing herself into a seated position and propping her back up against the wall. Alexis stared at the men in the living room from her position on the floor. "How's it going?" Mical made his way across the living room and sat down in one of the chairs, muttering apologies and trying to remain inconspicuous.

"Where have you all been?" Atton asked, lounging casually against the wall.

"Swoop track," Alexis responded when Kalen would not.

Bao-Dur was watching Kalen with interested eyes. "Do you race, General?"

Kalen laughed. "No. I'm not that crazy. Alexis is, though. She beat Mical by at least two seconds."

"Surprise, surprise," Atton said with a laugh.

Mical cast a hurt look at Atton, who grinned back at him. Alexis glared at him. "Leave him alone, Atton."

"I was only pointing out the fact that you are an amazing woman, Alexis," he said in return.

"I'm sure that's all," Alexis replied with a laugh. "So, why are you all here?"

"You're surprised to see our smiling faces?" Atton asked, feigning offense.

Kalen shrugged. "Not really. We just wanted to know why you weren't still working on that ship with Carth."

"Carth got called away for a meeting. We're going to meet him again in an hour or so," Bao-Dur replied for Atton.

"That's too bad. That was an excellent outfit he was wearing," Kalen replied.

"Hey!" Atton said sharply.

"What?" Kalen asked innocently, batting her eyes at him. Alexis stole a glance at Mical. He was staring out the window.

Atton looked as if he wished he hadn't said anything. "Nothing. I was just looking out for Lexi's interests."

"Is that all?" Alexis asked.

Atton nodded. "Yeah. That's all."

Kalen sighed. "Lexi can look out for herself," she said, "but can Carth? I can't believe you all left him alone in those pants."

"What's so great about his pants?" Atton asked harshly, glaring at her.

"He wasn't alone. Seré was with him," Bao-Dur said.

"Those pants are the Force's gift to womankind," Kalen said with a grin.

Atton gave her a sullen look and tossed away his sandwich. "Suddenly I've lost my appetite."

"You said Seré's with him?" Mical asked, speaking up for the first time since they'd arrived.

"Yeah. Jealous 'cause she won't even take a look at you?" Atton responded.

Mical looked down. Alexis hated the way he gave in so easily when Atton pressured him. If Mical would only learn to defend himself, he would be a much stronger man. Alexis didn't mind that Carth was with Seré. She knew that was why Mical had asked.

"Oh Atton," Kalen said, shaking her head.

"Listen," Alexis said, changing the subject abruptly, "why don't you guys try to convince Carth that we all need to head down to the restoration zones for the evening? I have a feeling that we won't see Telos for a very long time after we leave."

Kalen glanced over at her. "That's a good idea. I haven't seen a tree in a few months."

"I'll miss Telos, once we are gone," Bao-Dur said.

"I'm game," Atton said with a shrug. "You can only get drunk and play pazaak so many nights in a row."

"Mical?" Alexis asked when the Disciple did not respond immediately.

"I'll go," he answered quietly.

Alexis smiled at him "Great. Maybe we can dry Atton out for the evening. I think that his liver will thank us one day." Mical's returning smile was weak at best.


	20. Chapter 20

Carth opened the door to his apartment, glad to finally be home. He wouldn't be there for long since Alexis wanted to take a trip to the planet's surface, but he hoped to at least see her once before they rejoined her friends. He wasn't disappointed; she was sitting on his couch, brushing her long hair.

Carth shut the door behind him and walked over to her side. "Where's Dustil?" Carth asked idly. He thought he knew the answer. The boy was probably wherever the bounty hunter was.

"He's on the Ebon Hawk with everyone else, waiting for you to tell us where our transport it," Alexis replied, tossing her brush aside and starting to tie up her hair.

Carth watched her eyes flit across his body before she turned away. So, he was having an effect on her after all. Good. He'd certainly meant to. He'd lain in bed for ten extra minutes this morning trying to decide how to upset her imperturbable Jedi façade. He'd chosen the simplest solution: wear something that she wouldn't be able to keep her eyes off of.

It was too bad that while it had impressed Alexis, it had also impressed Seré and several other women he ran into during the day. He'd never had to turn down so many dinner invitations in one day.

Carth rubbed his hand idly across his stomach. The pants were uncomfortable. How did women manage to wear pants that were that tight every day? Carth shook his head. At least Alexis was interested, even if she didn't seem to want to admit it to herself.

"Well, I'm ready whenever you are," he replied. So much for alone time. She was distracted and he wasn't sure what to do or say to change that.

Alexis stood, shoving the last strand of hair into place. "Do you want me to just tell them where to meet us, or do you want to walk over and get them?"

Carth glanced at the clock. "Let's just meet them there. The transport is in a shuttle bay only a few doors down from where the Ebon Hawk is docked."

"So, who's flying?"

"I am. Atton offered, but I turned him down. I know where we're going and he doesn't."

"We're not going to the same spot as last time, are we?"

"No. It's on the other side of the planet."

Alexis shrugged. "Okay. Take us where you will."

Carth smiled faintly and offered her his hand. She stared at him for a few seconds before taking it, as if afraid he would bite her. Carth used his free hand to flip up her hood. "Can't be too careful," he said in response to her questioning glance as he led her from the apartment.

The subsequent walk and flight took place in relative silence. It seemed that everyone was anxious to reach the planet's surface. When they arrived, everyone crawled off of the ship and looked about in wonder.

Carth had chosen a place that was at the foot of the largest mountain range that Telos had. The area had taken very little damage, but it had only recently been added to the shield network. The landscape was rugged and green and the air was warm, but not hot. A small lake was nestled just at the base of one of the nearby mountains. To their left was a vast forest. Though it was still relatively healthy, most of the animals that had originally inhabited the area were dead and the slight shimmer of the shield was visible just overhead. It wasn't ideal, but it was one of the most beautiful places on Telos.

Carth glanced at the startled faces around him. It didn't look like any of them known this was here. Even Dustil looked a little surprised. "I didn't remember home looking like this," he said softly, his eyes wide.

Carth grinned. "What do you guys think?"

Alexis made her way to his side and took his hand. He was surprised, once again, that she had touched him of her own accord. "It's beautiful," she whispered. He was surprised to see tears glistening on her cheeks. Kalen was wiping at her eyes as well.

Carth had never seen Alexis cry. He hadn't known that she knew how. He stood there, staring at her, unsure of what to do. Why was she upset? Was there something wrong? Carth glanced around frantically, trying to figure out what was going on. Alexis looked just as mystified as he was. "I'm crying?" she said, staring at the moisture on her fingertips.

Carth had just decided that the best course of action was to take her in his arms when Kalen caught her in a gentle hug. "Oh, Lexi…" she said quietly. _Why were they crying? _

"What's going on?" Carth asked finally.

"We've been here before," Kalen responded, staring at the mountains over Alexis's shoulder.

"Kavar brought us here when we were children. I had no idea that it was on Telos," Alexis added. She pulled away from Kalen to stare at the landscape. Carth was still a little perplexed. They were crying because they'd been here before?

Kalen was slowly turning, taking in all of the faces around her. Finally, she must have seen that they still didn't understand, because she began to explain. "Kavar and several other masters were teaching all of the padawans in our age group about the living Force. They each picked three apprentices and took them to a planet they would not recognize to stay in the wilderness for two days to feel the Force around us. Kavar brought Alexis, Malak, and I here. None of us had any idea that we had been on Telos all along."

"That still doesn't explain why you're crying," Atton pointed out, staring at Kalen in much the same way Carth assumed he'd been staring at Alexis: concerned fear.

"It's the same. Everything here feels the same," Alexis whispered, kneeling down to press her palms gently to the ground. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath. Even Carth could feel the deep serenity radiating from her.

"What do you mean, the same?" Mira asked, looking around as if the very grass might spring to life and bite her.

"How can nothing have changed?" Mical asked. "Malak practically destroyed Telos. Nothing is as it was before."

"I don't know. That doesn't make much sense, does it?" Kalen asked, turning to Alexis.

Alexis opened her eyes. "I don't know either."

Dustil was smiling. "I've never been here before, but I know what you're feeling. Everything here exudes a sort of warm peace. You can't stretch out very far, or it fades away, but right here, in this spot, it feels as if everything is okay."

Everyone grew quiet and still. He knew they were all reaching out to feel what the others were describing. Carth felt an acute sense of loss. He would never know what they meant.

He turned away from them, but Alexis caught his hand once again. He turned to look at her and she tenderly placed her hands on either side of his head. He stared at her blankly for a second. "Trust me?" she whispered.

Carth nodded mutely. She shut her eyes. "Close your eyes," she whispered, and Carth did as she asked. For a moment, nothing happened, and then he felt her. It was as if Alexis was inside of him, a part of him.

He tried to shut her out, for a moment, he was so afraid, but he heard her make a soft, soothing noise in the back of her throat and he gave in. The sensation was amazing. He felt as if he were floating. Everything was calm and peaceful, warm, but not unpleasantly so. He could feel the way it was all connected, how everything meshed together.

He could feel the damage to the planet, hovering at the edges of his awareness, but Alexis pulled him away from it, back towards the things around them. He could feel his son, strong and proud, and Kalen, gentle and loving. He could feel Mira's fire and Atton's intelligence, Bao-Dur's devotion and the Disciple's tranquility. Most of all, he could feel Alexis, every inch of her.

Alexis pulled back slowly and Carth had to force himself to release her. He opened his eyes and had to blink back the tears that blurred his vision. "How…" he began, barely able to speak.

"I couldn't have done it if you weren't force-sensitive yourself," she said softly, lowering her hands.

"Is that what it's like? Every time?" Carth asked.

Atton responded from a few feet away. "Every time." Carth watched as Atton gathered Kalen to his side. She didn't resist, and he draped his arm around her shoulder. She slid her arm around his waist, a shy smile lighting her face.

Carth glanced down at Alexis again. She was grinning in a self-satisfied sort of way. "Now you know," she said. Carth sat down rather abruptly. It was too much to take in all at once.

Alexis glanced over at Carth, who was still sitting on the ground. Most of the others had taken seats as well, soaking up the aura of this place while they could. Kalen was still resting in Atton's arms, all awkwardness forgotten. Mira and Dustil were holding hands, whispering back and forth to one another about the wonder of it all. Carth still looked shell-shocked.

Alexis had been worried at first that once she had connected with Carth, she would be unable to pull away. It had been hard to draw back, but she realized now that she'd never be able to fully extract herself from him again. Carth was too much a part of her for her to let go.

She wondered if he knew. It scared her, a little bit, to be connected so deeply to another. It was shocking to find that there was a sense of incompleteness that could feel so right. He was still watching the ground. Had she shown him too much at once? No. He was all right. He'd just never seen the Force before.

Alexis turned and walked a few feet away from the group. So this was what they had meant all along. Jolee must have thought her a complete fool. Telos was home as much as any other planet could be home. She had no special connection to it, though she did have fond memories of this place.

Carth was home. Wherever Carth was, Alexis would feel safe and protected. _Home is where the heart is_. Why did clichés always ring true in the end? Alexis smiled at herself. And they called Atton the fool. It had been staring her in the face the whole time. Or rather, Carth had.

He loved her and Force help her, she loved him, more than she loved breathing. It was no use pretending any longer that the feelings did not exist. It didn't matter whom she admitted it to. It never had. She'd loved him from the moment she laid eyes on him and would until her dying day. Even if she'd never told him how she felt, the feelings would have been there.

What had she been hiding from? It didn't matter if he knew. Love that she did not admit existed would lead just as quickly to the dark side as love that she had accepted for what it was. But neither one had to. She had a choice. Love wasn't dangerous or evil. It was beautiful.

Her denial had only been causing Carth pain. She had felt the soul-searing ache of it the moment she'd slipped into his mind. She was killing him slowly, ignoring what there was between them. And she intended to stop as soon as she was able.

Alexis sighed softly and fiddled with the sleeve of her shirt. The only problem was that she was still afraid. Alexis felt Carth's arms go around her from behind. She relaxed against him for a moment, and he carefully tightened his grip. Alexis smiled. "Thank you," he whispered in her ear.

"No, thank you," she said in return, meaning it. If Carth hadn't brought her here, she might never have had this experience, this awakening.

"Did the Force bring us here?" Carth asked.

"There are no coincidences," she replied. She turned in his arms slowly and wrapped her arms around his chest. He was surprised, she could tell, but also pleased. Neither of them spoke. She held on for a moment before stepping out of his embrace. This wasn't the place. Not with so many people around. Disappointment registered on his features. She resisted the urge to leap at him again. _Later,_ she promised herself.


	21. Chapter 21

Alexis stood beside Kalen, trying her hardest not to laugh. She was trying to show Atton a new lightsaber form. He'd fallen on his butt no less than forty times in the last ten minutes. Every time one of them showed him how, he'd attempt to copy it in exactly the same manner. Needless to say, he failed every time.

"Is this some kind of test? Like how many times I fall on my ass before I call it quits? Checking for determination or something?" Atton asked. Kalen giggled and Atton gave her a cocky grin. "Come back over here and show me again, sweetheart. I think my hips are in the wrong spot."

"They are," Alexis volunteered, "otherwise you'd be able to land on your feet."

Kalen nodded. "I think Alexis is right. Besides, you know where your hips are supposed to go, don't you?"

"Yeah? When are you going to let me prove it to you?" Atton asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Soon, I think," Kalen replied, resting her hands on her hips. Atton's eyes widened. Clearly he hadn't expected a response to his invitation.

"Try again, lover boy," Alexis said with a sigh. Atton made another attempt. This time, not only did he fall on his butt, his back and head hit the ground as well. He remained motionless on the ground for a second, moaning. "I vote we just leave him there," Alexis said, staring at him. It would serve him right. She knew for a fact that he could do it if he'd just stop watching Kalen's butt instead of her entire body when she showed him how to move properly.

Kalen shrugged. "Okay. If he hasn't moved when we're ready to leave, we'll get someone to toss him onto the ship. I still have uses for him."

Alexis laughed. "I'm sure you do."

They made their way back towards the spot where everyone else was sitting in a circle. Most were playing cards. Canderous was dealing from a rather large deck to Mira, Dustil, Bao-Dur, and Carth. Mical and Visas were both meditating nearby.

"It seems like cheating to meditate here," Kalen said as she sat down beside Canderous. "It's too easy."

"Is meditating supposed to be hard, General?" Bao-Dur asked, looking up from his cards. Alexis was surprised to see him join the rest of the group at cards. He seemed like a bit of a loner to her.

"Well, you should at least have to work for it," Kalen grumbled.

"I get what you're saying," Dustil said with a laugh. "Inner peace should come from within."

"Exactly!" Kalen exclaimed.

"Is anyone else bored with cards?" Mira asked, tossing her cards to the ground and stretching against Dustil.

He glanced over and grinned at her. "You're just tired of losing."

"So what if I am?" Mira asked crossly.

Alexis laughed. "Then by all means, lets do something else."

"I have a pazaak deck," Atton replied, stepping up beside her.

"That's still cards," Mira muttered.

"No. No pazaak for you tonight, remember? We're drying out your liver and draining all of the little numbers from your head," Alexis said, leaping from the ground and stealing the pazaak deck he was grasping loosely in his right hand.

"Those are mine!" he said resentfully.

"Not tonight," Alexis replied. Everyone was laughing at the wounded expression on Atton's face.

"Make her give them back," he whined to Kalen.

Kalen shrugged. "Do you really think I can make Alexis do anything?"

Atton turned his eyes to Carth. "Make her give my cards back," he said pleadingly.

Carth shook his head and held up his hands. "No way. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Scared, Onasi?" Alexis asked with a wicked smile.

"You bet," Carth replied. Alexis laughed.

"I'm not," Canderous said, setting the other deck of cards on the ground.

"What are you going to do about it?" Alexis asked, standing up and tucking the cards into a pocket inside of her tunic and buttoning it shut.

"I tell you what. We'll fight for them. Hand to hand combat. What do you say?" he asked.

Alexis grinned. How could she turn him down? "You sure that's what you want? You really think you can take me?"

"Without your lightsaber? Onasi could take you," Canderous replied.

Alexis couldn't help it. She laughed again. "Hey!" Carth said indignantly.

Alexis turned and looked at Carth appraisingly. "Did he hurt your man feelings?"

Carth laughed. "Thanks."

"I knew you'd like that," Alexis replied. "So, where is this epic battle going to take place?"

Canderous looked around. "Over there. There's a patch of flat ground."

"Can I referee?" Kalen asked. "I'd like to make sure that Alexis doesn't hurt Canderous too badly."

"Yeah," Alexis replied. They set up rather quickly. Everyone but Mical and Visas came and stood around Alexis and Canderous in a pattern reminiscent of a Mandalorian battle circle.

Alexis and Canderous shook hands. "The day when I can't beat one skinny kid is the day I retire," Canderous said confidently.

"I take it I'm not allowed to use the Force?" Alexis asked.

"That wouldn't be fair now, would it?"

"You are at least twice my weight. Who's to say what's fair?"

Kalen stepped up to them. "Alright. I want a clean fight. No biting, pinching, or… umm… hitting Canderous below the belt. Well, below the belt or above the knee. But not precisely the knee, more like…"

"I get it Kalen, thanks," Alexis said lightly.

"Bow to your opponent and begin!" Kalen said loudly, jumping back.

Alexis lowered her head. Canderous did as well. Both of them dropped into their favorite combat stance. They circled one another for several seconds. Alexis landed the first blow. While Canderous was stepping sideways, Alexis leapt forward, tapped him on the cheek with her palm, and leapt back.

Canderous tried to catch her, but he failed. They danced around one another again. Canderous came at her and Alexis sidestepped him. She was too light and quick for his much bulkier frame. She tapped him on the back of the head as she passed.

"Come back here," he growled.

"You don't have to be afraid you'll hurt me," Alexis taunted, grinning at him. She was flat on her back before she knew what had hit her. Canderous had tripped her. Alexis rolled over and got back to her feet before he managed to catch her again.

"I'm not," Canderous said.

"Get him, Alexis!" Kalen shouted.

"Isn't the ref supposed to be unbiased?" Atton asked from somewhere behind her.

"Oh, shut up!" Kalen answered.

Alexis laughed and launched herself at Canderous's chest. He barely caught her he was so surprised. That was all the time she needed. She hooked her leg around his, yanking as hard as she could until he toppled to the grass with her seated triumphantly on his chest. "Gotcha," Alexis said with a smile.

Canderous threw her off of him. She landed on her back beside him with his hand just below her throat. "Do you now?"

"Draw!" Kalen chimed. Alexis lunged from beneath Canderous's hand and tackled her. They wrestled on the ground for a moment, laughing, with Atton cheering. Kalen finally pinned Alexis down and started to tickle her. Things went downhill from there. Alexis couldn't think or breathe. She was _very _ticklish.

Kalen released Alexis and looked over at Carth. "She's ticklish. I trust you'll remember?" She asked slyly.

Carth grinned at her. "How could I forget?"

"So who gets my pazaak deck?" Atton asked finally.

"I do," Kalen said.

"What do I have to do to get them back?"

"I'll think of something," Kalen replied.

Atton smiled. "I can't wait."

An hour later, the sun was starting to disappear below the horizon. Alexis was seated cross –legged behind Kalen, braiding the other girl's hair. Atton's head was in Kalen's lap. He was asleep.

"I see that things are going well between the two of you," Alexis whispered in Kalen's ear.

Kalen laughed. "He's such a sweetheart. It's too bad that he likes to pretend that he isn't."

"Kalen, honey, he probably isn't with anyone else."

"He is with you."

"He's just scared of me, that's all."

"No, he really likes you."

"What, did he tell you that he liked me?" Alexis asked with a laugh.

"No. But I can tell. You two are good friends, aren't you?"

Alexis sighed. Clearly she wasn't going to wriggle her way out of this. "We're a lot alike, Atton and I."

"You mean your past."

"Yes. We relate to one another very well."

"I'm glad he has you, then."

"Where is this going?"

"I always feel like he's hiding things from me, even when he's trying to be as open as he can. I just want to know that he tells someone his secrets, if he can't tell me."

"He'll tell you in time. Right now, he just doesn't want to scare you away."

"I don't think that he could," Kalen said softly. She was stroking the hair on Atton's forehead absently.

"You're petting him, you know."

Kalen glanced down and ceased the motions of her hand. "You're right."

"I think you need a baby. You've always struck me as the motherly type," Alexis told her. Kalen was a nurturer, there was no doubt.

"I don't think that I'll ever have the time," Kalen answered.

"You're still young."

"Lexi, you always talk like you're so much older than me. Two years is not that long."

Alexis patted the last strand of Kalen's waist-length hair into the massive braid and started to wind it up onto her head. "I'll be thirty my next birthday," Alexis responded.

"Women have children in their late forties and early fifties now, Alexis."

"Are you suggesting that I should have children?" Alexis asked with surprise.

"If I should, you should. I think you'd make a wonderful mother."

Alexis was carefully clipping Kalen's braid into place as she spoke. "It's not possible anyway."

"And why not?"

"From what I've heard about the dark side, it twists one not only mentally, but physically as well. Do you know that there are no records of a Sith ever having children after their fall? It's believed that the corrupting nature of the dark side sterilizes men and women alike."

"You have no proof of that."

"Oh Kalen, it doesn't matter. I wouldn't wish me on any child."

"Alexis…"

"I'm sorry I brought this up," Alexis said, shifting onto her knees to clip the final piece of Kalen's braid into place. "You know, it was silly of me to braid this. You're just going to take it down later to sleep."

"Don't change the subject."

"What're we talking about?" Atton muttered sleepily from Kalen's lap.

Kalen gave him an exasperated sigh. "Couldn't you have stayed asleep for five more minutes?"

"Gee, I'm sorry that I'm such an inconvenience to you," he said, starting to sit up.

"Well, you're my hero," Alexis told him.

He turned to look at her. "Nice to know someone appreciates me," he replied, giving Kalen a sulky expression. After a moment, he started to get up.

"Where are you going?" Kalen asked.

"Miss me already?" Atton asked, standing and stretching his back.

"No. Alexis and I have something to talk about while your gone, don't we?" Kalen asked, eyeing Alexis.

Alexis sighed and gave Atton a pleading look. "Please stay."

"Where's Carth?" Atton asked her.

Carth and Atton talked? "Over by the lake," Alexis said, waving her hand towards the lone black-clad figure standing at the edge of the water.

Atton nodded. "I'll be back."

Kalen rounded an Alexis. "Not again," Alexis moaned, collapsing back into the grass.

Carth watched as Atton approached him, stopping only a few feet away. They were quiet for some time. Finally, Atton spoke. "So, uh- Carth. How's it going?"

Carth hid a smile. He knew he made the kid uncomfortable. "Better now that no one's crying," Carth responded.

"Huh. Definitely," Atton said.

Carth glanced over at Atton. He wasn't sure why he was here. They'd never really talked before. "You need something?" Carth asked him.

Atton was staring at the ground. Carth turned to look back at the lake. Maybe Atton would find him easier to talk to if he didn't look at him. "Ah- well. Yes. I wanted to talk to you."

Carth nodded. "I'm listening."

Atton seemed to be struggling to find the words. "They're tough, aren't they? I mean, for women."

Carth chuckled. "They're tough no matter who you compare them to. Tougher than all the rest of us put together."

"They aren't Jedi, though. At least, not the way Jedi should be."

"They're the only Jedi that are left," Carth said, looking back at Atton.

Atton frowned. "They're too soft to be Jedi," he said after a few seconds' pause.

Carth thought about that. "You're a Jedi," he pointed out.

"Not really. I can swing a lightsaber, but that doesn't make me a Jedi."

"So what makes them Jedi?"

Atton shook his head. "I don't know. They're Jedi, all right, but I can't figure out why."

"Do you mean why they're still Jedi, or why they were in the first place?"

"Why they were in the first place."

"They were force sensitive."

"But that doesn't make a Jedi."

Carth took a deep breath. "I think that they survived because they weren't like other Jedi."

"Both of them fought in the Mandalorian Wars," Atton said slowly.

"Because they couldn't stand back and watch millions die and the Republic be torn apart."

"Well then they aren't Jedi. Jedi have to obey their Code and their Council. They just threw the rule book out the window."

"And Alexis fell to the dark side for it," Carth replied.

"But they were right, weren't they?"

"They saved the Republic."

"And they're trying to do it again," Atton said, scratching at his head with one hand.

"I think I've missed your point," Carth answered, shifting positions.

"I'm not sure I had one."

"You sounded like you had a purpose in coming over here."

"I guess I did," Atton began. "It's Kalen. She needs me. Or at least, I think she does. Jedi shouldn't need anyone else."

Carth sighed. Alexis didn't need him. Or if she did, she was very good at hiding it. "She's still human." Carth said.

"They were talking about children back there, a second ago, when they thought I was asleep. They want kids. Is that normal Jedi behavior?"

"You sound like you think that's crazy."

"It is for a Jedi, isn't it?"

"Didn't you say that they weren't Jedi?" Carth asked, smiling. Atton's mind was sharp, but it was random. He jumped from one idea to another without any connecting factors.

Atton sighed. "It's just- I've never thought about kids and these Jedi, they're talking about kids like they can have them. Like they've thought about it."

"There's no Council. They can essentially do whatever they want."

"But they're going to rebuild the Order, aren't they? Aren't things going to go back to the way they were before?"

Carth finally understood. Atton was worried that Kalen would leave him for the Jedi. "Kalen isn't a Jedi anymore. Ask her and she'll tell you the same."

"What does that mean? They've been living by that damned Code all of their lives," Atton responded.

"Why don't you talk to Alexis about this? I think she'll be able to explain it to you better than I ever could," Carth said. He was having a hard time. How could he help Atton when he was still so confused?

"She's got the same problem."

"How so?"

"She's got to pick, doesn't she? Just like Kalen does. They've either got to be Jedi, or they've got to be themselves."

"They still are Jedi, at least at heart."

"That's why this is so confusing. They've been trained all of their lives to be Jedi. Who's to say that once they're back in a temple surrounded by little kids with lightsabers they won't forget about us? That she won't forget about me..." He was staring off into the distance again, his shoulders slumped.

Carth looked at the ground. "Just- give her a chance. That's all I can tell you. And talk to Alexis. She's better at this sort of thing than I am, even when it concerns her."

Atton nodded. "I guess I will." He turned back to Carth with a sideways smile on his face. "She wants kids, you know," he said, placing his hand on his chest. "My kids. Who would have thought?" He turned to walk away, looking worried but still wearing that stupid grin.

"Yeah," Carth murmured to his retreating back, "who would have thought?"

Alexis looked up as Dustil approached. "You two are acting like little girls at a sleepover," he observed, staring at she and Kalen. Kalen had a pen and was doodling on Alexis's arm. There was a half-finished ring of elegant flowers circling her bicep. Kalen was only inches from Alexis's arm, her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth and her pen moving at an impossible speed.

Alexis laughed. "We didn't get to act like kids when we were young. We're reliving our childhood. I braided her hair, she's writing on me. Next we're going to talk about boys and clothes while we play with our dolls."

"There are dolls?" Kalen asked brightly, glancing up from her work.

"It's okay, Kalen," he soothed, "just go back to your coloring."

Kalen stuck her tongue out at him before furiously resuming her attentions to the tattoo. "Ouch!" Alexis said suddenly, jerking sideways when the pen hit a tender spot.

"Look what you did!" Kalen raged. She licked her thumb and started to rub away the stray ink mark.

"You're drooling on me! Stop it! Stop it!" Alexis whined plaintively, trying not to laugh. She hadn't had this much fun in a while. Not since the other morning with Carth, and Seré had spoiled that.

"Are you two on spice?" Mira asked, walking up beside Dustil and sliding her hand into his.

Alexis grinned at her. "Nope."

"Forgive me if I choose not to believe that," Dustil said.

Kalen pulled back and shouted triumphantly. "It's done!"

Alexis glanced over at the life-like flowers on her arm. "You're really quite good," she said. In fact, it was some of the best art she'd seen.

Atton ambled up to them, swinging his lightsaber. "Hey! That is pretty good. You wouldn't like to give me one, would you? I want a naked picture of you on my ass."

Kalen glared at him for a second. "You'd never see it there," she said haughtily.

"Why would I need to when I've got the real thing right here?"  
"Don't be so sure," Kalen muttered darkly.

Alexis tried to smother her laughter with her hand but failed miserably. Kalen turned her glare to Alexis. Alexis gave her a disarming smile.

"I've seen that look before. What have you done?" Carth asked, stepping up behind her.

Alexis folded her arms over her chest. "I haven't done anything wrong."

"I see. So, are you guys ready to head back? It's late and I have to go to work tomorrow," Carth said.

Kalen sighed. "I don't want to go."

"I'm ready," Atton said. "All of this calm is starting to annoy me. Let's head back to the real world."

Everyone but Alexis rose collectively and stood in a small group. She remained resolutely on the ground in the center, trying to absorb as much of the peaceful feelings of the area as she could before she left.

"Are you just going to stay here?" Dustil asked her.

"I wouldn't miss her," Canderous said, grinning at her.

Before Alexis could respond, Carth tossed her over his shoulder. She kicked her legs in the empty air. "Well then," She said, turning sideways under his arm to try and catch a glimpse of his face.

"Is everyone ready now?" Carth asked.

"I guess I am," Alexis said. She turned back to rest against Carth's back. Those pants really were a wonder. "Nice pants," she managed, hiding her blush by looking down. Carth laughed.

They made their way back to the ship and took off. Once again, the ride was fairly silent. It seemed that this time, every one was reflecting on a day that they'd enjoyed immensely.

When they arrived back at the Citadel, the two groups went their separate ways. Dustil was suspiciously absent as Alexis and Carth walked back to the apartment. "I guess he's found somewhere else to stay," Alexis said slyly.

"Looks like it," Carth said, cautiously taking her hand.

Alexis smiled and looked up into his eyes. "I'm glad," she whispered.

Carth's eyes widened and a smile spread slowly across his face. "Are you?"

Alexis's heart was racing. This was it. She was finally going to tell him tonight. And she was scared half to death. She bit her lip and kept glancing at him from beneath her eyelashes. _Easy. It's just Carth. He's not going to hurt you._ The walk felt like the longest she'd ever been on. She was acutely aware of her hand in his and was absolutely certain that he could feel her pulse pounding out of time beneath his hand. He probably thought that she was nuts.

Just outside of his door, Alexis bumped against Carth's chest. They stood, pressed together for a few moments, looking into one another's eyes. "Inside," Alexis managed, reaching for the keypad. Carth beat her to it. He punched in the numbers rapidly and slid into the open door.

Alexis was surprised that the light was already on. She scanned the apartment quickly. Someone was sitting with their back to them on the couch…

"Seré? What are you doing here?" Carth asked.


	22. Chapter 22

Carth's hand clasping her arm was the only thing that stopped Alexis from collapsing to the ground in a heap and crying. Or possibly lunging at Seré. Innocence stopped at the third interruption, did it not?

Alexis was trembling. She could feel it. Her entire body was shaking with emotion. She took two deep, calming breaths, and then a third for good measure.

"What's she doing here?" Seré asked, standing and pointing at Alexis.

Alexis stared at the girl for a moment. Was she daft? "I- live- here," she ground out, holding herself tightly in check.

Carth stepped inside and shut the door. "Seré," he said, quite calmly, Alexis thought, given the circumstances, "you didn't answer my question."

For the first time, Seré quailed under his glare. Alexis pulled her arm away from him and slowly made her way to Seré's side. She glanced apprehensively at Alexis. Alexis found this odd. "Are you afraid of me?" She asked softly. _You should be!_ her heart screamed rebelliously.

"N-no…" Seré whispered.

Alexis very gently took her arm and pulled her back onto her seat on the couch. "I'm not going to hurt you," Alexis said with sympathy she didn't feel. It served the girl right. Perhaps she should stay away if she was scared of her. "Now, what did you come here to say?" Carth was watching all of this with a bemused expression from his position with his back against the door.

"I- wanted to talk to… Carth…"

"Why are there always assassins with you?" Alexis snarled when she noticed the single assassin standing a few feet from Carth. His stealth field generator was still on, and he wasn't aware that Alexis had seen him. She leapt across the room, igniting her lightsaber in mid-air, and sliced the man neatly in half. She barely retained her control over her emotions.

Seré, with a look of horror on her face, opened her mouth to explain, but no sound escaped. She looked a bit like a fish out of water. Alexis, breathing harshly, flicked off her lightsaber and hooked it back on her belt without sparing the dead man a glance.

Carth was staring at the assassin's body as Alexis arrived back at Seré's side. Taking pity on the girl, Alexis leaned forward and pushed on her chin until her mouth stopped gaping. "There now. Seré, why did you let in another assassin?"

Carth walked over to Alexis's side. "Are you okay?" he asked, glancing back at the body on his floor. There was no blood. The wound had been immediately cauterized by Alexis's blade.

"I'll be fine once I know where all of these damned Sith are coming from!" Alexis said calmly. She turned back to Seré. "You can't hide anything from me, dear, so you may as well go ahead and tell me."

"I don't know," Seré said with a catch in her voice. She hid her face in her hands and started to cry, "But they've been following me for days."

Alexis sat down on the couch beside Seré. She patted her back awkwardly. "How do you know that they're following you?"

Carth, still silent, took off, blaster pistols in hand, to search the apartment. Alexis remained at Seré's side. Seré could barely speak she was crying so hard. "I see things, moving, out of the corner of my eye. When I turn to look, they're gone. I thought I was going mad."

"You didn't connect it with the assassins that kept showing up when you came into this apartment?"

"N-no," she wailed, "because I thought that they were ghosts."

Alexis nearly groaned. Self-centered AND stupid. What was she? The Sith Lord of Stupidity? Wouldn't that be novel? '_I shall crush you with my towering ignorance!'_ It would certainly be the most terrifying of the lot. "And where have they been following you from?"

"Any time I leave my apartment. It's like they're waiting for me outside…" Seré whispered.

"I see. And where is your apartment?" Alexis asked. Carth slid back into the room, shaking his head. Good, the apartment was clean. Alexis motioned for him to check outside the door and he did so. Apparently there was nothing there, because he came back inside and holstered his blasters. She noticed a strange expression on his face, as if he'd seen something distasteful very recently, but she was busy, so she ignored it.

"By the shuttle bay where your ship is. It's in the residential module next door," Seré said. She was staring at her hands.

"Look, not that I don't believe you and all, but I have to be absolutely certain that you're not lying to me. I'm fairly sure that you're not, but I really need to know that you aren't bringing these assassins with you on purpose. So, I'm going to put my palm on your forehead. You'll feel a little bit of pressure while I riffle through your head, but it won't hurt. Now, close your eyes," Alexis ordered.

"Is this really necessary?" Seré asked fearfully.

"Yes," Carth replied.

Alexis sighed. "I won't do it without your permission, but if you won't consent, I will slap a set of stun cuffs on you and haul you over to TSF headquarters for questioning. I promise, their techniques will not be as painless as mine."

Seré whimpered and obediently shut her eyes. Alexis slapped her palm onto the girl's forehead and slipped into her mostly empty mind. Yep, stupid, but not dangerous. Well, unless you considered an IQ below 50 a hazard. _Ghosts._ She'd really believed that, too. "You're clean," Alexis muttered.

Seré's eyes snapped open as Alexis pulled her hand away. Everyone was quiet. "So why are there assassins following her around?" Carth asked.

"Well… I'm not entirely sure. It seems to me that they would be better off following you around, if they were after me, but I guess you'd probably see them. Maybe she was the closest they could get to us without being noticed," Alexis responded thoughtfully.

"Where are they coming from, then?"

"Maybe we should take a look around the shuttle bay tomorrow. I'll bet that there's something amiss. They wouldn't all be flying in on separate ships and unless they've been waiting here since Kalen left Telos the last time, they have to have arrived on something," Alexis replied.

"How did you get in here, anyway?" Carth asked, rounding on Seré.

"I'm going to go and get a glass of water," Alexis said, standing and starting to walk towards the kitchen.

"I'll get it," Carth said, trying to catch her arm.

"It's fine," Alexis said, staring at him. That reminded her… What had he looked so disgusted by earlier? She found out sooner than she'd expected.

Alexis stepped into the kitchen and found the lights dimmed. There were candles sparkling on the table and dinner plates set for two. There was a meal warming nearby and flowers sitting on the counter. Alexis eyed it all in numb shock for a bit before regaining her senses. Someone had set the scene for a seduction. It certainly hadn't been her and Carth had been gone all evening…

Carth put his hand on her shoulder and Alexis turned and raised her eyebrows. "Don't look at me," he muttered.

Alexis couldn't help herself. It was cruel, it was petty, and it was… too much. She burst into hysterical laughter. Seré started a fresh round of tears and Alexis lounged in the doorway, trying to catch her breath and stop laughing. "Can't breathe-," she gasped, grabbing Carth's arm for support.

Carth flipped on the lights and attempted to help Alexis back into a standing position. One of her arms held onto his in a vice-like grip and the other clutched her stomach as she continued to laugh uproariously. Carth was shaking his head at her and smiling faintly, but he wasn't laughing. Alexis could still hear Seré crying in the background. The sobs finally helped her laughter subside. She managed to calm down enough to make it back into the living room to sit down.

"Seré, it's okay… Please, stop crying… I'm sorry I laughed… Seré-," Alexis coaxed, rubbing at the girl's arm. She hiccupped and jerked away, tears staining her cheeks red.

"I'll call someone from the TSF to take you home…" Carth began.

"Please, no!" Seré gasped, her eyes frightened as she stared up at him.

"Let her stay," Alexis said. "What harm can she do now? We'll go search the Citadel for assassins tomorrow. There are certainly enough of us."

Carth sighed and glared at Seré. "It was- I wanted…"

"I know," Alexis whispered. She flashed a tired smile. "We'll talk some other time."

Carth nodded sadly and turned towards the kitchen. "I'll go clean up," he muttered.

Alexis glanced to Seré. "Can I get you some tea? Will that help you calm down?"

Seré made no reply. Her gasping sobs echoed through the otherwise silent living room. So much for calm. The serenity that she'd found earlier that day had completely vanished.

"I'll get the tea. If nothing else, maybe I can find an herb in Carth's cabinet powerful enough to knock you out," Alexis said to herself.

Alexis emerged with the tea a few minutes later and presented it to Seré. The girl downed it gratefully and was asleep within five minutes. Alexis was grinning when Carth emerged from the kitchen. "Powerful stuff," she said appreciatively.

Carth chuckled. "I used to have a hard time sleeping."

"Well… at least she's out. I thought I was going to have to listen to her crying all night. Then I would've needed a sedative. Force, that girl has a penetrating voice," Alexis said, rubbing her temples.

"Laughing at her didn't help matters," Carth responded, perching on the edge of one of the living room chairs.

Alexis swung Seré's legs onto the couch and tossed her own cloak over her. "I had no idea that she was that serious about you. I thought it was just a crush. I didn't know she was trying to crawl into your bed."

"It's not like much happens there, anyway," Carth said darkly.

"Watch it," Alexis replied.

"Well, I didn't know she was after me in quite that way, either. I guess I should've realized…"

"I think that you should retire those pants. I think that they fuddled Seré's brain."

Carth laughed. "I think I should retire them too. I'm probably going to have to pry myself out of them."

"And you still didn't get your laundry done," Alexis said with a smile.

"I might have exaggerated the desperation of my situation," Carth hedged.

"I figured as much," Alexis responded.

Carth shrugged and stood up. "What do you say we go to bed? Maybe things will look a little better in the morning."

"Not if you take off those pants," Alexis said, rising as well.

"I see that they've fuddled another brain…"

"No. Everything is crystal clear, thanks."

Carth held out his hand. "Want a lift to bed, beautiful?" He asked her softly. She took his hand and he lifted her up as if she weighed nothing at all and cradled her against his chest.

"I could get used to this," Alexis said, kicking her legs as he walked.

Carth kissed her forehead lightly. "I wouldn't mind."

Carth stared at the ceiling, gently running his fingers across Alexis's arm. She'd been so close to talking to him tonight. Maybe even telling him that she loved him. Why did Seré always pop in at the worst times?

Alexis hadn't been guarded, hadn't been upset, she'd been open, and sweet, and emotional… Carth wanted to storm out into the living room and toss his secretary out. Who knew is Alexis would ever be ready to talk to him again?

Carth glanced over at her beautiful face, so calm while she slept, and smiled. The poor thing. He'd thought she was going to fall apart several times this evening. Well, not really. She was too strong for that.

The day had been so beautiful, so perfect. Everything had fallen into place. Carth found it strange that he could still feel the Force, echoing around in his mind. Had it always been there and he simply hadn't noticed, or was there something else going on? Perhaps a connection he hadn't felt before… Carth shook his head. That was a thought for another time. Maybe, someday, he'd be able to mention it to Alexis. She had such a clear understanding of things of that nature.

He turned his thoughts back to his secretary instead. Why didn't Seré get the picture? He'd never given her any encouragement. In fact, he'd done everything in his power to indicate to her that he had no interest in her whatsoever. He'd known that Seré hated Alexis, but he'd assumed it was because she was Revan, not because she was having fantasies about a relationship with him. The reality of it would have been all too obvious if he'd just taken the time to look.

Why was she interested in him, anyway? It wasn't like she was short on options. She was one of the few young, decently attractive girls on a Station full of young men. Surely young soldiers were more appealing than he was. He was her boss, and he was nothing special: just an old pilot who still had a full head of hair. So what was the draw? They weren't even interested in the same things.

Besides, she was the same age as his son. Not that Alexis was that much older… seven years wasn't even a generation. Alexis had been born in the same generation as Dustil. Why did it always come back to age? He was too old for her, and he knew it, but he was so in love with her at this point that even his good sense couldn't turn him away. He couldn't pull away anymore. Everything was up to her now.

Carth was surprised to see a frown creasing Alexis's brow. She jerked slightly, in her sleep, and Carth sat up a bit to watch her. Was she having a nightmare? As far as he knew, she hadn't had nightmares since before the end of the Jedi Civil War.

Alexis twisted against him. Her breathing was coming faster. Just as Carth was going to wake her, Alexis shouted, "NO!" and sat straight up in the bed. He eyes were wide and her breathing was harsh. She stared at him for a few seconds. "Are you okay?" she whispered brokenly, reaching out to touch his face.

Carth stared right back. _Was he okay?_ She was the one having the nightmares. "I'm fine, beautiful," he replied, reaching for her.

She jerked away and leapt from the bed quite suddenly. "I- have to go…" she said, looking lost.

Carth stood up with her and gently caught her arm. She looked up into his face, startled. "Alexis… calm down. It was just a dream," he said soothingly.

"But it wasn't…" she whispered, drawing herself to his chest and hiding her face.

Carth stroked her back gently. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked. She shook her head no, but she didn't move. "Please?" Carth added, gently lifting her chin so that she had to look at him again.

He could feel her draw several deep breaths. The Jedi was returning to push away the frightened girl. He knew without a doubt that she wasn't going to talk about it now. She stepped out of his arms shortly thereafter and gave him a weak smile.

"I'm fine," Alexis told him. "I think I'll go and meditate, though. I'll never get back to sleep now."

Carth nodded. Neither would he. "Go ahead. I'll see you in the morning." He watched as she fled the room, her bare feet silent on the carpeted floor.

Alexis settled herself into her nice hiding place in the closet once again. With Seré in the living room, this was the obvious choice for privacy, and Alexis certainly wanted to be alone.

Why was the nightmare coming back? She hadn't had it once since her return to Telos and now it came back? Before that, she'd been having it once or twice a week for four years. Of course, then it had been more like a vision, since she hadn't been sleeping.

She remembered the dream vividly. After seeing it more than two hundred times, it was hard to forget. And of course, it had happened in real life. She couldn't have told Carth. No, he would have laughed at her; told her that it wouldn't happen again. It couldn't. Saul Karath and Malak were both long dead. So was Bastila, for that matter.

But she couldn't get Carth's screams out of her head… It was pathetic really, that the only nightmares that a former Sith Lord ever had were of someone else being tortured. Sometimes, she couldn't even see anything. All she could do was hear Saul Karath ask her a question, hear her own refusal to answer, and then hear Carth's pained screams.

Alexis shivered slightly and pulled her knees up to her chest. It was cold in this closet when all you had on was a t-shirt. She sighed slightly. It wasn't as if she'd never been tortured. Far from it. In fact, she'd been tortured quite mercilessly by Saul Karath herself. But memories of that didn't upset her. Her own torture was of no consequence. It was Carth's torture that had brought her so close to telling Karath what he wanted to know- to revealing the Jedi.

Carth had been so forgiving afterward, thanking her for doing what he didn't think he would have been able to do under similar circumstances. When he'd told her that, she hadn't felt strong. She'd felt like a monster. And then they had told her that she was really Darth Revan, and she'd known that she was a monster.

Alexis stared at the floor. Carth had told her once that he wanted to be her reason not to fall. Wouldn't it kill him to know that he had almost done the exact opposite?

"Do you want to know why I never told you that you were Revan?" Jolee asked her. Alexis jerked sideways and stared up at the old man who was once again perched on the crate beside her.

"Hello Jolee. How have you been?"

"Are you going to answer my question, or not?"

So this time he didn't want a normal greeting, hmm? _Crazy old coot…_ "I'll never understand you, old man. Yes, go ahead, enlighten me."

Jolee glared at her. "Because it's none of your business."

"How can it be none of my business?" Alexis responded incredulously.

"If you had known you were Revan too soon, you wouldn't be the girl you are now."

"What does that mean?"

"I'd forgotten that you weren't the brightest star in the galaxy. Think, kid, think! How did Revan deal with other people?"

"I-," Alexis began.

"Not I. She. Are you still a Sith Lord? Sheesh…"

"Fine. _She_ used them."

"So what would you have done the minute you knew the truth?"

Alexis thought about that. What would she have done? Well, she probably wouldn't have stuck around. Not if she had a choice. "I would have run away. I wouldn't have wanted to be around other people, for fear I'd-"

"...Use them. Exactly."

"Do you think I still would have gone after Malak?" Alexis asked.

"How would I know that? Kids these days…"

"Jolee… I know why I came to Telos."

"Good for you."

"Don't you remember… the last time you were here…"

"Remember what?"

"Jolee, the last time you were here, you asked me why I came back from the Unknown Regions."

"Of course I did," Jolee said, nodding as if he'd known exactly what she was talking about.

"And I know the answer."

"Good for you," he said again. Well, at least she was too frustrated with Jolee to be upset anymore.

"I came back for Carth. If I'd known I was Revan sooner, I never would have met Carth… and I wouldn't have come back," Alexis said.

"Look, kid, I don't know everything-"

"You've mentioned that before," Alexis interrupted.

"Are you going to let me finish?"

"Right. Sorry."

"I don't know everything, but I do know this: You met that boy for a reason. What you decide to do about it is your decision."

"What, no story?" Alexis said innocently.

"Hmph. You don't have the intelligence to appreciate my stories."

Alexis grinned at him. "More like I don't have the patience."

"Why do I bother?" Jolee muttered, starting to fade.

"Wait! I have a couple of questions."

Jolee materialized again, wearing a dark frown. "What do you want?"

"Why are my nightmares coming back?"

"Didn't I just explain that to you?"

"I didn't think you had…"

"What did I tell you?" he asked crossly.

"That I was afraid that I'd use people… that's why I kept running away… Oh. You mean that I'm having nightmares because I'm afraid I'll use Carth. But- why don't I have nightmares about Kalen or Atton or any of the others?" Alexis asked.

Jolee laughed. "Well, I hope that you're not quite as attached to them as you are to the pilot," he responded.

"But- the nightmare's about him being tortured. What does that have to do with me using him?"

"You used him to protect the Jedi, didn't you?"

"So are you saying that I was wrong, either way? If I'd told Karath where to find the Jedi, it would have been the wrong choice, but letting him torture Carth while I refused to answer his questions was the wrong choice too?"

"Sometimes there is no right or wrong and everything is just a shade of gray. Then it's up to your heart to decide."

Alexis stared at him. "You've given me a lot to think about."

He shrugged. "That's my job. Now, can I go, or do you have more foolish questions?"

"Just one more. Any news on Bastila?"

He smiled. "I saw her once, recently. She appeared for a second before she vanished again. Wouldn't be surprised if you started hearing her voice or seeing her sometime soon. Obnoxious kid…" he muttered.

"Thank you, Jolee…"

"It's like I said before… You couldn't figure these things out on your own, even with that Kalen girl to help you. Later, kiddo," he said, fading into oblivion.

Alexis stared at him, rubbing her arms against the chill. Well, he was useful for one thing. He certainly knew how to keep a room warm.


	23. Chapter 23

Alexis slid from the closet very early the following morning. She hadn't slept or meditated this time. In fact, she hadn't done much at all. She would have been lying if she said that a single constructive thought entered her mind after Jolee left. It was hard to remain that empty, and Alexis was actually proud of herself. Oblivion was better than the nightmares.

They probably wouldn't have come back, anyway. Jolee's simple explanation had done a lot to quell Alexis's fears. Even if the nightmare had returned, she would have been better equipped to deal with it. It was funny how Jolee could fix things so easily for her. Of course, he had to make her feel like an idiot in the process, but she could handle that. She'd felt like an idiot often enough lately that it didn't faze her.

Alexis stepped into the kitchen and turned on a pot of java juice for Carth. She knew he'd want it, and Seré might as well. Their impromptu guest was snoring softly in the living room. It would probably kill her to know that she snored. Alexis contemplated telling her, just for fun, but dismissed the idea out of hand. There wasn't any reason for her to be unduly cruel. It would have been entertaining, however.

The apartment was still quite dark, as the sun had not yet risen, and Alexis savored the way her other senses were heightened when her eyes failed her. After a quick scan of the apartment proved that they were still quite alone, Alexis took to idly pacing through the living room. The sun wouldn't be up for another two hours. She had a rather long wait for company if no one else woke up any time soon. Not that she'd relish Seré's company, but…

Alexis heard the door to Carth's bedroom open. Carth, his hair rumpled and his cheeks darkened by the shadow of a beard, made his way into the kitchen. He poured his cup of java without speaking. After the first grateful sip, his eyes slowly focused and he peered blearily at her.

Alexis gave him a small smile. He was usually a morning person. Hopefully his cold wasn't coming back. "Good morning," Alexis said, pouring herself a glass of water. She certainly didn't need java to wake up.

"Feeling better?" Carth asked her.

Alexis nodded, "Oh, I'm fine," she responded conversationally. "What about you?"

"Tired," he muttered, finishing the java in one final gulp. He grimaced as he lowered the cup to the counter.

"I hope that it wears off. I think we've got a lot of work ahead of us."

"Hopefully not that much," Carth responded.

"Hhhmm. I think I'll have to dress as a bounty hunter again, but this time I'll carry my lightsaber. If Mira does the same, I should be able to just blend into Kalen's crew," Alexis told him.

"I'll put on a uniform and bring a couple of TSF officers."

"What time am I supposed to meet with the senator today?"

"She invited us for dinner," Carth said, pouring another glass of java.

"You and I?"

"She extended the invitation to Kalen as well."

"Oh. That's good," Alexis said, watching as he gulped at the new glass of java. "You're destroying your stomach with that stuff," Alexis told him, sipping her water.

He chuckled, "Two won't kill me."

"I was afraid you were shooting for three."

"Not today."

Alexis leaned up against the counter with a sigh. It was going to be a very long day. Slotted for the morning was an assassin purge and hopefully the discovery of their source, and for the evening, a meeting with the senator. Sadly, she was going to have to deal with Seré first.

"Why are we standing here in the dark?" Carth asked as if suddenly realizing where he was.

"Our company is still asleep," Alexis replied, pushing herself up onto the counter.

"How could I forget," Carth muttered, glancing towards the living room with a disdainful expression.

"I see you did something about the mess the kitchen was in," Alexis observed, glancing over at the table, now bare of candles and silverware.

"Yeah. I couldn't sleep."

Alexis glanced over at him, feeling guilty. It was her fault he hadn't slept. Maybe she should tell him about the nightmares. It was about time she started being a little bit more open with him. "I've been having that nightmare ever since I left for the Unknown Regions," Alexis told him quietly.

Carth set his cup slowly on the counter as if afraid if he distracted her, she would stop talking. "Oh? I thought you didn't sleep when you were alone."

"I didn't. It came to me while I was meditating, more like a vision than a real dream I suppose," Alexis responded. She could do this. She was perfectly capable of talking about her nightmares with Carth. _Huh. Maybe it would be easier if she didn't have to look at him. _

"So, the same dream? All that time?"

Alexis nodded. "Same dream."

"Well, what's it about?"

"I-," Alexis began. She couldn't go on immediately. She blushed and glanced away.

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of, Alexis," he said, gently resting his hand on her knee.

"You haven't heard what its about yet," Alexis said, turning back to him.

"Can't be that bad."

"It's about you," Alexis said finally.

Carth was frowning. "You're having nightmares about me?"

"On the Leviathan. Saul Karath's torturing you… when I won't answer his questions."

"And you keep dreaming about it?" Carth said.

Alexis glanced up into his eyes. His expression was unreadable. "I used to dream about it once or twice a week. Sometimes more. This was the first time I'd had it since coming back to Telos, though."

Carth reached out and pulled her against his chest. Alexis closed her eyes and rested her head against his warm shoulder. "He can't hurt you anymore," he said softly.

Alexis laughed lightly in his ear. "I'm not having nightmares about him hurting me," she said, sliding her arms around his back.

"For a minute there, I was a little worried," Carth said, pulling back enough to see her face. "A man never wants to here that a pretty girl is having nightmares about him."

Alexis gave him an impish grin, "Well, I must admit that I have had a few nightmares about your orange jacket."

"Hey!" Carth said in an injured tone.

"Oh, you weren't in it. It was trying to take over the galaxy or something," Alexis told him.

"You're joking, aren't you?" Carth asked.

"Am I?"

"That's not funny."

"Yeah it is."

Carth's fingers suddenly started to dance along her ribs. Alexis gasped as he tickled her, trying to fight him off. She erupted into helpless gales of laughter. She tried to pull away, but he held her tightly while her giggles became louder and gradually erupted into squeals.

"You're going to wake Seré," she gasped in a last ditch effort to save herself. Her back was all the way down on the counter and Carth held her in place with one hand while tickling her with the other. She struggled violently for a few more seconds before giving up, trying to catch her breath and squirming against his hands.

He finally relented and Alexis sat up and sagged against his shoulder, still laughing. He dropped his head onto her shoulder as well and they sat together that way for several seconds, chuckling and breathing deeply.

Alexis heard Seré step into the kitchen, but she didn't look up. Seré cleared her throat loudly and Carth turned sideways, his hands resting on Alexis's waist. "Good morning," he greeted. "The java's still hot if you're interested."

Carth's hands tightened on her waist and he lowered her to the floor. Alexis watched as Seré fought to keep her gaze off of Carth's chest. Alexis only just resisted putting possessive hands on it. That wouldn't be fair to Carth. She pulled away reluctantly. "We need to get dressed and head over to the Hawk," Alexis pointed out.

Carth sighed. "Are you sure we can't go back to bed?"

Seré made her way over to the java, pouring herself a glass without taking her eyes off of the couple before her. Alexis smiled at her. "How did you sleep?" Seré didn't respond and Carth turned to Alexis and raised his eyebrows. Alexis bit her lip to keep from giggling. "Well… that's good," Alexis added.

Seré raised her cup to her lips and then lowered it again, "What is?"

"Ah- nothing. Never mind," Alexis responded, eyeing the girl quietly. Had the drugs in her tea altered her mind? _Not that it would make that big of a difference… _"Well, I'm going to go and get dressed. I'll be back shortly," Alexis said when no one else spoke. It was going to be a weird day.

Alexis walked back to Carth's bedroom. He'd already made the bed. She stared at the pillows longingly for a moment before heading over to the closet and picking up a pair of black pants that she'd stolen off of Mira. She'd managed to get the things to shrink a bit when they were washed, so they would fit nicely. She'd actually had to create a new version of her bounty hunter costume since she was wearing it so much.

This one consisted of her black boots and Mira's black pants, a thick black belt with a single blaster holster, and a form-fitting gray shirt that was too short for her torso, baring her stomach once again, and too long for her arms, forcing her to roll the sleeves twice to free her hands. She clipped her lightsaber to one hip and slid a holdout blaster into the holster on the other.

She couldn't wear her hair down this time so she spent the better part of ten minutes attempting to subdue it into a semblance of order. It ended up pinned onto her head in a chaotic tumble of curls and clips. She'd had to use so many of the pins that Kalen loaned her that she was certain that she'd never find all of them again.

Alexis made her way back into the kitchen, where Carth was resolutely staring at the kitchen table trying to avoid Seré's gaze. She hadn't left her spot by the pot of java. When he heard her enter, Carth looked up. "Nice outfit," he said, staring at her middle. "Where'd you get the scar on your stomach?"

"You don't remember? You were there," Alexis responded, running her finger across the long, thin scar on the side of her abdomen.

"It looks new," he told her.

She glanced down at it. That was funny. _It did still look new_. It was very pink against her pale skin. "It's not. Calo Nord gave it to me on Taris when we were stealing the Ebon Hawk. I guess that Echani Fiber Armor wasn't as tough as it looked. And I wasn't expecting Calo to pull a vibroblade," Alexis said with a grimace.

"I didn't know wounds you healed would scar," Carth replied.

"That's just it. It was a long time before I had the chance to heal it. We were a little busy, if you'll recall. Oh well. Scar makes me look tough, right?"

Carth chuckled, "If you say so."

Alexis stuck out her tongue at him. "Go put some clothes on, Admiral. We've got things to do and all of them require that you wear a shirt."

Carth stood. "Everybody loves a man in uniform," he muttered, flexing his bicep with a grin.

Alexis watched with feigned disinterest. "Once you have it on, I'll let you know," she replied, plopping into the seat he'd vacated. He shook his head and disappeared down the hall.

Seré turned to Alexis the moment Carth was gone. "I thought that you two were not lovers," she said quietly. Her expression was pained.

Alexis gave her an odd look. "We aren't lovers. I'm not quite as skinny and beat-up looking as I was when we first met, Seré, but that doesn't immediately mean that Carth and I have jumped into bed together," Alexis said. "Well, at least not in that sense," she amended quickly. They did sleep in the same bed, after all. How odd that must seem to someone like Seré.

Seré glanced away for a moment. "I-," she began, but shook her head and stared purposefully at the counter.

"Go ahead, Seré. Speak your mind. I promise I won't do a thing about it. You really don't have to be afraid of me," Alexis said easily.

Seré looked at Alexis. She met her eyes for a brief moment before looking back down. She couldn't hold her gaze. "You intimidate me," she said finally, her words almost inaudible.

So? She intimidated a lot of people, once they knew who she was. "Why? Because I'm Revan?"

Seré shook her head. "No. It's got nothing to do with that whole Revan thing. It's… your confidence …" she said, trailing off.

Alexis was taken aback. Honesty and even an admission of a sort of admiration _from Seré_? And she wasn't intimidated by the fact that Alexis had been a Sith Lord for several years? Hmm. "I don't mean to," Alexis responded. She didn't mean to intimidate anyone, at least not anymore.

Seré snorted. "I know you don't. I don't even think you knew about it, did you?" Alexis shook her head in lieu of reply. Seré waited for a few seconds before speaking again. "I'm sorry about the assassins," she said grudgingly.

Now an apology? Things were getting more and more bizarre. "You didn't bring them here on purpose."

"Of course not," Seré snapped. She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm not usually this way, you know. It's something about you. It brings out the worst in me."

Bemused, Alexis shrugged. "Nothing you can do about that," she said, lounging back in the chair. _And that something about her that set Seré off?_ It was probably whatever attracted Carth to her, or the fact that Carth was attracted to her in the first place. Alexis had to fight off a smirk. _What an interesting morning._

Seré was silent for a few more seconds. Obviously this was very difficult for her. Alexis never would have expected her to do anything like it. "I've had my eye on Carth for two years," Seré said, looking at the ground.

"That's a long time," Alexis said lamely. Was she supposed to be happy for her? Sorry that Carth didn't return the feeling?

"Before you showed up, I thought for certain that everything would work out between us eventually," she said. Her mouth twisted unpleasantly. "Obviously I was wrong."

"Carth knew me before he met you. Maybe under different circumstances-," Alexis began, hoping that her words didn't sound as hollow as they felt.

Seré laughed bitterly. "It wouldn't have changed a thing. He wouldn't have ever gotten over his wife."

Alexis shrugged. That was something that they would never know. "Maybe…"

"In any case, it's clear I don't stand a chance. I'm tired of looking stupid, competing for his attention. It's obvious that you have some sort of hold over him. While you're here, I won't be," Seré said harshly.

"That's all I can ask," Alexis said quietly. A hold over him? Did Seré actually think that the only reason that Carth had chosen her was because she was controlling him somehow?

"Just know that if you leave again, all bets are off."

Alexis smiled, "I wouldn't have it any other way." Oh, she wasn't going anywhere. _Not this time_. She rose quickly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rouse the rest of the party." Alexis turned and walked into the living room, leaving Seré to her anger and her java.

It was interesting that Seré had changed her mind so suddenly about pursuing Carth. Alexis wondered just what had brought about this sudden change of heart. And why had she suddenly assumed that they were lovers once again? She'd caught them in a similar situation the first time, but she'd accepted then that they were not intimate. What was different? Alexis gave herself a mental shake. Regardless of the reason, she was glad that Seré was giving up the fight. It had gotten very old.

Finally alone, Alexis sat down on the sofa and shut her eyes. She'd try to contact Kalen first. Most likely, she was already awake.

'_Kalen?_' Alexis sent out gently, just in case the girl actually was still asleep.

'_Alexis?_' she responded. She sounded surprised, but alert.

'_How would you like to go hunting this morning?_'

'_She wouldn't. She wants to stay in bed_,' a familiar voice echoed inside Kalen's mind. Alexis was taken aback. _Atton?_ But that meant…

Blushing, Alexis started to pull away. '_Sorry_,' she said quickly.

Kalen's laughter was as clear as if Alexis were in the room with her. '_It's a bit crowded in here, isn't it? It's okay, Lexi. What do you need help with_?'

Still thoroughly disgruntled, Alexis had to pull herself back together before replying. '_We've had more assassin troubles. I was hoping that you and the crew would help us take care of the problem_. _We think we know where they're coming from_.'

'_We'll be there. When do you want us?_' Kalen said.

'_Spoilsport_,' Atton muttered in the background.

'_I think that I can be there in about half an hour, but it will take Carth a little longer to round up a few TSF officers, so…let's say an hour?_'

'_TSF officers?_' Atton said.

'_To make it look official_,' Alexis replied.

'_So you'll be here in half an hour?_' Kalen asked.

'_If that's okay_,' Alexis responded dubiously.

'_We'll be ready_,' Kalen said.

'_Damn It!_' Atton said as Alexis fled. She certainly didn't want to hang around in Kalen's mind any longer. Who knew what she would mistakenly overhear… or even see.

Precisely half an hour later, Alexis arrived outside of the Ebon Hawk. Kalen and Atton were sitting on the end of the entrance ramp, their shoulders touching casually. Atton was wearing a satisfied smile and Kalen's eyes were shimmering. They were so cute that Alexis nearly giggled aloud. Instead, she contented herself with a small smile.

Kalen waved cheerily. Atton glanced over at her and then up at Alexis. He gave her a huge smile and buffed his nails against the front of his jacket. Alexis winced when Kalen smacked him. "What?" he asked, smiling innocently at Kalen.

"You know what, you dirty scoundrel," Kalen said, trying to look angry but failing miserably.

"Well… hello there," Alexis said after several seconds of silence. "You two are awfully happy for people who are about to go out looking for Sith."

"Heh. Lots to be happy about," Atton said, wagging his eyebrows. "Lots." He repeated, eyeing Kalen. She smacked him again. "Hey! I bruise easily," he muttered, rubbing his arm where she hit him and looking injured.

Alexis sighed. "Are you two going to be like this all day?"

"Probably," Kalen responded lightly.

"Only if she promises not to hit me again," Atton added.

Alexis couldn't help herself. "Maybe she thinks you like it that way."

"Kalen the dominatrix? I can see it now," Atton said.

"If you don't want me to hit you, you'd better stop while you're ahead," Kalen threatened.

"Ooh. Hurt me, baby," Atton practically cooed, leering at her.

Alexis burst out laughing and Kalen looked up and sighed in desperation. "Why me?"

"You knew what you were getting into," Alexis told her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Atton asked.

"Nothing Atton dear. Nothing at all," Alexis responded, drawing out the last word and smiling at him.

Canderous chose that moment to emerge from the ship. He was already holding his rifle as if prepared for battle. "Disgusting, isn't it?" he asked Alexis, frowning over at Kalen and Atton. "The Onasi boy and the bounty hunter are behaving the same way." He turned and glowered at her. "I hope that you have better sense."

"Assassins spoiled her fun," Kalen pointed out.

"You poor girl," Atton said theatrically.

"You guys are so immature," Alexis said haughtily.

"Like you have room to talk," Kalen said.

Alexis couldn't dispute that. She had brought up the whole sadomasochism thing. She shrugged. "I never said that I wasn't."

Atton folded his arms over his chest and tilted his head so that his nose was in the air. "You guys are soooo immature," he mimicked in a high-pitched tone. Kalen promptly poked him in the ribs, causing him to gasp. "That'll definitely bruise," he muttered, rubbing the spot.

Kalen raised her eyebrows. "Shall I kiss it?"

"Later," he promised with a sly smile.

"It's going to be a long day," Alexis told Canderous.

"At least we get to shoot something," Canderous replied.

"There's always that," Alexis returned, grinning at him and patting her blaster.


	24. Chapter 24

It didn't take long for Carth to show up after Alexis did. He brought along five youthful TSF officers, each carrying a blaster rifle and a simple vibroblade. Alexis was glad that Doran was not among them. Things might have become complicated.

Carth's arrival brought the rest of the crew from the ship. Mira and Dustil looked almost as happy as Kalen and Atton, although they were a bit more prone to fighting and picking on one another. Visas was her usual imperturbable self, standing next to Bao-Dur and gripping the shaft of her lightsaber. Bao-Dur looked bored, while Mical just looked ill.

Alexis watched him from the corner of her eye for a moment. His face had a grayish cast and there were bags under his eyes. His robes were a bit wrinkled, which was most unusual for the Disciple. Normally he was impeccably groomed. Even his hair was slightly mussed. Alexis was determined, however, that she would not pity him. She walked over to his side and casually slapped him on the back. "Work with me today?" she asked.

Mical glanced down at her. "We've never fought together before. Is that entirely wise?"

Did the guy ever loosen up? "Well, we'll never get good at it if we don't try, now will we?"

"If that is your wish," he replied.

Alexis frowned and leaned in close to him. "Mical, are you all right?" she asked softly. "You don't look well."

He straightened his shoulders immediately. "I'm fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're very pale…" Alexis told him.

"I'm fine," he repeated, looking away. Clearly the conversation was over.

Alexis turned and looked around. The urge to step forward and start giving instructions nearly overwhelmed her. Sadly, it wasn't her place. She was supposed to be a bounty hunter, just another member of Kalen's crew. Kalen and Carth were calling the shots today.

"Good morning Admiral," Kalen said, walking over to Carth. They shook hands briefly.

"Kalen," he responded.

"So, what's the plan of action?" she asked.

"We're going to split into five groups of three and do a sweep of the docking module. We have permission to search every hangar, although we can't arrest anyone or seize anything not directly related to our mission," Carth replied.

"Which is?" Canderous asked.

"Sith assassins. There have been several attacks in my own apartment and sightings in this area. We've been led to believe that this module may be their source," Carth said.

"Makes sense. They had to get here somehow," Dustil stated.

Carth's TSF soldiers hung on his every word. The admiration in their young eyes was almost indecent to look at. Not only was Carth an Admiral in the Republic fleet, he was also a crack pilot and he was very young for someone with such a high rank. He was attractive, too, although hopefully they hadn't noticed. He was wearing his Republic armor, rather than an official uniform, but he looked good, nonetheless. Nothing could outdo the tight black pants, but Alexis wouldn't complain. At least he'd lost the orange jacket. He was a figure to be looked up to, by men and women alike.

"I'll take Atton and Bao-Dur, then," Alexis heard Kalen say. She had missed part of the conversation while she'd been busy watching Carth.

Canderous appeared at Alexis's side. "I'll go with," he glanced down at her for a moment, "Lexi and Mical," he said finally. It sounded so strange to hear him call her Lexi. He didn't appear to like it, either.

Dustil turned to his father. "Mira and I will take one of your soldiers with us."

Carth nodded. "Walhrik," he said shortly. A short, stocky redhead trotted immediately to Dustil's side, blaster in hand. His hair was almost exactly the same color as Mira's. Dustil, taller and darker than both of them, looked odd standing between his two fiery-haired companions.

"Visas, do you mind taking two TSF officers with you?" Kalen asked the Miraluka.

"I do not mind at all, Master," she answered. Alexis didn't know how many times she'd heard Kalen ask the other woman not to call her master, but it seemed that old habits died hard.

"Pierce, Finelli," Carth said, motioning towards Visas. Two dark haired men, one tall and one short, stepped forward. They moved more reluctantly than Walhrik had. They were eyeing the blind woman with undisguised suspicion. She smiled faintly at them, and Alexis wanted to laugh. She wondered what they would do if they knew that the Miraluka knew exactly what they were thinking.

Alexis turned to Canderous. "I think that they might mind," she whispered softly.

Canderous chuckled. "He should've given them to me."

"That's too cruel," Alexis responded.

"Let's get this show on the road," Atton said, pulling his blaster.

Carth nodded. "Each group needs to take a comlink and head to the far end of the module. We'll start with the hangars on the end and make our way back this way."

Alexis and Kalen both took comlinks from Carth. Alexis winked at him as she stepped back to Canderous's side. As she took her lightsaber off of her belt, she noticed that one of the soldiers beside Carth, a very slight blond boy with big blue eyes, was staring at her with a wary expression. She gave him a roguish grin and his eyes widened.

Canderous snorted. "Bunch of cowards," he muttered, making a face at the kid. He looked away quickly and Canderous chuckled darkly.

"You shouldn't treat them that way, Canderous," Mical said stiffly.

Canderous turned back to look at him. "What about you, kid? If I curled my lip at you, you'd do the same."

"Stop that," Alexis said, grabbing Canderous's arm. "Let's go. They can catch up." She let him go and jogged off, grinning.

She heard Canderous muttering darkly as he trotted after her. "She has to run everywhere, doesn't she?"

Carth stood inside the final hangar with the other four groups, his blasters still gripped loosely in his hands. Three hours and around fifteen assassins later and they still didn't know where the Sith were coming from. They hadn't even all been in one hangar. There were generally one or two hiding in the backs of empty hangars, but no large group and certainly no transport. Carth was stymied.

Where were the bastards coming from? Had they gotten them all, or were there some to be found inside the residential module next door? Carth didn't know.

"Admiral, who's that girl?" Brant, the small blonde TSF officer, asked from Carth's left.

Carth glanced up. Alexis was standing over the body of an assassin. She was pointing something out to Canderous, who was watching over her shoulder. Carth noticed that there was a slice across her arm that was bleeding fairly profusely. "Which one?" he asked, pretending not to know exactly who the boy was talking about.

"The black-haired one, really small, over there by that giant with the rifle?" Brant replied.

"They call her Lexi," he said shortly. He hoped it sounded final, as if there was nothing else interesting about her.

"I didn't see her with them the last time they were here," he observed. He was fairly intelligent, as Carth well knew.

"No. They picked her up sometime in between," Carth told him. He wished Brant would just drop it.

"Is she a bounty hunter?" he asked.

Alexis was standing up once again and Canderous was looking at her arm. When she smiled up at him, Carth felt a flash of jealousy. "Yeah. Something like that," he responded.

"She's quite the leader. She's the only one I've seen that Mandalorian listen to," Brant said.

"How did you know that he was a Mandalorian?" Carth asked.

"He was wearing Mandalorian armor the last time he was here," the boy responded, giving Carth a strange look.

"Oh yeah," Carth muttered. Damned kid and his observations. He was a bit too bright for his own good.

Brant was silent for a moment, watching Alexis. Carth followed suit. She was holding her palm over the injury on her other arm. A soft, green light slowly enveloped her entire forearm. When she pulled back, the cut was gone, but the tear in her shirt and the blood remained. "Do you know how long she's been a Jedi?" Brant asked.

"No clue. Not long, I'd wager. The exile's been training her crew," Carth said. He glanced over at the kid. "Why are you so curious about her?"

"Mostly because she's gorgeous," the kid conceded, "but also because she has such a hold over the other two she's with." He motioned towards her. Carth turned back. Mical was standing beside her now, too. She was standing on her tiptoes in front of Canderous, peering at a wound on his cheek. She dropped back to the ground and held her finger in front of it, emitting the same soft green light. Canderous was glaring at her, but not in a threatening way. It was more… tolerant. The cut disappeared. "I think he'd kill anyone else who did the same," Brant said with certainty.

Carth knew that Brant was right. Canderous's loyalty to Alexis was so unwavering that he might just abandon the Mandalorians to remain at her side, if she asked it. "Probably," Carth responded.

"She's wicked with that lightsaber," Brant said.

"I've seen her slice someone in half," Carth replied without thinking.

"Wow," Brant muttered, his eyes filled with respect.

"Look, I've got to go and talk to the exile. You and Oren round up the others and wait for me by the shuttle. We'll deliver a report to Lieutenant Grenn and then you guys may take the rest of the day off," Carth said.

"Yes, sir," Brant said, forgetting about Alexis.

Carth watched the young man leave to find his friends. After a short pause, Carth ambled over to Kalen. She was fiddling with one of Atton's blasters. Atton himself was nowhere to be seen. "Let's call everyone over here," Carth said without hesitation.

Kalen nodded. "Hey! Everybody, here!" Kalen shouted.

They arrived quickly, surrounding Kalen. Atton walked up behind her and put his arms around her. Carth was surprised she didn't protest. In fact, she looked rather pleased. She turned back and smiled at him. Alexis caught his eye as she approached and glanced over at them and raised her eyebrows, grinning. Carth shrugged.

"Not much of a fight," Canderous said, gesturing with his gun.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Alexis asked him.

"Yes," Canderous responded.

Kalen shook her head. "So… we still don't know where your assassins are coming from."

"There could be more that we have not found, Master," Visas said. She rarely spoke when not spoken to directly, and Carth was surprised to hear her speak up now.

"I know. Carth's secretary said she'd been followed from her apartment, according to Alexis," Kalen said.

"What we do know is that they didn't come here by any ship in this module," Dustil said.

"At least not one that's here now," Mira amended.

"So… does the search go on?" Atton asked over Kalen's head.

Alexis had listened to all of this in silence. Finally, she spoke. "Something's not right about all of this, but we don't have the time to stick around and find out what. We're leaving tomorrow. I hate to leave Telos with assassins still on planet, but I don't see what choice we have. Besides, I think that I'm the reason that they're here in the first place. Hopefully once I'm gone, they'll leave too." She looked downcast for a moment, but that disappeared as quickly as it had come.

"After we're gone, the TSF can take care of any Sith that are left. They haven't attacked anyone but you, and I don't think that they're likely to," Carth told her.

Alexis nodded. "I'm going to take a walk around the Citadel to see if there are any other assassins visible at the moment. I'd like to take one or two people with me, if someone would like to go."

"I can't," Carth said regretfully. He hoped that Canderous didn't go with her.

"I'll go," Kalen volunteered.

"Me too," Dustil added.

"If Kalen's going, I'm going," Atton said.

"No thanks, Atton. Two's enough. Besides, you'd just distract her," Alexis said.

"It won't take long, Atton," Kalen said with a smile.

"I'll just go and play pazaak," he replied. "Anyone want a game?"

"I'll play with you," Mira replied.

Carth watched the groups start to form: those going with Alexis, those going back to the Ebon Hawk, and him. Alexis turned to him suddenly, a speculative look in her eye. She walked over and stood on her tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek. "See you later, Admiral," she said, trailing her hand down his arm.

Carth gave her a lopsided grin. "I knew you couldn't resist the uniform."

Alexis turned to Dustil and Kalen once the others were gone. "Shall we?"

"You nearly stopped his heart, you know. You can't spontaneously kiss old men like that," Dustil said,

"How old is he?" Alexis asked.

"You don't know?" Dustil responded.

Alexis shook her head. "It's never come up. It doesn't really matter to me, anyway."

"He's forty-three," Dustil said.

"Fourteen years. It could be worse," Kalen said.

"I wouldn't care if it were," Alexis told them seriously.

"Okay, I think we're venturing into the 'more than I wanted to know' category," Dustil said.

Alexis grinned at him. "Come on. We haven't got all day."

"Why not? What else have you got planned for today?" Kalen asked as they started out of the hangar.

"Oh. Hey… you want to go to dinner with Carth and I tonight? We're-"

"I thought I mentioned that 'more than I wanted to know' category…" Dustil interrupted.

"Ha, ha. No, we're having dinner with the Senator. She invited Kalen as well," Alexis said, glaring at Dustil.

"No Atton?" Kalen asked.

"Well, she didn't specifically invite him, but I don't see why he couldn't come," Alexis told her.

"I do. She'll probably kick you all out," Dustil said.

"That's not very nice," Alexis said.

"But probably true," Kalen admitted ruefully.

"Oh, he knows how to control himself when he has to," Alexis replied.

They made their way to the shuttle in silence. Inside the next module, Kalen turned to Alexis. "I think I'll leave him on the Hawk. I'll come, but he probably wouldn't enjoy it."

"Are you sure?" Alexis asked.

"Yes. He'll be much happier back on the ship with his pazaak deck," Kalen responded.

"She wouldn't deal well with Atton," Dustil said. "She can barely deal with my dad. She's my third cousin," he told Kalen.

"She's nice enough," Alexis defended.

Kalen pointed to an apartment complex a few doors down. "Isn't that the letter that they told us that Seré lives in?"

Alexis nodded. "That's it. Let's take a look." Alexis pulled her lightsaber and slipped into the main chamber. The doors to the apartments were in a semicircle around them.

"It's too light in here," Kalen said, glancing around with her lightsaber in her hand.

"You're right," Alexis said, clipping her lightsaber back to her belt. "They have to be waiting for her somewhere. She said she thought they were following her from here, though."

"She doesn't seem very bright to me," Kalen muttered.

"Why is everything about these guys so mysterious? Don't they know that that gets old?" Alexis asked with a sigh.

Dustil laughed. "You were a Sith. Wasn't the mask part of the mystery? I think that that was one of the most important lessons at the academy. Always remember: you must make your enemies go, 'Oh, how did he do that?'. It's all about style," he said, putting his finger on his chin and posing.

"And being a Jedi isn't?" Kalen said. "Have you seen our lightsaber forms? Some of them look more like elaborate dances and work about as well."

"Speaking of style, when do we get to cut off all of Dustil's hair? He needs to look like a padawan, doesn't he?" Alexis asked.

"Do I get to call you Master?" Dustil asked, leering at her.

Alexis laughed. "Be mindful of your thoughts, young padawan. They betray you," she said sagely, folding her arms over her chest.

"Weren't we doing something here?" Kalen said.

"Making fun of ourselves," Alexis responded.

"Do you really think we're going to find anything else?" Kalen asked.

"No, but we may as well finish our sweep of the Citadel," Alexis answered with a sigh.

"This could take hours," Dustil muttered, following the pair of them out of the apartment complex.

Alexis was collapsed in Carth's apartment several hours later, trying to force herself to get up and shower. She hadn't showered since the morning before and she felt a bit dirty. She even still had Kalen's tattoo on her arm. She had to be at the senator's apartment for dinner in two hours, and Carth would be home in one, but she just couldn't make herself get up.

Alexis glanced at the bloody tear in the sleeve of her shirt. She was probably just going to have to throw it away. That was okay with her. Shirts weren't hard to come by, it was the pants that were the problem. Sadly she was going to have to stop stealing Mira's clothes. Maybe Coruscant would have more options? Of course, once she got to Coruscant, she wouldn't need new clothes. She'd have Jedi robes.

How she hated Coruscant. It was just one huge city: no trees, no native animals, and no natural sounds to speak of. It stank of fuel and unwashed bodies and was full of horrible people. Alexis had always wondered how the Jedi Temple had ended up the there. Why would people seeking peace choose a planet of chaos?

She didn't want to go back. She'd lived there for nine years, and that was enough. She even hated visiting. Coruscant was worse than any world in the Unknown Regions. To her, Coruscant was worse than Malachor. And… she didn't know why she hated it so much. Many people found it distasteful, an entire world composed of one massive city… But her hatred bordered on obsessive.

Alexis sighed and rolled around in her position on the ground, lifting her hips and removing her belt and holster. She tossed them away. Why did the Senate have to be on Coruscant? Of course, if it weren't, Coruscant probably would have remained a normal world. Not only was the Senate often corrupt, but it corrupted everything around it. Perhaps that was why the Jedi had fallen so far. No. There was no one else to blame. The Jedi brought their doom upon themselves, her included.

Alexis sat up slowly and tugged off her boots and socks. She threw them near her belt and started on her hair. The pins and clips were everywhere, and her hair was now tangled in them. It took ages for her to find them. After twenty minutes, double the time it had taken her to make her hair look this way, she finally had removed all of the baubles that had held it in place. Her head hurt from the pins and her arms hurt from the effort. Would taking down her hair have been a frivolous use of the Force?

She stood and gathered her clothes and the hair pieces and took them back to Carth's room. She'd sort them out later. For now, she had to shower.

When Alexis emerged from the shower, still toweling her hair and dressed in a green tunic and brown tights, Carth was standing in the living room. She smiled faintly at him and sat down on the couch. "Long time no see. How did it go at the TSF headquarters?"

"I hate paperwork," he replied obliquely.

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse. When I finally got to leave, Seré followed me back to the office. I had some things I had to finish up before I left. She begged to stay here again tonight, where I could keep her safe."

So Seré had been lying when she said she'd leave Carth alone. That figured. "Is she going to Coruscant with us?"

"Actually, I've managed to convince her to stay. I have a feeling we won't see Telos for a long time after we visit Coruscant and I don't want Seré trailing after us," he responded. "You could be my secretary, if I h ad to have one."

"Fat chance of that," Alexis responded.

"I have to go hit the shower. When do we leave?"

Alexis glanced at the clock. "You've got twenty minutes before we need to head over to pick up Kalen."

Carth nodded. "I'll be quick, then."

Alexis watched him disappear into the bathroom. She rose and headed back to his room to get her boots and her belt. She was going to do it tonight. After their meeting with Senator Seraph, she was finally going to tell him that she loved him... And if anything else came up, she was going to go mad.


	25. Chapter 25

Alexis sat in Senator Seraph's living room, sipping a hot glass of tea. Kalen was, predictably, playing with the baby, and Carth and the senator were discussing the Sojourn and her husband and all sorts of things to do with being in the Republic's Navy. In short, Alexis was bored out of her mind.

Not once had they talked strategy for the upcoming meeting with the Senate or even mentioned the fact that they were leaving tomorrow. They talked about ships, they talked about the baby, and they talked about how lovely dinner had been. It was getting late, and Alexis was nervous, and her tea had enough caffeine in it to raise the dead. Not that she didn't like it that way, just that she was about to start twitching violently and possibly frothing at the mouth. Maybe they'd think she was ill and put her out of her misery.

Alexis shifted slightly. She was sitting on the sofa with her legs curled under her and she hadn't moved in more than twenty minutes. Things were starting to cramp. Badly. Or maybe she was going stir crazy. Alexis stood up quickly, only just managing not to slosh tea all down her front. She wasn't prone to hyperactivity, but things were getting out of hand. How was everyone else so calm?

Carth and Roshana Seraph stopped talking long enough to look up at her. Radek, startled by her sudden movement, began to cry, and Alexis could feel Kalen gently using the Force to quiet him. Alexis casually saluted the pair that was still staring at her. "Ah- Sorry about that. Leg cramp."

Feeling foolish, she took her glass of tea and made her way into the senator's kitchen. Her apartment was huge; at least four times the size of Carth's, and she had way too many _things_… everywhere. Alexis felt claustrophobic just looking around.

Alexis downed her tea in one gulp and almost scorched her throat. She washed the glass out in the sink and searched around for a moment, trying to decide just where it went. Eventually she was forced to give up and leave it on the counter.

Alexis tried to calm down but the caffeine had an iron grip on her system. She needed to meditate or something. Possibly drag Carth out in the hall, tell him that she loved him, and run away. No, not run away. Walk away. Calmly. Running away was too reminiscent of what she actually did do when she was worried about responsibility. Was walking away calmly the same thing?

Alexis sat down at the table and pressed her fingers to her forehead. Stark-raving mad, that's what she was. Nothing had ruined her evening yet and she was already crazy. Alexis pulled her hand away from her face and watched it tremble. Was that the tea, or fear? She didn't know anymore, and emotional cripple that she was, she probably never would.

Alexis sighed and put her hand back on her forehead. At least while it was there, she couldn't see it shaking. Never again would she drink anything caffeinated. Just in case. You couldn't be too careful.

Was reciting the Jedi code to calm your nerves before confessing your feelings for someone a faux-paus? Possibly an oxymoron? Phfft. The only type of moron around was her type: the nervous, twitchy, lovesick sort.

Kalen slid into the kitchen and Alexis sat up straight and dropped her hands to her knees. There wasn't a need for anyone else to know that she was losing it. She hoped her eyes didn't betray her by developing a violent tick or something terrible like that.

"Alexis…" Kalen began, grinning at her openly.

"What?" Alexis said crossly, flattening her feet on the floor so that they would stop bouncing.

"Are you okay?"

"No," Alexis responded shortly. There went her wish to act like nothing was the matter.

"You've let this build up for too long. The anticipation is going to kill you," Kalen said, leaning back in her chair.

"Thanks. Death would be preferable at the moment."

"Oh, Lexi, chill out. You already know what's going to happen when you tell him. I don't know what you're worried about."

"I do not know! Any number of things could happen… He rejects me utterly, I faint, he tells me that he feels the same way, I faint, I start to tell him, realize what I'm doing and- I faint-," Alexis raved.

"I get the picture," Kalen said. "Now shut up."

Alexis's eyes widened and she stared at Kalen for a moment as if she had grown two heads. "It's going to work out just fine. He's been in love with you for more than four years. You'll be lucky if he doesn't suffocate you by jumping on you after you tell him."

"He suffocates me, I faint," Alexis added softly.

"It's more likely that you'll hyperventilate right now," Kalen said with a laugh. "Darth Revan, known to everyone as one of the most powerful Sith Lords of all time, faints because she's telling her first boy that she loves him."

"Don't- That's not funny."

"Recite the Jedi Code or something. Doesn't that help you?"

"Isn't that sort of… wrong? Reciting the Jedi Code to calm down enough to admit to someone that you'll die if you're apart?"

"That's a good line. I need to write that down."

"You're not helping," Alexis said, taking a deep breath.

"Hey! That's it! Keep breathing. It won't do for him to think you're on spice," Kalen told her, leaning across the table to pat her cheek.

"Don't touch me. Lunatics are vicious, you know," Alexis told her, baring her teeth.

"Oh, you're cracking jokes! You're starting to return to normal. Thank the Force! For a moment there, I thought I'd lost you."

Alexis took another deep breath. "Were you like this, or am I just pathetic?" she asked.

"Actually, Atton beat me to it. He threw me on a bed, pinned me down, and told me he loved me. I didn't really get the chance to respond for some time and-," Kalen began.

"I don't want to know," Alexis said, holding up her still-shaking hands as if to ward her off.

Kalen grinned. "I'll be glad when we get to leave. I'm looking forward to getting back to the Hawk."

"Good for you," Alexis muttered, resting her palms on the table.

"How about some tea?" Kalen offered, glancing around the kitchen.

"Are you kidding? That's part of why I'm this way in the first place!"

"They make decaf, you know."

"I don't want anything. But thank you. And thank you for talking to me. My sanity is slowly returning. I think it was all that time being alone with my thoughts. I worked myself into a frenzy."

"More like worried yourself into a frenzy," Kalen replied.

"I wish we hadn't been interrupted the first time. I was ready then," Alexis said softly, drawing a final deep, cleansing breath.

"You'll be fine," Kalen reassured her again.

"Do you think we'll get to leave soon?"

"I sure hope so. I have plans."

Alexis rolled her eyes. "I'll bet Atton does, too."

"Oh, he does. He's hovering around the edges of my mind, you know, the mental equivalent of whispering sweet nothings in my ear. He's been doing it all night. I almost started laughing during dinner."

"Is that when you choked on your water?" Alexis asked with a grin.

"Yep. Want to know what he said?"

"I'll pass, thanks."

"It was very sweet…"

"I'm sure."

"You're no fun," Kalen accused.

"That's me."

"Feel better?"

"Mostly."

"Do you want to head back into the living room?"

"He's out there," Alexis said seriously.

"Yes, he'll be there later when you admit that you're madly in love with him, too."

"It's tragic, really. Can't he just read between the lines?"

"You're really something, you know that?"

"So they tell me."

Carth looked up as Alexis and Kalen slid back into the room. Alexis was certainly behaving strangely. The senator was still talking about her husband, so he could listen with only half an ear while she talked. He knew almost everything she was telling him. It was clear that the poor woman missed her husband, the way she was talking about him. He'd been gone for almost two months now, and with a new baby, that was probably very hard. Still, it was very difficult for him to concentrate on her when all he could think about was Alexis.

They were finally going to have their evening alone, at least, as long as he could get the good senator to shut her mouth soon. Perhaps that was what was making Alexis act so oddly. What was she nervous about? Afraid he was going to jump her or something? He'd had plenty of opportunities if that were his goal…

Alexis glanced over at him, caught his eyes, and looked away, blushing. That was not her usual behavior. Kalen shrugged back at him, smiling. Carth nodded at the senator when she paused. That seemed to be the right answer because she started talking again. Carth never would have guessed that she could carry on a conversation with herself for this long.

Alexis was watching him. He could feel her piercing gaze, almost like she was willing him to get them out of there, fast. Maybe she was, at that. Carth glanced back over at the senator. Still going strong. Damn.

He refocused on her words. "… and of course, we said yes. Radek and I would love to visit him on the Sojourn as soon as the Senate is out of session."

"It's great that you two are so close," Carth said, smiling sincerely. He meant that, even if he hadn't been listening to her.

Apparently, she wasn't expecting him to say anything. She smiled back. "It's hard to stay that way when he has to be gone so much."

Out of the corner of his eye, Carth spotted Alexis yawning widely. He knew she wasn't tired. Kalen was watching over a sleeping Radek, her eyes half-closed herself. Carth glanced over at the clock. "Especially with a toddler," Carth said, trying to act as if the time meant nothing to him.

"Look at how late it is!" Roshana exclaimed, following his gaze. "I'm sure you all have other places to be."

Carth shrugged. "We can stay, if you'd like."

"Oh, no, I need to get Radek to bed. You don't mind, do you?" she asked, giving him a worried smile.

"Not at all. Alexis looks tired," he said, glancing over at her. She yawned again on cue.

"Only a little," she conceded.

"I'm so sorry to have kept you so late," the senator said, standing.

Carth followed suit. "That's okay. We don't mind."

"Your son is absolutely adorable," Kalen said, arriving beside the senator and offering her her hand. She shook it firmly.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to know one another better, Kalen. It was very nice to meet you," Roshana said.

"Oh, we'll have plenty of time to talk on the transport," Kalen responded.

"I had a lovely time," Alexis said, offering the senator her hand. They shook as well.

"It was nice to see you again," the senator replied.

"You too," Alexis said.

"It's always a pleasure, Roshana," Carth said, offering her his hand last. They shook as well. He was always amazed by how firm her handshake was for a woman.

"The same to you, Carth. I'll see you tomorrow?" she said, releasing him and leading them towards the door.

"Of course," Carth replied.

"Have a nice night!" the senator called. They all slid out the door.

"You too!" Alexis said. The senator watched as they walked quickly towards the shuttle.

Once in the bordering module, Kalen let out a relieved sigh. "Force I hate long goodbyes. She seems nice enough, but I thought we weren't ever going to get out of there."

"She's lonely," Alexis said.

"Well I'm not," Kalen responded, grinning. Carth chuckled. Clearly Kalen was deliriously happy.

"Yeah, you and Atton won't ever have that particular problem. Now that he's got you, he isn't going to let you out of his sight," Alexis replied.

"Possessive, isn't he?" Kalen asked.

Alexis shrugged. "Whatever works for you, dear."

As the far end of the module, Kalen pointed towards the shuttle beside the one that they need to take. "That's my ride. You all have a nice night," she said, winking at Alexis. Alexis smiled at her.

Carth looked back and forth between them for a moment, trying to figure out just what was going on. They must have talked about something fascinating while they were in his cousin's kitchen. He wasn't sure that he wanted to know what, exactly. Especially not if it involved Atton.

Alexis turned and looked at him. "Erm- Let's head on over to the apartment…"

Something was definitely up. He couldn't decide whether or not things were looking good for him. The hint of fear in her eyes suggested that they weren't, but he couldn't be certain. Her smile had faded and she looked altogether a bit too anxious for his liking. "Everything okay?" he asked, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

She watched their hands for a moment as they stepped off of the shuttle. "I think it will be soon," she said quietly, and Carth glanced over into her eyes. She smiled softly and his heart leapt. Maybe it would after all.

Inside the apartment, Alexis sat down and tugged off her boots and socks while Carth stood nearby, watching her every move. It was a bit disconcerting, to be looked at like that. She wasn't sure what to make of him.

Her fear had ebbed and she was now remarkably calm. She was going to tell him that she loved him, and everything was going to be all right. The real problem was how she would lead into it. Did she just blurt it out, while he was standing there looking at her? That probably wasn't very romantic. She owed him at least that, since it had taken her four years to finally spit it out. Oh, she'd said it the first time, and meant it, but she'd been feeling rather fatalistic at the time. She had been on her way to meet Malak, after all. It had sounded as if she were just agreeing with him because she was about to die. People did strange things when confronted with their own mortality.

Alexis unhooked her belt and slipped it into one of her boots before neatly folding her legs beneath her. Carth was still watching her quietly and Alexis felts some of her nervous energy return to her. What if she just walked over and kissed him? Would that properly convey her feelings? No, that wasn't a good idea. She wasn't very experienced at it. She was probably a bad kisser.

Oh good, something else to worry about. She'd only been kissed five times in her life: twice by Malak when she was young, once by a spacer in a cantina on the Outer Rim, and twice by Carth. Being able to count all of the kisses you'd had in your lifetime on one hand was rather pathetic, wasn't it?

Malak had kissed her once before they had parted during the Wars and once on the Star Forge. The first time had been for good luck and the second was in desperation. It was funny that she could remember those when so many other details about her life escaped her.

The spacer had been a strange encounter. She'd been depressed and was heading for the Unknown Regions where, once again, she thought she was going to die. She had still been thinking of Carth and hadn't resisted when the drunken young man had kissed her. She'd immediately felt guilty and fled the planet. Hhmm: another instance of running away from her feelings.

The kisses she'd shared with Carth had been soul searing. The first time had been right after she'd killed Malak. He'd been so surprised to see her alive that he had caught her up in his arms and kissed her for all that he was worth and she'd been so surprised to be alive that she'd let him. The second time had been when she'd told him that she was leaving for the Unknown Regions. That time he had kissed her and she hadn't responded. She'd pulled back and left immediately. In fact, she wasn't sure that she'd even said goodbye.

So how was she going to do this? How could she right all of the wrongs she'd dealt this wonderful man in all the time that they had known one another? Alexis glanced over at him. He raised his eyebrows and waited. He obviously wasn't going to make this easy for her. Not that she deserved it. Not after the way she had treated him.

"We're alone," Alexis said finally, glancing around the apartment.

Carth nodded. "We've been alone before," he said. He still clearly didn't believe that she was ready to do it.

"Not lately," Alexis muttered darkly, thinking of Seré. She drifted back into silence. This shouldn't be so difficult. Alexis thought for a moment. "Do you remember the Duel Ring on Taris?"

Carth furrowed his eyebrows. "Yeah, what about it?"

Alexis smiled slightly. "I was just a pathetic little scoundrel with two vibroblades and an attitude problem."

"I remember the attitude," Carth replied.

"Thanks," Alexis replied dryly. "Do you remember any of the fights?"

"Only faintly. I remember they called you the 'Mysterious Stranger'," he said, using the proper inflection on the name so that he sounded just like the announcer had.

"Those first two fights were so easy-," Alexis began.

"Yeah. You thought you could walk on water, never mind the fact that they called one of them 'Dead-Eye' and the other one had blown off half of his hand," Carth said with a chuckle.

"How was I to know that they were pushovers?" Alexis exclaimed.

"It was obvious to me," Carth replied, smiling at her.

"Oh, come on! I was only a cute little rogue. I thought that I had smuggled illegal goods for a living. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know anything about the Force."

"Well, you did, the Jedi Council had just conveniently helped you to forget," Carth responded seriously.

"I didn't bring it up to talk about the Jedi Council again," Alexis said, shaking her head. "I wanted to talk about that third fight. Do you remember that one?"

"Not really," Carth replied, walking over and sitting in the chair opposite her. He wouldn't even sit by her, hmm? He was going to be very difficult indeed.

"Her name was Ice."

"Oh yeah. She kicked your ass."

"She did not! I won that fight."

"Yeah, and I carried you out of the arena more than half dead."

Alexis smiled at him. "I know. Do you know how many times you've had to take care of me after I nearly killed myself in a fight?"

Carth's eyes narrowed. "What's your point?"

"There was that time on Korriban. I'd just killed Uthar and Yuthura and I sort of staggered back to the Hawk. I remember you had to drag me back to my bunk."

"You'd just saved my son."

"When I woke up, you were right there. I can still see you face, if I think back. That was right before the Leviathan captured us," Alexis said softly. "You did it after I fought Malak, too. I collapsed right after I got back to you guys. I didn't wake up for a few days." She wondered if he could see where she was going with this.

"He almost beat you," Carth said quietly.

"Jolee told me you hovered over me the entire time, trying to make sure I stayed alive, even after they had healed me."

"I still don't see where you're going with this," Carth replied. He was the one who looked anxious now. Alexis was heartened. This was becoming easier and easier.

"You're always there when I need you, Onasi."

Carth cleared his throat. "That's what friends are for."

"You're not my friend," Alexis said calmly, unfolding her legs and leaning towards him, but staying in her seat. She propped her chin in her hand and waited for his answer.

"I'm not?"

"No."

"May I ask why not?"

"Because I don't love my friends the way that I love you."

"Could you- repeat that…?" Carth said in a strangled tone.

"Yeah. I love you, Carth Onasi, and I have since I woke up on Taris and saw those suspicious brown eyes glaring down at me for that first time."

"That's not a very nice way to put it," Carth said, remaining in his seat.

Alexis was startled. He wasn't even going to come over to her? Why hadn't he said it back? "You're the reason I came back," Alexis said uncertainly, meeting his eyes. They were just as nervous as they had been before. What was the problem here? Alexis rose and stood beside the chair, fighting the overwhelming urge to run away. He was just… looking at her. "I love you," she whispered, biting her lip.

She watched in slow motion as he stood up and stepped to her side. He didn't touch her, although he did raise his hand as if to press it to her cheek and lower it almost immediately. Alexis felt the sting of tears. Had she been wrong, all of this time? Did he not love her after all?

"Force, Lexi, don't cry," he whispered, finally folding her in his arms. She was trembling again. "I love you, too, beautiful," he said against her hair.

Alexis leaned back to look up at him again. He still looked worried. She reached up and gently touched his face. "Carth?" Alexis said tentatively. Why didn't he kiss her?

"I- I don't want to scare you," he admitted, putting his hand over hers.

Alexis smiled faintly. He was afraid of frightening her. Force… she'd thought for a moment that he didn't want her. "I'm not afraid," Alexis replied.

Carth leaned down and hesitantly brushed his lips against hers. The pressure was so light that Alexis thought for a moment that she was imagining it. They stayed that way, for a moment, their lips pressed together and their bodies apart. Unable to resist, Alexis carefully slid her body against his. Carth pulled back, startled, and Alexis slid her fingers into his hair and gently tugged his lips back to her own.

He was reluctant, at first, but after a moment of indecision, he deepened the kiss. Alexis responded with all the passion she dared, holding herself in check for fear of embarrassing herself. Carth's gentle ministrations tore down her inhibitions, however, and he prolonged the kiss until she was breathless. When they broke apart, the joy and love in his eyes nearly overwhelmed her.

Alexis attempted to catch her breath, her face only inches from his. His lips descended upon her neck, raining small bites and kisses down on her tender flesh. Excited and a little bit afraid, Alexis gasped and tilted her head aside to allow him easier access. She could feel his warm fingers massaging her waist and she slid her arms around to trail down his back.

It seemed to take all of his self-control to tear himself away. He looked into her eyes and started to set her away from him. "We shouldn't… I can't…" he began.

Alexis leaned forward and pressed her fingers to his lips to silence him. "I have been waiting twenty-nine years for you, Carth. That's long enough."

He shook his head. "It's been so long… What if I hurt you?"

"You're not going to hurt me," Alexis whispered back, sliding back into his arms. He didn't resist when she kissed him again. His hands caressed her body haltingly. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She slid her hands beneath his shirt and rubbed her fingers over his taut muscles. She could hardly think.

Carth responded by stepping away from her long enough to toss the shirt away. She looked up into his eyes for a moment, smiling slightly, and hesitantly pressed her lips to his chest. He moaned softly and lifted her chin to kiss her again.

Alexis pulled away quite suddenly. Carth looked at her, wide-eyed, and Alexis pointed towards the door. "You won't believe this. Someone's at the door."

Carth snarled a rather foul curse and grabbed his shirt off of the ground. He tugged it on quickly and thrust open the door. Dustil Onasi stood just outside, looking as if he were about to knock.

"Ah… Mira kicked me out," Dustil said, glancing apprehensively at his father's frustrated expression.

"Can't you keep a girlfriend for more than a week?" Carth growled as Dustil slid into the apartment. In the background, Alexis collapsed into helpless laughter.


	26. Chapter 26

Alexis looked on as Dustil dealt their third hand of pazaak. "Where did Dad go?" he asked, glancing towards the kitchen's door.

"I'm not sure. He seemed fairly upset," Alexis said, following his gaze. "He'll calm down eventually, though."

"I hope so," Dustil responded. "It won't do for my only source of credits to disown me. From what I hear, the Jedi don't make many."

"A few here and there, but you won't be making any for very long time. You're not even technically a padawan yet."

"I gather that I interrupted something," Dustil said with a grin.

"More like prevented it. It wasn't exactly an interruption," Alexis replied, laughing.

"I'm just glad that there was something to prevent. It was getting hard to stand him, he was so… miserable."

"I hope I've fixed that."

"Not yet, if I haven't misunderstood the situation."

Alexis immediately blushed. "Ah… so- why did Mira kick you out?"

"It's actually really stupid."

"Go ahead and tell me. I could use a good laugh."

"She wouldn't tell me about Hanharr."

"Who's Hanharr?" Alexis asked, perplexed.

"I don't know. I just know that he was a wookiee and he owed her a life-debt. She just won't talk about it."

"So she kicked you out because you asked about a wookiee named Hanharr?"

Dustil turned over another card in silence. It took him a moment to respond. "I didn't exactly ask nicely. And I kept pushing her. I hate having things hidden from me."

"Like father, like son," Alexis muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Continue."

"She finally started shouting about me minding my own business and-," Dustil began.

Alexis cut him off. "Don't tell me you mentioned the red hair."

"Is that so wrong? Redheads are naturally angry…"

"Oh, Dustil. I can't believe you said anything! That is the worst possible thing you can mention to an angry redheaded woman, especially one with a lightsaber. You're lucky she didn't do worse than kicking you out."

"I just don't see why she's being so secretive. I've told her about some of the things I did on Korriban. I've even told her about my mother."

"From what Kalen's told me, she was an orphaned slave when she was a girl: a Mandalorian slave. I'm fairly sure that the touchy-feely sort of emotions were not encouraged. She's probably not used to having anyone to talk to, either. She is a bounty hunter, after all."

"Yeah, well, I was an orphan too," Dustil said quietly, glancing up to meet her eyes.

"That's not fair. It wasn't his fault," Alexis defended quickly.

"Wasn't it?"

Alexis shook her head violently. "If he'd known you were alive, he would have moved planets to find you."

"It doesn't matter anymore. I've forgiven him."

Alexis smiled sadly. "I don't think he's forgiven himself."

"I know."

Alexis looked away. "You know, a wookiee named Zaalbar pledged a life-debt to me once on Taris. It's a great honor. I can't really understand why she wouldn't be willing to talk about it. It's no secret or anything."

"Dad's told me about that. That's part of why I'm so confused."

Alexis glanced down at the cards, forgotten on the table. "I haven't seen him in ages. I think that he is the chieftan now on Kashyyyk."

"You always end up with powerful friends that owe you something," Dustil said with a laugh.

"Listen, I think that you should just give Mira some time to cool off. She'll come back around. If that's what you want, at least."

"What do you mean, if that's what I want? Of course it's what I want," Dustil said quickly.

"I wasn't sure how you felt about her," Alexis replied.

Dustil gave her a rueful smile. "I'm not either. I want to get to know her better, but she's a hard girl to get close to."

"I was under the impression that the two of you were very close."

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I'm sorry," Alexis said quietly.

Dustil scooped the cards back up, shuffled, and dealt. "Let's try this again. It will give us something to do until dear old Dad comes back."

Alexis nodded. "Republic Senate Rules?"

"Yeah. Didn't I mention that I was broke?"

Carth paced back and forth across his bedroom: four steps forward, turn, and four steps back. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. He was going to have to stay back here for a good while if he didn't want to strangle his only offspring. He had to be careful. At this rate, he wasn't even going to have the opportunity to have any more.

He had been absolutely astonished when Alexis had told him that she loved him. At first, he'd thought he was dreaming or even hallucinating. She'd actually said that _she _needed _him_. And she loved him. He grinned foolishly for a moment before realizing he was doing it and carefully wiping the smile away. A few steps later, he remembered that he was alone, and the smile bloomed anew. No one was going to see him looking like an idiot. He could do what he liked.

Things still had not gone perfectly. He hadn't been willing to touch her immediately. He had been terrified that his towering need for her, built up over the last four years of loneliness, would frighten her away. He'd been able to control himself before, when he hadn't been certain of her feelings. Once he knew… it had been very hard to keep his impulses in check. And she was just so damned innocent.

He could tell that she hadn't been kissed very many times. He'd already guessed that, of course, from the few times that they had kissed before, but it was still refreshing to meet someone for whom the experience was so new. It made him feel like a kid again, and he loved her and wanted her all the more for it. Her pure, unsullied passion turned him on more than he could say.

Not to mention that she was devastatingly beautiful and didn't really know it. Those big green eyes and all of that silky black hair… _This wasn't helping_, Carth thought as he walked. Their chances for time together away from the others were dwindling. Soon, they'd be on that transport ship, on their way to Coruscant.

Was there ever going to be time for just them? Probably not. They'd just have to steal moments where they could get them. _Why had Dustil chosen tonight to piss his girlfriend off? Couldn't he have waited just one more day? Couldn't she have kicked him out tomorrow?_

Carth stopped in the middle of the room and glanced down to check his appearance. He didn't look too much like he'd been pacing. His clothes were only a bit rumpled. That was partially Alexis's fault anyway. His hair was probably a mess from running his hands through it, but that didn't matter. Lexi had helped with that as well.

He stalked from the room and made his way to the kitchen where the sounds of laughter greeted him. Alexis smiled warmly at him the moment he entered and Dustil grinned sort of sheepishly. "How's it going, you two?" Carth said after a moment. Dustil relaxed and Carth took a seat beside Alexis.

"I'm getting beaten at pazaak. Fairly badly, actually. You'd think after all of the times I have played, I'd have gotten better or learned how to cheat, but I haven't. I still always lose," Alexis said lightly.

"She is pretty bad," Dustil added.

Carth nodded. "I know. What brings you here?"

"I told you, Mira asked me to leave," Dustil responded.

"He might've mentioned something about anger and red hair," Alexis added. Carth turned to look at her again and he saw that her eyes were dancing merrily. Despite their interruption, she was a happy girl.

"Not too bright," Carth told his son, making a face.

Dustil shrugged. "I won't make the same mistake twice."

Carth casually slipped his hand over to Alexis's knee and squeezed gently. She jerked violently and blushed when Dustil raised his eyebrows. She turned to look at Carth and stuck her tongue out. He squeezed again and she hastily brushed his hand away.

"Are we just going to sit out here all night and play cards?" Alexis asked, looking at both of them.

He didn't see why not. If they ended up in the same bed for the night, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions. With Dustil there, that could prove a little awkward. "May as well. All we have to do tomorrow is hop on a ship."

"Well, I do have to swing by and pick up those Jedi robes I had made. What time does the transport leave, anyway?" Alexis asked.

Carth had forgotten about the Jedi robes. He certainly hadn't missed seeing her in them. They were far too dull and baggy. "Mid-morning," he responded.

Dustil was glaring at his cards. "I may have actually lost this hand."

"It's good for you," Alexis said. "We wouldn't want you to get cocky."

Carth yawned and pulled Alexis's chair closer to his. She smiled at him shyly and he felt a heady rush of pleasure. Force, she made him melt. He leaned down and kissed her forehead and she responded with a quick peck on his lips before turning back to the card game.

"Would you two get a room?" Dustil said in exasperation.

Alexis turned her sharp gaze on him and smiled sweetly. "We had one, if you'll recall."

"Yeah," Carth added. "Until someone turned up and spoiled our fun." Dustil flushed and Alexis and Carth both laughed at him. Alexis turned to Carth and took his hand. Everything was right in his world. Well, _almost _everything.

Morning came quickly. Alexis stood in the corner of Carth's bedroom while he finished packing. She'd tossed some of her things into the bottom of his bag not long before. They were both light travelers.

Dustil was in the living room napping on the couch. It appeared that he wasn't quite as good at going without sleep as Alexis was. Even Carth was showing a little strain, but that was okay. They would have plenty of time to sleep later aboard the ship.

Alexis watched as he zipped up the bag. "Do you think that the tailor is open yet?" Carth asked her.

Alexis shook her head. "Not yet. She will be shortly, though. Do you want to start to walk over there? We can just pick up Kalen's things ourselves. They're probably still in bed."

"Where we should've been," Carth replied, grinning.

Alexis smiled back. It was too bad that they hadn't had the chance. She wasn't sure how they were going to be quartered on their new ride, but she didn't think it would be very convenient where things of that nature were concerned. She might be surprised, however. "Come on. We can walk slowly. Maybe we can even stop and watch the sun rise."

Carth smiled and held out his hand. She took it without hesitation and he squeezed hers gently. They walked in companionable silence to one of the outer modules of the Citadel. There, clearly visible, was the rising sun. They stood together to watch it come up.

Alexis glanced over at Carth from beneath her hood and he smiled at her. "Do you miss her?" Alexis asked without thinking. The moment the words were out, she wished she could take them back, but there was nothing that she could do. Who in their right mind mentioned someone's dead wife in a situation like this?

He looked back out of the massive glass window before them, staring at the sky. "Morgana was… a wonderful woman," he began slowly. "I miss her very much."

She could clearly see the pain in his eyes and knew it was reflected in her own. It had been very stupid of her to even bring it up. Alexis bit her lip and crossed her arms over her chest, turning to the window to watch the sun. She knew he'd never forget Morgana, but she hadn't known that the hurt was still so fresh.

After several more seconds of complete silence, this time a bit more uncomfortable, Carth gently slid his hands onto her shoulders. Alexis tensed for a moment and then, ashamed, she forced herself to relax.

"Alexis… I loved Morgana very much, but I know that she's gone. I'm always going to miss her, but I've gotten over the worst of it. I've killed Saul Karath and I've gotten my son back," he said, pausing for a moment and rubbing her shoulders. "Now I have you. Before I met you, I lived for revenge on the man that destroyed my family. Now, I have something new to live for. It's you. Someone has to take care of you. You'll drive yourself to exhaustion if someone isn't there to stop you. I have to hang around to pick you back up when you fall down," he said the last with a hint on humor.

"I'm not trying to take your wife's place," Alexis said quickly, glancing up at him. The hood made talking difficult. Alexis wished that she could take it off. Oh well. Everyone would know who she was again soon enough.

"And you won't, because you don't have to. You've got my whole heart, beautiful. I'm yours," Carth said, leaning over her shoulder to kiss her cheek.

Alexis turned her face and met his lips for a quick kiss. "You always know what to say, Admiral. I'll bet you were a real ladies' man when you were a kid."

"I was married at eighteen. When did I have the chance?" He asked with a laugh.

One side of Alexis's mouth quirked up into a smirk. "Did you have an earring?"

"Why, do you like them?" he asked instead of answering.

"I just thought you'd probably look good with one."

"Fine. I did. I had an earring. Are you happy?"

"No. Why did you get rid of it?"

"I'm a little old for one now, don't you think?"

Alexis huffed. "Whatever you say." So he had had an earring. He'd probably looked very good in it, too. "Hey! Do you have a holo of that?"

He made a face. "Probably, but you don't really want to see that, do you?"

"Only if you're wearing those black pants."

"You really like those pants, huh?"

"I love them if you promise never to wear them in public again. I might have to follow you around with my lightsaber to fight off the throngs of adoring women."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"You underestimate the power of the pants, my dear. That is a mistake," Alexis said gravely.

"I did have lots of offers for dinner that day."

"Who was it? I'll carve out their heart," Alexis teased.

"Seré, for one," Carth said, chuckling.

"Oh good, I owe her. I've got a few things I'd like to pay that girl back for."

"Jedi aren't allowed revenge," Carth said from behind her.

"Which is hardly fair. I'd say that we have more reason for revenge than most, after being mostly wiped out and all."

"What about the Mandalorians?"

"There are more of them. As far as we know, there are fewer than ten Jedi. Besides, the Jedi didn't nearly conquer the galaxy."

"No, but the Sith did."

"Damn. I'd forgotten that."

"That means that all of their hearts have to remain in their chests," Carth told her, grinning.

Alexis snorted. "Seré probably doesn't have a heart in the first place."

"Then you shouldn't have to worry."

"Come on, let's head over to the tailor's. She's probably open by now."

Carth shrugged. "Okay." He took her hand again and they walked the rest of the way to the tailor's shop in the center of the Citadel. Several people greeted Carth. Alexis attempted to pull her hand back, worried about what people would think, but Carth wouldn't let her go. "It doesn't matter," he kept telling her. Finally, Alexis gave in. It wasn't like anyone would recognize her under the hood anyway.

When they arrived, Nicola Baien was waiting right inside the door. She ushered them in without a word and locked the door behind them. "Revan," she greeted as Alexis dropped her hood. Carth raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything. "And Admiral Onasi. I'm surprised to see the two of you here together," Nicola said.

Alexis smiled at her. "It isn't that shocking, is it?"

"I've always thought of the Admiral as a bit of a… Well. I didn't expect to find him in the presence of a former Sith Lord. That's all. No offense, sir," Nicola added as an afterthought.

Alexis glanced over at him to see what his reaction was. Carth frowned at her for a moment. "None taken," he said, a bit dubiously, Alexis thought.

"Is my order ready?" Alexis asked.

"Yes. Will you be taking your friend's as well?"

Alexis nodded. "Yep. I brought Carth along to play pack animal."

"Thanks," Carth muttered, smirking.

Alexis watched as Nicola hustled off to retrieve their things. She came back with the dress robes and Alexis's gloves first. Alexis promptly slid on the gloves. They fit perfectly. Slender, black, and lightweight, they were the most wonderful garments Alexis had ever owned. She sighed curled her fingers against them, then spread them wide and turned her hands over to look at them.

"Those look lovely on you!" Nicola exclaimed as she bustled back into the room, tossing the last of the robes down, along with a set of brown boots Alexis had ordered.

"Are there enough of these things?" Carth asked, lifting up Kalen's pink tunic from the top of the pile and holding it in the air. "Pink?" he added, frowning at it.

"That one's Kalen's," Alexis responded. "Do you have two bags that we can put these in?"

Nicola gave them the bags and Carth loaded them quickly. Alexis paid the tailor and slung the lighter of the two loads over her shoulder. "Thank you, Nicola. It's been nice to see you again," Alexis said, offering the woman her hand.

Nicola gave her a quick hug instead. "It's been nice to see you too, Revan." She turned to Carth. "Take good care of her, Admiral. She's a good girl."

Alexis smiled and Carth nodded gravely. "I will," he replied, holding out his hand. She hugged him, too.

"If you ever need anything else, I'll be here," Nicola said as they started to leave.

"I'll remember," Alexis said. She and Carth started back towards the apartment. "Hey Carth, do you think we could go ahead and take these to the transport? It seems like it would be silly to carry them all the way to the apartment just to have to turn around take them back out to the ship."

Carth nodded. "Sure. We can head over there. I'll show you our rooms."

The walk took about ten minutes. The ship was parked outside of a rather large hangar bay. The thing was enormous. _The Wayfarer_, it read in enormous Basis letters on the side. "How I hate transports," Alexis said, shifting the bag on her shoulder.

"It won't be so bad. There aren't going to be too many people onboard. I know that we all managed to get our own rooms," Carth responded.

"Really? Ten of them? And to think that we probably won't need all of them, anyway."

Alexis followed Carth onto the ship. A soldier watching the entrance ramp didn't even stop them. He recognized Carth, saluted once, and ignored them completely. Alexis was glad. She didn't want to be bothered. Carth appeared to already know exactly where they were going, because he made his way directly back to the rooms that they had been assigned. They had one large common room with a living area and kitchen and twelve bedrooms.

"Is the senator staying back here as well?" Alexis asked, taking in their temporary accommodations. They weren't bad, as ships went. In fact, they were quite nice.

"I'm afraid so. If she spouts one more line about her husband, you may have to restrain me."

"She misses him," Alexis said, tossing her bag onto a nearby sofa.

"Clearly," Carth muttered, doing the same.

"So, which room is mine?"

"Whichever you'd like, I assume," Carth responded. "They're probably all the same."

Alexis glanced into two of the rooms. They were fairly standard. A restroom equipped with a shower, a single bed, a dresser, and a table with a clock on it. And Carth had been right. They were identical.

"Where are they going to keep the Ebon Hawk?" Alexis asked, sliding into of the chairs in the common room. Carth stood beside her, still eyeing his surroundings.

"There's a little hangar at the back," he replied.

"Who's going to fly it over, you or Atton?"

"Actually, Atton should be bringing it up here shortly. We need to run back to the apartment and get our other things," Carth said.

"I'll go. You stay here and do whatever it is that you need to do."

"How did you know I have things to do here?" Carth asked.

"Please. I can read you like a book. I'll be back with Dustil in about half an hour. See you then," Alexis said, turning to leave. Carth caught her arm and hauled her against him. He leaned down and kissed her once, never taking his eyes off of hers.

After a moment, Alexis pulled away, grinning. "Things to do, Admiral. No time for that now."

Carth sighed. "I know. See you later." Alexis gave him another quick kiss and ran off before he could catch her again and really kiss her. If they got started, it would be very hard for them to stop.


	27. Chapter 27

"Get up, Dustil, and take these bags. It's no wonder Mira dumped you. You're next to useless," Alexis said, pushing on the sleeping boy's shoulder with all her might. He just grunted and ignored her for the most part, other than turning his face away from her.

"Go 'way," he growled as she pulled on his arm.

Alexis groaned. "Fine. Be that way." She started to leave, but a thought struck her. This wouldn't be a frivolous use of the Force… it was imperative that Dustil get up and go to the transport... she needed him to carry bags. She held out her palm and used the Force to lift him from the couch. Dumbfounded, he tried to struggle, his legs thrashing wildly in the empty air, but she held him easily. After a moment, he settled back down enough to turn and glare at her.

"You've made your point," he said through gritted teeth.

Alexis dropped him unceremoniously back onto the sofa. He grunted when he landed. After a second, he rolled over at sat up. Alexis gave him a friendly smile. "Get your bag. It's time to go."

"I don't want to see Mira yet," he said darkly, standing and slinging his bag onto his shoulder. He looked like a pouty child.

"You haven't any choice," Alexis replied, grabbing his arm and tossing Carth's bag over her shoulder with her other hand. "Would you get that last- thanks," Alexis said as Dustil lifted the final bag. "Do you need anything else from in here?"

Dustil shook his head. "No. Nice gloves," Dustil said, motioning towards her hands as they slipped out the door. "They look like Atton's."

"I rather like them. They're very comfortable."

"They make you look like a scoundrel, especially with that hood," Dustil pointed out.

"I was a scoundrel, at least for a month or so."

"Sometimes I forget that."

"It was the Council's revenge. They got to call me a scoundrel without sounding too offensive," Alexis responded, smiling widely.

Dustil turned his sullen gaze on her for a moment. "Why are you so happy?"

"I'm not, at least not particularly so. I just feel a lot… lighter, somehow. I'm not keeping secrets anymore. It's a nice feeling."

Dustil's stare turned speculative and he looked away. Alexis watched him for a moment, curious what he was thinking. He didn't speak, so Alexis looked down at her hands.

Dustil had always seemed supportive of her would-be relationship with Carth, but Alexis wasn't sure now that they actually had a relationship that he felt the same way. Was it possible that he felt as if Carth had betrayed his mother? Why, then, would he have told Alexis that he intended to see her become his stepmother? Perhaps she just worried too much.

Alexis shifted the bag she was carrying from one shoulder to the other, a frown creasing her brow. _Was_ she going to be his stepmother? Carth certainly hadn't proposed, but she was fairly sure that the thought had crossed his mind. What would her answer be? Could she say no and continue the relationship? She didn't think so. But what of the Jedi? Was it possible to train young Jedi and be Carth's wife simultaneously? These were all things that she had considered long before she'd brought her feelings for Carth out into the open, but had never thought of again.

They were questions that required answers. She needed to talk to Carth about most of them, but she wasn't used to sharing her thoughts and feelings. It was a weakness of sorts, at least it had been to her mind, and she didn't want to be vulnerable, not even to Carth. But then wasn't she already vulnerable? By opening her heart to Carth, hadn't she also opened herself to the possibility of pain?

Alexis and Dustil slid out into the neighboring module and walked slowly towards the next shuttle. They weren't very far from their destination. Once inside the docking module a few minutes later, Alexis glanced up and spotted Doran Snider standing not ten feet from them. Their eyes met briefly and Alexis's arm automatically snaked out and caught Dustil's hand. He glanced over at her, his eyes wide, and Alexis muttered, "Look alive," and turned back towards Doran. How was it that she always ran into this kid?

Alexis sighed and forced a faint smile at the officer, still dressed in his uniform. "Doran. Shouldn't you be off by now?"

"Hey Lexi, Dustil," he greeted. "Off? Oh, no. I'm working overtime. Apparently someone very important is traveling on the transport leaving this morning. They've doubled security. I know Senator Seraph and Admiral Onasi are supposed to be on board, but…" he trailed off, eyeing Dustil. "Dustil…" he looked thoughtful for a moment. "Are you Admiral Onasi's son?"

Dustil grimaced and glared at Doran. The kid seemed a little intimidated. "Yeah," Dustil muttered, tightening his grip on Alexis's hand.

"And you're a mercenary?" the kid said disbelievingly.

"Yes," Dustil responded through gritted teeth.

"Easy, Dustil," Alexis said soothingly, squeezing his hand back. He was still upset about Mira and Doran's prying wasn't making him feel any better. "Control your anger," she added in an undertone. If he intended to be a Jedi, he was going to have to learn that some emotions needed to remain in check. Most of them, actually.

Dustil relaxed slowly, one muscle at a time, the tension in his shoulders easing and his eyes clearing. What had this kid done to make him so upset, anyway? Doran shifted nervously, watching Dustil. Alexis gave him a reassuring smile. "And no, he isn't terribly proud," Dustil added a touch darkly, leveling his gaze on the kid.

"Sure he is," Alexis said brightly to Doran.

"Are you all leaving with the Admiral?" Doran asked Alexis, a wary eye still trained on Dustil.

Dustil looked as if he was going to answer, so Alexis cut him off before he had the chance. "Yes. We won't be back for a while," she said.

Dustil stared off into the distance, seemingly to ignore the rest of the conversation. "The Admiral's a good man," Doran said finally.

Alexis nodded, smiling at the hero worship apparent in Doran's eyes. Did all of the young officers on Telos think that Carth was a god? It seemed likely, from what she'd seen so far. "That he is," she responded. She waited for a moment, and then she spoke again. "Well, we need to get going. It's been-," but Carth's arrival cut her off. She nearly groaned.

"Did I hear my name?" he asked, glancing around the small group. Alexis saw Kalen standing not far behind him. Beside her, Dustil was looking at his father with a mischievous glint to his eye. What was he up to?

"Yes, sir," Alexis said, emphasizing the last word. Carth looked at her sharply, then down at her hand in Dustil's, and finally back up at Doran.

Doran was saluting smartly. "Ease up, kid. I'm not in uniform," Carth said, smiling affably. "So, what were we saying about me?" he asked and Alexis looked away to keep from grinning.

"That was my fault, sir," Doran said quickly. "I was telling your family what a good man that I'd heard you were… sir," he said again, his face flushed. He stammered a little, and Alexis bit her lip to control her laughter. Dustil was looking appraisingly around the group.

"Dad," he began slyly. Alexis immediately knew something was up by his tone. "I hear that you've finally proposed to Kalen. Congratulations," he said, holding out his hand. Kalen's eyes went wide behind Carth and she slipped her arm into the crook of his elbow. Alexis winked at her and Kalen smiled widely.

Carth took Dustil's free hand and shook it vigorously. By the pained expression on Dustil's face, it was quite clear that he was squeezing very hard. "Thank you, son."

"Where's the ring?" Alexis asked, unable to control herself. It was perfectly natural for one woman to want to see another's engagement ring, right? She waited for the answer, wide-eyed with innocence, for several seconds, still clinging to Dustil's hand.

Kalen, looking lost, glanced up at Carth. He frowned for a moment, and then shrugged as if embarrassed. "I haven't gotten her one yet."

"You proposed without a ring?" Dustil asked incredulously. Doran's head was jerking back and forth as he followed the conversation, his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted. It appeared that he wasn't used to people he considered to be his betters talking about anything like this in his presence. The shock on his face was rather comical.

It was that moment that Atton chose to arrive. He ambled up, his hands in his pockets, and surveyed the situation for a second. Everyone was watching him, waiting to see if he caught the gist of what was going on. He took in each strange pair, holding hands and arms, and a wicked grin spread across his face. He casually tossed an arm around Doran's shoulders and wagged his eyebrows at him. "Well hello there," he said in a tone that left no doubt what his intentions had been.

Alexis's hand shot to her mouth to control the bark of laughter that nearly escaped. Kalen had done the same. Dustil was grinning viciously and Carth burst into a fit of coughing. Doran's mouth dropped open all the way and he stared at Atton for a full thirty seconds while Carth recovered from his attack of coughing. The fear in his eyes was almost indecent.

"I have to go…" Doran whispered, pulling away.

"Maybe we'll see each other the next time I'm on planet?" Atton said sweetly, putting his hand on the kid's shoulder and giving him an inviting smile.

"I have to go…" Doran repeated stupidly, turning away and fleeing as if for his very life. Alexis watched him hurry away, wondering if the poor kid wouldn't be scarred for life. Once he was completely gone, the group began to laugh.

"I can't believe you," Kalen said between laughs, pulling away from Carth to catch Atton's arm.

"What?" Atton said innocently. "He seemed like a nice guy."

Alexis snorted and clung to Dustil. "You, Atton Rand, are a scoundrel," she said, pointing a finger at his chest.

"Why thank you," Atton said, folding his arm across his middle and bowing floridly.

"Mind if I ask what was going on?" Carth asked, glancing over at Alexis.

"You don't want to know," was Dustil's laughing reply.

A few hours later on board _The Wayfarer_, Carth watched from beneath lowered eyelids as Kalen and Alexis sparred. He wasn't the only one, either. Dustil, Atton, Mical, Bao-Dur, and Canderous were all participating in the same activity. Mira had disappeared upon their arrival and Visas was meditating nearby, which was just as well. The spectacle probably wouldn't have entertained them as much as it was the men in the room.

Senator Seraph was inside of her room, but her bodyguards were stationed outside of the door. Carth found them highly unnecessary, since there were so many Jedi and soldiers within shouting distance, but he hadn't pointed that out to his cousin. She probably wouldn't have taken the advice well. She liked to do things her own way.

Carth's attention returned to the sparring match. Kalen and Alexis, oblivious to their audience, were practicing hand-to-hand combat in the center of the large common room. They weren't wearing a lot, which was probably why every male in the room couldn't take his eyes off of them. Tight undershirts and leggings left little to the imagination. At first, Carth hadn't liked the idea of Alexis running around in public dressed that way, but he'd reminded himself that her bounty hunter costume hadn't been much less revealing. In fact, this particular outfit covered her entire middle, which he considered to be a plus.

Carth winced as Kalen landed a fairly powerful blow to Alexis's whipcord-lean body. Alexis took one step back and sucked in a large breath of air before recovering. They were fighting pretty hard, only tempering their blows to a mild degree, and Carth hoped that they wouldn't injure one another. Not that he would mind playing doctor, just that he didn't like seeing her hurt.

Alexis blocked a blow Kalen aimed at her midsection and responded with a resounding hit to Kalen's ribcage. Kalen staggered back for a moment and held up her hand. Alexis stood still, waiting for her friend to catch her breath. Alexis was smiling faintly, and appeared to be enjoying herself. Kalen had been as well, before the last knock that she'd received.

It was easy to compare the two women when they stood together that way. He had to admit, Kalen had a better body, even though Alexis looked much healthier than she had a little over a month before. Kalen was curvy and femininely muscular, while Alexis was a little overly lean with the fine muscle and sinew of an acrobat. Without the Force or a lightsaber, Kalen was the more powerful of the two. Alexis was a bit quicker, but her reach was nowhere near the length of Kalen's.

Kalen lowered her hand and the bout began again. She was on the offensive, leaning into Alexis and striking quickly and efficiently. Alexis caught and blocked almost every blow, but she missed a few, which landed with a loud crack on her torso. Alexis was losing ground. Kalen had apparently caught her second wind. Of course, Kalen had been obliged to live without the Force for some time. She'd had to learn how to fight without it. Alexis had had no such problem.

They were sweating, since they'd decided not to use the Force, and Alexis broke away from Kalen and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. They circled one another for a moment, panting slightly. They'd been at this for a very long time.

Carth glanced around the room during the lull in the battle. No one else had taken their eyes off of the pair. It was only a small consolation that the majority was more interested in Kalen. More beautiful she was not, but sexier? Well- he didn't think so, but most everyone else in the room probably did.

Carth turned his eyes to Kalen for a moment. She looked a lot like his wife had. They were similarly tall and femininely shaped with the same long, straight blonde hair. Why had Alexis mentioned his wife the day before, anyway? Did she really feel as if she were taking Morgana's place? She had a long time ago, in a sense, but not by choice, his or hers.

She was so lovely, Carth reflected, watching Alexis's brilliant green eyes dance with excitement. She enjoyed working out this way, fighting an opponent that she did not have to kill. It appeared that Kalen felt the same way. "Tired?" he heard Kalen ask, holding out her arm for Alexis to grab. Alexis latched on and they shook hands and then hugged.

"Eeew… You're sweaty," Alexis said jokingly, and Carth grinned. Kalen wiped her forehead on her arm and then smeared the sweat on Alexis. Alexis squealed and ran off, with Kalen chasing after her. They raced around the common room like errant children, giggling and leaping over the furniture that got in their way.

When they acted this way, it reminded Carth painfully of the fact that they had been given no real childhood. Jedi children were expected to be calm and respectful: emotionless. He wondered sometimes if laughter had even been allowed in their enclaves.

Carth shut his eyes for a moment. He needed some sleep. He wasn't used to remaining awake all night long and, old man that he was, he longed for the rest. His eyes popped back open when Alexis jumped onto the couch he was sitting on from the back, landing gracefully beside him. She smiled at him, reaching up to brush a lock of her hair out of her face. He pressed a finger to her forehead to catch a bead of sweat and held it up for her inspection. "You need a bath," he told her.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "I'll go shower in a minute."

"Can I come with you?" he asked quietly. He was rewarded with a smack on the arm and a blush. He had known that that would be her response, but it was fun to tease her. "I'll wash your back," he added enticingly. Across the room, he could see Kalen and Atton heading off to one of their rooms. He assumed that Atton had made the same offer and met with a better response.

"I can reach my own back, thank you," Alexis said.

Carth lifted one of her arms to his eye level. "With these stubby things?"

She jerked her arm away and glared at him. He grinned back at her indignant expression. After a moment, she gave in and a smile spread across her face. "That sounds like an excuse, to me."

Carth shook his head. "It's not an excuse. I was just trying to help you out." He held up his right palm as if swearing an oath.

Alexis sighed and leaned back against the sofa, stretching her arms out in front of her. She pushed her shoulders back and arched them slowly. Carth raised his eyebrows at her questioningly. She relaxed and made a face. "Stiff muscles," she said, flexing her fingers.

"See, you do need me," Carth replied gently. He took one of her hands in his and started to massage the palm. She watched him quietly, her eyes half closed, as he moved down to her fingers, rubbing and caressing her hands. She didn't pull away, so he continued, feeling the delicate bones beneath her skin. She had several small calluses, probably from her lightsaber. He examined her nails. They were short and blunt, but clean and neatly filed. She had very pretty hands. They didn't look like the hands of a trained killer.

He lowered that hand and took the other. She turned towards him to make it easier for him to reach. While working on her right hand, he happened to glance up into her face. She was smiling contentedly. When he caught her gaze, she averted her eyes quickly, attempting to pull away. He didn't relinquish his grip and she stopped fighting almost immediately. She wouldn't look at him, though. He wondered what she was thinking.

He kissed her hand softly and let her go. She met his eyes briefly, wearing the expression that he'd always wanted to see directed at him. She must have realized it, too, because it vanished almost as quickly as it had arrived. He wasn't even sure if he'd seen it at all. She rose abruptly, clasping her hands to her chest. It amazed him that he could make her so nervous. "I have to go and shower," she said pointedly, turning to leave.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?" he offered one last time. Her wide eyes turned back to his face and she actually looked like she might be considering the idea. Carth hadn't expected that. Finally, she shook her head no and walked towards the room that she'd taken as hers. Carth rose a second later and disappeared into his room: he needed some sleep.


	28. Chapter 28

* * *

**Content Warning:**

While there is no actual explicit material within this chapter, the material does allude to some adult situations. If you find material such as this offensive, I would suggest skipping this particular chapter. You should be able to go straight to Chapter 29 with no consequences. Thanks.

-Aderyn

* * *

Alexis slid out of the shower and pulled on a pair of tights and a tunic as quickly as she could. She left the bathroom and threw herself onto her bed with a moan. _Why was she still resisting?_ If Dustil hadn't interrupted them the night before, would she really have gone through with it? Why was she afraid of the one person in the universe who would probably die before causing her any harm?

Alexis grabbed the towel that she'd brought with her and dried vigorously at her hair. No matter how many times she told herself that making love to Carth was perfectly natural and safe, the thought alone made her tremble. He wasn't going to hurt her! What was there to be afraid of?

She wasn't a coward. She wasn't. And fear was far more dangerous for her than Carth ever could be. So why wouldn't she just give in? He probably thought she was crazy. Maybe she was, too. She was in love with the man, and she was terrified of him.

Alexis tossed the towel across the room in an uncommon display of anger. Instantly, she regretted it. She stared hard at the towel, a frown on her face. Fear was a dangerous thing. Fear led to anger and even though her anger was directed internally, it was not an emotion that she was comfortable experiencing.

So, what was the root of the fear? It wasn't Carth, not really. She knew that. What could it be? It wasn't the actual act that had her shaking in her boots, either. Then again, maybe it was. Maybe it was just like the fear of admitting her feelings; maybe she was afraid of being vulnerable; and maybe she was afraid of betraying the Jedi.

Alexis bit her lip and grabbed the pillow that was next to her and hugged it to her chest. There was no shame in letting someone else be responsible for you, especially if you loved them. She loved Carth. He wouldn't hurt her. She wouldn't be in any danger. Making love to Carth wouldn't be any riskier than being in love with him in the first place.

Alexis got off of the bed and started towards the door. She absently dropped the pillow. It was still daytime. There would be people in the common room and they'd automatically know where she was going. What if he were still out there himself? Alexis wavered indecisively for a moment, her hand on the door. She squared her shoulders. What did she care what they thought? She forced herself into the common room with more courage than she had known she possessed and glanced around. There was no sign of Carth. He had to be in his room.

Alexis walked to his door and entered without knocking. Carth sat up and looked at her. He'd been laying on the bed, most likely trying to sleep. She wanted to run away, but she stood her ground. "Can we talk?" she asked softly.

Carth gave her a bemused smile. "This sounds serious," he said, motioning towards the bed. "Sit down. This is getting to be a habit of yours, you know: talking to me. You should be careful about doing it so often. I might start to like it."

Alexis forced herself to sit calmly on the edge of the bed. She clasped her hands in her lap and stared at the floor, scraping up her nerve.

"What's up?" he asked, sliding a bit closer so that he could see her face.

"I lied to you," Alexis said, turning to look at him. She didn't lower her gaze this time. She wouldn't be afraid anymore. It was time to stop running.

He frowned slightly. "Okay. What did you lie to me about?"

"I _am_ afraid," she whispered.

He didn't react immediately. "What are you afraid of?" he asked just as softly.

Alexis didn't want to say it, but she could think of no other way to put it. "You." Carth recoiled as if she'd struck him. The hurt she saw in his eyes shot straight to her heart. "Not like that," she said quickly, reaching for his hand.

"Why?" he asked, glancing down at their joined hands and then back into her eyes.

Alexis wanted to touch his face, but she held back. She waited a moment before answering. It was hard to tell him why. He probably wouldn't understand. He was just as vulnerable to her as she was to him, but he wasn't afraid. Not the way that she was. "Because you are the only person that could ever really hurt me," she said.

Carth looked amazed. "Alexis, I would _never_ hurt you," he vowed in a strong voice.

Alexis sighed. "Don't think I don't know that," she said, shaking her head. "I can't really explain it. I'm completely exposed to you in a way that I never have been to anyone else. I- It's got me absolutely terrified."

Carth grabbed her hand and tugged until she slipped up onto the bed the rest of the way. She curled against his chest without further urging and Carth folded her in his arms. "It's all right to need other people," he said into her hair.

"I know. But I've never really needed anyone before."

"It doesn't make you weak, beautiful. Relying on others makes you stronger. The support of those you love gives you courage and strength. Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I'm not going anywhere."

Alexis knew she was shaking again. She could feel it. "I'm sorry," she said sincerely.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" Carth asked in a puzzled tone.

Alexis smiled faintly and looked up into his eyes. "That I'm not half the woman that you deserve."

"You're the woman I want," Carth said gently, kissing her forehead. "You're trembling," he added, rubbing his hand along her back.

Alexis nodded and dropped her head back onto his chest. "I'm still scared out of my wits."

Alexis felt his hand slide into her still-damp hair, ruffling it lightly. "No matter how many times I tell you I won't hurt you, you're still going to be scared of me," he told her matter-of-factly. She started to reply, but he cut her off. "Will you let me show you that there isn't a reason to be afraid?" he asked. Alexis turned her head back and he pressed his lips to hers briefly. She looked into his brown eyes, lost in their warm depths. Unable to speak, she nodded slowly.

Carth pressed her head back to his chest. Alexis waited in silence while he played with her hair. She shut her eyes after a moment, giving in to the sensation. "Put your back to me," he muttered.

Alexis turned uncertainly. His hands drifted to her shoulders and he started to rub them much as he had done her hands a short while earlier. That had been an experience. She'd never had anyone touch her hands that way. Who could have known that it would feel so wonderful?

Alexis relaxed slowly under the pressure of his hands. "You're good at that," Alexis told him, tilting her neck back.

He kissed the back of her neck once, but he pulled away very quickly. "Are your muscles still sore?" he asked.

"No," she replied slightly dreamily. He was very good with his hands.

"Kalen landed some fairly hard blows earlier," Carth observed.

"It wasn't too bad. They sounded a lot worse than they were. I don't even think I'll have any bruises."

"I hope not," Carth replied. His hands moved down slowly, where his fingers worked magic on the small of her back. She nearly groaned. It was with some surprise that she noted that she was no longer nervous.

"Carth?" she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder at him.

"Hhmm?" he responded, meeting her eyes.

She turned her body until she was facing him. He pulled his hands away and waited, watching her. She touched his face hesitantly. He smiled and kissed her palm. "May I touch you?" she asked, cautiously placing her hand on the hem of his shirt.

He grinned. "You can do whatever you like. I won't move," he replied.

Alexis tugged at his shirt and he sat up enough so that she could tug it off. She moved until she was sitting beside him and facing him so that she could reach him easily. She stared at him nervously, her audacity gone now that they were eye to eye. He waited, an amused expression on his handsome face. When she still wouldn't touch him, he took her hand and settled it on his chest.

"I thought you weren't going to move," Alexis said reproachfully.

He laughed softly. "I thought _you_ were."

Alexis moved her hand gingerly across his chest, feeling the warm muscle beneath her palm. She touched his throat and he swallowed convulsively, his eyes darkening. Alexis started to pull away. "It's okay," he said, catching her hand and holding it there. He released her after a moment and she resumed her explorations.

The hair that peppered his chest was coarse and springy, yet soft at the same time. Fascinated, she slid her fingers back and forth over it. Carth laughed at the expression on her face. She bit her lip. She'd touched him before, but never like this. Not with him watching.

She traced the muscles of his stomach, which twitched beneath her fingers. She grinned and glanced up at him. He looked slightly strained. Alexis knew what kind of control it was taking for him not to touch her. Clearly he was doing his damnedest not frighten her away. "Thank you," she said quietly, her other hand brushing his lips. He bit her finger and Alexis yelped and pulled her hand away. He gave her a wicked grin. "Animal," she muttered darkly.

He just smiled and Alexis slipped her hands back to his abdomen. She circled his belly button with the tip of her index finger. Afterwards, it trailed to the waistband of his pants, and he deftly caught her hands and pulled them away. "Not yet," he said, reaching for her.

Alexis didn't resist. He caught her in his arms and slipped his hand into her hair to bring her lips to his. His kiss was hungry and for a moment, Alexis almost felt her fear return. The instant passed, however, and when he pulled away, she rested her cheek against his, smiling.

Carth's hands slipped underneath her tunic and Alexis nearly panicked. He froze, waiting for her to relax. She took a deep breath and leaned away from him enough to throw the shirt away. She couldn't look at him.

Did the light really have to be on? What if he found her repulsive? She still wasn't very healthy. Her muscles were stretched over nothing but bone. She didn't have very many of the curves that most men found attractive. She was too pale and much of her body was heavily scarred. He probably thought she was-

"You are the most beautiful creature I've ever seen," he told her, turning her chin so that she had to meet his eyes. She was still almost fully clothed, but she didn't feel like it. She wanted to cover herself, but Carth distracted her with another kiss. This one left her breathless. He pulled away to nibble at her neck and Alexis, forgetting her worries, slipped her fingers into his hair and tugged his head back to kiss him again.

His fingers trailed over her ribs cage and Alexis shivered with delight. Her heart was racing, whether with fear or anticipation she was no longer sure. He turned her in his arms until her back was to the headboard and slowly lowered her to the pillows. He leaned over her from the side, one arm by each of her shoulder, and trailed kisses down to her bellybutton, leaving her gasping for air.

Carth pulled himself back up until his face was even with hers. He was no longer touching her. He looked at her quietly for a moment. "Are you still afraid?" he asked, his breathing harsh. Alexis knew that if she said yes, he would stop immediately, no matter what it might cost him.

That was not what she wanted at all. She smiled at him fiercely. "Yes. I'm afraid that if you don't come back down here, I'll be forced to strangle you."

He chuckled and lowered his body gently onto hers. His weight was pleasant rather than stifling, as she had expected. "We can't have that," he muttered against her mouth, his eyes dancing.

An hour later, Alexis found herself curled against a sleeping Carth's chest, listening to the regular pattern of his breathing. She couldn't stop smiling. It was embarrassing, really, to think that she had ever been afraid. Carth had been so gentle with her. There had been some discomfort, of course, if only for a moment, but that was usual for a woman's first time, or so she understood. Afterwards, he'd held her and told her how much he loved her. He was an amazing man: she was still warm all over. Her body would be tender for a day or so, but that didn't matter. _At the moment, nothing mattered._

Alexis had her back to Carth with his arm draped over her waist. With some interest, she reached for his hand, which was resting on the bed before her. His broad fingers were roughened with calluses. She traced her fingers up his forearm, rubbing her thumb across a wide scar that was white with age. She wondered idly how he had gotten it.

She couldn't stop touching him. Everything about him was utterly enthralling. Many of the things that she was noticing now were things that she'd seen every day since they'd met, but never paid that much attention to. For some reason they now had a great deal more appeal for her.

Apparently her wandering hands had caused him to stir, because behind her, Carth lifted himself onto one elbow to look down at her. She rolled over enough to meet his gaze. "I love you," he said softly, bringing his other hand up to touch her face.

Alexis knew that she had to be wearing the sappiest expression known to mankind. She couldn't have changed it if she'd tried. "I love you too," she replied, a soft smile spreading over her face. His fingers traced their way up to her hairline, where they twined in the loose curls that trailed down her forehead.

"I take it that you're not afraid of me anymore?" Carth said, raising an eyebrow at her.

Alexis laughed softly, a blush staining her cheeks. "I never want to get out of bed again," she replied after a moment.

"Not that I don't appreciate the compliment, but you have to remember that I'm an old man. I don't have the energy I used to," he said, grinning at her.

"Seemed pretty vigorous to me," Alexis told him.

"You're going to kill me yet."

"I doubt that. You're of no use dead."

"Am I your sex toy now?"

"No. Love slave. There's a difference, you know."

"I had no idea," he replied, lowering his head to kiss her.

"I'm glad to have let you in on my little secret, then," Alexis said teasingly.

Carth's gaze sharpened for a moment and he met her eyes. "I'm glad that you did, too," he said seriously. Those were their last words for a very long time.

Much later, Carth was standing by the edge of the bed, staring down at Alexis's inert form with a warm smile on his face. It would have been night on Telos and everyone else was probably in bed asleep. He watched Alexis's eyes flutter open slowly when she realized that he was no longer laying at her side.

Her gaze focused on him after a moment and she frowned at his clothes. "What are you doing?" she asked curiously, sitting up with the sheet clasped to her chest.

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving," he told her. She was so lovely, sitting on his bed, her hair tousled and her eyes tired. Carth was proud to note that she looked like she had spent a very pleasant day. Apparently he had been quite thorough.

"You're hungry?" she said in a puzzled voice.

"I did miss two meals, thanks to you, and if I don't eat soon, I won't have the energy left to make it to the cafeteria," he said.

"I wouldn't want you to waste away before my very eyes," Alexis said with a shrug. "Would you toss me my clothes? I'd be happy to go with you."

Carth gave her a wicked grin. "Why don't you get up and get them yourself?"

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Alexis said, pulling the sheet more tightly about her body.

"It's nothing I haven't seen before," he said with a straight face. He wasn't even surprised when the pillow slammed into his head. She was quick, that was for sure. He was surprised, however, when he went to get her clothes and met her there. She hadn't even taken the sheet with her. "Maybe I'm not hungry after all," Carth said quickly, eyeing her body.

She blushed, but held her ground. She was getting bolder, which pleased him immensely. He hadn't expected it so quickly, but with her, it wasn't anything unusual. She could adapt relatively quickly to almost anything. "I don't think so. This was your idea," she said, tugging on her tunic.

Carth sighed mournfully at her. "Fine," he muttered, pulling her against him for a quick kiss and thrusting her away again before she could protest.

"Go get my boots from my room, please," she said, pointing at the door.

"Is that part of my duties as 'love slave'?" he asked, grinning at her.

She didn't seem to know what he was talking about. After a moment, recognition dawned on her face, and she laughed. "Yes. Go fetch the mistress's boots, boy."

He bowed obsequiously. "All shall be as you desire, my queen," he said, lifting her hand and kissing her fingertips.

"Get out, you," she said, jerking her hand away.

Carth rose and turned to leave. "Have I been a bad boy? I am getting sent to your room, after all. Perhaps there's going to be some punishment involved?" he said, trying to make her blush again.

It worked. He cheeks colored, but she gave him a gentle shove to send him on his way. "Boots. Now," she said, shutting the door behind him.

Carth wandered over to her room through the common room's silence. Everyone else was definitely in their own room. Well, theirs or someone else's. He wasn't going to pursue that train of thought. It didn't take him very long to fetch her boots and return to his own room. Sadly, once he arrived, she was already dressed. "Your boots, madam," he said, holding out her tall black boots and bowing once again. She sat down in the middle of the floor to tug them on. When she was ready, he held out his hand and helped her up.

She didn't let go of his hand. When he looked at her face, she smiled a bit shyly and squeezed his hand. "Ready?" he asked. She nodded and they headed off in search of something to eat.


	29. Chapter 29

"Alexis, what's that on your neck?" Kalen asked early the following morning from her position on the floor. The two girls were stretching in the common room, alone except for the senator's guards. Carth had gone to the Bridge to speak to the ship's commander and everyone else was still in bed.

Alexis pressed a hand to her neck, not quite sure what Kalen was talking about. The skin there was tender. She frowned and glanced over at Kalen. "I'm sure it's nothing…" she said, trailing off and looking back down at the ground. Actually, she was fairly certain she could guess what it was, and she wished fervently that it wasn't there at all.

"Right…" Kalen said, sounding unconvinced. "Looks a bit like a rash to me."

"It's probably from my clothes or something…" Alexis said quickly. She tried to hide her embarrassment by shifting positions so that Kalen wouldn't be able to see her expression.

"I've seen a rash like that once before," Kalen said slyly.

Alexis couldn't help but look at her. She was grinning widely. Alexis blushed immediately. "Ah…"

"It was a sort of- beard burn… if I remember correctly."

"Beard burn?" Alexis said, more surprised at the terminology that anything else.

"Is that the only place that you've got it?"

Alexis knew that she had to be blushing down to the tips of her toes. "Yes," she said sharply.

"So… things are going well between you and Carth, I take it?" Kalen said. Alexis cleared her throat. "That's all the answer I need," Kalen added, laughing softly at her.

"You… It's not…" Alexis found that she couldn't quite put her thoughts into words. She sighed darkly and glared at Kalen. "You couldn't make this easy for me, could you?"

"Why should I? It took you long enough to get to this point in the first place. It was something like five years, wasn't it? I'd say the man was entitled to leave a few marks."

Alexis frowned and touched her neck again. After a moment of thought, a grin spread across her face and a soft green glow emanated from her fingertips. The skin healed instantly, although it was still dry and sort of itchy. Alexis didn't mind that. At least it was probably not so obvious anymore.

"Cheat," Kalen said, shaking her head.

"I'll bet that you've done the same at least once," Alexis countered. She wondered idly if she'd ever stop blushing again. At this rate, it was unlikely.

"Atton doesn't have a beard," Kalen pointed out.

"Right. Neither does Carth. It's a perpetual five o'clock shadow. I think that he probably believes that it makes him look tough."

"Well that's Carth," Kalen said. She doubled over, her legs straight, and pressed her palms flat on the floor. Alexis did the same.

"You can't tell me that Atton doesn't ever need to shave," Alexis said.

"Of course he does. But he actually does it. Carth doesn't."

"Yeah well, that's because Carth looks good that way and Atton just looks scruffy."

"Who's scruffy looking?" Atton asked from behind.

"What are you doing back there?" Alexis asked, shifting slightly to one side so that she could see him.

"The view's nice," Atton responded, grinning impudently at her.

"I thought you were going to sleep in," Kalen said, straightening and turning to face Atton.

He shrugged. "I couldn't sleep after you left."

"That's sweet," Kalen exclaimed, smiling at him.

Atton grunted sourly and Alexis covered her mouth to stifle a giggle. "I meant that you woke me up," Atton said. Kalen's expression fell and Alexis raised her eyebrows at Atton. "Hey- I was only kidding babe," he said, reaching for Kalen. She danced out of his reach, her eyes wide and her lower lip hanging slightly in an exaggerated pout.

Alexis stood up slowly, arching her back when she reached her full height. Her spine cracked loudly and Atton cringed. "That was rather disgusting, wasn't it?" she said with a wry laugh.

Atton held out both of his hands, one to each of them. "How would you ladies like to go with me to breakfast?" he offered.

Alexis shook her head. "I'm not hungry. I ate a few hours ago."

"What were you doing up that late?" Atton asked curiously.

"Nothing," Alexis said innocently. "I couldn't sleep."

Atton cocked his head to the side. "You missed dinner yesterday."

"That's when I was sleeping," Alexis said lamely, glancing away so that he couldn't see her face.

Kalen snorted and covered her mouth, her eyes shimmering with laughter. Atton turned to look at her. "Is that how it is?" he asked. Kalen nodded without speaking and Atton turned to Alexis and took her hand and shook it vigorously. "I'm proud of you. I'll have to find Carth and congratulate him, of course. Five years… Huh. He might have died if he'd waited much longer."

Alexis jerked her hand away from him and pressed it to her forehead to hide her eyes. She stared resolutely at the carpet. Atton's laughter echoed through the entire room. Alexis lowered her hand and squared her shoulders. "You wouldn't have lasted for five days," she replied with all the dignity she could muster. Atton erupted into fresh gales of laughter and Alexis threw herself onto the couch nearby to glare at him sullenly.

Kalen walked over and sat down beside her. She took Alexis's hand and began to pat it gently in exactly the same condescending manner that Alexis had patted hers in Carth's kitchen not too long before. Alexis turned her glare on Kalen and the girl pressed her lips together while her shoulders shook with suppressed laughter.

When Atton recovered, he walked over to the couch and smiled at them. "I'm sorry," he said, still chuckling.

"You are not!" Alexis burst out, frowning.

He shrugged. "You're right. I'm not, really." After a pause, he offered Kalen his hand for the second time. "To breakfast?"

"Is that all you think about?" Kalen asked.

"It's not all I think about," Atton said, winking at her lewdly.

Alexis laughed in spite of herself. Kalen rolled her eyes. "Why don't you go over to the kitchen and cook yourself something. You wouldn't have to walk as far," she said.

"Sounds like wasted effort to me," Atton responded.

"So- let me get this straight- You'll walk halfway across the ship to the cafeteria to get food, but you won't walk twenty yards to the kitchen and throw together something yourself?" Kalen said.

"That's about the straight of it," Atton said.

"I'll never understand men," Kalen muttered. "Fine. You go ahead. I'll get myself a piece of fruit or something later."

"Don't stick around on my account," Alexis told her, her expression gloomy.

"Someone has to cheer you up," Kalen told her, patting her cheek insultingly.

"That's Carth's job, not yours," Atton reminded her. "Unless I can watch," he amended. Alexis shut her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, she turned to look at Atton. With one look at her face, he turned and started towards the exit to their apartment complex. "All right, all right. I'm gone," he said.

When he was finally out of sight, Kalen turned to Alexis. "Do you think that Atton would make a good father?"

"Atton?" Alexis said skeptically. She paused for an instant. "Why do you ask?" she asked suspiciously.

Kalen sighed in response. "Because I'm fairly certain that he's going to be one," she said seriously.

"You're planning it?"

"Actually, I think it's already happened."

"I thought that women weren't supposed to be able to tell that they're pregnant for two weeks or so," Alexis said, frowning slightly.

"I would say that that was a bit different for Jedi, wouldn't you?" Kalen said dryly.

Alexis shrugged. "I don't know. I've never met a pregnant Jedi. It doesn't come up very often, you know."

"How soon do you think that a doctor can confirm it?" Kalen asked.

"Kalen, I don't know anything about babies. Maybe you should ask… um… You could try Carth I guess, since he's a father… or maybe the senator. She'd probably know more than Carth would."

"I don't want anyone else to know," Kalen wailed.

"Sweetie, I don't think that you could hide it for too long," Alexis said with a chuckle.

"But what if I'm wrong?"

"We Jedi are fairly perceptive. You're probably spot on. But if it's proof you want, you'll have to wait a few days, I'd wager. Talk to the senator. If you're wrong, she won't laugh at you. I think that she takes things like that very seriously."

"This isn't a very good time for me to be pregnant," Kalen said quietly.

"If you are, there's nothing we can do about it. You'll be almost normal for the first couple of months anyway, won't you?"

"I just don't know," Kalen replied.

"Force, this is pathetic: two grown women who don't know a thing about childbirth or pregnancy. Maybe when we've rebuilt the Jedi Order, we should make sure that Padawans are informed about these things."

"Don't you think that that might give them the wrong idea?"

"I didn't think of that," Alexis said. "Who would teach it, anyway? Obviously neither one of us would be very good at it."

Kalen's pained expression was so comical that Alexis couldn't contain her laughter. "It's not that funny," Kalen said dismally.

"I thought that you wanted children."

"I did. I just didn't want them quite this soon. How can help you rebuild the Jedi Order when I'm pregnant? We don't even know if a pregnant woman can use the Force."

"I sincerely doubt that a baby would interfere. If I were you, I'd be a little more worried about my lightsaber technique. It won't take you long to become very unbalanced."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Kalen asked.

"Only a little," Alexis replied, smiling.

"I'll laugh when the same thing happens to you," Kalen told her rather spitefully.

Alexis's smile faded. "I thought we'd talked about this. I really doubt that I can have children in the first place."

"It would serve you right if you were wrong."

"It's not like Atton's going to leave you, Kalen," Alexis told her calmly.

"How could you possibly know that?" Kalen asked quickly.

"How can you doubt him? He's head-over-heels in love with you."

"We don't know each other well enough for this," Kalen said quietly. "We should have been together for at least two years before we even considered children."

"It doesn't seem like you've considered them yet. You could still consider them later, if you'd like."

"Ha, ha."

"You know," Alexis began in a deceptively off-hand manner, "even I know that there are ways to prevent this sort of thing."

Kalen's answer was an indelicate snort. "Thank you. I had no idea."

"So… if you did know about said preventative methods, how did you come to be in this condition?"

"I'm sure it was magic," Kalen said dully.

At the downcast look on Kalen's face, Alexis sobered immediately. "Kalen… everything will turn out okay, I promise."

"You can't make that promise," Kalen responded.

"I can and I am. Pregnant or not, Atton's going to stick around. I'll make him, if I have to. And we'll bring back the Jedi and we'll help the Republic, no matter what. It doesn't matter if you can't swing a lightsaber. We don't keep you around just for your muscles, dear heart. Your mind is just as important."

"You use nicknames when you're being placating, you know," Kalen said, a smile returning to her face.

"Yes. It's a nasty habit. It always gives me away."

"It's been very hard to hide my suspicions from Atton," Kalen confided. "Our minds are so closely linked now that sometimes I have a hard time telling where he ends and I begin."

"It must be nice," Alexis said wistfully.

"Actually, it makes things a little harder. I think that sometimes we find out things about one another that we'd rather not have known. There are things that people just shouldn't tell each other. We really don't have much of a choice."

"You'll probably be closer for it in the end."

"So long as he sticks around."

"You ought to know him well enough to know that he won't leave you."

"You aren't the one that he flat-out told that he was a deserter."

"No. I'm the one that he deserted. I don't think he'll leave you, Kalen. You have to give him a chance."

"Do you think that I should tell him?" Kalen asked apprehensively.

Alexis shook her head. "Not yet. I'd wait until I knew for sure, if I were you."

Kalen nodded. "It's going to take a lot of work to keep it from him."

"Keep him distracted. I'll help you. We'll start having lightsaber practice sessions and teaching new Force techniques. He'll be too busy to try to find out just what you're hiding."

"You don't think all of the work will hurt the baby, do you?" Kalen asked nervously.

"I'm fairly sure that a certain amount of exercise is good for pregnant women, and if you are carrying a baby, you're not very far along. You'll be fine," Alexis assured her.

Kalen pressed her palm to her flat stomach and stared at it sadly. "I wonder if it will ever look like this again…"

"If I were you, I'd take a good, hard look at my toes. You may not see them for a while," Alexis said with undisguised mirth.

Kalen obediently raised her feet, clad only in short white socks, and sighed. "I'll miss you guys," she said, reaching forward to pat them fondly.

"Hmm. Talking to our toes now, are we? Have you named them yet?" Carth asked as he approached them from across the room. Alexis was surprised that she hadn't noticed him coming.

"I was just-," Kalen began, lowering her feet sheepishly.

Carth cut her off, forestalling her with a raised palm. "It's fine. No one needs a reason to have conversations with their own feet. They are yours, after all. If you want to talk to them, by all means, go for it. I would suggest doing in private next time, though. It does look a little crazy."

Alexis turned her head to smile at Carth. He smiled back at her and they stared at one another for several seconds. Kalen coughed loudly to distract them. Alexis turned to her guiltily. "Sorry," she muttered, flushing.

"You two are so cute that it makes me sick," Kalen said, feigning disgust. The smile on her face told Alexis that she heartily approved, however.

"I've always dreamed of being disgustingly cute," Carth murmured, grinning.

Alexis laughed lightly. "You've always _been _disgustingly cute. You just didn't know it."

"Can't I be handsome or dashing?" Carth asked, turning his head this way and that, posing. "Cute isn't a very masculine word."

"Nope. I think that cute suits you," Kalen told him.

Alexis nodded her agreement. "Adorable would work as well. You remind me of a stuffed toy or a doll. I just want to cuddle you: maybe even tie a bow in your hair."

"I'll go for the cuddling, but the bow's taking it a little far," Carth said.

"A pink one, I think," Kalen said, ignoring Carth.

"Orange is better. It would match his jacket."

"I'd forgotten about that jacket," Kalen said, glancing over at him. He wasn't wearing it. In fact, he was wearing a very large dark blue sweatshirt and black pants.

"With that outfit, maybe a white one would look best," Alexis said.

"Would you two stop talking about bows? You'll never manage to get one on me," Carth said.

"Have you ever heard of Force stasis?" Alexis asked him.

"You wouldn't," Carth said. Kalen laughed.

"No, but it is fun to consider…" Alexis replied.

"You could always tie him up with the ribbon," Kalen said, grinning.

"I would have thought that someone in your _predicament _would be leery of such things," Alexis suggested with a sardonic smile.

"Don't you dare," Kalen said quickly.

"No, I wouldn't do that, either."  
"What are you two hiding?" Carth asked, glancing back and forth between them.

"Nothing," they responded at the same time.

"How innocent you sound," Carth remarked.

"I'm perfectly innocent," Alexis murmured.

"Not so much anymore," Carth said, grinning.

Alexis blushed again. She pressed her hands to her cheeks. "I'm going to have to learn how to control this blushing thing before I turn permanently red. Obviously the reasons to blush aren't going to go away, so the reaction itself has to go."

"It's kind of cute," Kalen pointed out.

"No, it would only be cute if I were still four years old."

"You're hardly taller than a four-year-old," Carth observed in a clinical tone of voice.

"I could still take you out," Alexis said, standing up beside him and putting her hands on her hips.

Carth spread his hands wide as if inviting her to tackle him. "I think that I told you that you could do whatever you wanted with me."

"Kinky," Kalen muttered in the background.

Alexis turned to glare at her. "If I were you, I'd be a little nicer to me."

Kalen's eyes widened and she immediately folded her arms over her chest and rose to stand beside Alexis. "Watch what you say to her," Kalen ordered him, narrowing her eyes and trying to look intimidating.

"So… what sort of secret is Alexis keeping for you?" Carth asked, chuckling.

Kalen's stare faltered and she looked away. "What secret?" Alexis asked brightly.

Kalen groaned. "Don't try to help me, Lexi. You're a terrible liar."

"I thought you said that all Jedi were bad liars," Alexis said indignantly.

"Mostly you," Kalen said with a laugh.

"Remember when we talked about you being nicer to me?"

Carth laughed. "You two are happy this morning."

"You're one to talk," Kalen said.

"It's a stress relief technique," Alexis told him, with false solemnity. "If everything's funny, you don't have to take anything seriously."

"That's the truth," Carth replied.

Kalen glanced back at the door that led out of the common room. "I think I'm going to wander over to the cafeteria and find Atton. I'm kind of hungry after all."

Alexis shrugged. "Suit yourself."

Carth and Alexis watched as Kalen left the common room. It didn't take Carth long to catch her gaze. "What was that all about?" he asked.

"It's not really mine to tell…" Alexis said.

Carth's eyebrows raised and he waited, crossing his arms. Alexis sat back on the couch. She could wait, too. When she still hadn't said anything else after two or three minutes, Carth sighed and sat down beside her. "You're really not going to tell me?"

"I told you, I can't. It's not my secret." Carth frowned at her. "Don't look at me like that," Alexis warned, feeling her resolve fading.

"I understand. The secrets between friends are a sacred thing. I wouldn't want to upset that. You don't have to tell me anything," Carth said with mock sincerity.

Alexis knew he was manipulating her. It was obvious. What was also obvious was that it was working. She struggled to contain herself, glaring at him from beneath furrowed eyebrows. "I certainly don't," she said, more to herself than to him. He put on a hurt expression. "Would you stop that?" Alexis said irritably.

Carth pulled her against him and she pretended to fight for a moment before relaxing against his shoulder. He grinned down at her. "Stop what?" he asked.

"Trying to play games with my head."

"I would never-," Carth began.

Alexis gave up all at once. "Kalen thinks she's pregnant," she said rapidly before she changed her mind.

Carth jerked slightly in surprise. "What?"

"Kalen might be pregnant."

After a moment, Carth shrugged. "It shouldn't surprise you, not after the way she and Atton chase each other around the bedroom."

"But- do you really think that they're ready? They aren't married and they haven't even known each other for more than a few months. And… we've got a lot to do… the Jedi and the Republic and all of those Sith that keep popping up… Where's the baby going to fit in?"

"They aren't alone, you know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that if Kalen _is_ pregnant, she doesn't have to raise her baby alone. First of all, she has Atton, and when they're tired, the rest of us can help out. Since Kalen doesn't have a family, we'll just have to give her one."

Alexis stared at Carth. That hadn't even occurred to her. They _were_ a lot like a family, even now. Love, laughter, fighting, and friendship… those were all things that made up a family. They might not all be blood related, but they did have the qualifications. Families took care of each other, through thick and thin. "You're right," Alexis said softly.

"What's so bad about children, anyway?" Carth asked her.

"The timing's off," Alexis replied.

"How does Kalen feel about it?"

"Kalen's always been the motherly sort. I think she'll love having a baby."

"So what's she worried about?"

"She's worried about how Atton will feel about it."

Carth smiled at her. "Atton's excited about it."

"How do you know?"

"He told me."

"He knows that she pregnant?" Alexis exclaimed.

"No. He doesn't know," Carth assured her. "Do you remember that time when we were in that Restoration Zone on Telos and you and Kalen talked about having children? Atton was awake. He came and talked to me about it. He mentioned that Kalen sounded like she wanted to have his kids. He seemed pretty happy."

"Really?" Alexis said. "Do you mind if I tell her that?"

"Go for it."

Alexis bit her lip, remembering the rest of that particular conversation. How much had Atton told Carth? And what exactly had Atton heard, anyway? "Is that all Atton told you?"

"Yeah. Why?" Carth said.

"I just thought that he might have mentioned- Well… never mind."

Carth watched her quietly, his dark brown eyes searching her face. He touched her cheek gently, almost reverently. "You can tell me, beautiful. I won't be upset."

"I don't want to disappoint you," Alexis told him softly.

"Lexi, you won't disappoint me."

"I think that it might."

"You don't want children, do you?" he asked.

"This is all so new, Carth. Are you sure you really want to talk about children?" Alexis asked him. Everything was coming at her so quickly. If she weren't careful, she'd be overwhelmed. Emotions were a hard thing to cope with when one was used to ignoring them.

"Would you rather if we talked about whether or not you were willing to marry me first?"

Alexis's eyes widened. "I don't think that this is the right time for that," she said, a bit too harshly.

Carth nodded. "Sorry. We can- uh- talk about something else, then."

Alexis felt badly about the tone she'd used. She just wasn't ready for this. It took her a while to adjust to all of these new feelings. "I'll at least answer your question. Do I want children? Well, I've never honestly thought about it."

"That's fine," Carth assured her.

"You didn't let me finish. I haven't even gotten to the disappointing part," Alexis informed him.

"Alexis…" Carth said uneasily.

"No, listen. I don't think that I'll ever be able to have children, Carth. It's got nothing to do with whether or not I want them. No one who's turned to the dark side has ever conceived a child after their fall. I'm-," she paused for a moment before rushing on, "I'm probably barren."

Alexis couldn't have missed the flicker of pain in Carth's eyes if she'd tried. He masked it well, but he was clearly disheartened by the news. "I have a son, Alexis. I don't need anymore," he said staunchly.

Alexis took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. "Let's… let's go find him, then. I think that he and Mira are still having problems and he'll need some cheering up. Besides, it's time that we got started on his Jedi training. A bit of lightsaber work wouldn't hurt him. In fact, it would probably be good for everyone." Alexis stood up.

"Are you all right?" Carth asked her, his voice mirroring the concern on his face.

Alexis nodded. "I'm fine. I- have to go and change clothes. I can't work out in these. I'll be back." Alexis turned her back to him and fled. She knew that she was running away, but she couldn't stop herself. It was impossible for her to get real pain she'd seen in Carth's eyes out of her head.


	30. Chapter 30

There was blood everywhere. That was the first thing that she noticed. Alexis had never seen so much of it in her entire life. It was splashed on the walls and on the ceiling in long arcs and random spatters. It had soaked into the carpet in great coppery ovals that seemed to spread as the seconds ticked by. There was even a trail of it leading back into the common room beyond.

Alexis barely suppressed the bile that rose up in her throat. Jedi did not see blood very often, for lightsaber wounds were instantly cauterized. The sheer abandon with which the vital liquid had been strewn across this room was far more than slightly nauseating. The blood wasn't even the worst part. The anger and aggression that seemed to ooze from the very walls of the place had Alexis fighting with all of her being to remain centered. The carnage here was secondary to the hatred with which the acts had been committed.

There were two bodies lying prone on the floor in the room in which Alexis stood. The third victim, a young woman, had crawled out into the common room and managed to call for help. She hung on to her life by a mere thread. Kalen had gone to the medical bay to see if there was anything that she could do in the way of healing for the girl. Judging by the blood loss that the girl had so clearly suffered, Alexis had very little hope for her survival.

Grimly, Alexis approached one of the bodies. It was a large human male that was laying on its left side, its head turned up towards the ceiling. His face had been beaten severely with a blunt object. The gooey mess that was all that remained of his skull vaguely resembled a Hutt's backside. Alexis was inappropriately amused by the mental comparison and she shook her head to dispel the feeling. She sobered immediately when she once again focused her attention on the violence that had led to this man's death. His stomach had been opened with a sword and his entrails were sagging onto the beige carpet in a chaotic tumble of organs and tissue. His murderer had been very, very vicious in his attacks.

Alexis was quite certain that most of the damage had been done once the man was already dead. There was no air of agony about him. Though he had died in a bloodbath, he had not suffered noticeably. He had probably died almost instantly, possibly killed by the very first blow to his head. So why had his killer continued to beat him? It would take a powerful emotion of some sort to spur on such a brutal attack.

Alexis knelt down beside the body, carefully remaining aloft to avoid covering herself in the remains. Whatever sword had been used on the victim had a very thin, short blade. It was not of a cut that she recognized. Why had his insides been spilled onto the carpet, anyway? The killer had most likely done this after destroying the man's face. There was no real purpose to it, unless it was a form of humiliation. That did not seem to fit, as it was nearly impossible to recognize the man. Were it not for passenger lists, they would not have been able to identify him at all. That sort of ruled out a motive involving knowing who the man was, didn't it?

Alexis stood and glanced around the room. Carth had brought her here to assist the ship's Republic forces, citing her "investigative experience" and "subtle mind". Her only real investigative experience had been the time on Dantooine when she had solved that murder. She'd hardly consider that experience.

She had been dubious, at first, about coming here at all. Carth had eventually convinced her, largely due to the guilt she had experienced at his hands earlier in the day. Shortly after leading her into the room, Carth had vanished, leaving her alone with the two Republic officers assigned to the case- and, of course, the bodies.

The two soldiers that remained were leaning over the other corpse, that of a Falleen female, talking quietly between themselves. Alexis had found it odd at first that only two officers had been left to deal with the situation. She had quickly realized that they were not the only ones still there by choice, but by necessity. None of the others could remain in the room for any period of time and retain the contents of their stomach. There was no need to make a messy crime scene any worse than it already was, so the ill soldiers had been summarily dismissed.

Alexis, although sickened at first by the massacre, eventually attained a slightly pragmatic view of the entire situation. The crime's clear motivation was fury, and it was highly unlikely that whoever had killed these people was quite that upset with her. That thought didn't rid her of the nausea that had plagued her, so she once again tried to force herself to be realistic. She had seen scores of dead bodies. These were only slightly gorier than she was used to. They were just murder victims. She'd seen things that were far worse when she was Lord Revan, no matter that she did not remember them very clearly.

Alexis stepped up to the side of one of the soldiers still in the room. He was an older man with thick iron gray hair and a heavily wrinkled face. When he noticed her, her jerked away with a startled oath and almost fell onto the body. Alexis caught his arm to steady him and waited until he regained his composure.

The two soldiers looked Alexis up and down as if seeing her for the very first time. Alexis could tell that they had forgotten that she was there. She could see what they were thinking, too. _What's a delicate-looking kid like that doing in here? Why hasn't she fainted or fled the room in tears? Who is she, anyway?_

Alexis motioned quickly towards the body before them to keep them from actually voicing these questions. When Carth had left her, he had taken her authority over the situation with him. If they wanted to kick her out right now, they had every right. She had to distract them so that they wouldn't do it. "That's a Falleen," she said. "And a noble at that. Do you see the way the ridges of her face are shaped? She has really aristocratic features."

"How do you know that?" the younger soldier asked.

Alexis shrugged. "I've been around." The Falleen was not as badly maimed as the human had been. Although her corpse was bloody, it was clear that she had been killed by a series of stab wounds, and these were not nearly as messy as the bludgeoning had been.

"What are you doing here?" the older man asked.

Alexis ignored that. The Falleen was exquisitely beautiful, despite her reptilian characteristics. Alexis understood that many of the Falleen were lovely to behold, but she had met very few, and most of them had been male. She'd seen pictures and holos, however, and knew how to recognize the aristocracy. "It's strange to find a Falleen out here. They very rarely leave their homeworld."

"She's… gorgeous," the younger soldier said after another moment of studying the body.

"I'm sure that she'd appreciate the sentiment if she were alive to hear it," Alexis said. Once the words were out, she wanted to bite her tongue. Patronizing these men wouldn't get her anywhere. This incident had her intrigued and she did not want to be removed before the investigation even began.

Alexis gently pressed her fingertips to the Falleen's face. For something that looked so reptilian, her skin was very warm. If Alexis had not seen the stab wounds herself, she would have thought that the woman was still alive. The small green scales that coved the woman's body felt rough under her hands. "They haven't been dead for long," the older soldier grunted at her, realizing what she was checking for.

"Did anyone nearby hear anything? Surely with this kind of… violence… there was screaming or shouting involved," Alexis said, pulling her hand back. There was a very small amount of blood on her fingertips and she stared at it, mildly disturbed.

"I don't know, lady, but I doubt it. These walls are very thick and the only people with rooms nearby are all dead."

"You mean that these people weren't sharing this room?"

"No. As far as we can tell, they didn't even know one another."

Alexis frowned. That was odd, especially for such a passionate crime. Clearly someone had known all of them. "Has the witness said anything about her attacker?"

The old soldier shrugged. "I can't say for sure. She wasn't conscious when we arrived, so I didn't hear anything from her."

"It may be that she dies before we hear anything, too." Alexis wanted to check with Kalen, but she knew that her friend was busy and these men would be suspicious if she suddenly knew something that they didn't. They already didn't like her presence. "The murder weapon?" Alexis asked suddenly.

"Killer took it with him," the younger soldier told her.

"And no one was seen fleeing the scene?"

"Haven't been any witnesses to come forward," the older man said.

Alexis sighed and glanced back at the body. The stab wounds had been caused by the same sword that had been used on the other man. They were slender and finely cut, not hacked into her flesh. That would take a fair amount of power: Alexis imagined that this woman's scales were tough, making for a decent natural armor. Piercing them with that sort of precision was not an act of a crazed killer, either. If the murdered had been as mad with bloodlust when he attacked this woman as he had been when he murdered the man, her wounds would be much wider. Did that imply two killers, or that the intended victim had been the man? And where did the other woman fit into all of this?

"You seem familiar to me," the younger soldier said, breaking the silence. He was staring intently at her face.

Alexis frowned. "A lot of people feel that way," she responded carefully. She could feel Carth approaching from outside the door. She almost turned and threw herself into his arms before she remembered that she had to look tough in front of these people. If she showed any weakness, they probably would no longer trust her judgment.

Alexis could feel Carth's emotions as clearly as if they were her own. His apprehension was nearly overpowering. So, the big bad soldier went weak-kneed at the sight of blood, did he? Alexis turned in time to see him step over the threshold of the door. He stopped there for a moment, surveying the room. She could feel him gathering the strength it would take to keep him in the room.

To her side, the two soldiers snapped to attention and saluted smartly. Carth responded with a slightly less formal salute and walked over to Alexis. He stared at the dead woman on the floor wordlessly. His revulsion was clear, but he did not attempt to leave the room. "Do you speak Falleen?" he asked Alexis.

Alexis glanced up at him. "No. I can say a few things, like the usual hello, how are you, don't shoot, we mean you no harm, etcetera. I don't know anyone other than a Falleen who can speak that language, actually. They guard it rather jealously."

"The woman in the med bay seems to be speaking it," Carth replied.

"Isn't she a human?" Alexis asked, perplexed. It was highly unusual for a human to learn Falleen. Falleens who left their homeworld learned Basic, not the other way around.

"Yes. And Falleen appears to be the only language she speaks. She can't understand a word of Basic, as far as we can tell," Carth told her.

Alexis looked back at the body in front of them. "That means that she almost had to know this woman."

"Not necessarily."

"But most likely."

Carth shrugged. "At this point, anything's possible."

Alexis happened to glance over at the soldiers. They were still standing at attention. Alexis elbowed Carth and he looked down at her. She pointed at the officers and he looked skyward, as if in exasperation.

"You can relax, gentlemen." They responded rather quickly by spreading their legs and clasping their hands behind their backs. "No, really relax. I'm not all that important." The men loosened up slightly, but they looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"Is the girl still awake?" Alexis asked.

Carth shook his head. "She's out again. She was only lucid for a little while. Her wounds are rather extensive."

"Do they think that she'll live?"

"Kalen's doing everything that she can to help the doctors and the droids, but it doesn't look good."

Alexis sighed and looked around the room one final time. "What do you say we get out of here? We can close these rooms off and come back another time. I'm starting to feel a little sick."

Carth grimaced. "I'll agree to that." He turned to leave the room, absently taking Alexis's hand. She was mildly surprised. She'd thought for sure that he was upset with her. She trailed after him with the two soldiers hot on her heels. No one wanted to remain in the presence of those bodies for any longer than was absolutely necessary.

The left the common room, too, and stood in the hallway where many of the rest of the Republic officers onboard were gathered. Alexis self-consciously eyed her hand, still clasped in Carth's, but made no effort to remove it. Let them think whatever they wanted. She needed comfort right now, and so did Carth. They would have, too, if they'd managed to stay in the room.

Carth issued a few orders and started the long walk towards the med bay in complete silence. His countenance was brooding and Alexis chose not to say anything. She pushed some of the loose strands of her hair out of her face as they walked, sighing when they crackled a bit. She had been working out with Dustil when Carth had come for her and the sweat had dried in her hair. "Do you know anything that I don't?" Alexis asked him.

His eyes met hers briefly. "We have a suspect."

"You don't sound too certain about your suspect's guilt," Alexis said in response to the tone of his voice.

He grimaced. "You haven't seen her yet."

"What? Is she small or something?"

"You could say that. She's only six."

"Six?" Alexis exclaimed.

Carth nodded. "We found her in the hall a little while ago outside the med bay. We think that the woman speaking Falleen may be her mother. She isn't on the passenger list and her clothes are covered in blood."

"Was she carrying the sword?" Alexis asked intently, already reading the answer on his face.

"Yes. She dropped into a combat stance when the soldier who found her approached. Apparently she knows how to use the thing. A six-year-old! I can't imagine her having the strength to kill those people that way, but Kalen tells me-," he began.

"That she's a Force-sensitive," Alexis finished for him.

"How did you know?"

"That's the only way you would have even suggested that a little girl could bludgeon someone to death. Besides, I can read your mind." Carth's eye widened. "I was only teasing, dear heart," Alexis added.

He grinned at her, and for a moment, they forgot what they were doing. Carth pulled her up short and dropped a kiss on her lips. "I don't think that we're going to have a lot of time together for the rest of this ride. It looks like we're going to be busy."

Alexis nodded. "That's okay," she told him gently. "We've got the rest of our lives."

Carth chose not to answer that. Alexis knew that he thought that she still wasn't ready to talk about it. And he was right, she wasn't. She didn't really know what had made her say it. What mattered now what the Force-sensitive child that the Republic suspected of murder. So, she didn't have time to worry about herself just now anyway.

"Are they keeping the little girl here, too?" Alexis asked outside of the med bay.

Carth opened the door. "She's sitting in the room with the injured woman. There are a few soldiers in there with them, and Kalen."

Carth led her back to another room where Alexis could clearly see Kalen through the glass leaning over an injured woman on the table. They walked inside. Kalen turned to them. She motioned Carth over. Alexis glanced around the rest of the room.

Seated between two soldiers was a tiny six-year-old girl with rich brown skin and dark brown curly hair that was in a knot on top of her head. She was dirty and covered in blood, but beneath the filth, she was a lovely child. She had broad features and wide, slanted brown eyes coated by long, thick eyelashes. She was wearing on old gray tunic and black leggings that looked as if they had seen better days. Her feet were bare. There was a large, now bloodstained doll resting in her lap.

Alexis took a step towards the child, a single hand pressed to her temple. The little girl was indeed Force-sensitive, but she wasn't all that powerful. She didn't have much control, either. She was quite clearly broadcasting the fact that she was cold and frightened to anyone that would listen. Alexis started to pull off her cloak and give it to the girl when she realized that she wasn't wearing one. She'd been going out in public completely uncovered. Alexis frowned. Hopefully no one would recognize her.

The child cringed slightly when Alexis frowned, causing Alexis to rock back on her heels. She didn't want to scare the girl. Children weren't usually afraid of her, so this was a new experience. Maybe she just needed to talk to her. "I'm not going to hurt you," Alexis said reassuringly, taking two slow, measured steps to the girl's side and crouching down.

The little girl's fingers tightened on the doll in front of her until her knuckles turned white. There were tears streaming openly down her face. Alexis tenderly brushed away one of the child's tears. With a muffled sob, the girl suddenly launched herself out of her chair and into Alexis's lap. She wrapped her arms around Alexis's neck and pressed her cheek to her Alexis's shoulder, weeping brokenly.

Alexis stood up carefully to avoid jarring the slender child. Her legs went around Alexis's middle. Alexis turned helplessly to look at Carth. He pointed at the woman on the table and made it quite clear that he didn't think that she would live much longer.

With the little girl still held tightly in her arms, Alexis walked over to Carth's side to look at the third victim. There was quite a bit of blood on the sheet that covered her. One of her cheeks had a long slash mark on it and a chunk of her hair was missing. She only faintly resembled the child. Alexis wasn't too certain that this woman was actually her mother.

The woman gasped suddenly and her eyes shot open. Her body began to twitch violently. Kalen held a hand over her to still her using the Force, but it was clear that there wasn't anything else that Kalen could do for the woman. When her death throes were over, Kalen checked for a pulse and shook her head when Carth gave her a questioning look. Carth tossed the sheet over the woman's face.

"Is this your mommy?" Alexis asked the shaking child.

The little girl ignored them. Carth touched Alexis's shoulder gently "Let's get her out of here," he said.

Alexis turned her head to look at the girl. Her face was turned away from her. She looked back at Carth. "Are you sure you want to take her out of here?"

"The day when we can't control one child is the day I retire," Carth responded, his tone light despite the somber mood in the room.

Alexis smiled faintly at him. "All right. But don't blame me when something goes wrong." Alexis turned her head and spoke very close to the girl's ear. "We're going to take you to our place, okay? I bet we've got some blankets and maybe some juice there. How does that sound?"

The little girl faced her quite suddenly. Her face was bright red from her tears and her eyes were bloodshot. She nodded warily. Alexis gave her a gentle smile. At least they knew that she understood Basic.


End file.
